后半生

Sure.
要不要我读一段最新的这本
Would you like me to read a bit from my latest one?
好的
Yeah.
《张大嘴巴》
Open Wide.
不是读这部分 有点太露骨了
Not that bit. That's filth.
我们看一下 这一段好
Let's have a look. Here's a good bit.
巴纳比医生在给一位病人做手术
So Dr. Barnaby is, um, operating on someone
之前世界上最顶尖的外科医生全都说 这个病人救不了
that all the top surgeons in the world said could not be saved.
但是巴纳比医生有不同意见
But Dr. Barnaby disagrees.
好的 斯黛西护士擦了擦他的额头
Okay. "Nurse Stacey mopped his brow."
‘这样好一些了吗’
"'Is that better, Doctor?'"
他们俩戴着手术室必须戴的口罩 四目相交
"Their eyes meet over the masks you have to wear in operating theaters."
‘请叫我巴纳比’
"'Please, call me Barnaby.'"
她的微微泛红 医生说 ‘好的 我们开始’
"She blushes. 'Okay, we're going in!'"
他把药物注入病人的大动脉
"He injects the medicine into the patient's main artery."
‘这样应该就能搞定’ 巴纳比说道 ‘好的 给他缝针 护士’
"'That should do the trick,' said Barnaby. 'Okay, stitch him up, Nurse.'"
‘晚点一起吃晚餐’ ‘好啊’ 她说 ‘八点见’
"'Dinner later?' 'Ooh, yes, please,' she said. 'See you at 8.'"
好了
There.
-他活下来了吗 -谁 亲爱的
Does he live? -Who, dear?
病人
The patient.
我没写 别在意这个
Oh, I didn't say. Didn't bother with that.
他肯定没事 毕竟药物打进了大动脉
I'm sure he's fine if they got the medicine into the main artery.
可不是嘛
Exactly.
不知为什么世界最顶尖外科医生 全都没想到这个办法
I wonder why all the top surgeons around the world didn't think of that.
巴纳比医生非同凡响 不是吗
Eh, Dr. Barnaby's special, isn't he?
他是世界上最出色的
He's best in the world.
也是一个色鬼 这从来也没坏处
A randy bugger, too, which never hurts.
-好的 拍一张照片 -好的
Good. Take a picture. -Yep.
微笑
Smile.
喔
Ooh.
非常好
Great.
-会在下周见报吗 亲爱的 -会
Will this be in next week's paper, dear? -Yep.
能不能你麻烦提一下
Could you mention that I'm doing a live reading and book signing
我会在坦布里集市 做现场读书和签售活动
at the Tambury Fair?
好的
Sure.
太好了 一定要带你太太来 主要是写给女性看的
Oh, good. And do bring your wife along. It's mostly for women.
我没有太太
I, uh... I don't have a wife.
同性恋那更好了
Oh, gay? Even better.
我不是同性恋 只是…
I'm not gay. Just
我…
I, uh
我太太去世了
I lost my wife.
我真难过
Oh, I'm sorry.
你想不想联♥系♥她
Would you like to contact her?
特别想
With all my heart.
-好的 那… -不是 我是说…
Okay. Well... No, I mean
我不相信那些东西 不过谢谢你
I... I don't I don't believe in all that. But... But thank you.
这本给你
This is for you.
《张大嘴巴》
Open Wide, though.
在这种语境中 只可能有一种意思
I mean, in this context, that only means one thing.
-是啊 -不是吗
Yeah. -Doesn't it?
真是讨厌
I... I hate that.
他知道我们要过马路 但他就是得省这十秒钟
He knew we were crossing the road, but he had to save that ten second
因为他全职贱♥人♥的这份工作太重要了
'cause he's got such an important job as a full-time cunt!
我总是想 如果带着块砖头能砸他妈车窗就好了
I always wish I had a brick to put through the fucking window.
这样就圆♥满♥了
That'd be the last piece of the jigsaw.
你随身带一块砖头
You actually carrying a brick around with you,
在斑马线附近徘徊
hovering around zebra crossings.
那简直是为人♥民♥服务 到时候我就像蝙蝠侠那样
It'd be a social service. I'd be like Batman.
有神经病的蝙蝠侠
But mental.
没错 也许我不是在悲痛
Yeah. Maybe I'm not grieving.
也许只是因为我混♥蛋♥罢了 就是喜欢惩罚别人
Maybe I'm just an arsehole. I just like punishing people.
典型的义勇军啊
Classic vigilante story, innit?
我就像蝙蝠侠或者德克斯特
I am like Batman, or Dexter.
他是一个连环杀手 但他爸教会他只杀坏人
He was a serial killer, but his dad taught him only to kill bad people,
但他确实很神经
but he was just mental.
或者蜘蛛侠
Or Spider-Man.
他的叔叔被杀 于是他就他妈出去解决坏人
His uncle got killed and he went fucking sorting out bad people, didn't he?
他是不是被蜘蛛咬过 我不记得叔叔那段剧情了
Didn't he get bitten by a spider? I don't remember the uncle bit.
对 然后他给自己做了套浮夸的外衣
Yeah, and then he made himself a poncy little outfit.
