诸事不顺（2018）

波林高中 海狸之家
学生自治会 快来报名竞选
欢迎来到俄勒冈州 波林
约凯特麦斯纳出来的方法
诸事不顺
第一季 第一集
早安 波林高中 我是洁西卡贝兹
Good morning, BHS. I'm Jessica Betts.
我是史考特帕奇
And I'm Scott Pocket.
以下是今天的晨报 日期是1996年9月27日 星期五
And here are your announcements for Friday, September 27, 1996.
你在说笑吗？新的《星球大战》一定会超好看
The new Star Wars movies are gonna be awesome.
那不是新出的 他们要用数码的戏服毁了一切
They're not new. They're just ruining the originals with digital garb.
随便啦 反正一定会很酷炫 火字旁的炫
Whatever. They're gonna be Phat, Ph.
谢谢你解释给我听 不然我都不知道这个字怎么写
Well, gee, thanks for clarifying. I thought you meant obese.
-快走 两位 我们迟到了 -我们在等你 你才迟到了
-Let's go, gentlemen, we're late. -We were waiting for you. You're late.
你知道视听社在选修课程中 是最低级的吧？
Luke, you do realize that A/V Club is the lowliest of electives?
比合唱团还低 比气象社还低
It's beneath choir. It's beneath weather club.
他们应该将合唱团跟气象社结合 就变成气象合唱团了
They should combine choir and weather club. Weather choir.
多云或有偶阵雨
Cloudy with a chance of rain
各位 我们现在是在高中 我们要找到同路人
Guys, we're in high school now. We gotta find our people.
只能从我们熟悉的领域下手了
We might as well start with something we know.
就是视听社了
That's A/V club.
对啊 等到他们看过我们的电影 就会有挑不完的妹子了
Yeah. Once they see one of our movies, the ladies will come flocking.
我跟你保证 这扇门后一个女生都没有
I promise you, there isn't a single female behind those doors.
气象合唱团就会有 只是说说而已
There'd be ladies in weather choir. Just saying.
记得带一段独白 好好表现 同志们
Be sure to bring a monologue and break a leg, comrades.
没错
That's right.
麦斯纳校长在此
Principal Messner here.
祝各位有个愉快的周五
Wishing you a happy Friday.
谢谢各位回到学校的第一个礼拜 就这么活力充沛
And thanking you for a spirit-filled first week back at school.
各位新人 我等不及要认识你们了
And for all you freshman out there, I can't wait to get to know ya.
总之我们即将有个很精彩的开始 让我们保持下去吧
Anyway, we're off to a super start, so let's keep it up.
现场交还给你们 洁西卡和史考特
Back to you, Jessica and Scott.
谢谢你 麦斯纳校长
Thank you, Principal Messner.
今天的午餐是玉米粉裹热狗和薯块
For lunch today, corn dogs and tater tots.
你喜欢玉米粉裹热狗吗 洁西卡贝兹？
Do you like corn dogs, Jessica Betts?
不喜欢 接着是世界新闻 克♥林♥顿♥总统签署了捍卫婚姻法案
No. In world news, President Clinton has signed the Defensive of Marriage Act,
将婚姻定义成 一名男性与一名女性的结合
defining marriage as one man and one woman.
这样真可惜 因为我本想娶一个墨西哥卷饼
Well, that's a shame because I was gonna marry a burrito...
-一号♥摄影机怎么了？-洁西贝
-What's with camera one? -...Jessie B.
凯特麦斯纳 一号♥摄影机对焦
Kate Messner, camera one, focus.
还有一则世界新闻 祝肉卷生日快乐
Also, a world new. Happy birthday, Meatloaf.
-这名歌♥手今天49岁生日 -快点对焦
-The singer turns 49 today. -Come on, focus.
-做得好 -我在试了
-Good job. -I'm trying.
我在试了
I'm trying...
救命
Oh, help, help, help, help, help.
希望按对钮
That's it, I hope.
我真的不知道要怎么做
I don't even know how to do this.
-别碰了 -救命
-Stop touching it. -Help, help, help!
不 救命
Help, help!
救命
Help, help, help!
干
Fuck!
以上是今天的晨报 祝波林的各位有个美好的一天
And those are your morning announcements. Have a Boring day.
真是一场大灾难
That was a disaster.
实在太棒了
That was awesome.
我们要去哪里报名？
Where do we sign up?
开学才第一个礼拜 破事就已经发生了
The first week of school and the shit's already gone to shit.
