鲍勃大卫二人秀（1995）

"这是我想到的一些点子
"Here's some ideas I was thinking about.
这是我写的小品"
Here's a sketch I wrote."
就是写我们自己 我俩写
And just write ourselves, right? The two of us write...
我俩塑造了一个
The two of us form one, kind of,
喜剧人物 就是你所看到的
comedy head, which is what you're seeing.
然后我提出了这个想法
And then I think I came up with the idea,
"我们把他变成一个类似人♥民♥法庭的东西
"Let's make it like a People's Court thing.
把它放进"
Just put that... "
然后我们开始写作
So then, we were writing, and then we were just...
我们写作时经常产生奇妙的火花
One of those great magic times when we're writing,
让对方笑得前仰后合
where we're just making each other laugh, bending over.
我们笑了三个小时
We just laughed for three hours,
很多年来没笑得这么厉害过
harder than we'd laughed in years.
太疯了 太好玩了
I mean, it was insane. It was so much fun.
我希望我把那些都录下来
I wish I had a tape of that whole...
可以一遍又一遍地听
I would just listen to it over and over again.
我们创作那个人物的过程很有趣
And then we just had fun making that character and...
真的是一个很好玩的段子
That was a really fun piece to write.
"我以为这是个不荒唐地带"
"I thought this was a no-nonsense zone."
"看吧 你听不懂人话 我是来代审的 好吗
"See, you don't listen. I'm the fill-in, right?
我不是'不荒唐'George法官 那是他的事
I'm not George 'No Nonsense.' That's his thing.
我是'略荒唐' 好吗
I'm 'Some Nonsense, ' okay?
轻松点 集中注意 小鬼 你要见证奇迹了
Keep it light. Pay attention, kid. It'll do you wonders.
别沉迷youtube了 来做节目
Get your nose out of YouTube and get with the show.
我支持被告 他想要什么都行"
I find in favor of the defendant, whatever he wants."
"我支持被告 他想要什么都行
"I find in favor of the defendant, whatever he wants.
弄清楚他想要什么 然后都给他 算我的"
Find out what he wants. Give it to him. On me."
退场
Leaves.
我得说 总体上
I will say that there was,
我觉得这个法官的荒唐程度
in general, a greater degree of nonsense,
比我预期的要高一些
well, in quantity, than I expected there to be.
谢谢
Thank you.
Chazz 判决对您是有利的 您的评价是
Chazz, the ruling did go your way. What's your reaction?
我觉得荒唐的程度刚刚好
I found it to be the exact right amount of nonsense.
耶
Yay...
我们让观众看这烂东西
We made people watch that.
这才是完美的睡前小酌
Now, that's what I call a real nightcap!
嘭
Boo!
好的
All right.
George法官由洛歪克赞助播出
Judge George is brought to you by Prilo-Vac.
亲爱的 今天还是吃赫歇尔
Honey, it looks like Herschel's again.
当你像个地主儿子般胡吃海塞的时候
When you eat like a giant baby with money,
你的胃会如同但丁笔下的地狱般灼烧
your stomach can feel like Dante's Inferno.
这时就算是教皇也会向洛歪克求助
That's when even the pope reaches for Prilo-Vac.
耶
Yee-haw!
嗷呜
Whoo-hoo!
嗷呜
Whoo-hoo!
上帝保佑
Bless me, Lord, I can eat
我能像个白♥痴♥一样随心所欲地大吃特吃
like a fucking idiot with no repercussions.
好玩
Fun.
我们在想是用新鲜的还是过期的甜甜圈
The debate is whether you want freshies or stale donuts.
过期的会散落下来
The stale ones will split,
但是它们更坚硬 操作起来更容易
but they're stiffer and easier to work with.
软的甜甜圈 明显可塑性更好
The soft ones, obviously, are a little more malleable,
可以把它们穿在玉米热狗上
and you can get them around the corndog.
谁 没有教程
Who... There's no book on this.
我不敢相信 光是让教皇骑一辆全地形车
I can't believe how much fucking work it is
就要花这么多功夫
to just have the pope riding an ATV.
你会想
You think like, "It'll
"不就是一个人在全地形车上骑几秒钟嘛
be a few seconds of a guy in a fucking ATV.
搭一个梯子拍就好了" 看看这个
You just get up on the ladder and shoot... " And look at this.
转过去看一下
Turn around and look at what this...
仅仅为了拍那一幕而做的工作
The effort that goes into shooting just that.
你是说那就是当一切开始好转的时候吗
Are you saying that's when it started to turn around?