我懒得去弄那些 我就穿自己的衣服
I wouldn't bother with that. I'd just wear my own clothes. So, uh
而且我会他妈揍蜘蛛侠
Also, I would fucking batter Spider-Man.
小贱♥人♥穿着孩子紧身睡衣
Puny little twat in tight kids pajamas?
-但是他有蜘蛛感应 -是嘛跺一脚踩扁了
He's got Spidey senses though. -Yeah? Stomp! Squashed!
巴纳比医生躺在他的真皮办公椅上 陷入深思
"Dr. Barnaby leaned back on his leather office chair, thoughtful."
他担心一个病人的情况 这位病人得的脑肿瘤 是他见过最严重的
"He was worried about a patient who had the worst brain tumor he had ever seen."
有人敲门 ‘请进’ 巴纳比医生说
"There was a knock at the door. 'Come in,' said Dr. Barnaby."
门开了 是辛迪护士
"The door opened to reveal Nurse Cindy,
她是医院最漂亮的护士
the most attractive nurse in the hospital."
当然了
Obviously.
‘噢 抱歉’ 她说 ‘女更衣室现在用不了
"'Oh sorry,' she said. 'The ladies changing rooms are out of order,
所以不知我能不能在这里换衣服 反正你也是医生’
so I wondered if I could change here, as you're a doctor.'"
‘没问题’ 巴纳比医生说
"'Of course,' said Dr. Barnaby."
‘我是外科医生
"'I'm a surgeon,
所以女性裸体在我眼中
so a naked female body
与一般血气方刚的男性眼中不同’
isn't the same as it would be to the average red-blooded male.'"
读不下去了
I can't read any more.
-读啊 -不 你读吧
Read it. -No, you read it.
神啊
Oh God.
辛迪护士开始慢慢地脱衣服 她太性感了
"Nurse Cindy starts to slowly undress. She was sexy as hell,
她注意到 巴纳比医生看她的眼神不一样了
and she notices Dr. Barnaby looking at her differently
如果是给她做手术 一定不是这种眼神
than he would if he was operating on her."
‘你看我还好吧 医生’
"'Do I look well, Doctor?'"
‘很好啊’ 巴纳比医生说
"'I'll say,' said Dr. Barnaby."
‘你最好量一下我的脉搏 护士’
"'Think you'd better check my pulse, Nurse.'"
其实还挺不错的 有点老派 充满希望
It's sort of sweet, really. Sort of old-fashioned and hopeful.
她还是一个算命先生
And she's a fortune teller too.
-她是这么说的 没错 -她为什么要说谎
She said she is, yeah. -Why would she lie?
-因为这是不可能的 -没什么事是不可能的
'Cause it's impossible. -Nothing's impossible.
我投降了
I'm out.
你没见过不代表不是真的
Just 'cause you haven't seen something doesn't mean it isn't real.
要是没人见过呢
What if no one's seen it?
可能是不可见的
Could be invisible.
-对 -我能去见见她吗
Yeah. -Could I visit her?
去调查一下
You know, to investigate it?
-如果你愿意的话 -我会保持一个开放的心态
If you want. -I'd go in with an open mind.
如果你一开始就认为不是真的 那你永远都不会相信
You know, if you go in thinking it isn't real, then you'll never believe.
那要不要我安排
Should I arrange that, then?
好的
Yeah.
要是我来报道这个故事就好了
Now I wish I was covering the story.
噢 他来了
Oh, here he is.
我让你在外面等的
I told you to wait outside.
他要送我去参加一个会 很明显我们不是情侣
He's giving me a lift to a meeting. We're not an item, obviously.
我只是喜欢坐着劳斯莱斯出现 他知道的 是吧
I just like turning up in a Rolls-Royce. He knows that, don't you?
-是的 -是的 这样挺好
Yeah. - Yeah, works out well.
-这对你有什么好处 科林 -别人以为他有女朋友
What's in it for you, Colin? -People think he's got a girlfriend.
但他知道这永远都不可能 真可惜
But he knows that can never be the case. Shame.
他有劳斯莱斯 白手起家成为百万富翁 而且人也不错
What, with the Rolls-Royce and him being a self-made millionaire and a nice bloke,
原本是挺完美的 可惜有一个明显的短板
it would've been perfect, if not for the obvious.
-什么 -脸啊看
What? -The face! Duh.
对 脸难看 连我妈都说我丑
Yeah, the face. Even my mum calls me the ugly one.
你不介意吗 科林
And you're okay with that, Colin?
很伤心
It's heartbreaking.
我人都垮了
I'm destroyed.
我小时候都希望自己死了算了 但有什么办法呢
I used to wish I was dead growing up. But what can you do?
没错 所以我要大家知道他不是我男朋友
Exactly, and that is why I want everyone to know he's not my boyfriend.
也许你应该戴一顶司机帽
Maybe you should wear a chauffeur's hat.
或者司机口罩
Or a chauffeur's mask.
-她有点喜欢他 是不是 -是的 科林 是的
She fancied him for a bit, didn't she? - She did, Colin. She did.
她明显有自己喜欢的类型
She's obviously got a type.
不说了 走吧 我们要迟到了
Anyway, come on, we'll be late.
走吧