鲍勃大卫二人秀（1995）

呃 一只感恩节火鸡会捐赠给双方协定的慈善机构
Uh, "A Thanksgiving turkey will be given to mutually agreed upon charity...
骑一次驴 口香糖 宝宝喜欢被摸头
da-da-da donkey ride, gum, baby loves head rub.
任何形式的协商 不论玩笑或是认真的
No negotiations, comical or otherwise...
都不被法律所允许
as allowed by law."
到了最棒的地方了
Get to the good part.
你想看哪个剧啊
What show do you wanna see?
噢
Oh.
顾客还将得到两张正在百老汇热演的剧的门票
"Customer will receive two tickets to current Broadway hit show."
还挺不错的啊 - 看到了吧 我就知道您会喜欢
Nice! - See? I thought you'd like that.
接着读
Keep readin'.
必须是弄上污渍后24小时之内上演的剧
"Broadway show must be seen within 24 hours of staining."
我怎么可能现在为了一部剧飞到纽约 太搞笑了吧
I can't fly to New York for a show right now, that's ridiculous!
所以得在进来前就读好票♥据♥啊
Shoulda read the ticket before you came in.
好吧 但是 伙计们 我必须要赶去工作了
Obviously, but, guys, I've gotta get to work.
你们得帮帮我啊
Help me here.
你知道吗 我想我愿意为他网开一面
You know what? I'm willing to go out on a limb here.
什么 不要啊
What? No.
不 去他的票♥据♥ 我这次很认真
No, fuck what that ticket says, I'm serious.
我们就要在这儿弄一场百老汇水准的剧
We'll put up a Broadway caliber show right here in town.
我们俩写歌♥词
Yeah, you and I will write the lyrics of the music
店主来写剧本
and the owner will write the book.
不好意思 但是我还是
I'm sorry, but I still...
你想把剧本也写了吗
What, you wanna write the book, too?
我只想要我的西服
I just wanted my suit!
嘿 老兄
Hey, hey. Hey, man.
到底发生什么事了
What's really goin' on here?
我不能和你们一起写一部百老汇的剧
I can't write a Broadway show with you guys.
为什么不能 - 因为
Why not? - Because...
我根本没有一个百老汇剧的点子
I don't have an idea for a Broadway show.
我可能想到了一个
Well, maybe one.
或许很平淡很老套 但是
It's kind of obvious, but...
它讲的是一座房♥子
it's about a house.
一座特殊的房♥子
A special house.
等下 就是说房♥间都活过来了
Wait. So, the rooms come to life?
是的 这就是剧的主要思想
Yeah, that's the idea.
它描述了一座通过歌♥曲唱出自己经历的房♥子
It's about a house who tells its story through song.
我说过这是个很平淡的点子
I mean, I said it was kind of obvious.
停下 别说话
Shut up, shut up.
曾经有一个家庭
There's a family...
他们没法好好相处
they're not getting along.
呃 误会啦 秘密啦
Uh, misunderstandings, secrets.
房♥子里的房♥间都想让他们更亲密一些
The rooms in the house conspire to bring them closer.
他们很爱这个房♥子
They love the house, and, uh...
这个房♥子也很爱他们
... the house loves them back.
*我就是门厅 欢迎回家*
*I'm the foyer, welcome home *
*哦 天哪 一场战斗开始了*
*Boy,oh, boy, a battle's begun *
*家里人都走了 我们房♥间可以说话了*
*The family's gone. Us rooms can talk *
*现在就说 让我们成为一个家*
*Speak up now. Let's be a home!*
*我是台阶 我是台阶 只有我会*
*I'm the stairs, I'm the stairs .Am I the only one who... *
*哭泣* - 关心
*Tears* - Cares.
*关心*
*Cares? *
*或许我是洗手间 也许你是壁炉*
*I may just be the powder room. And you may be the fireplace *
*没有人关心台阶*
*Nobody cares about the stairs *
*拱门快来一起唱 唱出你的快乐*
*Archways, come and make a sound. A joyous sound!*
*我为了屎尿而生*
*I was made for pee and poop *
*噢 是我 台阶*
*On me, the stairs! *
*我 餐厅 现在宣布 这儿将要开个派对*
*I, the dining room, do declare. There shall be a party here*
*这儿将要开个派对* - 不 不 不
*There shall be a party...* - No! No! No!
楼梯应该开派对 而不是餐厅
The stairway should throw the party, not the dining room!
什么 - 传菜升降机
What? - The dumbwaiter
应该给地下室写信
should write the letter to the basement
然后地下室跑走了 而不是楼上的浴室
and the basement ran away, not the upstairs bathroom!
地下室怎么能跑走 动动脑子吧
Well, how would the basement run away? Think!
密室
Secret room.
一间密室
A secret room.
呃 一间安全房♥
Uh, a safe room...
