诸事不顺（2018）

Oh... No.
从没有
Never.
对 我一直都很乖
Huh. I was always very good.
我不是
I wasn't.
但我高中就怀了路克 这让我产生很大的变化
But I had Luke when I was in high school, and that straightened me out pretty quick.
你有没有遗憾没做过什么事？
Is there anything you wish you did?
像什么？
Like what
像是某些坏事
Like, something bad.
某些可能会让你惹上麻烦的事
Something that would get you in trouble.
没有
Mm. Not really.
我是说
I mean...
的确有一件
there is... there is one thing.
说说看
Tell me.
我一直都很想把厕纸丢上别人房♥子
I always wanted to throw toilet paper on a house.
你最好小声点 肯
You better keep it down, Ken.
你不会想要别人听到 你居然没有朝别人家丢过厕纸？
You do not want people to know that you have never TP'd a house?!
从没有
Never.
听起来真的很好玩
Just sounds like so much fun.
你有敌人吗？
Got any enemies?
再一次
Do that again!
他以前有喝过酒吗？
Has he ever had a drink before?
你真的了解你男友吗？
Do you even know your boyfriend?
好了 各位 我得到你们信任了吗？
All right, guys. I got your trust now?
你们想不想拍电影了呢？因为听好 没问题的
Do you want to make this movie? 'Cause hey, it's all good.
不 还没呢
No, no, no. Not quite yet.
不如趁我们考虑的时候再喝一杯吧？
How about have another while we think about it?
喝 喝 喝 喝 喝
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
那好吧
All righty then!
喝 喝 喝 喝
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
麦斯纳先生
Mr. Messner!
我是迪伦 迪伦巴克
Dylan. Dylan Barker.
1991年毕业班？
Class of '91?
你好 迪伦
Uh, hi, Dylan.
夏敏牌 很好 品质一流
Charmin. Nice. Quality wipes.
当然要双层的
Two-ply, for sure.
一定要买♥♥双层的 不然我们还是人吗？
Always two-ply. I mean, what are we, animals
麦斯纳先生 你介意我说点话吗？
Hey, Mr. M, you mind me saying something?
当然不介意 迪伦 怎么了？
Of course not, Dylan. What?
只是 我以前在学校很叛逆
It's just that, all those times I f'd up in school.
以前我本来该被退学的时候
All those times I should have been expelled,
你让我好好坐下来 然后跟我谈那些废话？
and you sat me down and talked straight shit.
-你不用讲那些啦 -我以前是蠢蛋
-You don't have to get into any of that. -I was a dumb-ass.
很多跟你一样职位的人早就赶走我了
Most people in your position would've bounced me,
但你花了时间
but you took the time.
你好好跟我谈 如果不是你 我一定毕不了业
You talked me through it. I wouldn't have graduated if not for you.
看看现在的我
And look at me now.
我不是想要讽刺
And I'm not being ironic.
在我看来 现在在做热狗面包和扫厕所的人
The way I see it, one day you're slinging hot dogs and butt wipes,
之后可能就是这里的老大
and the next day, you run the place.
那都是多亏了你
That's because of you.
谢谢你 迪伦
Well, thank you, Dylan.
不 是我要谢谢你 麦斯纳先生
No. Thank you, Mr. M.
我该付你多少钱？
How much do I owe you?
天啊 你改变了迪伦巴克的人生 麦斯纳先生
Wow. You kinda changed Dylan Barker's life, Mr. M.
没有啦
No.
不 就是这样
Yeah, you did.
激励这些学生 激励他们走上正轨
You motivate those kids. Motivate them to get their lives in order.
应该吧
I suppose.
而我却在激励别人收起餐桌
While I motivate people to, um, stow their tray tables
将椅背立起来
and put their seats in the upright position.
不 你不只有做这些
No, you do more than that.
你还会给他们花生 那些小包装可是很难打开的
You hand out peanuts. And those little bags that are impossible to open.
抱歉 不 我 我只是
Sorry. No, I... I'm just...
没关系啦 我觉得这样很贴心
It's okay. I just think it's pretty sweet.
准备好了吗？
You ready?
