不良行为（2017）

为什么要清空手♥机♥历史记录
after receiving this incredibly important message?
就在收到这条那么重要的消息之后
I think I was just so shocked...
我觉得是因为我太吃惊了
You know, I panicked. It was a panic clear.
我慌张了 一慌张就清空了
I don't know what the fuck's going on, to be honest with you.
实话跟你说吧 我他妈根本什么也不知道
It was hard enough finding out
这已经够难受的了
that one of your oldest friends has got cancer,
发现你的一个老朋友得癌
then he disappears
然后消失了
and then I find out he's gone off with my other oldest friends.
接着又发现他已经和我另一个老朋友跑了
It's just...
这只是
a little bit too much,
有点太难以承受了
to be honest with you.
实话告诉你
You see, normally forensics would
你看 通常来说司法鉴定
be able to find a digital trace of your Snapchat message...
能够找到你Snapchat上收到过的消息
Would they?
是吗
God, they don't advertise that, do they?
天啊 他们并没有宣传这点 对不对
The sneaky Snapchat bastards.
这些卑鄙的Snapchat混♥蛋♥
But we can't find anything on yours. That's weird.
但我们没能在你的账号♥上发现任何东西 奇怪了
Yeah.
是啊
Hey, I'm in the middle of a chapter...
嘿 我正忙着写这一章
Um, there's something I need to talk to you about.
呃 有些事我需要跟你谈谈
What? Right. Um, well,
什么 好吧 呃
basically, you know how you said that
基本上 你记得你说过
I shouldn't go and see Kira?
我不应该去见Kira的吧
Yes.
是的
Well, I kind of went to see Kira. What?! When?
嗯 我算是去见她了 什么 什么时候
Today. And last week. And a couple of days before that.
今天 还有上周 还有上周的几天前
How many times? Maybe six. Eight? 12, max.
到底几次 大概6次 8次 最多12次
Jesus Christ.
我的老天
I thought we were a team, I thought ...
我以为我们是一伙的 我以为
Sorry to interrupt, but you might want to press pause on your freak-out
抱歉打断你 但你也许需要先冷静一下
because it kind of gets a bit worse.
因为事情好像变得更糟糕了
You know how I said that I wanted to tell Kira that Charlie's OK?
你知道我说过 我想跟Kira讲Charlie还好吧
Yes? Today, I told Kira that Charlie's OK.
是的 今天 我跟Kira说Charlie还好了
Did you tell her he's here?! No! No. Of course not!
你跟她说他在这儿了吗 不不 当然没有
I'm not that stupid.
我没那么蠢
I told her he ran off to Scotland with you.
我跟她说 他和你私奔去苏格兰了
And then I kind of told the police. Oh, my God.
然后我大概也跟警♥察♥说了这事 我的天哪
Anyway, I'm sure it'll all come out in the wash.
无论如何 我能肯定这一切迟早都会圆♥满♥解决的
Did you tell Kira that Charlie and I are...A couple?
你跟Kira说 我和Charlie在一起了吗
Well, yeah, I mean, why else would you run off together?
呃 是啊 我是说 不然为什么你们会一起私奔
Oh, my God!
我的天啊
Look, I know it looks bad
听我说 我知道事情看起来糟糕
and I didn't plan on doing it, but Kira,
而且我本来没打算说的 但是Kira
she was so upset, especially because all the attention's winding down.
她太难过了 尤其是因为这事关注度在逐渐减少
My yoga marathon did not have the awareness-raising effect
我的瑜伽马拉松并没有我们所期待的
that we were hoping for. YOUR yoga marathon?
那种提高关注的效果 你的瑜伽马拉松
Well, Harry organised all the yoga, I was on the admin side.
呃 Harry组织了整个活动 我是负责管理的
I'm so sorry you failed to raise awareness.
我很抱歉你没能提高大众关注
That must be so disappointing for you. Look, I fucked up.
你肯定非常失望 听着 我搞砸了
OK? I shouldn't have said what I said.
好吗 我是不该说那些话
But you don't understand how hard it was seeing her like that -
但你不明白我看见她那个样子心里有多难受
she was so upset... I understand completely!
她真的非常伤心 我完全明白
That's why I told you
这就是为什么
not to go and fucking see her in the first place!
一开始我就叫你♥他♥妈♥的不要去见她啊
I know why you did this. You're still in love with her.
我知道你为什么这么做 你还爱着她
In love with Kira?
爱着Kira吗
I'm not in love with her, I've never been in love with her!
我没有爱着她 我从没爱过她
This is me you're talking to,
你就别跟我说这些了
I remember what you were, like, in sixth form...
我记得你那会儿什么德行 高中的时候
I only went out with her for two weeks! Yeah.
我只跟她在一起了两个星期啊 是啊
And when she dumped you for Charlie,
然后当她为了Charlie甩了你的时候
you didn't shut up about it for a year!
