鲍勃大卫二人秀（1995）

你们要等吗 可以啊 - 等 我们等
You wanna wait? Sure. - Yeah, no. Yeah, please.
有什么好等的 - 因为
Why? - Because...
我给你倒杯热茶
Let me get you some fresh tea.
进展不错 - 哼 我们得呆坐着了
This is good. - Well, now, we gotta sit here.
因为她丈夫快回来了 - 那又如何
Because her husband's gonna be back. - So what?
他是穆♥斯♥林♥
He's Muslim.
那又怎样 他又不会买♥♥书
It don't matter. He ain't gonna buy it,
你在浪费时间
and you're wasting our time.
我们本该出门上路了
We could be out there right now, pounding the pavement.
一对K
Pocket kings.
你又赢了 - 你让我的
Uh! You win again. - You let me.
好啊 亲爱的
Oh, hi, honey.
您好 Darnell先生
Hello, Mr. Darnell.
嘿 他们是谁 Ginny
Hey, who are these guys, Ginny?
别紧张 先生 我们不是来强♥奸♥你老婆的
Ease your mind, sir. We're not here to rape your wife.
呃
Uh...
这书 最畅销 - 他们是推销员
This book... The bestseller... - They're salesmen.
能让我们给他看下书吗 - 别
Let's... Can we show him? - No.
亲爱的 我觉得你会很感兴趣的
Honey, I think you'll be very interested.
每页重0.2克
Uh, point two gram weight for every page, which is...
哇哦 太完美了 - 非常精准
Oh, wow, that's perfect. - Very nice.
可能太重了 - 这是极品
Too heavy, probably... - Top of the line.
都是彩图
Pictures, color pictures.
这书太好了 - 是吧
That is great. - Isn't it?
有点好过头了
It's a little too nice.
我家三代都是穆♥斯♥林♥
Well, I am third-generation Muslim.
我们在试着建一个小的清♥真♥寺
We're helping start a small mosque,
所以需要很多<古♥兰♥经♥>
so we're gonna need a lot of Qu'rans.
那就不给您添麻烦了
Well, we'll get out of your hair then.
不是不是 我的意思是得买♥♥些书
No, no, I'm saying that we're gonna need some.
你总归要买♥♥的 - 我总归要买♥♥
You're gonna buy 'em anyway. - I'm gonna buy 'em anyway.
既然你们来了 那就从你们手上买♥♥吧
You guys are here, why not from you?
可能会超出您的预算 - 不会
It's probably outside your budget. - No.
周六少打次高尔夫球钱就有了
I could skip a round of golf on Saturday.
我们能搞到钱 - 能搞到
We'll make it work. Yeah. - We'll make it work.
不用勉强
Yeah. Yeah, that's all right...
你们没兴趣就算了
You're not interested. That's fine.
不不 我很感兴趣 书很棒
No, no, I'm interested. This is great. I mean...
但你根本不想买♥♥吧
But you don't wanna buy any, do you?
不 我跟你说了我要买♥♥
Yeah, no, that's what I'm telling you. I'd like to buy some.
可能要买♥♥很多 - 哦
Perhaps multiple. - Ah!
清♥真♥寺都建起来了 - 我们也
Well, we got a mosque going, so... - We're also...
我能跟我合伙人聊两句吗
Could I talk to my partner for just a second here?
当然可以 - 谢谢
Absolutely, yeah. - Thanks.
我去拿支票本
I should get the checkbook.
太顺利了 你听到他说的清♥真♥寺的事了吗
This is great. Did you hear what he said about the mosque?
我做推销从来没到过这一步 小子
I never got this far in a sale, kid.
我 我不知道接下来该怎么办
I don't... I don't know what to do.
我去车里等着
I'm gonna go wait in the car.
我们真的很喜欢这本<古♥兰♥经♥> - 这书很漂亮
We're really loving this Qu'ran. - Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.
好了 过来 小子们 都过来 快点儿
All right, come on, tiny-teeny, get in here, let's go.
赢家诞生了
All right. We got ourselves a winner.
让我们为新人鼓鼓掌
Let's hear it for the new kid.
一天卖♥♥了7本<古♥兰♥经♥> 新纪录啊
Seven holy books in one day. That's a new record.
干得好 小子 好好享受
Good job, kiddo. Enjoy!
哈哈
Ha-ha!
尽情享用 - 这还是早上的牛排吗
Enjoy it. - Same steak from this morning?
当然
Yeah, sure.
你要来点吗
You want some?
来只苍蝇可以吗
I'll have one, uh, one fly if, uh...
如果你愿意给的话 - 请请请
if you can spare it. - No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
他跑了 抓住他 插死他 - 抓住
He's moving. Get him. Stab him. - He... Get him.
那只 就要那只
Yeah, that one. Oh, yeah, that one, that one.
主啊 感谢您的仁慈
Lord, thank you for this bounty.
我不配享用这份美食
I do not deserve this great gift.
阿门
Amen.
宋飞星球大战
Seinfeld Star Wars!
宋飞星球大战
Seinfeld Star Wars!
宋飞星球大战 宋飞星球大战
Seinfeld Star Wars! Seinfeld Star Wars!
哇哦 喜剧演员如何在X翼战斗机里喝咖啡
Whoa! Talk about a comedian in an X-wing fighter getting coffee.
我们得毁了死星 R2-George-2
We gotta explode the Death Star, R2-George-2.
你闭嘴 黑武士Kramer
You shut up, Kramer Vader.
Bob 不好意思 我来迟了 我兄弟他
Bob, sorry I'm late. My brother...
不是吧不是吧不是吧
No, no, no, no, no, no. You are
别告诉我你在演"假如宋飞在星球大战"
not doing the "If Seinfeld was in Star Wars" Bit.
我都演了半小时了 大家超喜欢
I've been doing it for a half an hour and it's killing.
你问问你妈
Yeah, just ask your mom, huh?
宋飞星球大战是大♥师♥级杰作
Seinfeld Stars Wars is a masterpiece.
David你别扫了大家的兴
David, you are a big disappointment to all of us,
在场的人都对你很失望
to everyone in this room.
来吧 给他看看我们有多喜欢这个梗
Now, come on. Let's show him that we like it.
宋飞星球大战 宋飞星球大战
Seinfeld Star Wars! Seinfeld Star Wars!
你们歇歇吧
Come on. You guys.
你好啊 Newbacca
Oh, hello, Newbacca.
别闹了 Bob
Fuck that shit, Bob.
停车场里有个家伙在玩杂耍棒
There's a guy in the parking lot playing devil sticks.
就像太阳马戏团
It's like a mixture of Cirque du
跟马修麦康纳他哥的结合体
Soleil meets Matthew McConaughey's older brother.
大家快来看啊 - 快走快走
Come on, everybody! - Come on!
就这样走了吗 妈
Really? Really? Mom?
Bob妈 玩杂耍棒也要看
Bob's mom... Devil sticks. Really?
那根本就是在听扩音器里的噪声
You're just gonna hear 311 on a shitty boombox.
居然都走了
Really? Come on.
这群混♥蛋♥
God damn it.
好吧
Well...
R2-D2和C-3PO
R2-D2 and C-3PO.
这些人是谁
Who are these people?
耶稣好 穆♥罕♥默♥德♥好
Hi, Jesus. Hi, Mohamed.
不是默♥罕♥默♥德♥先知 是Mohamed Atta
Not the Prophet Muhammad. Mohamed Atta.
我为我所有的孩子感到骄傲 他们都同样优秀
I'm so proud of all of my kids. Equal successes all around.
我真是个了不起的妈妈
I'm an amazing mom.