新生六居客（2011）
Fresh Meat
第三季
剧集 | 新生六居客（2011） | 导航列表
新生六居客（2011）
Fresh Meat S03E06
Part 4
Jan. 4, 2021, 3:36 p.m.
to a property auction,
买♥♥了一座房♥子
where I bought a house...
就因为开了个玩笑
for a joke.
真的 这房♥子要九千刀呢
Yeah, nine grand.
根据合同 他们每月会给我提供
Subject to contract, they've offered me a mortgage
传奇般的六十英镑按揭贷款
for the legendary sum of 60 pounds per calendar month
房♥屋外还有个全砖砌成的厕所
and it's got a brick-built outhouse
我搞不好会丢个手榴弹炸了那地儿
which I may or may not destroy with a bloody hand grenade,
记住了 哥是恶作玩笑剧达人
so remember, hashtag japers.
是房♥子耶
The... the house.
一听到你的事 我就告诉自己
When I heard your story, I was like,
"别想著吃啥三明治了
"Forget the panini,
别管其他事了 你要尽全力帮助他"
you need to drop everything and help this guy."
这就是我的募捐演出
This... this is my Live Aid,
也是我的一份小小心意
and my humble gift to you, sir.
我只是希望他们能听听我们的意见
I just hope they listen to us.
他们会听的
Oh, they'll listen.
我们得到了全体学生的一致支持
We've got the support of the student body,
我们意图明确
we've got a clear message,
我们是很凶残的 打个比方而已
and we've got biting, biting satire.
吃的到哪儿了 我快饿扁了
Where's the food already? I'm absolutely starving.
你知道吗 我的家乡卡塞林还处于水深火热中
You know, in my home town, Kasserine, there's still fighting.
就在上个月 我弟弟被他几个同学打了
Just last month, my brother was beaten by guys we knew from school.
奥克杜的吃的来了
Ocado's here!
我朋友们都失业在家
None of my friends can find any work.
经济还是不景气 回去是死路一条
The economy's still really bad. There's no future for me out there.
奥克杜 奥克杜 奥克杜
Ocado! Ocado! Ocado!
现在是紧急状态
Just a state of emergency.
- 天啊 - 棉花糖来啦 接著
- Oh, my God. - Marshmallows incoming!
奥克杜 奥克杜 奥克杜
Ocado! Ocado! Ocado!
凌晨四点
It was 4 am.
她浑身酒味 把我从床上叫起来
She woke me up, stinking of gin,
说要载著我们去开普敦
saying that she was going to drive us to Cape Town,
因为她想要跟雷村黑斧合唱团的
cos she wanted to sleep with
所有成员上♥床♥
the whole of Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
雷村黑斧合唱团: 南非最著名的原著民合唱团体
当时我真的很兴奋 你知道吗
I mean, I was actually really excited, you know,
我从没去度过假
cos I'd never been on holiday.
哎呀 那听起来真像一场小小的冒险之旅呢
Crikey! That sounds like quite the little adventure!
你怎麽还没开窍啊 现在是在听我说
Are you not getting this? I mean... I am giving you everything.
现在他妈的是《面对面》之福德篇
This is fucking We Need To Talk About Vod.
好吧
Well...
为了充分交流 我们已经超时了
since we're off the clock, in the interests of full disclosure,
其实在"老妈问题"方面
I'm actually quite the expert
我真的超专业对吧
in "matters of the mum", yeah?
我和我老妈之间那不正常的破关係
I could write a bloody book
都可以写成一本书了 对了
about my dysfunctional relationship with my mum! Oh!
我确实写了一本书
I've written a book
是关于我和我妈之间不正常的关係
about my dysfunctional relationship with my mum.
书名叫《母亲与女儿的故事》
Mother - A Daughter's Tale.
看在你对我如此坦诚的份上
And, as you've been so open with me,
我自己也来一场短暂的时光之旅
why don't I take a little trip down memory lane myself
给你说个我们家超级无敌悲惨的圣诞节故事吧
and tell you about a particularly painful family Christmas?
时光的迷雾
So settle in
云卷般弥漫开来 随著它的脚步
as the fog of time rolls in
我们回到了敦提(苏格兰东部港口城市)
and we find ourselves in Dundee,
那是一九...
in the year of 19...
七九年
..79.
坎蒂丝不在这吧
Is Candice around?
她跟著俄勒冈静♥坐♥抗♥议♥去了
She's at Oregon's sit-in.
总算甩开眼线了
Then Assange can emerge from his embassy.
萨宾娜
Sabine.
霍华德
Howard.
寒暄啥的到此为止了
And thus concludes the small talk.
你现在是在躲著你的新室友吗
Are you avoiding your new housemate?
这学期结束后就不是了
Only for the remainder of the semester.
