分居（2025）

"残酷的诚实"这个概念
this concept of brutal honesty.
一旦我接受了它 就感觉非常解脱
And it's been really freeing once I embraced it.
你应该试试
You should try it.
你为什么需要人生导师？你自己就是人生导师
Why do you need a life coach? You're a life coach.
导师也需要导师 保罗
Coaches need coaches, Paul.
你以为我婚礼前是怎么瘦下来的？
How do you think I lost all that weight before the wedding?
我的工作是帮助人们
My job is to help people,
激励人们做出更好的决定
to motivate people into making better decisions.
听起来很像为人父母
Sounds a lot like being a parent.
我们不如就骗他们说我们上过床了？
Why don't we just lie to them and say that we had sex?
你刚刚还高谈阔论要诚实
You just gave this whole spiel about being honest.
说实话 是因为我的外表吗？
Be honest. Is it how I look?
不是 也因为你的为人
No. It's also because of the way you are.
我再想想别的办法
I'll come up with something else.
你可以说实话
You can be honest.
我会不惜一切代价挽回我的妻子
I'm going to do whatever it takes to get my wife back.
你知道 我原以为我们可以为了比自身更重大的目标团结一致
You know, I really thought we could unite in common pursuit
of something much bigger than ourselves.
好吧 行
OK. Fine.
我们做吧
Let's have sex.
不 我现在不想了
No. I don't want to now.
好吧 行
OK. Fine.
好吧 行 是的 你说得对 我们做吧
OK, fine, yeah. Let's have sex, you're right.
不 你说得对
No, you're right.
我们需要想点别的
We need to come up with something else.
想点大的 比如浪漫的举动之类的
Something big. Like a romantic gesture or something.
好吧 我数到五再穿衣服
OK, I'm gonna count to five before I put my clothes on,
以防你再次改变主意
in case you change your mind again.
一 二...
One, two...
三 四 五
Three, four, five.
四
Four.
拉斯 想一个数字 随便什么数字
I want you to think of a number, Russ. Any number.
说出你的数字 说
Say your number. Say it.
- 十一！- 十一
- Eleven! - Eleven.
但这太简单了
But that's easy.
那是他的生日
That's his birthday.
好吧...
All right...
这个魔术师真烂
This magician sucks.
好的好的 那么 我们再来一个
Okey-dokey, so, let's do another.
轮到你了 我的小怀疑论者
Let's go with you, my little skeptic.
让你选一个名字
Let's have you pick a name.
想一个你非常爱的人
Think of someone that you love very much.
传给我
Send it to me.
以S开头
Starts with an S.
以...以S开头？
Starts with... starts with an S?
不对
No.
不对？
No?
我一直收到索尼娅
I keep getting Sonia.
不对 是妈妈
No, it was Mom.
你妈妈叫什么名字？她叫索尼娅吗？
And what's your mom's name? Is her name Sonia?
好吧
OK.
我们鼓掌吧
Let's clap.
谢谢 鼓掌吧
Thank you. Let's clap.
是啊 连自己妈妈的名字都不知道
Yeah. Doesn't even know his own mom's name.
你能让我消失吗？
Can you make me disappear?
不 我...我是读心术师 不是魔术师 所以...
No, I... I'm a mentalist, not a magician, so...
我的魔法更多是在意念层面
my magic is more in the mind.
比如 我能读懂别人的心思
Like, I can read people's minds.
我在想什么？
What am I thinking of?
- 生日蛋糕 - 哇
- Birthday cake. - Whoa.
我刚才也在想生日蛋糕
I was thinking about birthday cake, too.
我知道你在想
I know you were.
他们真该请个小丑
They should have gotten a clown.
妈妈 我们能吃蛋糕了吗？
Mom, can we have cake?
可以！
Yes!
哦 好 是啊 我们...
Oh, good, yeah. Let's...
就在我表演到一半的时候休息吃蛋糕吧
Let's just take a break for cake in the middle of my show.