欢迎来到视听社 新人们
Welcome to A/V club, freshman.
你好
Hi.
你好
Hi.
看来我们要变成合作伙伴了
It looks like we're gonna be partners.
刚刚史达格鲁夫先生跟我说了 我明天开始负责三号♥摄影机
According to Mr. Stargrove, I'm camera three starting tomorrow, so...
很好
Great.
很好
Great.
有问题吗？
Having trouble?
我没事 谢谢
I'm good, thanks.
这些456型号♥的摄影机都不太好用
Well, these 456s are janky.
你确定我帮不上忙吗？
You sure I can't help?
可以麻烦你站过来吗？
Can you actually stand over there, please?
谢谢你
Thanks.
那个
Huh...
你失焦了
you're out of focus.
我知道
I know.
我正想解决这问题
I'm trying to fix that.
那今天算你幸运
Well, it's your lucky day.
我正好知道要怎么解决
I, uh, I know exactly how to fix this.
是吗？
You do?
对
Yeah.
那问题在哪？
What's wrong with it?
镜头上有脏污 所以自动对焦就卡住了
Well, there's gunk on the lens. Makes the auto-focus get stuck.
但我家有工具
But I have tools at home.
我可以把这台摄影机借回家吗？
Can I check this out or something?
你是新人吗？
Are you a freshman?
严格来说是
Technically.
新人不能借设备
Freshman can't check out gear.
也对
Right.
那也许你可以借了 然后来我家检查看看
Well, maybe you can check it out and come over to my place.
我不知道 如果你有空的话
Or I don't know, if you're not doing anything.
好啊 可以啊 没问题
Um, yeah, all right, cool beans.
好 那很酷
Uh... cool as beans.
抱歉 说了蠢话 我是路克
Sorry, that was stupid. I'm Luke.
顺带一提 全名是路克欧尼尔
Luke O'Neil, by the way.
凯特
Kate.
"该死 吉娜" 你怎么办到的？
Damn, Gina, how'd you do that?
我做了什么？
How'd I do what?
跟女生说话
Ta-- talk to a girl.
我不知道 就刚好说到话了
Uh, mm, I don't know. Just happened, I guess.
她放学后要来我家
She's coming over after school.
她怎样？等一下 你不觉得我们应该讨论一下吗？
She's what? Wait a minute. Don't you think we should discuss this?
-为什么？-因为她高二
-Why? -Cause she's a sophomore.
所以呢？
So?
吓死我的毛 老女人呢
Holy snikies, older woman.
你省着点 罗蜜欧
Hey, easy there, Romeo.
你这是在玩钚
You are tampering with plutonium.
钚？
Plutonium?
刚刚跟你说话的学生是凯特麦斯纳
That student you were just talking to, that's Kate Messner.
是麦斯纳先生的女儿
All right? That's Mr. Messner's daughter.
你再说一次是谁？
Who's that again?
麦斯纳先生 校长啊
Mr. Messner, the principal.
万事小心
Proceed with caution.
-校长的女儿 -采取行动？
-The principal's daughter. -Proceed?
纳森先生
Mr. Knudsen!
没错 小纳纳 今晚要得点分吗？
Yeah, Knudie. We gonna put some points on the board tonight?
我看不太可能
I wouldn't bet on it.
那我希望 你今天午餐有带不后悔三明治
Well, I hope you brought a crow sandwich for lunch,
因为你 凯特
'cause you're gonna-- Kate!
亲爱的 是不是很酷？
Hey, sweetie, was that cool or what?
我一定要再多上几次晨报
I gotta be on the announcements more often.
-爸？-怎样？
-Dad? -Yeah?
我们今年可以订新规定吗？
Can we make a new rule this year?
当然可以 我洗耳恭听
Of course, I'm all ears.
你可以不要在学校跟我说话吗？
Can you not talk to me while I'm at school?
假装我是其他普通的学生
Like, pretend I'm any other student.
就像我不存在一样
Like I don't exist.
好吧 可以 如果这是你想要的 那我想
Uh, okay, yeah. If that's what you'd prefer, I suppose--
就是我要的
It is.
再见
Bye.
那祝你接下来的一天都顺心喔
Well, have a great rest of your day.
对不起
I'm sorry.
好了 去上课吧
All right, get to class.
你好啊
Yo, D.
不会吧
No way.
你疯了 路克 处理一下
You're out of your mind! Luke, settle this.
处理什么？