诸事不顺（2018）

Which is why I'm confident that
我们不只会到达火星和木星
not only will we reach Mars and Jupiter,
还会设法抵达天王星
but we will also manage to reach... Uranus.
白♥痴♥
Duh!
-总统夫人 请你听我说 -什么 史密斯特务？
-President, I need your attention. -What, Secret Agent Smith?
格伦普同奈星球的外星人 已经来到地球
Aliens from planet Gloptonia have landed on Earth.
数据显示他们在俄勒冈州的波林着陆
It appears they have touched down in Boring, Oregon.
波林？
Boring?
有谁会把城镇的名字取这样？
Who would name their town Boring?
没时间了 我们必须马上行动
There is no time. We must act now.
没错
You're right.
史密斯 我要你和所有特务都到现场
Smith, I want you and all my agents in the field, now!
老二
Penis!
天啊 这部电影烂死了
God, this movie sucks.
糖果1美元 汽水1美元
波洛格 我求求你不要丢下我去地球
Blorg, please do not leave me and go to Earth.
我爱你
I love you.
你为什么要离开我？
Why must you leave me?
拜托不要离开我
Please don't leave me.
我必须加入战友的行列 打败那些地球人 抢走干酪
I must join my comrades to defeat the Earthlings for their cheese.
永别了 我的爱
Farewell, my love.
也许只是暂别离 也许是永远
Perhaps for now, perhaps forever.
那些外星人在前面
The aliens are up ahead!
美人 你好啊
Greetings, fair one.
札琴达
Zarginda!
你在这里做什么？
What are you doing here?
那人类是谁？看来你们相处得很融洽
Who's the human? Seems you two got along well enough.
波洛格 不 不可能
Blorg! No, never.
我永远都不可能爱上地球人
I could never love an Earthling!
如果你爱上了地球人 我会把他们的星球炸成碎片
If you did, I'd blow their planet to bits!
-你最好记得这点 -小心
-You'd do well to remember that. -Look out!
我们正直直往B-13小行星带去
We're heading straight toward asteroid belt B-13!
大家都知道 那里的有毒气体会改变外表
Its poisonous gas has been known to have shape-shifting properties
而且只会影响男性
that work on males only!
天啊 我觉得好怪
Oh my, I feel strange.
我的外表变了吗？
Has my appearance changed?
-真有趣 -天啊 很棒 对吧？
-This is pretty fun. -Oh, my God, it's good, right?
有人想偷走土星五号♥火箭
Someone's stealing the Saturn Five rocket.
是 我阻止他了
It's him! Stop him!
我所做的一切都是为了爱
What I do, I do for love!
百战百胜
Victorious!
地球上的干酪贩子总有一天会后悔
Cheesemongers of Earth shall rue the day
是他们惹上了伟大的波洛格
they provoked the mighty Blorg.
为爱情与责任所困
Bound by duty and love,
我会说 你不像格伦普同奈人 你更像神
I say you're more god than Gloptonite.
真火热 麦奎德
So hot, McQuaid!
波洛格司令 我们在一艘废弃太空船中找到这人类
Commander Blorg, this human was found by an abandoned space pod.
谢谢你 维克斯 告诉我 人类
Thank you, Vakes. So, tell me, human.
是什么把你带到格伦普同奈星球？你这愚蠢的凡人
What brings you to Gloptonia, you mortal fool?
她
Her.
我是为了你的女人才来到这里 你这讨人厌的混♥蛋♥
You heard me, I'm here for your woman, you nasty-ass Muppet!
维克斯
Vakes!
我们一起离开这里 到地球上过着幸福快乐的日子吧
Let's leave this place and live happily ever after on Earth.
当然 不行 我不能让你这样做
Definitely. We can't...I... I can't make you do this.
你在地球上没办法存活 而我在这里没办法存活
You couldn't survive on Earth and I-I can't survive here.
我们都知道这一点
We both know it.
我也不想承认这件事 但我们不能选择自己是谁 札琴达
I didn't want to believe it, but we don't choose who we are, Zarginda.
我们属于不一样的世界
We belong in different worlds,
我们不能在一起让我心碎
and it breaks my heart we're not meant to be,
但爱着你 让我成为更好的人
but I'm better for loving you.
