诸事不顺（2018）

"我将狠狠打败你"
And I will strike down upon thee--
"再见 格佛角和爸爸 妈妈"
Goodbye, Grover's Corners and Mama and Papa.
"我发布了红色警戒吗？"
Did I order the code red?
"我将怀着巨大的仇恨 和极致的愤怒"
With great vengeance and furious anger.
"该死的 我当然发布了"
You're goddamn right I did!
"我是来埋葬凯萨 而不是来称颂他的"
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
"你会知道我的名字就是耶♥和♥华♥"
And you will know my name is the Lord!
"世上有任何人活着时 就真正了解生命的真理吗？"
Do any human beings truly realize life while they live it?
"他们也许能夺走我们的生命
They may take our lives.
-但他们绝对夺不走我们的自♥由♥" -下一个
-They will never take our freedom! -Next.
好了 泰勒包温来了 你有什么本事 兄弟？
All right, Tyler Bowen in the house! What you got for us, man?
我没有准备什么场景来演
Well, well, I don't have a scene, exactly.
但是我记得一支广♥告♥
Um, but I memorized a commercial.
我口条不是很好 你也知道
I'm not the best reader, as you know.
抱歉 泰勒 只是 我们都要念一段场景
Sorry, Tyler, it's just we kinda need to see a scene.
谁说的？
Says who?
上吧 王牌 让我们大开眼界吧
Go on, Ace, wow us.
你有湿疹 牛皮癣 或者抓痒抓到皮屑满天飞吗？
Do you suffer from eczema, psoriasis or just itchy-flaky skin?
那就停下你手边的动作 好好听我说话
Then stop what you're doing and listen to this!
让你又干又粗的皮肤成为历史
Make your scaly epidermis a thing of the past
请用这条由美国食品药物局认证 完美无瑕的乳霜
with the new FDA-approved Immaculate-Max skin cream.
跟长袖说再见 快乐迎接阳光吧
Say goodbye to long sleeves and hello, sunshine.
担任皮肤保养专家多年
In all my years as a skin care specialist,
我从没见过这么便宜又好用的商品
I've never been impressed by a product this cheap.
真是有如奇迹般的乳霜
It's a miracle cream.
连老天都会说好用的奇迹乳霜
It's an honest-to-God miracle cream.
雪莉欧尼尔
你好 这里是雪莉
Hello, you've reached Sherry...
和路克的家
...and Luke.
我们现在没空 请留下消息 我们会回电给你
We're not available at the moment. Leave a message and we'll call you back.
对吧？对 如果我们开心的话
Right? Right. If we feel like it.
而我们会很开心的 除非你是怪咖
Which we will. Unless you're a weirdo.
祝你有美好的一天
Have a great day!
你好 这里是雪莉
Hello, you've reached Sherry...
和路克的家
...and Luke.
我们现在没空 请留下消息 我们会回电给你
We're not available at the moment. Leave a message and we'll call you back.
出演名单
我是二号♥外星人
I'm Alien Number Two.
我是二号♥外星人
I'm Alien Number Two.
借过 抱歉 该我看了
Excuse me, sorry, my turn.
-"札金打"是什么鬼？-札琴达 你念错了
-What the hell's a "Zarginda"? -Zarginda... "ginda."
-那角色很好 是女主角 -是吗？
-It's a good part. The female lead. -Oh, yeah?
她穿怎样的衣服？
What's she wear?
我女友 凯特负责服装
Kate my girlfriend is actually in charge of the costumes.
那个穿宽牛仔裤和上衣的女孩？
Miss baggy jeans and T-shirt?
不 我可不想
No, no, I don't think so.
你男友路克说你负责电影服装
Your boyfriend says you're doing costumes for the movie,
说实话我不知道该作何感想
and honestly, I don't know how I feel about that.
是吗？
I am?
我是说 对啊 没错
I mean, yeah, I am.
对 我们还没讨论过细节
Yep, um, we haven't really discussed the details yet.
我不会让你把我打扮得像个书呆子 好吗？
I'm not letting you dress me like a dork, okay?
好 没问题 知道了
Um, yeah, o-okay. Got it.
你现在要干嘛？
What are you doing right now?
或许外星人可以参加迪斯可之夜 那我就穿这件
Maybe the aliens can go to a disco night, and I wear this.
我们应该要等到剧本出来
We should probably wait to see what the script says.
我要试穿
I'm trying it on.
好 既然你有男友了
So, now that you have a boyfriend,
我想你的衣柜 应该也准备大翻新了吧？
I'm assuming a new wardrobe is on the agenda?
为什么？
Why?
这样想好了 上周你还只是麦斯纳校长的小孩
Think of it this way, last week you were just Principal Messner's kid.
根本没办法交到男友
Completely undateable.