- 你做得很好 - 不
- You did great. - No.
- 挺好的 - 不好
- That was good. - It wasn't.
天啊 我讨厌给小孩表演
God, I hate performing for children.
嗯 也许有自己的孩子会不一样
Well, maybe it's different when they're yours.
你说得对
You're probably right.
你们考虑要孩子吗？
You guys thinking of having kids?
不 他做了输精管结扎
No, he has a vasectomy.
是啊 我23岁时做的 那时对乳胶过敏 所以...
Yeah, yeah, I was 23 and had a latex allergy, so...
真遗憾 老兄
I'm sorry, man.
伙计 谢谢你
Buddy, thank you.
不 谢谢你来做这个
No, thank you for doing this.
是啊 不 我的荣幸
Yeah, no, my pleasure.
我--我通常不做这么小的场子 但是 呃...
I--I usually don't do venues this small, but, uh...
不 他通常做大场子
No, he usually does big venues.
像那种大型的 公♥司♥的 几百人的
Like, big, corporate, hundreds of people.
- 是啊 几千人的 - 是的
- Yeah, thousands. - Yeah.
但为了这位女士 什么都行
But anything for this lady.
凯里 你能过来一下吗？
Carey, can you come here?
我们能拆礼物了吗？
Can we do presents?
我计划了一个大压轴戏
I got a big finale planned.
等我们吃完蛋糕后
After we do the cake.
- 我们能吃蛋糕了吗？- 吃完饭后
- Can we do the cake? - After we eat.
食物什么时候来 拜托？
When is the food coming, please?
我不知道
I don't know.
安东内塔应该随时就到
Antoneta should be here any minute.
好的 你能去找找蜡烛吗？
OK, can you please find the candles for this?
我觉得在楼上卧室的一个CVS袋子里
I think they're upstairs in a CVS bag in the bedroom.
- 是的 - 还有狗！
- Yeah. - And the dog!
拜托 你能把狗放进凯里壁橱里吗？
Please, can you put the dog in the Carey closet?
啊！明白 交给我
Ah! Gotcha. I've gotcha.
他为什么那样抱着狗？
Why is he holding the dog like that?
嘿 杰克逊！
Hey, Jackson!
嘿！哟 我检查了你所有的烟雾报♥警♥器
Hey! Yo, I checked all your fire alarms.
好像有两个电池电量低了 哥们
The batteries were low on, like, two, man.
你得定期更换 知道吗？
You gotta, like, regularly replace those, you know?
好的 我会的
OK. I will.
好了
All right.
- 一只小狗？- 是啊 给你的
- A puppy? - Yeah, it's yours.
这只 你其实可以训练
This one, you can actually train.
谢谢 爸爸！
Thanks, Dad!
保罗 这是什么？
Paul, what is this?
他一直想要一只狗
He always wanted a dog.
他已经有一只狗了
He has a dog.
一只真正的狗
A real dog.
哦 呃 这是凯莉
Oh, uh, this is Keri.
嘿！
Hey!
凯莉 这位是我的前妻
Keri, this is my ex.
很高兴认识你
Nice to meet you.
朱莉 幸会
Julie. Pleasure.
哦我的天！我们穿了同一条裙子
Oh my God! We're wearing the same dress.
真好笑！
How funny!
哦我的天！那是...
Oh my God! That's...
保罗刚给我买♥♥的
Paul just bought it for me.
是吗？真是巧合
Did he? What a coincidence.
烫 烫 烫！这个放哪儿？
Hot, hot, hot! Where do you want this?
嗯 这边 放厨房♥
Mmm. Just this way, in the kitchen.
请随意
Make yourself at home.
你知道那只狗花了我差不多三千块吗？
You know that dog cost me, like, three grand?
嘿 凯里！
Hey, Carey!
凯里 我能跟你谈谈吗？
Carey, can I talk to you?
凯里！
Carey!
阿什利 我知道你在想什么
Ashley, I know what you're thinking.
别
Don't.
啊