后半生

他来敲门
Well, he came to the door
说要为我这样的易受害人群 做安全检查
and said he was doing security checks on vulnerable people like myself.
你问他要身份证件了吗
And did you ask for ID?
没有他穿着制♥服♥ 戴着头盔
No! Well, he was in uniform. Helmet and everything.
-我是不是傻 -没有 根本不是
Oh, am I stupid? -No, no, not at all.
然后他进来 我给他倒了一杯茶
Then he came in, and I made him a cup of tea.
他问报♥警♥器的情况 我说没有
And he was asking about burglar alarms, but I said I didn't have one.
然后检查门锁
Locks on doors.
根本不会令人生疑 操作非常熟练
He was very convincing, and he really knew his stuff.
然后他问我珠宝和贵重物品放在哪里
Then he asked me where I kept my jewelry and valuables.
我说我没有什么贵重物品
I said I didn't really have anything of value,
但是我从养老金里拿钱存了几年
but I had been saving up out of my pension for a couple of years,
这个饼干罐里有大概500镑
and I had about £500 in the biscuit barrel.
他让我给他看 我就给他看了
And he asked me to show him, so I did.
他说 很好 贼大概不会到这里面找
And he said, "That's good. They probably wouldn't look in there."
然后我们回到客厅
We went back in the living room,
他说要借用厕所 要进来这里…
and he asked to use the toilet, and he must have come in here and
-嗯 你上保险了吗 -没有
Yeah. And, uh, are you insured? -No.
哪怕抓到他 钱也拿不回来
I won't get it back even if they catch him.
他大概已经拿去买♥♥毒品了
He's probably spent it on drugs.
很可能
Probably.
你报♥警♥了吗
Um, you reported it to the police though?
报了 警方确认不是真警♥察♥
Yes, and they confirmed he wasn't a real policeman,
因为他们说 没有警官在额头上纹了英国制♥造♥
because they said there is no officer with a "Made in Britain" tattoo across his forehead.
-他额头上纹了 英国制♥造♥ -对
A "Made in Britain" tattoo on his head? -Yes.
-拍一张照片 -好的
Take a picture. -Yeah.
我好傻
Oh, I'm so stupid.
你不傻
You're not stupid.
-是这个世界太烂 -微笑
The world's a fucked-up place. -Smile.
人生真的很不公平 不是吗
Life really is unfair, isn't it?
老年人不应该 因为被人♥渣♥骗了而感到羞耻
Old people shouldn't feel ashamed 'cause they get conned by fucking scum.
礼品
我进去买♥♥点东西
I'll pop in here and get summat.
-好的 回头见 -回头见
See you later. -See you later.
后 半 生
第三季 第 5 集
秋叶养老院
给你带了一副象棋来 爸
Brought your chess set, Dad.
-你记起来了 -总得有人要啊
Oh, you remembered! -One of us has got to.
-要什么 -要记起来
Got to what? -Remember.
记起来什么
Remember what?
真♥他♥妈♥的
Fucking hell.
-你还好吗 -嗯
You all right? -Yeah.
今天是我的生日
My birthday today.
-是嘛 -嗯 嗯
Is it? -Mm-hmm.
你没提前跟我说
You didn't warn me.
-没什么大不了-回头要不要去喝一杯
It's no big deal. -Do you want to go for a drink later?
你不用这样
You don't have to.
你是我的互助人
What, are you my sponsor?
好的 如果你不忙的话
Okay. Well, if you're not busy.
从来不忙 看
Never busy. Look.
棋盘上没有隔离
No segregation on this board. - Shh!
噢 -拜托 别让我分心
Oh. - Please. I'm trying to concentrate.
噢 嗯
Oh. Um
不行 那里有人占了
No. There's someone there.
呃 没有…
Oh, doesn't
-这样好点了 满意了 -嗯
That better? That please you? -Yeah.
把你拿掉
Off you go!
轮到你走了
Your move!
好的 我大概会先走这招棋
Well, I'll probably start with this one.
太荒唐了
That is just ridiculous.
这有些水
Here's some water.
好的 来吧 嘘 大家都安静一点 大家都到了
All right. Come on in. Oi, shush, all of ya! Right, we're all here.
坦布里集市 大事件
Tambury Fair, the big one.
我会主持整个活动
I'll be emceeing the whole event.
我准备了道具服等用具 皮裤 鞭子
I've got me costume and everything. Leather pants and a whip.
-你扮演什么角色 -奴隶贩子
What are you going as? -Slave trader.
过去在这里做得很大
It was quite big round here back in the day.
我们弄了一个东西 上面有靶子
Now, we got one of them things with a target.
