后半生

啵嘤
Boing.
-啵嘤 -等一下
Boing. - Hang on.
啵嘤
Boing!
啵嘤
Boing!
-你说它喜欢吗 -啵嘤
do you say it likes it? - Boing!
喜欢
Yeah.
-看她的脸 -啵嘤
- look at her face. - Boing!
-我想要一条狗 -不行
Oh, I want a dog. -No.
行的 咱们养一条狗吧
Yeah, let's get a dog.
不行 因为狗的寿命不长
No, because they don't live that long, do they?
-然后就会很难过… -什么
Then it's really sad...What?
抱歉 布兰蒂 但确实如此
Sorry, Brandy, but it's true that...
狗死的时候 人会特别难过
you know, it's just incredibly upsetting when dogs die.
对 所以我要说下一个问题 爸
Yeah, I mean... Which brings me to my next point, Dad.
我们是时候考虑一下你的葬礼了
It's getting to that time when we need to start thinking about your funeral, mate.
别胡说 你还有20年呢 雷
Leave him alone! You've got 20 years, Ray.
-还是不要了 -这算什么问题啊
I hope not. -What sort of a question is that?
我们要知道啊 不是吗
Well, we need to know, don't we?
那你呢
Well, what about you?
无所谓 你呢
Don't care. You?
我希望自己葬在教堂的院子里
I wanna be buried in the churchyard.
这样大家每天都能带花来为我哭泣
And then people can bring flowers every day and cry.
开始几天是有可能 之后就会想 噢 算了吧 下雨呢
For the first couple of days maybe. Then it's, "Oh, fuck it, it's raining."
-真不错 -火化
That's nice. -Cremated.
看见了吧这就对了 不搞繁文缛节 不自私
See? Yeah. Exactly. No fuss. Not selfish.
而且我要你把我的骨灰撒在中湖 我是在那里认识你♥妈♥的♥
And I want you to scatter my ashes in Midlake, where I met your mum.
说实话 我不会大老远去中湖
Yeah, I'm not going all the way to Midlake just for that, I'll be honest.
-只有一小时左右车程 -对啊 我不开车 不是吗
It's only an hour or so drive. - Yeah, I don't drive, do I?
这是我最后的要求
Well, it's my last request!
那又怎么样好吧 我现在答应 但到时你也不知道了
So? Okay, I'll say yes now, but then you won't know, will you?
-到时候我可懒得去 -中湖什么地方 雷
I just won't bother when it comes to it. -Where in Midlake, Ray?
旅友 一个很不错的老酒吧
Uh, The Traveler's Friend.
我求婚也是在那里
A lovely old pub. I proposed there as well.
-嗯 现在大概是手♥机♥店了 -你有什么感受
It's probably a phone shop now. -What do you think about that?
你的独子不愿意开车去撒你的骨灰
Your only son won't drive up the road to scatter your ashes.
他会去的 他是好孩子
He'll do it. He's a good boy. -Aw.
后 半 生
第三季 第 3 集
噢 你好 你还好吗
Oh, hi. You all right?
你说呢
What do you think?
-不好 -答对了
No? -Correct.
越来越难受了 我该怎么办
It's getting too much. What can I do?
我不知道 你知道她做什么工作 你之前也是接受的
I dunno. You knew what she did for a living. You were all right with it.
但是没想到我们在一起之后 她还会继续做
But I didn't think she'd still be doing it when we became an item.
电影里可不是这样的
Doesn't happen in the movies, does it?
理查·基尔从白色加长轿车里走出来
Richard Gere doesn't turn up in a white limousine
爬上消防楼梯
and climb up the fire escape
茱莉亚·罗伯茨不可能对他说 等一下
and Julia Roberts says, "Oh, can you give us a sec?"
我在给干洗店老板波比·张吹♥箫♥
"I'm just sucking off Bobby Chang, the dry cleaner."
-你怎么知道她给波比·张吹♥箫♥ -他跟我说的
How do you know she sucked him off? -Oh, he told me.
他不知道她是我女朋友 我什么都没说 只是觉得很恶心
He didn't know she was my missus. I didn't say anything. I just felt sick.
我很震惊
I was in shock.
觉得很沮丧
I just feel so depressed.
- 也许你应该和她谈谈 - 不行我觉得这样很傻
Well, maybe you should talk to her. - I can't! I feel stupid.
要不你和她谈谈
Why don't you talk to her?
不行 绝对不行我很久没见过她了
No, definitely not! I haven't seen her for ages.
她现在不过来了 我想她很忙吧
She doesn't come around now. I assumed she was busy.
对 她忙得很
Oh yeah, she's busy all right.
嗯
Sure.
-你应该找人聊聊 -我在和你聊啊
Well, you should talk to someone. -I am.
-我没有资质… -你有
I'm not qualified...Yes, you are.
你之前也很沮丧 而且有自杀倾向 不是吗
You were depressed and suicidal, weren't you?
-你没有自杀倾向吧 -没有 懒得自杀
You're not suicidal, are you? -No, couldn't be arsed.