直到1870年
Till 1870...
人们洗手之前
What were people not washing their hands before,
如果人们在做那件事之前不洗手会怎样
if they weren't washing their hands before doing that?
啥
What?
他们吃饭之前会在屎里搓一搓
They were rubbing them in shit before they ate.
强烈建议死命地擦手
Well, vigorous wiping of hands was strongly encouraged,
但是不允许使用任何水分
but not with any moisture involved.
"甩掉肮脏"是当时的流行语
And "Shake the dirt off" Was a popular term of the day.
还有吹 吹掉你的
And blowing. Blowing your...
哦对 吹 准备好了
Oh, yeah, blow. Ready to go, yeah.
那张红心在哪
Where's that heart?
Rivers那天就是这样擦苹果的
Well, Rivers did this with an apple the other day.
我就觉得 "那样真的"
And I'm like, "Does that really... "
你的衣服好像更脏 - 你不会
Your shirt seems dirtier than anything. - You're not...
擦亮了就会觉得吃的干净
Shines it up so you think you're eating something clean.
把农药擦没了
Gets the pesticides off.
衣服上的农药吗
Off your shirt?
衣服上的或者苹果上的
Yeah, either way.
我的衣服都是用苹果洗的
I wash all my clothes with apples.
可以让衣服和苹果同时变干净
It's a mutually beneficial sort of action.
我的鞋子也用香蕉擦
And my shoes with bananas, first.
<更好的根>很有趣
"Better Roots" Was a lot of fun
因为那个角色疯疯傻傻的
because it was such a crazy, goofy character.
在那个情境下 我觉得
And that was a situation where I feel like
我们应该 并且可以多演一些
we should have and could have played some more.
偶尔我们会把过多的
A little bit too much
注意力放在错误的细节上
attention was on the wrong details occasionally.
最后在剪辑室就会发生这样的情况
That's what ends up happening in the editing room.
我们会扔掉很多
We just throw out all these things
花了我们大把时间和心血的东西
that we spent hours and hours and blood, sweat and tears on,
必须把它扔了 因为"我们刚刚说过了"
and you just throw it out because "We just said that," You know.
我们刚刚表演过了 这个包袱埋过了
We just showed that. We just set this up.
我们不需要用
We don't need to have, you know,
八种方法来埋包袱
eight examples of setting this up.
你啥事儿都不知道
You don't know nothing about nothing,
他们没对谁说任何事 是吗
they talked to nobody no how, is that it?
是的
Yes.
那好啊
Well, good.
看来我找对帮手了
Then I musta got the right helper.
你的工资信封里有点不一样的东西
You got something special in your pay packet.
打开它
Open it up.
"兑换一个免费拥抱"
"Good for one free hug."
你想现在就兑现吗
You wanna collect on that now?
我想 先生 - 我太欣慰了
I would, sir. - I'm so glad you said yes.
Greeb快一起来抱抱
Come on, Greeb, get in on this hug.
好哇 我来了 - 快来 Greeb
All righty. I'm in there. - Come on, Greeb.
我需要一个朋友 - 没有人抱得像老Greeb这么紧
I need a friend. - Nobody hugs like old Greeb.
他还以为他要有钱了
He just thought he was getting money.
音乐响起他们开始跳舞
The music starts up and they start dancing around.
就这样 - 好 我能做到
And that's it. Yeah, and... - Cool, I can do it.
等下 我刚想到个东西
Wait, I just thought of something.
屏幕出现"完" 滚动演职员表
And then we just have "The End" And credits roll.
我们马上停在那
We stop right there.
"完" 演职员表 然后就停住
It's just like "The End," Credits and then we stop.
等下 我们现在有增设场景 但
So wait, now. We have additional scenes, but...
那就是结尾 是有别的场景
Yeah, that's the ending. There are other scenes.
播出的第一个片段就是电影结局
The first clip they show is the end of the movie.
"哎呀 我不晓得我居然把结局泄露了"
"Whoops, didn't know I was giving away the ending."
"哦妈的 我把结局泄露了"
"Oh, shit! I gave away the ending."
现在所有人都知道了
"Well, now everybody knows...
我应该说一句"剧透警告"
I should have said "Spoiler alert."
这一段太他妈棒了 - 是啊
This piece is gonna be fucking awesome. - Yeah.
该死
God damn it.
你知道棒在哪吗
You know what's great? It's so
可以回到直播现场
great that it gets to go back to that live thing
大家可以讨论 闲聊
and that people are just talking, chatting.