鲍勃大卫二人秀（1995）

"让我们来聊聊" - 对对
"Let's go chat now." - Yeah, yeah.
继续下去 - 对
It keeps going. - Yeah.
越来越棒了
It keeps being majestic.
"明晚的节目将迎来
"Tomorrow night, on my show,
美国新晋科幻导演 Kyle Buggins
America's premiere sci-fi director, Kyle Buggins,
他在短短几周内"
who, in only a few short weeks... "
拍成了最卖♥♥座的电影"
... made the highest-grossing... "
你应该把头伸到她的镜头里去
You should poke into her camera...
"史上最卖♥♥座的电影
"Highest-grossing film of all time,
<变性金刚> 讲的是一群变性机器人演员"
Trans-Form-Bots, about transsexual robot performers... "
太好笑了 - 有人在拍我吗
That's hilarious. - Am I in the shot?
很好 好的 卡
That's good. Okay, cut.
我想在"形"上搞点花头 但我不
I like using the "Form" To mean something, but I don't...
"演员"这个词不那么引人注目
"Performer" Doesn't jump out at you as...
"变性"就是说他们 他们正在变换性别
"Transsexual" Is they're... they're transforming their sexuality.
好的 - 这个怎么样
All right. - How about this?
"<变性金刚> 讲的是一群变性机器人
"Trans-Form-Bots, about transsexual robots...
可以随心所欲地变换性别" - 画面太美
that can switch their sexuality at will." - Lovely picture.
我不觉得这比
I don't think that's better than just
"变性机器人"好 - 能试一下吗
"Transsexual robots." - Could we try it?
能不能试一次
Could we try it once?
呃 当然 - 当然
Uh, sure. - Sure.
"可以随心所欲地变换性别 也可以再变回来"
"Can switch sexual identity at will and then switch back also."
妙极了
Fascinating.
"<变性金刚> 讲的是一群变性机器人
"Trans-Form-Bots, about transsexual robots
可以随心所欲地变换性别
that can switch their sexual identity at will,
还可以再变回来"
and then switch back."
"同样"
"Also."
"同样" 还同样可以再变回来
" Also." And then also switch back?
或者把自己变得不是机器人 - "同样还可以再变回来"
Or not be robots. - "And then switch back also."
"同样还可以再变回来或者
"And then switch back also or not...
或者能把自己变得不是机器人"
... or not be robots."
"或者能把自己变得不是机器人"
"Or not be robots."
"或者还能把自己变得不是机器人"
"Or not be robots either."
"或者甚至还能把自己变得不是机器人"
"Or not be robots either, even."
好 你想听一遍完整的吗
Okay, you want to hear the whole thing?
是的 我想听
Yes, I do.
太棒了
Fascinating.
"明晚的节目将迎来
"Tomorrow night, on my show,
美国新晋科幻导演 Kyle Buggins
America's premiere sci-fi director, Kyle Buggins,
他在短短几周内
who has, in only a few short weeks,
拍成了史上最卖♥♥座的电影 <变性金刚>
made the highest-grossing film of all time, Trans-Form-Bots,
讲的是一群变性机器人
about transsexual robots
可以随心所欲地变换性别
that can switch their sexual identity at will
也可以再变回来
and then switch back also,
或者甚至还能把自己变得不是机器人"
or not be robots either even."
那真绝了 绝对秒杀全场
Come on, man. That's gonna kill.
太好笑了
That's hilarious.
好的
All right.
Brain 过来和我写<宋飞传>的东西
Brian, come write Seinfeld stuff with me.
好
Okay.
我不想写
I don't wanna write...
我要去写宋飞星球大战的笑话
I gotta write Seinfeld-Star Wars jokes?
这活烂透了
This job sucks.
"我想知道 怎么回事 星球怎么回事
"I just wanna know, what's the deal? What's the deal with stars?
星球怎么回事
What's the deal with stars?
为什么老是为了星球争吵"
Why are we always fighting over them?"
"原力是怎么回事" - "原力"
"What's the deal with the Force?" - "With the Force."
"你看不见" - "它应该是与你同在的"
"You can't see it." - "It's supposed to be with you,"
但是 呃
but then... Uh...
"你看不见它
"You can't see it.
既然你可以凭意念移♥动♥东西 干嘛不把衣服收好"
Oh, if you can move stuff, why can't you put your clothes away?"
来嘛 帮帮我 这段子太烂了
Come on, help me out here. It could get worse.
"来吧 R2-George-2
"Come on, R2-George-2,
我们得从Darth Kramer手里救下C-3P-Newman"
we have to save C-3P-Newman from Darth Kramer."
所以他们背叛了自己的国家
So they're betraying their country,
然后在最后的最后
and then at the end of everything,
那个百万富翁说 "拿去吧 1刀"
a millionaire's like, "Here you go, $1."
什么
What?
差点忘了 我的独角戏马上开始
I forgot, my one-man show is starting.