没有人知道它的存在 它来敲门了
that nobody knows about, comes knockin' at the door.
这太扯了 - 闭嘴 - 闭嘴
That doesn't make any sense. - Shut up! - Shut up!
呃 安全房♥
Uh, the safe room...
是浪子之房♥
The prodigal room.
他消失很久了 我不知道 不知道哪里 呃
It's been gone, I don't... I don't know where, um...
没关系 - 闭嘴 这不重要了
It doesn't matter. - Shut up, it doesn't matter.
他之前消失了 但现在回来了 他拿着房♥契
It's been gone and it's back and it has the deed.
然后房♥契开始唱你们写的歌♥ "地基与爱"
And then the deed sings your song, "Foundations and Love."
别说话 - 闭嘴 我能搞定了
Shut up! Yeah. - Shut up, I got this.
好的 我闭嘴
Yeah, I'll shut up.
*地基 创造*
*Foundations, creations *
*将诱惑挖出* - 闭嘴
*Uncovering temptations * - Shut up!
这给了车♥库♥
And that gives the garage
梦寐以求的希望
the hope it's been dreaming of.
最佳音乐剧的获奖者是
And the winner for best musical is...
音乐剧 <房♥间>
Rooms, The Musical.
哦 天哪 谢谢 - 太谢谢你了
Oh, man. Thank you. - Thank you so much.
谢谢 - 谢谢
Thank you. - Thank you.
谢谢 - 哦 我们做到了
Thank you. - Oh, we did it!
太感谢你了 啊 我们有太多人要感谢了
Thank you so much. Uh, we have so many people to thank.
呃 骑士出版公♥司♥的Hamish Quentley
Uh, uh, Hamish Quentley at Knightsly Publishing.
他的热情让我们能坚持下去
His enthusiasm was what kept us going.
呃 康涅狄格松饼店的Tonya Guilfroy
Uh, Tonya Guilfroy at, uh, Connecticut Muffins.
这是献给你的
This is for you.
哦 看那儿是谁 Donald Steeling 他扮演了传菜升降机
Oh, look who's here, Donald Steeling. He played the Dumbwaiter.
我们差点把那首歌♥砍掉了
We almost cut that song!
简直不敢相信 - 哦 还有谁吗
I can't believe that. - Oh, is there anybody else?
呃 我不知道我们是不是
Uh, I don't know if I...
我不觉得 - 我们没有忘了谁吧
I don't think so. - We're not forgetting anybody?
不 我觉得没了 - 不 哦 等等
No, I think that's it. - No, uh... Oh, wait!
是的 还有一个人
Yes, one more.
我们想感谢
We'd like to thank...
我们
us.
好的 谢谢 - 这是献给我们的
All right, thank you. - Here's to us!
谢谢 哦 哦 - 哦 还有
Thank you. Oh, oh... - Oh, and...
洗衣票♥据♥
And also, the laundry ticket!
洗衣票♥据♥ - 可是最原始版的哦
The laundry ticket. - The original ticket.
好了 谢谢你们 谢谢大家
All right, thank you so much. Thank you, everybody.
哦 等等 不 停下
Oh! Wait, no! Wait, stop! Stop!
还有一个人我们想要感谢
There is one other person we need to thank.
没有他我们不可能做到这一切 有请店主兼收银员
'Cause we couldn't have done it without the cashier/owner.
请他上台 让他也亮相一下 大家欢迎
Bring him up here! Let him know, everybody.
哦 哇哦 这真的是
Oh, wow, this is so...
我知道我没有太多时间
I know I don't have a lot of time.
我写了点东西 我肯定会搞砸的
I wrote something, I'm gonna screw this up.
我甚至不知道我写了什么
I don't even know what I wrote.
呃
Um...
哦
Oh.
"穆罕知照穆德的先片"
"A prophure of the picmed Mohaphet."
谁知道这是什么
Who knows what that...
Bob 这是第三次了
Bob, that's three times!
七十二个处子
Seventy-two virgins!
什么 - 哇哦
What? - Oh, whoa!
呃 你们
Um, are...
你和Bob还会一起合作吗
Are you and Bob ever gonna get together and do something?
你们俩还是朋友吗
Are you guys still friends?
呃 Bob 你还会演更多
Um, Bob, are you, um, making more...
<绝命毒师>吗
Breaking Bads?
哦 是啊 - 等下 不是
Oh, yeah. - Wait, no, it's not...
<发展受阻>的电影又怎么说
What about the Arrested Development movie?
我不知道 我想做 但是
I don't know, I wanna do it, but...
为什么你要做第三部花栗鼠电影 为什么
When you did that third Chipmunks movie... why?
好吧 好吧
Right, yeah, right...
嘿 Chris Farley是什么样的人
Hey, what was Chris Farley like?