分居（2025）

Then why were we in an open relationship?
因为！因为...
Because! Because...
看看你 看看我
Look at you. Look at me.
我根本配不上
I have no fucking business
像你这样出色的女人
being with a woman as incredible as you,
但不知怎的 我说服了你和我在一起
but somehow, I convinced you to be with me.
是我选择和你在一起的
I chose to be with you.
是啊 也许我是害怕有一天你会醒来
Yeah, well, maybe I was scared that one day you'd wake up
选择不再和我在一起
and choose not to be with me.
你知道 意识到你可以找到更好的
You know, realize you could do better
找到比我他妈有趣得多、
and find someone way more fucking interesting
而且显然更英俊的人
and handsome, clearly.
我想如果我让它变得可以接受 那么...
I figured if I made it OK, then...
你就少了一个离开我的理由
you'd have one less reason to leave me.
你真是个疯子
You're a fucking crazy person.
是啊 我知道
Yeah. I know.
嘿 拉斯 我们什么时候吃蛋糕？
Hey, Russ, when are we doing cake?
朱莉 我需要告诉你一件事
Julie, I need to tell you something.
嗯？
Hmm?
你是谁？
Who are you?
凯莉 你是谁？
Keri. Who are you?
凯里
Carey.
凯里舅舅！我们能吃蛋糕了吗？
Uncle Carey! Can we do the cake?
可以 我只需要找到你的蜡烛
Yeah. I just need to find your candles.
面条 你在干什么？
Noodle, what are you doing?
他们把你从凯里壁橱里放出来了？
Did they let you out of the Carey closet?
来吧！
Come on!
那是谁的狗？
Whose dog is that?
我很确定那是你的狗 老兄
I'm pretty sure that's your dog, dude.
顺便说一句 你的灭火器过期了 哥们
By the way, your fire extinguisher expired, man,
所以我从车里拿了这个大家伙
so I grabbed this big dog from the car.
- 好的 - 你有时应该来参加
- OK. - You should join sometime.
是志愿的 但他们让你在消防站待着
It's volunteer, but they let you hang out at the fire station.
我会考虑的
I'll think about it.
他们有免费健身房♥
They have a free gym.
我不会给你买♥♥狗的
I'm not getting you a dog.
- 嘿 费德！- 嘿！抱歉我来晚了
- Hey, Fede! - Hey! Sorry I'm late.
带了按♥摩♥床 以防有人紧张
Brought the table in case anyone is tense.
好的
OK.
♪ 祝你生日快乐
♪ Feliz cumpleaños a ti
嘿 对不起
Hey. I'm sorry.
你找到了吗？
Did you find them?
什么？
What?
蜡烛 你找到了吗？
The candles. Did you find them?
同时也一点都对不起
And also not sorry at all.
- 拿着这些 - 太好了 找到了！
- Take these. - Sweet. Got them!
感觉怎么样？感觉怎么样？
How does that feel? How does it feel?
感觉怎么样？
How does it feel?
哦我的天 太神奇了！
Oh my God. That's amazing!
凯里 千层面好了 拿隔热垫！
Carey, lasagna's ready. Get the hot pads!
好的 好的
All right, all right.
没人告诉我那个读心术师会来
No one told me that mentalist would be here.
我讨厌这个家伙
J'haïs cet estie de gars-là.
哇 哇
Whoa, whoa.
怎么了 凯里？
What's up, Carey?
哦！烫！
Oh! Hot!
嘿 凯里？
Hey, Carey?
嘿！
Hey!
你怎么能这样？
How could you?
你保证过不读我的心的
You promised not to read my mind.
还有 是啊 你保证过不会在楼上和凯里偷♥情♥
And, yeah, you promised not to cheat on me upstairs with Carey
而我却在这里给一群不知感恩的小孩表演
while I'm here performing for ungrateful children.
呃 对不起 什么？
Uh, sorry, what?
我没保证过那个
I did not promise that.
是啊 好吧 你的身体做出了承诺
Yeah, well, your body made a promise.
那事发生了吗？
Did that happen?
是的 发生了
Yes, that happened.