恕不奉陪了 我要去看看怎麽做
So, if you'll excuse me, I need to look into cooking
营养丰富而均衡的巨型大煎饼了
an enormous, nutritionally-balanced flapjack.
你怎麽又要躲著坎蒂丝了
Why are you avoiding Candice again?
因为她迷恋哥
Cos she's infatuated with me.
哥成了她迷恋的对象
I am the subject of an infatuation.
她很好啊 你不喜欢吗
She's nice. Do you like her?
好吧 她很好 但我之前受过情伤
OK, fine. I admit it. But I've been burnt before, Josie,
就像篝火中的刺蝟 所以我们只能是朋友
like a hedgehog in a bonfire. So, no, we are just friends.
霍华德 相信我 这是个痛苦的过程
Howard - and, trust me, I've found this out the hard way -
你迟早会发现 你和你那些所谓的朋友
you'll tend to find that you'll end up fucking most of your friends
总会由于某种原因分开
one way or another.
你知道电影《盗梦空间》吗
You are familiar with the film Inception?
那这就是现实版
Well, there's reality.
或者说我们就把它当成现实版
Or what we perceive to be reality.
现在我们看到的"霍华德"
Or what we perceive to be "Howard",
是我展示在世人面前的霍华德
that being the Howard I project to the world.
然后我们进入下一层
And then we go one level down.
霍华德中的霍华德
The Howard behind the Howard.
在第一层 霍华德只是一种动物
Level One Howard is an animal,
一隻被禁锢的动物
but he's a caged animal.
第二层的霍华德有自己的个人习惯
Level Two Howard has base personal habits
以及讨人厌的想法和衝动
and unpleasant thoughts and impulses.
然后还有第三层的霍华德
And then we have Level Three Howard.
那是被解放的霍华德
Howard Unchained.
这就是《霍华德》的导演剪辑加长版
Howard, The Director's Cut.
一个原汁原味纯粹完整的霍华德
Undiluted and unadulterated Howard.
现在你眼前的霍华德
The Howard you have before you
是掺了五十倍水分稀释后的霍华德
is one part Howard to 50 parts water.
但是不掺水的霍华德
But a glass of neat Howard...
是难吃而惹人厌的
that is unpalatable.
这就是我的故事
This is my story.
我是霍华德·麦卡勒姆
I'm Howard MacGregor.
我不合人类的胃口
and I am unfit for human consumption.
那换我的话可能会离开
Yeah, I'd probably just leave it, then.
正是如此
Is the correct answer.
但你不可能一辈子躲著她啊
You can't avoid her for ever.
机灵一点 再多吃点燕麦
With a little ingenuity and a large quantity of rolled oats,
我一定可以的
I think you'll find I can.
坎蒂丝或许会喜欢真实的霍华德
Candice might like the real Howard.
只有问她才知道
Only one way to find out.
我们把事情做完后
While we complete our work,
来看看这部关于二战破译员的电影吧
we will watch this movie about World War II code breakers.
还可以搭配著喝我抽奖抽中的葡萄酒
And we will drink this bottle of wine that I won in a raffle.
'有事请留言 不留也随便'
'Leave a message if that's cool, but whatever.'
金斯利 真♥他♥妈♥的要疯了
Hot cocking shit, Kingsley.
我简直是在和萨宾娜约会了
I think I'm hanging out with Sabine!
她居然让我和她一起喝抽奖中的葡萄酒
She's making me drink a bottle of wine that she won at a raffle!
十五分钟内给我电♥话♥ 就说有紧急状况
Look, just call me in 15 minutes with an emergency,
讲得逼真点儿
and make it convincing.
比如说我妈从车♥库♥顶摔下来了
Just... say my mum fell off the garage roof.
说别的啊
But not that,
这个我已经知道是假的了 表现不出惊讶
cos I know that now and I won't be surprised.
第一场现场演出呢
First gig?
是The Shins在穀物交易场的演出
The Shins at the Corn Exchange.
The Shins: 美国新墨西哥州的四人乐队 可以说是独♥立♥音乐领域中最成功的乐队之一
对啊 我还买♥♥了他们的T恤
And, yes, I bought a tour T-shirt.
套在身上穿著的T恤外面
and put it on over my existing T-shirt.
真傻♥逼♥啊
What a wanker.
他要被驱逐出境了
He's being deported.
他们要把他从一个安全舒适地方
They're taking him from somewhere nice
赶到一个恐怖危险的地方
and making him go somewhere horrible.
简直就是《郎心如铁》裡的狗血剧情
It's like a shit version of A Place In The Sun.
俄勒冈 我们又走回来了
Oregon, we're covering old ground.
之前我不明白 但现在明白了
I didn't get it before but now I do.
这是动真格的
This is for real.
不是尼玛什麽诗社或不明事理的凶残恶人
新生六居客（2011）
Fresh Meat
剧集 | 新生六居客（2011） | 导航列表