诸事不顺（2018）

Settle what?
这首荒谬的歌♥ "赢了乐透然后隔天就死亡"？
That ridiculous song. Winning the lottery and dying the next day?
那人都已经98岁了
The subject is 98 years old.
98岁的时候死亡哪里讽刺？
There's nothing ironic about dying at 98.
"在婚礼那天下雨"？
Rain on your wedding day?
讽刺的地方 就在于他们选择在那天结婚
It's ironic because they chose that day to get married!
那他们就是白♥痴♥ 根本就是天作之合
Well, then, they're morons, and they deserve each other!
他们都不看未来五天的天气预报吗？
Do these people not have five
艾拉妮丝莫莉塞特 到底是住在怎样的童话世界？
What kind of fairy tale world does Alanis Morissette live in?
加拿大
Canada!
-可以吃一点薯片吗？-可以
-Can I have a chip? -Oh, yeah.
谢啦
Thank you.
-要忍♥受四年 -现在才第一周 会变好的
-Four years of this. -It's week one. It'll get better.
往好一点的地方想 麦奎德
Look on the bright side, McQuaid.
我表亲里斯说高中生都会上♥床♥
My cousin Reese says everyone has sex in high school.
就连书呆子也一样 书呆子彼此会上♥床♥
Even nerds, like, with each other.
根据我的计算 我有2%的概率在高三时跟人上♥床♥
According to my calculations, there's a 2% chance I get laid by senior year.
蛮让人宽心的 这样比较没压力
Kinda comforting, truthfully. Takes the pressure off.
-你有帮我算吗？-好一点 但也没好多少
-Did you run my number? -Better. Not by much.
那路克呢？有女生要去他家了
What about Luke? A girl is going to his house!
-算是约会了 -这才不是约会 我只是要帮她修摄影机
-It's practically a date. -It's not a date. I'm fixing her camera.
-你低估了这情况代表的意思 -没错
-You are underestimating the implications. -Truth.
而且只有我 担心史达格鲁夫先生今早说的话吗？
Also, am I the only one concerned by what Mr. Stargrove said?
他只是在闹我们 她是校长的女儿又怎样？
He was just messing with us. She's the principal's daughter. So what?
他将她比喻成 地球上最危险的放射性物质
He compared her to the most dangerous radioactive material on the planet.
就算只是跟校长的女儿做朋友 就像在脸上喷漆变成目标
Even befriending the principal's daughter is like painting a target on your face.
连我跟泰勒也会受到牵连
And mine and Tyler's by association.
我是说 看看我们 情况已经够糟了
I mean, look at us, it's bad enough.
是啊 你觉得呢 泰勒？
Yeah. What do you think, Tyler?
她看起来很酷 但她是高二生
She seems cool. But she is a sophomore.
"抱最大的希望 做最坏的打算"
High hopes, low expectations.
我继父总是这样说
That's what my step dad always says.
但话说回来 他不过是个 用疯子之名替狗命名的酒鬼
Then again, he's an unemployed alcoholic who named his dog after a psychopath.
-查尔斯曼森还好吗？-一直放屁
-How is Charles Manson? -Oh, farts a lot.
你们说得对 我们有什么好聊的？
You guys are right. What are we even talking about?
-说不定她根本不记得我的名字 -路克
-She probably doesn't remember my name. -Hey, Luke.
很好 我是说 你好
Good. Good, I mean... hey.
-放学后约在旗杆那吗？-好
-Meet by the flagpole after school? -Y-y-yeah.
到时候见
See you then.
钚
Plutonium.
你觉得我是荡♥妇♥？
You think I'm some kind of slut?
不 我知道你就是个荡♥妇♥ 荡♥妇♥
No. I know you're a slut, slut.
你跑去跟别人睡了
Thou hast slept with another!
满口胡言 是哪个骗子跟你说这样的谎言？
Untwist thy tongue! What merchant of deceit hath sold you such untruths?
你睡梦时的喃喃呓语 说出了你不忠的事实
In thy sleep when thou didst dream, thou didst chirp infidelities!
的确 但做梦的人时常说谎 恍惚地沉入梦乡
Forsooth! But dreamers often lie, asleep in a trance!
就像那些男孩及男人 要我脱下他们的裤子一样
As boys and men alike ask me into their pants.
都是谎言
Counterfeit!
是你让我这样做的 贱♥人♥
Thou hast made me do this, you bitch!
不
No!
匕♥首♥ 我是你的刀鞘
Dagger, I am thy scabbard!
刚刚是怎样？
What was that?
收镜
Scene!
-我是奥利佛薛马伦 -我是伊曼琳雅达利亚
-I am Oliver Schermerhorn. -And I am Emaline Addario.
请别忘了《凡尼亚舅舅》试镜 本周三会在礼堂举♥行♥
Auditions for Uncle Vanya will be held next Wednesday in the auditorium!
有可能就是你
This could be you.