用球打 它就会把一个女巫扔进水里
And you hit it with a ball, and then it dunks a witch in the water.
-琼当我们的女巫 对吧 亲爱的 -对 很喜欢女巫
June's gonna be our witch, aren't you? -Yeah. Love witches. Hmm.
我们需要一位志愿者 站在货品中间
Now, we need a volunteer to stand in the stocks,
被用番茄和臭鸡蛋这种东西扔
and you get pelted with tomatoes and rotten eggs and stuff like that.
-詹姆斯 -我不去
James. -No. I'm not doing it.
是为了做慈善
It's for charity.
对 但谁都可以去 我是有技能的表演者
Yeah, but anyone can do that. I'm a skilled performer.
天哪
Oh bless.
对 有技能的表演者 那你演什么呢
Right, skilled performer, what are you gonna be, then?
要是几百年前的经典角色
It's gotta be something classic from hundreds of years ago.
呃
Uh
-小丘怎么样 -完美
What about a hillock? -Perfect.
什么是小丘
What's a hillock?
是一种很传统的东西 我也不懂
It's like an old-fashioned thing, isn't it? I don't know.
-小山丘 -我怎么演山丘
Like a little hill. -How can I be a hill?
你躺下 在你身上铺上泥土和草皮
Well, we lay you down, we cover you in mud and turf
放一些小花
Put some little flowers on.
在你周围放一些美丽的小花 会很好看的
Put some little lovely flowers around you. It'll look lovely.
大家会走过来说 看哪 小丘
And then people will go by and go, "Oh, look, it's a hillock!"
妈的 我不演他妈小丘
I'm not gonna be a fucking hillock!
注意用词
Language!
没想到你居然让我演这个
No. No, no, I can't believe that's your idea for me!
你不是我的经纪人吗
You're supposed to be my agent.
我知道你没办法给我拿到像样的工作 这明显是不可能的
I know you can't get me real work. I mean, that's obviously out of the question.
但是你居然要当众给我涂上泥巴
But to suggest that you cover me in mud in public?
真不敢相信
Unbelievable.
对不起 让你们听到这些话 他现在像野牛一样
Sorry you had to hear that, everyone. He's like a wild bull at the minute.
-他便秘 -没有借口
He's... He's constipated. -No excuse!
而且你其实说错了 詹姆斯
And you're wrong, actually, James.
我为你找到了工作
Because I have found work for you.
-本来打算晚一点告诉你 -好的 什么工作
I was gonna tell you about it later. -Right. What?
你有没有看过 《约会杀手》这档节目
Have you seen a show called The Undatables?
没有 是什么
No. What is it?
大家在节目里约会 很不错
Well, people go on dates, and they see if they get along. It's lovely.
真人秀
A reality show?
对 但是很不错
Yes, but it's brilliant!
那不是专业表演的工作
It's not a professional acting job, is it?
好就好在这里
Ah, well, that's the clever bit, right?
是通常无法约会的人参加的
'Cause it's for people who can't normally get dates,
因为残疾毁容或别的原因
you know, because they're disabled or disfigured or something.
-关我什么事 -我跟他们说了你的体型
So how does that apply to me? -Well, I told them about your shape.
-果然 -但这还不够
Of course. -But that wasn't enough.
于是我说
So I said…
他智障
"He's mentally retarded."
真♥他♥妈♥的
Fucking hell!
怎么了
What?!
我不会因为你没办法给我找到工作
I'm not going on a fucking reality dating show,
就参加他妈约会真人秀 假装自己是智障
pretending to be mentally disabled, just 'cause you can't get me any work.
就不能让我赢一回这就是工作
I cannot win, can I? It is work.
这不是工作
It is not work!
是假装智障
It's pretending to be disabled.
-表演就是假装 -你跟他们说我有什么毛病
Acting is pretending! - What did you even say was wrong with me? Huh?
我没说得那么细 这是每一位男演员的梦想
Well, I didn't go into specifics, did I? This is every actor's dream!
看看《我的左脚》里的丹尼尔·戴刘易斯 妈的 他是什么毛病
Look at Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. Fuck me, what was up with him?
-不知道 -没人在意
Dunno. - No one cared.
《雨人》里那个小婊♥子♥怎么演的
Rain Man. What was that little twat doing?
不难
It's not hard!
-休想 -你是演员
Forget it. -You're an actor!
休想 这很冒犯人 你很冒犯人
Forget it. It's offensive. You're offensive.
我来
I'll do it.
你来不一样 你是真的有点神经病
It wouldn't be the same with you, Brian. You actually are a bit mental.
有道理
Fair point.
坦布里报
有一个给凯思的包裹