-好的 -拜托 帮帮我们 都怪你啊
Good. -Come on, help us out. It's your fault!
噢 可不是嘛
Oh, right.
拜托了
Oh, please?
我考虑一下 真♥他♥妈♥的
Let me have a think. Fuck's sake!
走吧
Go on.
秋叶养老院
-你好 -你好
Hi. - Hi.
嗯
Um,
我决定出去一趟 把我爸的骨灰撒一下
I've decided to go on a little trip to scatter my dad's ashes.
太好了 去哪里
Oh, that's sweet. Where?
他向我妈求婚的一个小村庄
Um, a little village where he proposed to Mum.
这是他最后的愿望
His last wish and all that.
我的骨灰
My ashes?
不是你的骨灰
No, not your ashes.
你还没死 对吧
You're not dead yet, are you?
而且你不是我爸 记得吗
Also, you're not my dad, remember?
我是被收养的吗
Uh, am I adopted?
真♥他♥妈♥的 就好像给我补了一个爹似的
Fuck me, it's like I've got a replacement.
这样大概会很好 因为他自己的儿子从不来看他
That would probably work out quite well 'cause his own son never sees him.
在他移♥民♥澳大利亚之前 差点都没时间安排他到这里来
Barely had time to stick him in here before he emigrated to Australia.
-是吧 -好吗
Yeah? -Okay?
生活很残酷
Oh. -Life's cruel.
喝吧 嗯
Drink it up, then. Yeah.
哎
Hey. Hey. Hmm.
还好吗
Okay?
很危险 就像地毯上的金鱼一样
That was touch and go. Like a goldfish on the carpet.
-哪里 -不是 没有
Where? -No, there's no
好了
There we go.
你的新家怎么样
How's your new place?
我很感谢肯
Uh, well, I'm grateful to Ken.
他不收我的钱 比在家住好
But, like, you know, he's not charging me, and it is better than living at home, but
但他老是来找我
he keeps coming round looking for me.
说实话 我听到他上楼的声音 我就不出声了
Honestly, I hear him on the stairs and I just freeze,
然后他试试能不能开门
and then he tries the door and then I'm just
然后我就继续保持安静 直到他离开 我就像安妮·弗兰克似的
I've started staying quiet until he goes away. I'm living like Anne Frank.
你会找到更好的地方
You'll find somewhere better.
嗯
Hmm.
你好 亲爱的 我是阿鼠 这是阿亵
Hello, darling. I'm Ratty. This is the Nonce.
还好吗我们有一个故事 我们是做播客的
All right? We're here about a story. We do a podcast.
-他在这里 -哎
Oy, oy. Here he is. -Hey! Hey!
记得我们吗 孩子 你想在你们报纸上报道我们的故事
Remember us, son? You want to cover our story in your paper.
我们和你以前的心理医生一起做播客 你真♥他♥妈♥神经啊
We do a podcast with your ex-shrink, you fucking psycho!
你们是精神科医生
You're psychiatrists?
不是 我们是做金融的
No, not us! No, we're in finance.
但是我们所分享的是男人的故事
But the thing we share is that we're men,
我们为之感到骄傲
and we're proud of it.
这就是那个播客节目的主旨 鼓励男人做男人
And that's what the podcast is all about. It's just encouraging men to be men.
不过也是开放的 有一些妞也听
Although it is inclusive. We do get some birds listening in.
主要是那些 觉得他妈新男性很恶心的人
Mainly ones that are sick of all this fucking new man bollocks.
我们只是向帮助大家更加男人一点
But we just want to help the world man up.
-我们一天到晚说 不如… -释放出来
Listen. We talk about it all day. Why don't we - Get it out!
我们会在推特发播客 让你们看看我们是怎么做的
We'll broadcast on Twitter and show you how we do the work.
-很有意思 -给粉丝发送通知
This is exciting. - Send out a notification to the followers.
-上线直播 行了 -告诉他们我们在这里
Get on the live and here we go. -Tell them we're here.
王八蛋 你们好
Hello, you fucking shits!
傻屌♥们
You dickheads!
我们在坦布里报做采访
We're here at The Tambury Gazette doing an interview.
打个招呼 亲爱的 来
Say hello, darling. Go on.
还是免了
I'd rather not.
她很害羞不过没关系
Oh, she's shy! But that's all right.
我们只是测试一下 正式播客今晚开始
We're just doing this as a test. Main broadcast tonight.
-测试 测试我的蛋蛋 -测试 一 二 三
Testing one, two, three.
好好测试我的蛋蛋 天哪好满啊
Testing my testicles all over. Oh my God, they're so full!
满是精♥液♥
They're so full of jizz.
喔
Ooh.
射了 射在你的公文格里了
Done a sex wee, all in your in-tray!
我前两天在你奶奶身上测试过了
Tested my testes all over your nan!
我这样撸撸撸 射在她的他妈洞里
I was all like, "Crack, crack, crack," right in her fucking mooey.
她说 啊 谢谢 亲爱的 我太需要了