马尔科姆的一家（2000）

Malcolm in the Middle S01E11

Part 2 Sept. 11, 2023, 12:21 p.m.

妈死人穿过的西装
Aw, Mom, a dead suit?
酷死人的西装
Cool. A dead suit.
Dewey 为什么不帮你的
Dewey, why don't you help
小伙伴找到回家的路呢
your little friend find his way out?
我帮了啊但他一直回来
I did. He keeps coming back.
这是个遗体展示式的葬礼对吧
This thing's an open casket, right?
应该是吧怎么了
I think so. Why?
因为我要把这个放在Helen阿姨旁边
Because I'm going to stash this with Aunt Helen.
那是什么
What is that?
这是威力侠
It's a Mighty Man.
不知道为什么
Mom and Dad had it in their closet
爸和妈把这放在柜子里
for some reason.
Dewey的生日下个星期就到了
It's Dewey's birthday next week.
这是他的生日礼物
This is his present.
噢
Oh.
你对它干了什么
What'd you do to it?
我使劲踩了它
I stomped on it.
你为啥这么做
Why would you do that?
我也不知道为什么
Look, I don't know why I do the things I do.
我只知道我不想被抓
I just know I don't want to get caught.
这就是为啥Helen阿姨要有新朋友了
That's why Aunt Helen is getting a new friend.
你要把这个和她埋在一起
You're going to bury that with her?
你死定了
You are so dead.
嘿我看过法律节目的好不
Hey, I watch lawyer shows.
妈会认为这是我♥干♥的
Mom will think I did it
但没有这个她什么也证明不了
but she can't prove it without this.
根据宪法里说
It's in the Constitution--
没有证据没有结论
No evidence, no conviction.
合众为一
E pluribus unum.
噢太好了
Oh, yeah.
嘿宝贝
Hi, honey.
我终于找着我的笑话卡
You know I finally found my joke cards.
不知为啥它们在热水壶的后面
For some reason they were behind the water heater.
真的 - 嘿听听这个
Really? - Hey, how's this?
一个牧师一个法师和Fred叔叔在
A priest, a rabbi and Uncle Fred are...
Helen阿姨
Aunt Helen.
在和圣彼得玩高尔夫
Are playing golf with Saint Peter.
Hal 别这样
Hal, please.
你看见我的笑话集没
Have you seen my pun file?
在那个写着"搞笑的想法"的盒子里
It's in a box marked ''laughter thoughts.''
搞笑的想法
Laughter thoughts?
她怎么死的
How did she die?
猫吃了她的脸
Cats ate her face.
Dewey 我想你搞错了
Dewey, I think you're confused.
我问的是Helen阿姨
I'm asking about Aunt Helen.
猫吃了她的脸
Cats ate her face.
让爸或妈接电♥话♥
Look,would you please just put Mom or Dad on the phone.
怎么了
Hello?
爸到底Helen阿姨发生了什么
Dad, what happened to Aunt Helen?
猫吃了她的脸 Dewey对这事更清楚
Cats ate her face.Here, Dewey knows more about it than I do.
妈穿Reese的西装实在太难受了
Mom, I hate wearing Reese's hand-me-downs.
看这个
Look at this.
果冻在口袋里裤裆拉链是坏的
Jelly in the pockets, the fly's broken
闻起来像条落汤狗
and it smells like wet dog.
那你应该高兴他只穿过一次
Well, you should be glad he only wore it once.
你看我在尽量理解我妈
You know, I'm trying to be there for Mom
但烦躁的感觉开始超过内疚了
but the annoyances are starting to outweigh the guilt.
就差这么一点我就要开溜了
I'm this close to sneaking out of the whole thing.
行我想你有权抱怨
Well, I suppose you're entitled to complain.
毕竟这只是我的Helen阿姨
After all, it's only my Aunt Helen.
她是个啥会读心术么
What is she, a mind reader?
然后有蚂蚁在她的骨头上
And then there were ants on her bones
最后警♥察♥就来了
and the police came.
爸听着
Dad, listen...