我想告诉你的 但我告诉了凯莉
I tried to tell you, but I told Keri instead.
那是谁 顺便问一下？
Who is that, by the way?
嘿 是啊 对不起 我还在这儿
Hey, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm still here.
那是保罗的女朋友
That's Paul's girlfriend.
我不太会说是"女朋友"
I wouldn't say "girlfriend" exactly.
我们有个约定
We have an arrangement.
我们在"甜蜜定制"上认识的
We met on Seeking Arrangements.
现在改名叫"求包养"了
It's just called Seeking now.
- 她为什么长得像你？- 为了让朱莉嫉妒
- Why does she look like you? - To make Julie jealous.
那就是约定
That was the arrangement.
嗯 看起来奏效了
Well, looks like it worked.
你是不是有什么事需要告诉我？
Do you have something you need to tell me?
他已经知道了
He already knows.
他看见你在凯里壁橱里
He saw you in the Carey closet.
马特 这里不再需要你的服务了 谢谢你
Matt, your services are no longer required here. Thank you.
好的 兄弟
Cool, brother.
对不起
I'm sorry.
好的 我也对不起
OK. I'm sorry too.
我不可惜
I'm not sorry.
是啊 我也不可惜
Yeah, I'm also not sorry.
- 去你的 保罗 - 去你的 凯里
- Fuck you, Paul. - Fuck you, Carey.
- 好了！- 好了...
- OK! - OK...
嘿 嘿 哇！
Hey, hey, whoa!
嘿 注意界限！不许暴♥力♥！
Hey, boundaries! No violence!
只是界限 拜托 我觉得... 嘿！
Just boundaries, please. I think... Hey!
我觉得是时候我们都谈谈自己的感受了
I think it's time we all talk about our feelings.
现在没人想谈感受
Nobody wants to talk about their feelings now.
我们拥有的只有现在 而且我修改过了
All we have is now. And I revised it.
我觉得你会很喜欢的
I think you're really gonna like it.
我觉得我搞定了
I think I nailed it.
不 让我们忘掉一切吧
No, let's forget about everything.
你们俩做了全套吗？
You guys did the full thing.
我们只亲了一小会儿
We kissed just a little bit,
然后她用了手 但我没射
then she used her hands, but I didn't finish.
那也算数
That still counts.
"凯里 我的爱人 "
"Carey, my love.
"这是我重写过的、最难写的一封信 "
"This is the hardest letter I've ever re-rewritten.
"我试过很多人 很多人 "
"I've tried on a lot of people, a lot of people,
"而我学到的是 你才是最适合我的那一个 "
"and I've learned that you are the one that fits.
"马尔科姆·格拉德威尔说 "
"Malcolm Gladwell says it takes
"要掌握某样东西需要一万小时 "
10,000 hours to master something."
马尔科姆·格拉德威尔？
Malcolm Gladwell?
"虽然我没有记录时间..."
"While I haven't been keeping track of the hours..."
- 没人想听这个 - 我真的很想听 继续
- No one wants to hear this. - I really do. Keep going.
非常感谢 "我已经..."
Thank you so much. "I've gone..."
朱莉 我们能去另一个房♥间谈谈吗？
Julie, can we talk in the other room?
让她说完 我们都是成年人了
Let her finish. We're all grownups.
我可以跳到结尾
I can skip to the end.
不 但在那之前
No, but before you do that,
我能表演我的压轴戏吗？
can I do my finale?
什么压轴戏？
What finale?
我的大压轴戏 我能...
My grand finale. Can I...
- 不行 凯里... - 求你了 让我表演压轴戏吧
- No. Carey... - Please, let me do the finale.
那就表演吧
Just do it.
如果你还要继续说 那就快点 快 快
If you're gonna keep talking, just go for it. Quick, quick.
那么 有人想喝点柠檬水吗？
So, does anybody want some lemonade?
这本来是我开场的方式 然后...
It was gonna be the first way I started it. And then...
然后...
And then...
哇！
Whoa!
搞什么鬼？
What the hell?
里面一直有张牌？
There was a card in there the whole time?
然后这张牌...
And then the card...
是红心皇后
is a queen of hearts.
因为你是我的皇后