但现在你跟路克在一起 我想所有男生都会想
Now that you're with Luke, I bet all the guys are like,
"也许我也能办到
"Maybe I could hit that.
也许我该这样做"
Maybe I should."
你要进来吗？
Are you coming in?
那我该穿怎么样的衣服？
Um, so, how should I dress, then?
全世界都会根据你的外表 评断你是谁 你想要什么
Your appearance tells the world who you are and what you want.
至于我的话 就是让男的硬起来
Speaking for myself, the goal is boners.
好恶心
Gross.
如果男生光看到我就硬了 我就赢了
If I can make a guy hard just by looking at me, I win.
这就是力量
That's power.
那或许我不需要男生因为我而硬 而感到开心
Well, maybe I don't need guys getting boners about me just to be happy.
我好讨厌大胸部 穿什么都不好看
Ugh, I hate having big boobs. Everything just falls off of me.
来 穿穿看 你没有胸部 穿起来会很好看
Here, try it on. You have no tits, it'll look great on you.
天啊 多谢了
Gee, thanks.
不 我是用称赞的语气说的
No, I meant that as a compliment.
你又瘦又高 真讨厌
You're so skinny and tall. I hate it.
来吧
Come on.
来
Here.
少了点什么
Something's missing.
我知道了
I got it.
看到没？你看起来好辣
See? You look hot.
-不 才没有 -有 很辣
-No, I don't. -Yes, you do.
我就会硬
I'd bone ya.
不管怎样 人们都有怪异之处
Either way, people are weird.
关键是要找到跟你一样怪的人
The key is finding the weird that goes with your weird.
能配上你樱桃的干酪
The cheese for your cherry.
我那时候带雪莉去看《闪亮的马鞍》
Like when I took Sherry to Blazing Saddles.
要知道那部电影不是人人都喜欢
Now that movie is not for everybody.
当蒙戈揍那只马的时候
When Mongo punched the horse,
亲爱的雪莉笑得不可自拔
Sherry baby laughed so hard,
甚至连汽水都从鼻子喷到地板上
soda came out of her nose onto the floor.
我发誓我还赔了4美元
I lost four bucks worth of concessions.
有些人可能会说这是个糟糕的约会
Some people, they might say that's a bad date,
但对我来说
but for me...
没有比这更好的约会了
it doesn't get any better.
我该怎么称呼你？
What do I call you, huh?
麦斯纳校长
Principal Messner.
麦斯纳先生
Mr. Messner.
肯麦斯纳 麦斯纳校长 麦斯纳先生 爸
Ken Messner. Principal Messner. Mr. Messner. Dad.
-你好 麦斯纳先生 -路克 快进来 小兄弟
-Hey, Mr. Messner. -Luke. Come on in, pal.
谢谢你 基本上我还在想
Thank you. I'm still trying to decide
要去读纽约或是洛杉矶的电影学校
if I want to go to film school in New York or Los Angeles.
这可能取决于凯特想要去哪一间
That might be dictated by wherever Kate decides to go.
如果我们还能待在一起是好事
It'd be nice if we were in the same area,
但如果说有谁能熬过远距离恋爱
but, hey, if anybody's gonna survive a long distance relationship,
我一定会赌我和凯特 因为她就是配我樱桃的干酪
I'd put my money on me and Kate, 'cause she's the cheese for my cherry.
抱歉 什么？
I'm sorry, the what?
天啊
Wow.
-怎样？-这洋装真好看
-What? -What a lovely dress.
你看起来很美
You look amazing.
好了 爸 不要再盯着我看了
Okay, Dad, you can stop staring now.
-抱歉 -好
-Sorry. -Uh, yeah.
-好吧 -我 我不知道
-All right. -I was, I don't know.
-谢谢你们 -我在 我 我才没盯着看
-Thank you. -I was doning... I was, I wasn't staring.
希望你别介意
I hope you don't mind.
凯特应该说过了 我厨艺不是很好
I'm not much of a chef, as Kate will tell you.
不 没关系 我喜欢中式餐点
No, it's no problem. I love Chinese food.
所以 路克
So, Luke.
-你妈妈还好吗？-很好
-How's your mom? -Good.
她明天从法兰克福之类的地方回来
She's coming back from Frankfurt or something like that tomorrow.
-法兰克福 -对
-Frankfurt. -Yeah.
很好 很棒
Good. Gut.
对了 说到你妈妈
You know, s-speaking of your mom,
我之前跟她见面时 记得你们两个关系很好
when I met her, I got the impression you two were very close.
对 觉得我们是一国的
Yeah. We kinda have to be. It's like a team.
我们也感同身受 对吧 亲爱的？
Well, we understand that. Right, sweetie?
抱歉 洋装让我好痒
Sorry. The dress, it's itchy.
所以 你们那一国有出现其他人吗？
So, is there ever a third member of this team?
别人？其他人？
Someone, anyone?