你能想到什么和尸体押韵的词吗
can you think of anything that rhymes with cadaver?
这葬礼要举办多久
Dad How long is this funeral going to take?
包括在路上的么一整天呢
Including traveling time? All day.
我知道我知道
I know, I know.
但记着这会让你妈高兴
But remember it will make your mom happy.
妈是真的很爱Helen阿姨不是吗
Mom really loved Aunt Helen, huh?
不当然不你妈恨死她了
Oh, God, no. Your mom hated her.
什么她恨她
What? She hated her?
每个人都恨可怕的女人
Everyone did. Horrible woman.
我以前禁止她打电♥话♥到家里来
I used to have to forbid her from
因为她每次都会把你妈弄哭
calling here 'cause she always made your mom cry.
真不敢相信妈骗了我
I can't believe Mom tricked me like that.
告诉你件事
I'll tell you one thing--
我觉得我现在有权
I now consider myself totally free
摆脱这个葬礼了
to ditch this funeral.
我得打电♥话♥给Julie
I got to call Julie.
嘿
Hello?
Malcolm
Malcolm!
谢天谢地终于能有说话的人了
Thank God, somebody I can talk to.
对不起我得打个电♥话♥
Sorry, I have to make a call.
所以你阿姨没死吗
So, your aunt's... not dead?
不结果她只是昏迷了
No. It turned out to be one of those comas
就是那种其他人觉得你死了
where they think you're dead
并把你放在尸体桌上
and they put you on the embalmer's table
但你在最后一秒醒过来了
and you wake up at the last second.
就差那么一点儿呢
It was a close call.
呃好吧
Uh, okay.
我们会在2点钟来接你
I guess we'll pick you up at 2:00.
好的
Great.
我先给她一个承诺然后再想应对计划
I figure I'll commit to it first and come up with a plan later.
在压力下我总会有好点子
I always think better under pressure...
还是说在没有压力的情况下
or is it when I'm not under pressure?
噢好吧
Oh, well.
反正已经太迟了
Too late now.
我准备好了
I'm ready to go.
成嘿
Yeah. Hey!
你要背个双肩包去参加葬礼
You're taking a backpack to the funeral?
我的背怕冷
My back gets cold.
有道理
Fair enough.
听着 Francis
Look, Francis
我想我是忙坏了
I guess I get scattered.
你看有时候我忘记和你说了啥
You know, sometimes I forget what I told you
你又不在身边所以
and you're not here so...
我不在身边是因为你把我送走了
I'm not there because you sent me away.
我发誓我不再是这个家庭的一部分了
I swear, I'm not even a part of this family anymore.
Francis 你得明白那不是真的
Francis, it's very important that you understand
这很重要
that is not true
但我现在实在没多少时间了
but I don't have time right now.
我明白
I understand.
这又不是什么关乎生死的大事
It's not like it's a matter of life and death.
噢等等这是
Oh, wait, it is!
是不是还有谁死了
Anyone else die in the last
我也是最后一刻才知道
five minutes I should know about?
你想知道最近发生的所有事
Francis You wanna know everything that's been happening?
你♥爸♥割了草坪
Your father mowed the lawn
Reese吃光了所有的麦片
Reese polished off all the cereal
一个平底锅掉下砸在我脚上了
and I dropped a frying pan on my foot
我的脚黑紫了一大块
and I got a big black toe.
要我寄张照片么
You want me to send a picture?
Egg 住手
Egg! Cut it out!
Egg是谁
Who is Egg?
家里新来的一个男孩
Oh, he's a new boy in the house.
什么
What?!
来吧这只会痛个几秒钟
Okay, it'll only hurt for a second
然后就能摆脱葬礼了
and I'll get out of the funeral.
关于我怎么乌青眼的
I can tell Julie a really cool story