鲍勃大卫二人秀（1995）

笑死我了 他伸着舌头到处瞎跑
So funny. He's running around with his tongue out.
不找到那姑娘他是不会缩回去的
He can't put it back until he finds her.
那他要怎么拍照片
How does he get his picture taken?
姑娘有相机吗 让那姑娘来拍吗
Does she have a camera, and she's taking pictures?
我觉得别让爱因斯坦找到她
I think he can't find her,
接着爱因斯坦看见了Bill Palmer摄影室
and then he sees the Bill Palmer studio...
他冲进去拍了照
Runs in there and gets his picture taken.
冲进去 拍了照
Runs in, yeah, gets it taken.
会不会
Is it...
我对公鸡有个疑问
Here's my question about roosters,
大家都知道答案
and anyone can answer this question.
公鸡是不是记不住太阳长什么样
Do they forget what the sun is?
所以每天早上 它们都要喊"这啥玩意儿
And so every day, they're like, "What?
我得让全世界都知道"
I gotta spread the word."
要不它们就是有责任这么做
Or are they in charge...
它们是不是觉得什么事都是自己的责任
Do they feel like they're in charge of everything,
明明大家都醒着
and when everyone is awake?
因为要是果真如此 你猜公鸡会怎么样
Because if so, guess what, rooster?
不让它好过
Uh-uh.
我要是有投票权 我觉得我有
If I have a vote, and I feel like I do,
毕竟人比鸟厉害多了
because human beings outrank birds.
冒犯了 鸟们
Sorry, birds.
如果观众里有鸟的话 也不是没可能
If there are birds in the audience... I mean, there might be.
他们手里的酒从哪来的我都不知道
People have fucking wine somehow.
Paul 报幕
Paul, introduce the clip.
谢谢提醒 我来报 谢谢
Thank you, I will. Thank you.
同志们 我是被请来报幕的
Folks, I'm being asked to introduce a clip.
这幕发生在大屏幕里
This clip takes place on the screen,
我想你们会发现这是个很早以前就拍好的片子
and I think you'll find that it was pre-taped at an earlier time.
好了
Right.
我懂
I understand.
我嗑药磕多了
I did too many drugs.
好吧
Okay.
真嗑药嗑多了
I did too many drugs.
电视台吗
Local access network.
听着 我也不想打断你的电♥话♥
Hey, I don't mean to interrupt your phone call,
但是 David 快看 我药嗑多了
but, David, look, I did too many drugs.
把视频发给MTV 我们就能上电视了
Send it to MTV, man. We'll get a show.
在MTV上电视 - 我药嗑多了
We'll get a show on MTV. - I did too many drugs.
我们有很多共同的朋友
We had a lot of mutual friends.
那会儿我都没怎么和Bob打过交道
And then I didn't really hang
直到我来洛杉矶
out with him until I came out to Los Angeles
当Ben Stiller秀的季中轮换编剧
to be a mid-season writer's replacement on The Ben Stiller Show.
我俩一起写了三个场景 度过了一段愉快的时光
And we wrote up three scenes. Had a great time writing.
我从来从来没有
I had never, ever,
至今仍是如此 从未在写作方面
and still to this day, never so immediately connected
与某个人如此迅速地心意相通
with somebody in a writing sense.
我看见Bob
And I saw that Bob, uh...
有人在背后说我好话哦
Someone's talking about how good I am,
还有我对喜剧如何无所不知哦
and how I know everything about comedy.
叫啥名来着 开诚
What was the name... It was The Upfront.
我是Steve Allen教出来的
Steve Allen taught me everything.
不 开诚剧院 对吗
No, The Upfront Theatre, right?
在圣莫妮卡市 对 - 对
In Santa Monica? Yeah. - Yeah.
那个 David - 在
So, David... - Yeah?
你在变性片段为什么要扮Mike McFee
Why are you being Mike McFee in the transitioning thing?
1942年那个 你没理由要去扮他啊
The 1942... There's no reason you need to be that.
扮个体育记者就好了 - 对 太对了
Just be a sportswriter. - Yup, absolutely.
那你可以扮
So can you just be...
就是做点改变嘛 - Mike McFee 体育理论家
Yeah, just change the thing. - ... Mike McFee, sports theorist?
不 Mike McFee二世 Mike McFee三世
No, Mike McFee, Jr. Mike McFee III.
Mike McFee二世的三世 体育理论家 作家
Mike McFee, Jr. III, sports theorist... Author.
体育猜评员 - 不要
Sports guesser. - That is... No.
呃 - 体育预测员
Uh... - Sports hypothesizer.
