诸事不顺（2018）

天啊 不要
Oh, God! No!
把他抓好
Hold him still.
让我走
Let me go!
我真的必须快点去厕所
Guys, I really need to go to the bathroom really, really badly.
我觉得这样很不尊重人
I find this very disrespectful.
天啊
Oh, God!
诸事不顺
第一季 第四集
你们看起来超美的
You all look so beautiful.
你们有什么病？
What is wrong with you people?
至少听听他要说什么吧？你们都知道他是导演
At least listen to what he has to say. He's a director, you know.
水果气泡酒？
Zima?
好吧 很好
All right. Nice.
我在想 是我们在想
So, I was thinking. Well... we were thinking.
最近发生的倒霉事
Maybe all of the unfortunate things that have happened recently
说不定都是好事
are actually good things.
我无意冒犯 但你们为什么要重复排练一部戏
No offense, but why spend all this time rehearsing a play
人们却只能看一次呢？
that people can only watch once?
你们真的对那么多演员
Are you that excited to play parts
演过上千次的角色感到有兴趣吗？
that thousands of actors have already played?
还有《凡尼亚舅舅》有点逊
Also, Uncle Vanya kinda sucks.
-我要亲手宰了他 -冷静
-I'm killing him myself. -Chill.
我提议让视听社和戏剧社联手
I propose... I propose that A/V club and drama club join forces.
我们会拍一部你们主演的电影
We make a movie that you guys star in.
-能播映给整座小镇看 -才怪
-We can screen it for the whole town. -Yeah, Right.
你们看过他拍的音乐录像带吗？超级丢脸的
You guys saw the music video he made? It was embarrassing.
那是因为我们三个人是糟糕的演员
Well, that's because the three of us, we're terrible actors.
现在有了真正的演员 就能创作一些很酷的作品
If we had real actors, we could make something cool.
我是说与众不同的作品 这座小镇从没见过的东西
I mean, something unique. Something this town has never seen before.
主题是什么？
What's it about?
什么？
What?
你说的他妈的烂电影
The movie, o-ass-is.
是怎样的内容？
What's it about?
内容很多 好吗？我是说现在很难马上解释清楚
Oh, um, lots of things, right? I mean, hard to explain it right now--
说给我们听听
Indulge us.
放轻松就好
Just relax.
只要做自己就好 大家都喜欢你
Be yourself. People like you.
谢谢
Grazie!
谢谢
Thank you.
-我喜欢这里 -你有去过意大利吗？
-I just love this place. -Have you ever been to Italy？
并没有
Oh, no.
我想去 你有去过吗？
I wish. Have you?
事实上我有去过 做这一行的好处
I have, yeah. Actually, um, perks of the trade.
我希望有天能带路克一起去
I'd love to take Luke one day.
是啊 等他出了监狱之后 对吧？
Yeah, once he's out of the jailhouse, right?
监狱？
The jailhouse?
我直接假设他被禁足了
I just assume he's grounded.
如果凯特做了他做的事 她会被禁足一个月 或者两个月
If Kate had done what he did, she'd be grounded for a month, maybe two.
你真是个严格的人
Well, you're a disciplinarian.
我也不喜欢扮黑脸 但有时这就是我的职责
I don't like being the bad guy, but sometimes that's the job.
天啊 太好了
Oh! Molto bene!
是啊 但我想让路克 觉得我们是一国的
Yeah, but I just like Luke to feel like we're a team, you know?
你懂我意思吗？他能像朋友一样信任我
Like he can trust me as a friend.
那他知道你今晚跟校长约会吗？
Does he know you're out with the principal tonight?
不知道
No.
但关于我跟男性的来往 我还是保有一些隐私
But I'm a little more private when it comes to my interactions with men.
不 不是说我很常跟别人约会
No, not that I go on a bunch of dates.
听到这点让我很吃惊
Oh, I'm surprised to hear that.
很不幸地 我得到的关注 大部分都来自头等舱的客人
Unfortunately, most of the attention I get comes from passengers in first class,
喝几杯酒后 就问我想不想加入高空爽俱乐部
a couple drinks in, wondering if I'd like to go to the mile-high club.
跟我想像的恋爱不太一样
Not exactly my idea of romance.
是啊 天啊 那真是
Yeah. Gosh, yeah. That's...
对了 酒来了 我们该敬个酒
Hey! We have wine. We should cheers.
没错 那该敬什么呢？
Yeah! What should we cheers to?
敬路克和凯特
To Luke and Kate.
敬路克和凯特
Luke and Kate.