你喋喋不休地抱怨了整整一年
20 years ago! So what?
二十年前的事了 那又怎样
If you had any more of a torch for her,
你只要对她还有一点爱意
you'd be marching up to Frankenstein's castle.
你都乐意为她上刀山下火海
How did she react? When you told her?
你告诉她的时候 她什么反应
Well, she was relieved, obviously.
嗯 她安心了 显然
But pretty confused. And angry with me? Oh, yeah.
但也很困惑 生我气了吗 噢是的
Big time. Great. Thanks for that.
非常生气 很好 真是谢谢了
Well, at least she's... differently upset.
呃 至少她难过是因为别的事情了
A change is as good as a rest.
这种转变还能让她歇口气
Look, I'm sorry, OK? I shouldn't have said what I said,
听着 我对不起你 好吗 我不应该跟她说那些话
but it seemed like a good idea at the time!
但当时来看是个好主意呀
It ticked a lot of boxes!
它满足了很多情况啊
One of the boxes being,
其中一种就是说
"Tess,the marriage-wrecking cancer slut"?
"Tess是个破坏别人婚姻的恶毒荡♥妇♥"
How you feeling? Er...
你感觉如何 呃
..No shittier than usual.
没有比平时更糟糕
You know, I have this special medicine that could help relieve
你知道 我有个特殊的药可以帮你缓解
some of the side-effects, if you feel like trying it.
一些副作用 如果你想试试的话
Yeah? Yeah.
是吗 是的
It's kind of like an alternative thing,
是这种你可以自主选择的事
so it might be right up your street.
所以可能你会更感兴趣
Are you sure this is good for your sex addiction sobriety?
你确定不会影响你戒掉性瘾吗
It's not sex addiction if it's with someone you love.
如果对方是你爱的人 就不算性瘾
Sorry.
对不起
I don't know why I just said...
我不知道我为什么那么说
I think I love you too.
我觉得我也爱你
How about you use your
要不然你用你
incredible computer skills
高超的电脑技术
to fire off some e-mails from Charlie?
伪造一些Charlie发来的邮件
"I'm with Tess, can't tell you where, soz."
"我和Tess在一块儿 但不能告诉你在哪儿 不好意思"
The police won't investigate cos there's nothing to investigate!
警♥察♥就不会调查了 因为根本没什么好调查的
You can't arrest someone for going on holiday!
你不能因为某人去度假而逮捕他啊
All you need to do is leave a trail of
你需要做的仅仅就是留下一些小线索
fake digital breadcrumbs to keep them off our scent!
用伪造的电子残迹来让警♥察♥走远点
Do you have any idea how long making these
你知道做出这些电子残迹
digital breadcrumbs is going to take?
需要多长时间吗
No. At a guess, I'd say fucking ages.
不知道 我猜 我他妈得做好几年
I'm two-thirds of the way through my novel,
我的小说已经写了三分之二了
the last thing I need to do
我最不想做的事
is to take a week off to go on bloody holiday.
就是他妈放一周该死的假
I came here to save Charlie and write my book,
我来这儿是为了拯救Charlie还有写我的书
not to be your IT slave!
不是来给你当技术苦工的
That's the hellish fate I escaped from!
那是我才脱离的悲惨命运
So, you're not going to do it?
所以 你不打算这么做吗
Of course I'm going to fucking do it!
我当然他妈的要这么做了
Because that's my job, isn't it?
因为这是我的工作 不是吗
To clear up whatever stinky pile of shite pours
给你擦干净你那屎屁♥股♥
out of the hole between your nose and your chin!
不管你那狗嘴里冒出来什么鬼话
You can have that.
你就骂吧
That's a free hit, I'm not coming back on that.
我就免费让你骂我一次 我不会回击的
Oh, one last thing...
哦 最后一件事
It would be great if you could make these e-mails
如果你能把这些邮件做得让警♥察♥信服
convincing to the cops, but not too hurtful for Kira.
但又不那么伤害Kira 那就更好了
Ok?
好吗
I mean, if Charlie's having too good a time,
我是说 如果Charlie过得太好
it's going to be too depressing for her,
她会真的很伤心的
but he can't have too bad a time either,
但他也不能过得太糟糕
because then she'll be worried.
因为她会很担心的
Please shut up and leave my room.
请你闭嘴然后滚出去
I just need you to go, OK?
我只想让你走开 好吗
Like, maybe don't go on about how much you love Tess.
比如说 也许就别说你有多爱Tess了
Maybe you should even say that you've dumped Tess.
也许你甚至该说你已经甩了Tess
"It wasn't working out, she was just too boring." You know,
"我们过不下去 她太无趣了" 你知道
something like that?
诸如此之类的
You want me to break up with myself?
你想让我和我自己分手吗
It's just an idea.
只是个想法
We could just leave, just you and me, alone together...
我们可以离开 只有你和我 两个人一起
What about your treatment?