如果你能有一样的感觉 就算是百分之一
And if you even feel one percent the same way...
对我来说也已经足够
that's enough for me.
路克 你为什么没在看？
Luke, why aren't you watching?
我看了很多次了
I've seen it plenty of times.
所以你改变了结局
So, you changed the ending.
是在讲我们 对吧？
It's about us, isn't it?
你生气了吗？
Are you upset?
不 是生气的相反
No, I'm the opposite of upset.
我很喜欢 路克
I love it, Luke.
太好了
Cool.
我在二楼观众席看到我们的爸妈
And I saw our parents in the balcony.
真可爱
It's pretty cute.
如果你也看到我看到的画面 你就不会说可爱了
If you saw what I saw, you wouldn't be calling it cute.
想回去吗？
Wanna head back in?
好 反正也差不多结束了
Yeah, it's pretty much over.
那是朋友间的吻 我想说一下
And that was a friend-kiss, by the way.
我知道 凯特 我知道
I-I know, Kate. I-I know.
抓住他
Get him!
该死 史密斯特务
Damn you, Agent Smith!
蓝莓哥？
Yo, blueberry!
来对决吧
Let's jam.
剧终
路克欧尼尔执导
好啊 路克
Go, Luke!
我的天啊 那部电影超棒的
Holy crap, that movie was awesome!
-我们一定要再拍一部 -下次要拍法庭戏
-We've got to make another one. -A courtroom drama next time!
一定会很振奋人心
It'd be so exciting.
我们应该要拍一部意大利虐杀电影
We should make an Italian slasher movie.
不 最好是
No, as if.
伊曼琳
Hey.
你来啦
Hey.
-是给我的吗？-对
-That for me? -Yeah.
你想要
You wanna...
什么？
What?
跟我来
Come with me.
这蛋糕也太好吃了吧？
Oh, this cake is incredible.
你好
Hey.
你是麦奎德吗？
Are you McQuaid?
对 他就是麦奎德 我是泰勒
Yeah, yeah, he's McQuaid. And I'm Tyler.
你愿意在节目单上帮我签名吗？
Will you sign my program?
什么？为什么？
What? Why?
电影里你出现的部分最好笑
You were the funniest part of the movie.
好 我通常更能听懂别人的酸言酸语
Yeah, I'm usually much better at detecting sarcasm.
看到没？他超好笑的
See? He's so funny.
好了 我要进去了
Okay. I'm going in.
我来签吧 你们要吗？
I-I-I'll sign it, if you want.
你是怎么让西瓜爆♥炸♥的？
How did you make the watermelon explode?
基本上 我朋友泰勒把西瓜装满烟火
Well, basically, my friend Tyler filled this watermelon full of fireworks
接着点火就爆了
and then we just blew it up.
我是说
I mean, it was...
容我失陪好吗？谢谢你们来看电影
Can you give me one second? Thanks for coming.
-小家伙 -你们好
-Hey, little man. -Hi.
真的太精彩了 我好以你为荣
It was so good. I am just so proud of you.
谢谢你 妈妈
Oh, thanks, Mom.
太棒了 导演先生
Bravo, Mr. Director.
我想我们或许要让拍电影 变成波林高中的传统了
I think we may have to make the school movie a Boring High tradition.
谢谢
Thank you. Thank you.
所以 你们现在算是在交往吗？
So, are you guys like a thing?
你得理解 这很复杂
Oh, you have to understand. It's... it's complicated.
-算 -算
-Yes. -Yes.
太好了
Cool.
麦斯纳先生 你介意让我跟我妈妈独处吗？
Mr. Messner, could you give me a moment with my mom?
好
Yeah.
当然好了 我去跟其他人聊聊天
Sure, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get my mingle on.
抱歉
Sorry.
你想喝潘趣饮料吗？
You want some punch?
好 听起来不赖
Yeah. Sounds good.
我们要做什么？
What are we doing?
我能跟你跳舞吗 女士？
May I have this dance, madame?
抱歉我乱发脾气
I'm sorry I flipped out.
抱歉我没有告诉你
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
那他对你好吗？
So, is he good to you?