显然主角是由我们主演
We are obviously playing the leads,
但配角和幕后团队仍然在招募中
but lesser roles and crew positions remain available!
-加入我们 -加入我们
-Join us! -Join us!
午安 史塔克小姐
Good afternoon, Miss Stock.
你好 肯
Hi, Ken.
我怎么觉得这周很少见到你 你收到我的消息了吗？
I-I feel like I've barely seen you. Did you get my messages?
肯 我们今年暑假过得很开心
Ken, we had fun this summer.
我同意
Agreed!
但暑假已经结束了
Summer's over.
这样啊 别担心
Oh, don't worry.
根据地区守则 我们的关系是被允许的
According to the district handbook, our goings-on are permissible.
只要我们不在校园里交♥媾♥
Uh, provided we don't copulate on school grounds.
你并不吸引我 肯 生理上完全没有
I'm not attracted to you, Ken. Physically, like, at all.
你还好吧？
You okay?
当然了 对
Of course, yeah. I--
我很高兴你告诉我 真的
I'm glad you said something, actually. I-- honesty.
只是有点残酷 但这样是最好的
Just, brutal honesty, it's just the best policy.
我只能谢谢你 我很感谢你
I-I can only thank you for that. I appreciate this.
还是朋友吧？
Friends?
同事应该更好
Colleagues, might be better.
同事 没错 我可以接受
Colleagues. Yeah, hey, I'll take it!
对了 还有 肯？
Oh, and Ken
怎么了？
Yeah?
-复印机快没墨水了 -好
-The copier's low on toner. -Oh.
-上衣很好看 -谢谢
-Nice shirt. -Thanks.
多莉艾莫丝怎么了？
So, what's up with Tori Amos?
你没听过多莉艾莫丝？
Uh, you've never heard of Tori Amos?
我有听说过她 但我对她的音乐不熟
Well-- well, I've heard of her, but I don't know her music that well.
-你喜欢她吗？-对 她很棒
-You like her? -Uh, yeah. She's amazing.
她的音乐跟你以前听过的都不一样
She's like nothing you've ever heard before.
这样啊 怎么说？
Oh, cool. Like what?
我不知道 如果你没听过 我要怎么跟你解释？
I don't know. How can I explain if you've never heard it?
试试看啊
You can try.
好吧
Okay.
有一首歌♥到一半 她开始哭起来
Well, there's this one song where halfway through she just starts crying.
接着就是她边弹琴边哭边唱歌♥
And it's her just singing and playing the piano and crying.
感觉很真实
And it's just so real.
天啊
Wow.
她的第一张专辑叫做《小地震》
And her first album is called Little Earthquakes.
-你知道这是什么意思吗？-不知道
-Know what that means? -No.
高♥潮♥
Orgasms.
她用高♥潮♥替整张专辑命名
Like, she totally named an entire album after orgasms.
至少我是这样听说的
Or that's what I heard.
听起来很杀
Sounds bad ass.
兄弟
Oh, hey, man.
你可以帮我们在标志前拍照吗？
Hey, would you take a picture of us in front of the sign?
-好 -那好
Okay. All right.
准备好了
Ready.
一 二
One, two and...
你有发现他们根本没进镇吗？
You ever notice they never actually go into town?
他们发现了这个标志 拍张照就走了
They just find the sign, take a picture, then leave.
算他们好运
Lucky them.
太好了 是哥伦比亚之家
Oh, sweet! Columbia House.
拿着
Hold this.
-你收到什么信？-我们来看看
-What'd you get? -Let's see.
绿洲合唱团的新专辑
New Oasis.
-应该很好听 -是啊 但我已经有了
-That's supposed to be good. -Yeah, well, I already have it.
我忘记寄回去了
I forgot to mail the thing back.
你要吗？
You want it?
谢谢 但应该可以换很多商店抵用金
Oh, oh, thanks, but you can get a lot of store credit for that.
不 真的没关系 拿去吧
Oh, no, it's, it's fine really. Take it.
谢谢
Thanks.
抱歉有点脏
Sorry about the dust.
你可以到处看看
Feel free to look around.
你怎么会这么懂摄影机这类的东西？
So, how do you know so much about cameras?
我爸爸曾是婚礼摄影师
My dad used to be a wedding videographer.
我小时候他给我看过一些东西
He showed me some stuff when I was a kid.
我想这对我来说是很自然的一件事
I guess it just kinda comes naturally to me.
他现在在做什么？
What's he do now?
谁？我爸？
Who, my dad?
谁在乎？
Who cares?
我七岁的时候 他丢下我跟我妈
He bailed on me and my mom when I was seven.
如果你想找不负责任的老爸 那李洛伊欧尼尔一定榜上有名
If you look up "deadbeat dad," there'd be a picture of Leroy O'Neil.
显然他现在在好莱坞
Apparently, he's in Hollywood now.
你想他吗？