怪诞（2024）

嗨，我是梅里特特莱恩
Hi. My name is Merritt Tryon.
我27岁
I'm 27 years old.
像我这种大尺码，很多东西都不合身
And when you're as big as me, not much fits.
但我认为自己很适合你们的节目
But I think I am the perfect fit for your show.
-不行，不要那样 -妈！
-Nope. Do not do it like that. -Mom!
不行
No. No, no, no.
-你那样感觉很糟糕 -妈！拜托
-You sound a mess. -Mom! Please.
你那样感觉很僵硬，像个机器人
You sound stiff, like a robot.
「我是梅里特，这是我的故事」
My name is Merritt. This is my story.
你干嘛挂这个恶心的医院门帘？
And why you got this filthy hospital curtain up here?
好，这是我的背景幕
Okay, it's my backdrop.
再录一次，别打断我
Let's record again. Do not interrupt me.
好吧，大明星
Okay, Miss Diahann Carroll.
我会保持安静
I won't say nothing.
第二镜次
Take two.
我从小
Ever since I was a little girl,
就有饮食问题，我是说…
I've had a problem with food. I mean, or…
至少我以为那是个问题
At least what I thought was a problem.
那是我害怕、难过或陷入困境时的慰藉
It was what I ran to when I felt scared, sad, or trapped.
但我开始发现，或许…
But I'm starting to realize that maybe…
问题不光只是饮食
that food wasn't the only problem.
而是那种焦虑和忧郁
It was that anxiety and depression.
我的老天
Christ on a cracker.
好了，到此为止
All right, you're done.
我敬谢不敏
Thank you. No, thank you.
梅里特，你干嘛贬低自己？为什么？
Merritt, why do you have to debase yourself? Why?
-他们想听故事 -告诉他们你有多聪明
-They want a story. -Tell 'em how smart you are.
告诉他们你16岁就毕业了
Tell 'em you graduated at 16.
告诉他们你在高考拿了满分
Tell 'em you got a perfect score on the SAT.
想知道为什么吗？那才是故事
Wanna know why? That is a story.
他们才不想听那个，好吗？
They don't wanna hear that. Okay?
他们想听的是逆境和艰辛
They... they wanna hear about adversity and hardship.
好吧，我看过很多人生的受害者，小梅
Okay, I've seen a lot of victims in life, Mer.
相信我，宝贝，你和他们不一样
And believe me when I tell you, baby, you are not one of 'em.
你可以走了，谢谢
Well, you can go. Thank you.
你走吧
-Oh. -Please go.
好，我走了
Okay. I will.
让光透进来，让大家看看
Let the Goddamn light in and let everybody see
你的人生有多悲惨糟糕
how wretched and horrible your life is.
好，快走吧
All right, go.
你还没走，真好笑
-You're still here. So, that's funny. -Mmm.
好，小宝贝，我走了
Okay, baby girl. I'ma go.
但妈妈要煮你最爱吃的东西
But mama is literally cooking you up something you gon' love.
真的假的，你要煮火鸭鸡给我吃？
So, wait. Lemme get this straight, you're making me a turducken.
没错
You bet.
我们有一只新鲜的全脂火鸡
We have the makings of a fresh, full-fat turkey
还有一层熏猪肉香肠填料
with a layer of andouille sausage stuffing,
再来是一只很棒的番鸭
then, a very good Muscovy duck
仔细去骨后被小心放进火鸡肚子里
carefully deboned and gently placed within the turkey's cavity.
还有最后的重点
And then last, but certainly not least,
里面有一只有机放山鸡
an organic free-range mother fucking chicken within that,
每一层都有这种熏猪肉香肠填料
all layered with this andouille sausage stuffing.
要是你敢吃的话
If you dare.
我敢
Oh, I dare.
你是怎么学会煮火鸭鸡的？你怎么等了这么久才煮？
How did you learn how to make a turducken? And why did you wait so long?
听着，我说过会帮你实现成名的梦想
Listen, I told you, I would help you actualize your dreams of worldwide fame.
这道料理有超过一万两千卡路里的热量
This dish has over 12000 calories,
所以要是你分成四天吃完的话，就是…
so if you eat that over four days, that's like...
-大约一天三千卡 -答对了
-It's like 3000 a day. -Ding, ding, ding.
但我打算在一两天内吃完
But I intend to eat this in one, possibly two days.
有个条件
Here's the deal.
你不要唠叨我爱喝什么
You don't give me shit about what I like to drink.
