后半生

如果你看到这个 就说明已经不在人世了
If you're watching this, then I'm not around anymore.
我没法当着面对你说这些话 太尴尬了
I couldn't say any of this to your face. It's too embarrassing.
当然是对我来说 不是你
For you, not for me, obviously.
你从来不喜欢听人说你人有多好
You're never very good at hearing how lovely you are.
但这是事实
But you are.
真的 你人很好
You are. You're lovely.
但你♥他♥妈♥的一无是处
But you're absolutely fucking useless.
所以我想给你一点没有我的生活指南
So I thought I'd leave you a little guide to life without me.
早上要关掉警报器 好吗
You've gotta turn the alarm off in the morning, yeah?
你要是打开门 就会触发警报
If you open the door, it'll set it off,
然后警报公♥司♥会以为有人闯进我们家
then the alarm company think we're getting broken into.
如果你触发了 你就得给他们打电♥话♥
If you do set it off, you've gotta ring 'em.
号♥码在你手♥机♥里 名字是"警报" 密♥码♥是86♥4♥5
The number's in your phone under "alarm." The alarm code is 86♥4♥5.
这是你的识别密♥码♥
That's your PIN code.
你知道的
You know this.
还有要把它放到狗到不了的地方 不然会被狗触发
And... put it on "perimeter," otherwise the dog will set it off.
记得喂狗 好吗
And feed the dog, yeah?
早上和下班回家后
First thing in the morning and when you get in from work.
还有什么
And what else?
周二晚上把垃圾桶放到门外
Gotta put the bins out Tuesday evenings.
黑色垃圾桶是装生活垃圾
Black bin is household waste,
绿色垃圾桶装回...
green bin is recy-
你的碗呢
Where's your bowl?
在这儿呢
There it is.
靠
Oh, fuck!
没有狗粮了
No dog food.
烘豆还是咖喱蔬藻
Baked beans or vegetable curry?
猜到了
Thought so.
抱歉
Oh, sorry.
我回头给你买♥♥点真的食物
I'll get you some real food later.
该死
Fuckin' hell.
那我吃咖喱蔬菜
Vegetable curry for me then.
后半生
第一季 第一集
-你好 -你好
- Hello. - Hello.
我今天开始
I'm starting here today.
我今天开始在这儿上班
I'm starting work here today.
好的 你有名字吗
Okay. Do you have a name?
有 桑迪
Yes. Sandy.
不 我是说你应该见谁
No, I mean, who are you meant to meet here?
谁招聘了你
Who hired you?
布雷登先生
Oh. Mr. Braden.
过来 真听话
Come here. Good girl.
你应该给你的狗拴条狗绳
Your dog should be on a lead.
-什么 -狗应该拴狗绳
- What? - Dogs should be on a lead.
你不识字吗 公园是大家的
Can't you read? The park's for everyone.
这样 抱歉
Oh, right. Oh, sorry.
谢谢提醒 过来 过来
Thank you. Come here, girl. Come here.
什么 他不是个又胖又多毛的爱管闲事的傻♥逼♥
What?! He is not a fat, hairy, nosy cocksucker.
真不乖 布兰迪 抱歉
Bad girl, Brandy. Sorry about that.
-恶心 -再见
- Disgusting. - See you later.
真乖
Good girl.
丽莎·简·约翰逊
好了
Right.
我得去上班了
I've gotta go to work.
再见
See you later.
我会给你买♥♥点吃的
I'll bring you some food.
乖 乖
Good girl. Good girl.
乖
Good girl.
给
Here you go.
-什么 -你的信
- What? - It's your post.
塞进门里
Put it through the door.
你都在这儿了 我就不用过去了
Well, you're here, so it saves me a trip.
-我不想把信拿在手上 -为什么
- I don't wanna walk with it, do I? - Why not?
你是新来的 对吗
You're new, aren't you?
嗯 我刚调到这边
Yeah, I was transferred--
不 我不关心
No, I don't care.
我猜在你之前工作的地方
Presumably in your old round,
你是把信塞进门里 对吗
you put things through the door, didn't you?
哥们 没必要这么凶啊
Mate, there's no need to get all lairy.
-你干嘛这么和我说话 -你要举报我吗
- Why are you talking to me like this? - Will you report me?
是的 你叫什么
Yeah. What's your name?
-你会笑的 -相信我
- You'll laugh. - Trust me.
帕特
It's Pat.
邮差帕特
Postman Pat?
对
Yeah.
塞进门去
Put it through the door.
很简单 不是吗
That was easy, wasn't it?
-你也可以塞的 -不 我不行
- You could've done that. - No, I couldn't.
-为什么 -我不是邮差
- Why not? - I'm not a postman.
走吧
Go on.
你好 乔治
Hi, George.
你好
Hi.
那是谁
Who's that?
我叔叔
He's my uncle.
恋童癖
Pedo!
什么
What?
恋童癖
Pedo!
我不是恋童癖
I'm not a pedo.
我要是的话 也不会找你 你个红毛小胖子
And if I was, you'd be safe, you tubby, little ginger cunt.
欢迎
Welcome.
很高兴你能加入
Great to have you.
我记得我的第一天 很令人激动 对吗
I remember my first day, and it is exciting, isn't it?
-是的 -这地方很适合上班
- Yeah. - Yeah. Great place to work, this.
很有活力 随时都有人进进出出
Very dynamic, lots of people in and out all the time.
很棒的一群人
Really excellent bunch of people.
兢兢业业
Hard working.
奖励也很丰盛 你可以深入到社区当中
It's very rewarding as well. You get to go out into the community.
可以是本地新闻
And that can be anything from local stories, you know,
娱乐 金融
erm... entertainment, finance.
嗯
So, yeah.
凯茜负责广♥告♥
Kath does the advertising.
对她好点 她也许会
Be nice to her, and she might
带你去参加新餐厅的开业大典 免费吃顿饭
take you to the opening of a new restaurant, give you a free meal.
伦尼负责所有摄影
Lenny does all the photography,
如果你对此感兴趣
so if you're interested in that...
每个人在所有事上都有各自的贡献
Everyone chips in on everything, really.
你对什么事最感兴趣
So what kind of thing are you interested in, would you say?
写专题
Writing features.
完美 很好
Perfect. That's great.
这里肯定会需要写专栏
You'll definitely do that here.
很多专题 没有上限
Lots of features. Sky's the limit.
托尼 专题组组长
Tony's the head of features.
他不在
He's not here.
他是个优秀写手
He's a very good writer.
很聪明 很有经验 人也不错
Very smart, very experienced, good guy. Erm...
他最近精神不太好 老实说
He's not himself at the minute, to be honest.
他生活里遇上了一些不好的事
He's had a bit of bad news. Erm...
他的 托尼是我的姐夫
His...err... Tony's my brother-in-law.
他娶了我的姐姐 丽莎
Erm. He was married to my sister, Lisa,
最近去世了
who died.
癌症
Cancer.
-我很遗憾 -嗯
- Sorry. - Yeah.
他很绝望
And he was obviously devastated.
有自杀倾向
Err... suicidal.
嗯
Right.
我提醒下你 他有时候
I should warn you, he might...
可能会说一些
say a few things that are a bit...
比较苛刻的话
brutal...
所以你懂的 别太往心里去
at times, so, you know, don't take it personally.
你会和他近距离共事
I mean, you will be working closely with him.
总之