怪诞（2024）

决斗吗
Pistols at dawn?
你对我有很大误解
You have a very mistaken impression of me.
所以我要揍你一顿
So I'm- a kick your ass
治治你这种
so all of this habit of disrespecting me
不尊重我的毛病 -不不不
comes to a fucking end, bitch. - Oh, no, no, no.
不不 不许动手哦
No, no, no. There's no fighting here.
不行的 保安就在旁边
No, we have security mere meters away.
你要敢碰我一下
And should you even touch me,
他们就会把你双手的每块骨头都打断
they will break every last bone in both your hands.
然后你会被逮捕
And then you'll be arrested
最讽刺的是
and, irony of ironies,
你会被锁在床上呢
chained to a bed.
看到没
See?
所以 警探大人
So, now, Detective,
我建议呢 你去咖啡厅
I would suggest going down to the cafeteria
灌上几杯黑咖啡
and gulping down a few black coffees.
或者随便点些你喜欢的酒精饮料
Or whatever your favored alcoholic beverage is
醒醒脑
for calming your nerves.
去吧 亲 快去吧
Go on, dear. Go on.
拜啦
Ta- ta.
你♥他♥妈♥的在干嘛
What the fuck is going on in here?
不好意思
Excuse me.
我在给你可怜的丈夫擦身体呀
I am giving your poor husband a sponge bath.
你那肮脏的脑子以为
What in the depths of your filthy mind
这里发生了什么呢
do you actually think is happening here?
真是个可怜的女人
You poor woman.
你真的不大正常了
You're really not well.
你就是个变♥态♥我真觉得
You're a sicko. I actually think
你快崩溃了
you're on the edge of something.
那你来给他擦吧 你来擦
Well, you clean him then. You clean him.
给他擦啊
Clean him up!
你要是真打起精神
You're more than welcome to do it yourself
从醉鬼的状态里走出来
should you decide to bestir yourself out
随时可以自己上手
of your dipsomaniacal torpor.
我一眼就能看出性侵犯者是什么样
I know a sexual predator when I see one.
我从你眼神里看出来了
I know that look in your eyes.
我已经把无数像你这样的混♥蛋♥
I've put away so many motherfuckers
送进监狱了
like you. - Mm.
也许你需要住院 警官
maybe you need to be admitted, Officer.
来我们的精神病房♥
To our psych unit.
我真的很同情你 我理解你
I pity you. I understand that the stress
承受的压力
you're under is.
很大
it's terrible.
这些谋杀案
These murders,
你的无能
your incompetence,
绝望
the hopelessness.
是不是都在摧毁你
Is it breaking you?
你知道什么在摧毁我妈
You know what's breaking me?
是你们这帮搞砸很多事的
Is you goddamn doctors and nurses
医生和护士们
who got so much of this shit wrong.
你们甚至没预见到疫情的到来
You didn't even see the pandemic coming.
对不对
Did you?
你们什么都没预见到
You didn't see any of it happening.
你知道谁看到了吗
You know who did?
我 我早就看穿了一切
I did. I saw everything.
我预见到了崩溃
I saw it all breaking down.
但你却不专心做好本职工作
But instead of paying attention to your goddamn job,
而是在这给一个昏迷的男人打手♥枪♥
here you are, jerking off a man that's in a coma.
那就把他转走
Well, then move him!
转走啊
Move him.
把他转移到蔬菜仓库去
Move him to a warehouse for vegetables.
因为 你相信我
Yeah. I mean... believe you me,
我们这儿床位紧张
we could use the bed.
我帮你叫车
I'll- I'lI call the transport for you.
我给你推荐一个超棒的地方
There's a lovely place, if you can ignore
只要你不介意大便混着卷心菜的味道
the smell of shit and cabbage
还有那些手指都懒得动的员工
and the staff who can't be bothered to lift a finger
他们还嫌你耽误他们玩西洋棋呢
'cause it might interfere with their backgammon game.
我这就给你签出院单
I'll even sign the discharge notice.
病人的精神病妻子指控我
"Patient's psychotic wife has accused me
给她昏迷的丈夫打飞机
of masturbating her husband while he's in a coma. "
我会给他转院的 我会的 -你不会
I will move him. I'll move him. - Oh, you won't.
你根本没这个勇气和决心
You haven't got the courage of your convictions.
你吓坏了
You're terrified.
你根本不知如何面对
You have no idea how to handle this.
一点都不知道
None at all.
你很软弱
You're weak.
在那假装坚强的外表下
Behind that charade of a tough exterior
是一个破碎又逞强的女人
is a broken, self- medicated woman
她既不知道如何办理这办案
who has no idea how to handle this case.
也不关心她的丈夫
...or care for her husband.
去你♥妈♥的♥
Go fuck yourself.
给你肥皂 亲爱的
Here's the soap, deary.
他差一点就要高♥潮♥了
He hasn't quite climaxed yet,
不如你成全他吧
so why don't you finish him off?
知道音乐有多吵吗
Do you realize how loud?
所以 这个修女
So, this nun
梅根修女 她是个疯子
Sister Megan, she's nuts.
她热爱谋杀
She loves murder.
听着 她把这些案子写的
Look, the way she writes about these cases,
就像同人小说
it's like fan fiction.
够了 都凌晨四点了
Okay, girl, it's 4: 00 a. m.
你会吵醒隔壁康纳家的
You're gonna wake up the Connors next door.
康纳一家不在
The Connors are not even in town.
他们在马扎兰有套分时度假公♥寓♥
They have the time- share in Mazatlan.
要到秋天才会回来
They won't be back till the fall if ever.
似乎所有人都像跳船的老鼠一样
It's like everyone in this town is abandoning it
在逃离这座小镇
like rats on a sinking ship.
所以 你究竟怎么了
So, what is it?
你在听爸最爱的唱片 想他了吗
You're listening to Dad's favorite record. You miss him?
还有这个修女
So, this nun?
她的样子就像
Okay, the way she looks,
就像是个曼森狂热女 跟一个麻雀
she looks like a cross between a sparrow
杂交出来的一样 我不骗你
and a Manson girl, I shit you not.
随便吧
Whatever. Mm.
你既然买♥♥了火腿
Why buy the ham
干吗还要评判吃它的人
if you're gonna judge anyone who eats it?
我是个矛盾的侦探
I'm an ambivalent detective.
同意
I'll say.
怎么 你打算坐在这喝一夜的酒吗
What, you just gonna sit here and drink all night?
你打算坐在这吃一夜的火腿么
You gonna sit there and eat all night?
说真的 妈妈
Seriously, though, Mom.
你还不打算退休吗
You're not ready to retire?
哦不 -你也该退休了
Oh, no. - You should retire.
也许去个戒瘾中心
Mm- mm. ·Maybe go to rehab?
不 宝贝
Oh, no, baby.
这是我最不需要的东西
I have never needed that less.
我正享沉浸其中
I am...I'm in my zone.
浑身是劲儿
I'm invigorated.
我得抓住这个凶手
I'm gonna catch this killer.
等抓住他后 再说挂靴的事
Maybe after that, I'll hang up my spurs.
但与此同时 该说不说
But in the meantime, if anything...
酒精让我更敏锐
the booze makes me sharper.
让我看得更清楚
Makes me see things clear.
我喝酒不是为了逃避
See, I don't drink to escape.
我喝酒是为了开天眼
I drink to envision it.
让解决方案显现
To manifest a solution.
事实上 你猜怎么着
In fact, guess what.
几乎就像
It's almost like
我喝的越醉 看得越清楚
the less sober I am, the more clearer I see.