你刚刚说到高空爽俱乐部 对吧？
So, mile-high club, huh?
是啊
Yeah.
那是什么？飞行时常常发生吗？
What is that? Is that a frequent flier thing?
就算场景是定在未来
And so, even though it's gonna be set in the future,
感觉会像是
it's gonna feel like a...
就像1950年代的那种糟糕的科幻电影
like a bad science fiction movie from the 1950s.
我知道你们在想什么
And I know what you're thinking,
"我们要拍糟糕的电影？"
that we're gonna make a deliberately bad movie.
不 而是会像不小心拍烂的那种
No. It's gonna be, like, accidentally bad.
那主题到底是什么？
What's it about?
-我快说到了 -好
-I'm getting to that. -Okay.
给你们十秒钟 不然就来第二轮
Ten seconds or it's round two.
把他们的阴毛都剃光吧
Let's shave their pubes.
-路克 快想想 -我在试了
-Think of something. -I'm trying.
-七 六 五 四 -但我 我要怎么
-Seven, six, five, four... -Well, um, I'm-- how am I suppos--
-这很复杂 很难懂 -三 二
-It's very complicated, intricate. -...three, two...
-我不知道 -是外星人入侵的电影
-I don't know. -It's an alien invasion movie.
没错
Totally.
对 没错 外星人入侵 就像《ID4星际终结者》
Totally. Yeah. Alien invasion. Like, um... Independence Day.
对 还有超级神秘的热心太空人
Right. And there's this super-secret service-type, astronaut guy.
他必须拯救美国总统
And he has to save the President of the United States.
那总统给谁演？
Who plays the President?
给女生演
Um, a woman.
-总统是女生 -好的
-The President's a woman. -Okay.
他不能只是拯救她 他还要拯救所有人不被外星人杀害
And he doesn't just save her, though. He has to save everyone from the aliens.
最后还有很大的宇宙战争场面 中间有一个比较小的
There's this big space battle at the end. And a smaller one in the middle.
还会有个坏蛋 太空司令
Ooh! And there's this bad guy space commander dude.
真的很复杂 而且还是三次元的 奥利佛
It's like really complex and three-dimensional, Oliver.
-他会死吗？-不会吧？
-Does he die? -No?
-他应该要死 -好啊 太好了 就死吧
-He should die. -Okay, great. He dies.
烂透了
Barf!
对我来说 听起来就像另一部愚蠢的动作片
Sounds like another stupid action movie to me.
还有一件事情
Well, there's one more thing.
我们的男主角 尽管他想要 拯救所有人类不被外星人杀害
Our hero, even though he wants to save all of humanity from the aliens,
但他办不到
he can't...
因为他恋爱了
because he's in love.
跟其中一个外星人恋爱
With one of the aliens.
尽管这部片有着科幻的外表 但
So, even though it has this sci-fi look, really--
其实这是爱情故事
It's a love story...
太空爱情故事
in space.
就像《罗密欧与茱莉叶》
It's like, uh... like Romeo and Juliet,
只是他们没死
just except they don't die.
他们从此幸福快乐
They live happily ever after.
听起来很有规划 但空谈很容易
Well, sounds ambitious, but talk is cheap.
我要怎么知道你们有能力拍出来？
How do I know that you are going to be able to pull this off?
你没办法知道
You don't.
我想你只能相信我
I guess you'll have to trust me.
是的 我相信你
Yes, I would.
但我不相信没跟我喝过酒的人
But I don't trust anyone I haven't had a drink with.
喝吧
Start drinking.
-天啊 -每一滴都很重要
-Oh, boy. -Every last drop counts.
喝完啦
And... fini!
我能承认一件事吗？
Can I admit one thing?
好 但只能一件
Okay, but just one.
听着 我知道路克承认的事情很糟糕
Look, I know that what Luke confessed to was bad,
但 他惹上麻烦还让我蛮以他为荣的
but, um... I was kinda proud of him for getting in trouble.
-真是前所未闻 -对 孩子们就得捣乱一下 对吧？
-That's a new one. -Yeah. Kids need to mess up, right?
能让性格成长 也能学到教训
It builds character. It teaches lessons.
身为波林高中的校长 我
As the Principal of Boring High, I--
我的职位让我不同意你的看法
Well, my position is I disagree.
但身为人类
But as a human being...
我完全同意
absolutely.
-谢谢你 -没错
-Thank you. -Yes!
我敢说你小时候一定没惹过麻烦
I bet you never got in trouble when you were a kid.
没有