新生六居客（2011）

Fresh Meat S03E08

Part 4 Jan. 4, 2021, 3:36 p.m.

I mean, what if she's sleeping with him right now?
她难道不应该吱一声吗
Shouldn't she tell me that?
所以她应该边滚床单边给你发短♥信♥对吧
So, she should text you during sex?
"我正和别人啪啪啪呢
"I'm humping someone else right now.
很开心来啦[高♥潮♥了]"
Smiley face, smiley face, O face."
当然不是了
Well, no, obviously not that.
不过也可以啊
Although, maybe it could be that.
或者她在做前吱一声也行啊
Or she could text me just before.
"你先hold住了
"Can you just hold that erection
我给男朋友发个短♥信♥ 告诉他你硬了"
'cause I have to text my boyfriend you have an erection?"
像这样吗
That sort of thing?
我只是觉得知道了会比较好
I just think it would be good to know.
你明白吗就像我在想我不能和你睡
You know? I mean... I'm now thinking I won't sleep with you
因为她可能没有和诺亚睡
because she might not sleep with Noah.
我不想伤害她
I don't want to hurt her feelings.
但如果她和诺亚睡了
But if she does sleep with Noah,
为了不伤害她我想我也得和你睡
I probably DO need to sleep with you so I don't hurt her feelings.
开放性关系的关键就是沟通
The key to making an open relationship work is communication.
你有意识到你刚才大声说出了这番话吗
You do realise you're saying this all out loud?
是啊我不觉得什么事是理所当然的
Yeah. I'm not taking anything for granted.
比如我喜欢你你也喜欢我
It's just, I like you and you like me
我们当然就可以进一步相互了解
and we're definitely in a position to explore that more,
如果你情我愿
if you want to and I want to
我想我可能是想进一步了解你的如果你也愿意
and I think I probably do want to, if you want to.
好吧她还是没有消息我觉得
OK. I still haven't heard from her, so I'm going to assume
她应该已经和诺亚滚床单了吧
she is sleeping with Noah.
这倒没什么完全没问题
Which is fine. Totally fine.
那我去你那怎么样
So, why don't I come back to yours?
"您没有新信息"
'You have no new messages.'
乔茜
Josie?
你怎么啦
What's the matter?
一切都完了
Everything's just falling apart.
别担心
Don't worry.
我已经把信息从房♥屋交易所撤掉了
I've taken the house off the market.
我不卖♥♥了
I'm not selling it.
我说的不是那件事我和金斯利没戏了
I don't mean like that. Everything's falling apart with Kingsley.
他这会儿在和山姆滚床单
He's sleeping with Sam.
我恨他
I hate him.
来根薯条不
Do you want a chip?
- 不要 - 来一根吧
- No. - Go on have a chip.
- 我不想吃 - 多好吃呀
- No, I don't want a chip. - Chips are great.
它们可是由奇妙的独角兽做的有神奇的魔力
They're made of chopped up unicorns and have magical properties
可以解决世界上所有的难题
and solve all the world's problems.
你干嘛不回答我的问题
Why won't you answer my question?
是啊很闹心对吧
Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?
你干嘛老找我茬
Why did you pick on me?
我不是找你的茬而是不满你的政策
I didn't pick on YOU, I picked on your policies.
太傻了
They're stupid.
你是在说老娘傻吗你是这意思吗
Are you saying I'm stupid? Is that what you're saying?
那到底是为什么啊
What is this really about?
我生气是因为我在乎这场竞选
I'm pissed off because I care about this
但你却根本不在乎
and you don't give a shit.
还打算抛弃它
You're going to abandon it,
就像你抛弃其他所有一切那样
just like you abandon everything else,
你抛弃了你的丈夫
just like you abandoned your husband,
抛弃了你老妈
just like you abandoned your mum
还在假期时抛弃了我
and just like you abandoned me on holiday.
天啊你还在为假期的事生气呢
Oh, my God. Are you still going on about the holiday?!
我跟一超帅的墨西哥小伙先走一步
So, I got off with a hot Mexican guy
就单独留你在那一会会儿
and left you on your own for a bit.
这才多大点事儿啊
I mean, what is the big deal?
你是我的好帮手啊
You're my wingman.