体育预言家 - 播报员
Sports prognosticator. - Pronouncer.
体育 - 体育评论员
Sports... - Sportstalker.
体育评论员 写了本书叫运动
Sportstalker and author of When Sports...
幼儿园教会我的五十件事
Fifty Things I Learned in Kindergarten.
必须是跟体育有关的
It's gotta be a sports thing.
"著有<体育运动的流金岁月>"
"And author of When Sports Were Good."
好
Yeah.
体育评论员 著有 - Mike McFee二世的三世
"Sportstalker, author of... " - Mike McFee, Jr. III...
好 很棒
Okay, cool. Great.
一点小内♥幕♥ 一点点
There's a little insight. There's a little bit.
有时候大家见了面
Sometimes when people meet up
然后互相欣赏 一起写作
and they groove on each other and they write together and...
然后变得不合 你们走得太近
And then it kind of falls apart, you get too close,
太了解彼此的 呃 缺点
you know each other's, uh... shortcomings too much.
你为对方的工作方式
You get annoyed with the other
感到恼火 他们的工作方式
person's working manner, the way they work.
呃
Um...
这还没有发生在我们身上
It hasn't happened for us.
我是说 我们
I mean, we just...
他把我的素材改进了 我得说 八倍
He just makes my stuff, like... I'm gonna say eight times better.
很令人吃惊 改进得那么好
Like, it's pretty amazing how much better it gets.
他就是很好笑
And he's just very funny.
他是我见过的最好笑的人之一
He's one of the funniest guys I've ever met.
呃
Um...
也许没有之一
Yeah, maybe the funniest.
对
Yeah.
我不喜欢这顶假发
I don't like this wig.
Bob第一个上 - 我来化Bob
Well, Bob's first. He's up. - I got Bob.
帮我下
Help me out.
我应该加快速度 我道歉
I should pick up the pace. I apologize.
你能看到 等下 我的眼睛看起来怎么样
Could you see... Wait, how do my eyes look?
我的眼线 还好吗
Like, my eye line, is it all right?
哦 很好 - 哦好 日
Oh, yeah. - Oh, good. Fuck!
你看起来很棒 - 好的
You look great. - All right.
我觉得颜色有一点深了
I think it's a little dark.
我是说我的 我希望我没有太常朝下看
I just meant my, like... I hope I'm not looking down too much.
朝别处看 好好 - 不会不会
Looking away. Okay, okay, great. - No, no.
这是一个主要在镜头外的角色 但是如果你凑近了看
It was a mostly off-camera role, but if you look closely,
眼睛雪亮的观众就会注意到
sharp-eyed viewers will note,
Victor French出现在老版二人秀的很多壁画里
Victor French painted into many of the murals on Mr. Show,
老版二人秀以诸多壁画闻名
known for its many murals.
简直媲美意大利威尼斯
It was an effort to compete with Venice, Italy.
美♥利♥坚♥壁画镇
Mural Town, USA. What?
好了 女士们先生们
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
请看好了
now look at this thing
即将在您面前呈现
happening right in front of your fucking faces.
您现在收看的是"不荒唐"George Jackson法官
You're watching Judge George "No Nonsense" Jackson,
讲述真实人物真实案例
where real people bring real cases
交由已退休的
in front of retired
加州巡回法官George Jackson审判的情景
California circuit court judge, George Jackson.
法庭严肃 禁止胡说八道
And no nonsense is ever allowed.
今天"不荒唐"Brown法官在休假
"Tonight, Judge 'No Nonsense' Brown is on vacation.
由"略荒唐"Sandy Whistleton法官代为审理
Filling in will be Judge Sandy Whistleton,
已退休于第四 第六 第四
retired fourth... Sixth... Fourth... "
抱歉 弗罗里达第六巡回法庭
Sorry, "Florida Sixth Circuit Court."
"好哒 全新的体验啊 我没从 这就像"
"All right. These are new. I haven't... This is like... "
"好了 来看看主角是谁"
"All right, then, okay, who do we have here? All right!"
"Sandy Whistleton法官"最初
"Judge Sandy Whistleton" Was initially...
它是我们凑在一起的最初三个星期
It was one of the pieces when
弄出来的其中一段
we just got together for the first three weeks,
它是过程中非常重要的一部分
and it's a very important
也是不可失去的
part of the process and one we'll never lose,
我和Bob见面后两个 三个 四个礼拜后
which is, Bob and I meet for two, three, four weeks
才进写作室
before we ever go into a writers' room.
就我们两个人
And just the two of us
随意地讨论想法 天马行空
talk about ideas informally, shoot the shit,