懂了吗？
You understand me?
伏特加、马丁尼，什么酒都算
Vodka, martinis, any of it.
那我就会帮你达成你的体重目标
In exchange, I'll help you get where you wanna be weight-wise.
要不要随便你
Take it or leave it.
没问题
It's a deal.
我可以看你料理吗？
Can I watch you make it?
可以先帮我倒杯酒吗？
Can you fill her up first?
我不想让生肉沾到伏特加酒瓶
I don't wanna get raw poultry on the vodka bottle.
接下来这步骤很精采
You gon' love this next part.
精细的部分来了
This is where it gets delicate.
手要稳
You need steady hands,
要像创伤外科医生一样
like those of a trauma surgeon.
要让它恢复火鸡的模样，而不是被车撞死的动物
We gotta make it look like a turkey again, not flattened roadkill.
所以我们…
So, we…
把背部缝好
sew up the back.
然后把火鸡绑紧，像栓牛一样
Then we truss the fowl, like roping a calf.
最后绑个简单的蝴蝶结
And finally, a simple shoelace knot.
完成了
And voila!
一只火鸡填鸭
One engastrated turkey.
等等，不好意思，你说阉鸭？
Wait, I'm sorry. You said castrated?
填鸭
Engastrated.
那表示一只脱骨动物被塞进另一只动物里
It means, the remains of one animal are stuffed inside of another animal.
你是怎么学会的？
How do you even know that?
我最近晚上睡不着，所以会看食谱，宝贝
Lately I can't sleep at night, so I read cookbooks, girl.
很有意思
Huh. That's interesting.
这东西要煮多久？我可能要先吃个点心
Well, how long is this thing gonna take because I think I will need a snack.
是吗？
Will you, now?
大概要煮三小时
About three hours.
但要是你等不了那么久的话
But if that's too hard for you,
我可以先帮你炒个蛋之类的
I can make you an omelet or something.
好啊，哪一种炒蛋？我们好像还有一些羊肚菇
Ooh, yeah, what kind? I think we got some morels left.
加点马斯卡彭奶酪和香葱
A little mascarpone, a little chive.
再帮妈妈倒杯酒
Pour mama another drink,
可以吗？
could you?
这是有史以来最棒的发明
This is the greatest thing ever invented
也是你为我做过最贴心的事
and the kindest thing you've ever done for me.
我本来想做樱桃雪糕当甜点的，但我没办法
Well, I was gonna make cherries jubilee for dessert, but I can't.
没关系
It's okay.
我要再吃一些火鸭鸡当甜点
I'm gonna have some more of that turducken for dessert.
好吧
Okay.
所以这是怎么回事？
So, what's this all about? I mean…
你以前很少下厨，而且只会微波千层面
Uh, you used to put out a frozen lasagna, if anything.
好吧，放轻松
Okay, relax.
我承认我的家事技能是满迟缓的
Now, my domestic skills, I admit, were slow to develop.
我很怀念你♥爸♥的手艺，那些层层交叠的味道
I do miss your father's cooking though. All those layered flavors.
看吧？我就知道你想他
See? I knew you missed him.
我知道你想他，你肯定会想他
I know you miss him. You have to.
好吧，我想念他那些，让我待在他身边那么久的特质
Okay, I miss certain things about him that made me stay as long as I did.
那些是很久以前的事了
I mean, those are things from long, long ago.
那是怀旧之情，宝贝
That's nostalgia, baby.
那么…
Well…
告诉我你和爸是怎么认识的
Tell me the story of how you and Daddy met.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
你干嘛又想听那个故事？
Why do you wanna hear that story again?
因为我想再听一次
Because I wanna hear it again.
我跟你说过一千次了
I've told you this a thousand times before.
那就说一千零一次吧
Make it a thousand and one.
-好吧 -谢谢
-Okay, okay. -Thank you.
我…
I…
当时在河滨市的大学附近工作
was working in Riverside, near the university.
白天上课，晚上上班
Taking classes during the day, working at night.
我很喜欢那里
Ooh. I loved being there.
我真想在那里有份全职工作
I could have done this for a living.
马修几乎每个星期五晚上都会和他的学生过来
And Marshall comes in with his students, like every Friday night.
我开始很期待他的出现
Which I started really looking forward to.
…进入现实，然后真♥相♥就…
…into the real. That's when the truth...
这是你们多点的饺子
Got you some extra dumplings.
你真是女神降临，洛依丝，女神降临
You're a goddess, Lois. You're a goddess.