当然好了
Hell, yeah.
一 二 三
One, two, three.
拜托
Hey!
肯？
Ken?
肯？
Ken!
我看到你的车了
I can see your car.
糟糕
Oh!
有没有搞错？
Seriously?
真成熟啊
Very mature!
我听得到你的声音
I can hear you!
我要去睡了
I'm going to sleep.
明天早上前最好给我清理完毕 不然你走着瞧
This had better be gone in the morning, or so help me...
那个
So...
我们约过几次会
we went out a few times.
所有的外星人都有蓝脸
And the aliens will have blue faces!
现在我知道大家都在想 "路克 外星人是绿色才对"
Now, I know what everybody's thinking, "Luke, aliens are always green!"
我们的可不是 我们的外星人是蓝色
Not ours! Ours will be blue.
我们要在多明尼格斯岩石区拍摄
Oh, and we'll shoot it at Dominguez Rocks!
多明尼格斯岩石区是什么？
And what is Dominguez Rocks?
你没去过多明尼格斯岩石区？
You've never been to Dominguez Rocks?
我也没去过 那在加州 但我房♥间有一张海报
Neither have I. It's in California. I have a poster of it in my room!
很多科幻电影的场景都在那拍摄的
It's been in so many classic sci-fi flicks.
那些石头很多颜色
It's these rocks. They're all colorful and stuff.
看起来就像另一个星球
And it totally looks like another planet. Mm-hmm.
等等 我有话要说 好吗？
Oh, wait. I have an announcement. I have an announcement, okay?
我想献给一位特别的人 那就是我女朋友 凯特
I wanna give it up to one special person and that is my girlfriend Kate.
是她帮我想到这整个主意
She helped me come up with this entire thing.
我女朋友最棒了
My girlfriend is the greatest!
大家为凯特鼓掌 各位
Give it up for Kate, everybody.
我还要再一瓶水果气泡酒
I want another Zima.
跟我来
Come with me.
太好了 水果气泡酒
Yes! Whoo! Zima. Whoo!
大家一起唱
Everybody sing along.
你认识这孩子多久了？
How long you known this kid?
路克？
Luke?
差不多一辈子了吧
Um, pretty much forever.
他是怎样的演员？
What's his deal?
怎样的演员？
H-His deal?
对 怎样的演员 迈斯纳那种吗？
Yeah, his deal. Is he Meisner?
还是斯坦尼斯拉夫斯基？快说
Is he Stanislavsky? Come on.
两者都像吧？再混一点凯文史密斯
Um, a lil-- a little bit of both. With some Kevin Smith mixed in.
-很好 -是啊
-Nice. -Yeah.
我们今年夏天拍了一部电影《王牌威龙和肉汁寺庙》
We made a movie this summer: Ace Ventura and the Temple of Gravy.
-拍得很好 -听起来很蠢
-It was good. -It sounds stupid.
主角是谁演的？
Who was Ace?
-其实是我 -你？
-I played him, actually. -You?
所以你喜欢金凯瑞？
So, then you like Jim Carrey?
他还算可以吧
He's okay.
金凯瑞是我们这时代最被低估的演员
Jim Carrey is the most underrated actor of our time.
对 没错 就是这样 他应该赢奥斯卡的
Oh, y-yeah. I mean, totally. He should-- He should win an Oscar.
不 他会得的
No, he will.
你觉得他不会得？
You think he won't?
-不 我觉得他应该得 -他会的
-No, no, no, no, I-I think he should. -He will.
再说一次你叫什么名字？
Which one are you, again?
泰勒？
Tyler?
不行
No.
不能这样说
Don't throw it away like that.
是你的名字 你独一无二的名字
It's your name. You only get one of them.
其实我名字有四个 泰勒艾德华蓝道夫包温
Actually, I have four. Tyler Edward Randolph Bowen.
那就说出口
So, then say it!
泰勒
Tyler!
我们再努力吧
We'll work on it.
好了
Whoo, whoo! All right!
有人要玩转瓶子吗？
Spin the bottle, anyone?
今天超开心的
Tonight was a blast.
是啊 我觉得是我这辈子 最开心的一个晚上