"哦 这里的土不错 我们可以再呆一会儿"
"Well, the soil's good here. I think we'll stay for a while."
好了 各机位 准备
All right, standby, cameras.
可以吗 - 欢迎来到丛林
All right? - Welcome to the jungle.
你好啊 Jacobs先生
Greetings, Mr. Jacobs.
欢迎来到我的岛屿
Welcome to my island.
"你好啊 Jacobs先生
"Greetings, Mr. Jacobs.
我猜你一定想知道
I suppose you're wondering why
为什么我要把你带到这荒凉的小岛上
I brought you here to this remote little island.
那我就告诉你吧
Allow me to enlighten you.
你看 我这辈子 捕杀过各种动物
You see, in my lifetime, I've bagged every game
从巨型黑犀牛到凶猛的孟加拉虎
from the behemoth black rhino to the elusive Bengal tiger.
这世上唯一还未捕获的"
The only creature on Earth remaining for me to hunt... "
就是人类
The human animal.
"本着公正的体育精神
"In the spirit of good sportsmanship,
我决定退让一小步
I've decided to give myself a small handicap.
我就用区区一颗子弹
I will have but one, single bullet.
而且 我会带上眼罩
Also, I will be blindfolded.
而且 我还会喝三瓶止咳糖浆
Also, I will drink three bottles of cough syrup,
来麻痹自己的感官
which should dull my senses.
而且 我还会把鱼缸套在头上
Also, I will wear a fishbowl over my head
一个装满毒蝎子的鱼缸
filled with poisonous scorpions.
而且 我还会把双腿绑在一起 一♥丝♥不♥挂♥
Also, I will have my feet bound together, be stripped naked,
挂满香肠 被饥饿的野狗围攻"
be draped in sausages and be set upon by ravenous dogs."
我写了一个非常简短的版本
I wrote a really short version of that.
当我把它读给大家听后 Bob和David说
And when I read it to the room, Bob and David were like,
"这个段子应该做长些
"Well, that should be a longer sketch.
还有不少供两人互动的空间"
There's room for more involvement between these two guys."
"好吧 你倒轻松 你有枪还有你的
"Well, it's easy for you, with your gun and your...
我只能一♥丝♥不♥挂♥地跑"
I'll be running around naked."
"你不会一♥丝♥不♥挂♥的 我会给你衣服"
"You won't be naked, I'll give you clothing."
"我会一♥丝♥不♥挂♥"
"I'll be naked."
"我会一♥丝♥不♥挂♥ 事实上 我会一♥丝♥不♥挂♥"
"I'll be naked. In fact, I'll be naked."
"还会穿上细高跟鞋"
"Except for these high-heels, stiletto heels."
"我硬成这个样子 裤子是肯定穿不上的"
"There's no way I can keep my pants on with this hard-on."
这些都说得通
But it's all justified.
就像是 "你可以看得一清二楚
It's like, "You'll see clear enough out of those...
透过眼罩上下的缝隙"
Over the top and the bottom of the blindfold."
"我会把鱼缸套在头上"
"I shall wear a fishbowl on my head."
"鱼缸那么透明 可能会让你看的更清楚"
"Clear enough as it will be, might even make your vision better."
"那就你拿枪 我拿弓箭
"You should have my gun and I shall have a bow and arrow,
我这辈子还没用过弓箭呢"
which I've never used in my life."
"你倒轻松" 他不断重复这句话
"Easy enough for you." He just keeps saying that.
如果某些笑点没有预想的好 或者我们不太有感觉
If some idea's not working or if we're not quite finding it,
如果初稿作者不太有感觉 嗯
if the guy who wrote the first draft isn't finding it, um...
其他任何人 Bob常常会附和一下
anybody else... Bob will often chime in with, like,
"你猜怎么着 让我试一下
"You know what? Let me take a run at that.
我知道怎么接下去"
I got an idea for how to go with that."
这在其他剧里是从不会发生的
And that never happens on other shows.
"我已经几个礼拜没吃饭了"
"I haven't eaten in weeks."
或者是 "额 我已经三个小时没吃饭了"
Or you know, "Well, I haven't eaten in three hours."
"我来给你做一桌盛宴" - "我现在很饿"
"I shall cook you a banquet." - "I'm quite low on... "
"我给你弄点什么" - "好的"
"Let me whip you up something." - "Yes."
"你爱吃什么" - 对
"What do you like?" - Yeah.
他带上了厨师帽
He's got his chef hat on.
"我已经快得不能再快了"
"I'm going as fast as I can."
"你真是我猎物里最危险的一个"
"You are the most dangerous prey."
"要我说 也是最饥饿 我这儿有两个烤肉一只鹅"
"The hungriest prey, I'll say. I got two roasts, a goose."
"你倒轻松 我是素食主义者
"Easy enough for you, I'm a vegetarian.
我吃素有一阵子了"
I have been for some time. "
"为什么不早告诉我 我正在烤火鸡呢"
"Why didn't you tell me? I have a turkey in the oven."