姐才不是你的好帮手呢
I'm not your wingman.
也不是你的啥好搭档
And I'm not your sidekick.
再这么下去我们可能连朋友都没得做了
And if this carries on, maybe I'm not your friend.
太狠了吧
Bit harsh.
- 这么说是那PPT奏效了吗 - 啥
- So, the PowerPoint worked then? - What?!
对对对那PPT有点用
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The PowerPoint worked.
那PPT特别有用
The PowerPoint totally worked.
现在我想要种不一样的PPT展示
And now, I want a different kind of PowerPoint,
用你裤裆里的家伙展示给我看吧
the PowerPoint in your pants.
我得提醒你说这样的话会让我蠢蠢欲动哦
I must warn you that kind of talk massively turns me on.
是吗那正好啊
Yeah? Good. Well,
快用你那PPT讲解员小♥弟♥弟♥让我欲♥仙♥欲♥死♥吧
hump me with your PowerPoint.
好啊我会的
Oh, yeah! I will.
我会用我的小♥弟♥弟♥好好服侍你的
I will hump you with my PowerPoint.
"您没有新信息"
'You have no new messages.
"返回主菜单请按一号♥键"
Press one to return to the menu.'
- 到底该不该这么做啊 - 应该啊
- Should we? - Er, yeah.
我是说我想这样...吗
I mean, I want to. Do I?
对我特别想
No, I do!
等等你说得对
No, no, no. You're right.
我不能这样
I can't... I can't do this.
但你已经硬了啊
But you've got a massive erection.
那必须的嘛
Yes, I do.
不行不行等等我不能这么做我做不到
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. I can't. I can't. I can't.
我他妈到底是怎么了
What the hell is wrong with me?!
我去如果我说我没法做下去了你怎么想
Shit. What if I told you that I don't think I can do this?
我会很沮丧任欲♥火♥焚身
Um, well, I'd feel frustrated and horny
我会生气也感到愧疚但是
and angry and guilty but...
或许这样最好
yeah, maybe for the best.
天啊
God.
要不我们帮对方做手活儿好了
Maybe we could just diddle each other.
不行你说得对我们连帮对方做手活儿都不行
No, you're right. We can't even diddle each other.
天啊良心真是个该死的东西
God, having a conscience is so shit.
感觉都跟天主教♥徒♥
It's like being Catholic.
或是女人一样了
Or a woman.
真♥他♥妈♥弱爆了
Fucking awful.
没说你
No offence.
你还在隔壁吗
你和诺亚睡了吗
早啊
Morning.
- 我还以为你走了呢 - 我♥干♥嘛要走啊
- I thought you'd left. - Why would I do that?
我不知道
I don't know.
对了你屁♥股♥上有只鼻涕虫
By the way, you've got a slug on your bum.
那当然看来突然间我的电臀很受欢迎啊
Of course. Suddenly, everyone wants a piece of my hot ass.
那你是要吃早餐呢
So, breakfast...
还是要吃我
or sex?
下面请独♥立♥低价薯条党的
And now with her final statement,
维尔利特·诺斯崇做最后陈述
Violet Nordstrom, Independent Cheap Chips Party.
好的
Yeah, so...
下面我来谈谈几个新政策
there's some new policies that I want to talk about.
如果我当选我会烧掉图书馆里所有的书
If I get elected, I will be burning all the books in the library,
从男作家的开始烧然后再烧女作家的
starting with the men, but then doing all the women as well.
那群傻♥逼♥
Wankers.
我会在每间宿舍装上监控摄像头
I... I'll be banging CCTV into every dorm
每周公开一份报告
and then publishing a weekly report
看看都有哪些人在乱搞这是为了娱乐大众
of who's screwing who, just for a laugh.
你♥他♥妈♥在干嘛啊
What the fuck are you doing?
我想让他们不要选我
I'm trying to get me NOT elected,
这样你就能当选了笨蛋
so you can get elected, dickhead.
好吧
Oh. Well...
- 谢你了 - 不过说真的呢
- Right. Thanks. Um... - Seriously though,
怎么才能让他们不喜欢我啊
what do I need to do get them to stop liking me?
是要在台球桌上便便吗
Take a shit on the pool table?
只需要说两个词
Two words...
反对同性恋
homophobic rant.
好吧别忘了竞选的事儿
Right. Don't forget about the election.
我得打扫下屋子为选举获胜的人搞个趴体
I'm cleaning the house so that we can have a party for the winner.
但首先哥得先来点
But first, I'm gonna be snorting
上好的哥伦比亚货
a schnozz-full of grade A Colombian gack,
然后把这些都他妈的擦洗干净