上班族妈妈

Workin' Moms S02E12

Part 1 March 15, 2020, 6:38 p.m.

《职场老妈》前情提要
Previously on "Workin' Moms"...
这样吧我还是给你放录音吧
Yeah, this is gonna be a lot easier
这样能更容易些
if I just let you listen to the recording.
从现在起要想着
From now on, I want you think about
其他女人感觉多强烈
how hard other women cum.
我的腋窝怎么了
What's goin' on in my pit?
发现宝藏了还是怎样
Find some treasure or something?
你的腋窝下有个小肿块
You have a small lump in your armpit.
我是得癌症了吗
Do I have cancer?
近停经期
Peri-menopause?
她的抚养权该归你
You should take her.
-什么 -她的抚养权该归你
- What? - Take her.
不能就这么饶了他
He can't get away with this.
我不会就这么算了的
I'm not gonna let him.
相信我我会处理好的
Trust me when I say that I am going to handle this.
生了查理以后
Yeah, ever since givin' birth to Charlie,
我的小鸡鸡就不一样了
through my penis, just doesn't look the same.
总是一副吐舌头的鬼样子
It's all stretched out and weird.
看着很精致啊
Yeah, I don't know, still looks pretty elegant.
精致这又不是早午餐
Elegant? What is this, brunch?
我想要的是又粗又大
I want it to be intimidating.
早午餐也可以很大
For the record, I find brunch very intimidating.
我分娩后缝了14针
After I gave birth, I got 14 stitches.
简直就是个血池子
It was a blood bath.
感觉像是断了根骨头
Like I broke a bone, or some shit.
你这也算是断了根骨头了
Well, you did sorta break a bone.
可帕西还是撑过去了
Yeah, Percy pulled through, though.
帕西是条汉子
Percy's a real trooper.
你管你的小鸡鸡叫帕西
What, you call your dick Percy?
-没错 -酷
- Yeah, I do. - Cool.
-来摸摸 -还是算了
- Go ahead, give it a touch. - No, I'm good, man.
兄弟它不会随便发射的
Dude, this shit is sealed tight.
我不信我可不想
I don't...I believe, I don't wanna--
你怎么一点妊娠纹都没有
Wow, there's like no stretch marks. How'd you do that?
我每天睡前都用
I just massaged it with cocoa butter
可可油按♥摩♥
before I went to bed every night.
老色胚
You dirty dog.
伙计们稍微控制一下自己
Um, fellas, I'm gonna need ya to rein it in here.
这玩意一掏出来
You know when we take it out,
就免不了一番无聊的攀比
it just turns into a pissing contest.
想象一下生双胞胎
Imagine having twins.
看过油管上那个
Ever seen that YouTube video
蟒蛇吐出一头牛的视频吗
where that boa constrictor is throwing up a cow?
想一下那个画面
Yeah, picture that.
再想一次
And picture it again.
我嫌弃我的鸡鸡了
I hate my now.
我真的在考虑
I'm actually thinking about getting
做个鸡鸡回春手术
penile rejuvenation surgery.
千万不要艾莉西亚别闹
Whoa, hey now, Alicia, that's crazy.
行了不管我们的身体变成什么样
Come on now, our wives, co-workers, friends,
老婆同事和朋友还是会一如既往地爱我们的
they'll love us no matter what our bodies look like.
我们来谈谈当了父亲后
Now let's talk about how your lives have changed
大家的生活有什么变化
since becoming fathers.
我发现抱着孩子出去会有更多女人找我搭讪
I find more women flirt with me when I'm with my baby,
我喜欢
and I like that.
我也喜欢
Yeah, love that shit.
-没错 -太棒了
- Yeah. - Sweet.
-我老婆还想再要个孩子 -别
- My wife wants another one. - Don't.
我不想要干嘛还要
I'm not. Why would I?
我现在过得很好
I'm pretty comfortable.
天呐你们能想象如果是女人被逼生孩子呢
Gosh, could you imagine if women had to give birth?
从那些巨大的洞中出来吗不要太轻松
Through those enormous holes? What a cake walk!
孩子一下就滑出来了
Yeah, the babies would just slide out.
都不用使劲只需要这样
Oh, they wouldn't even have to push, just
不过她们还是会抱怨的
They'd still find somethin' to complain about though.
是不是
Am I right?
是不是是不是是不是
Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right?
是不是是不是是是
Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I ri-I-I-I-I...
是是是
I-I-I-I-I-I-I.
瓦尔
Val!
近停经期
Peri-fuckin'-menopause.
职场老妈
第二季第十二集
谢谢你抽时间过来
Thanks for coming, by the way.
我一个人做不来
I mean I could've done this myself but--
你当然可以可你用不着
No, of course you could've, but you don't have to,
因为有我陪着你呢
'cause I got you.
你写清楚时间地点了吧
And you were clear about the location and time?
当然我把所有细节都写清楚了
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was clear about all the details.
让女人站出来揭发一个性侵者
Asking women to come out of hiding about a sexual predator.
总要有耐心等等人家吧
I can't exactly demand that they RSVP.
当然你做得很对
Totally. You did this perfectly.
只是我不太好预估
It's just like, hard on my end,
要带多少茶和多大的蛋糕过来
to predict how much you know like, tea and cake to bring.
你为什么要买♥♥这个蛋糕
Why did you even buy that cake?
不是你说蛋糕是个好主意
You said cake as a good idea?
可我没让你写这几个字
Not with that inscription.
性侵者派对
我觉得这样可以缓解气氛
I thought it would lighten the mood, you know,
帮得上你比如...
like in the right way? Like...
老天根本没人会来这...
Jesus Christ, no one's coming. This...
太愚蠢了这是个蠢主意
this is so stupid. This was a stupid idea.
咱们收拾收拾撤吧快帮我收拾
Let's just clean up. Just help me clean up.
好的好的
Okay, okay.
要不先吃块蛋糕再走
Maybe before we go, we have a little bit of cake?
-里面加了大♥麻♥ -别再提这个蛋糕了
- It is funfetti. - Stop it with the cake.
你真是个职业泼冷水的知道吗
You're a real downer, you know that?
欢迎光临
Hi. Welcome to the par-
非常感谢你们过来
thank you...so much for coming.
你好我们认识布莱德·汉斯顿
Hi, we know Brad Heshinton.
-我们是他的学生 -请进
- We're students of his. - Please come in.
在这可以放心地谈论他
Th-this is a safe place to talk about him.
没错
Yeah.
他给我催眠
I learned so much in his class
让我进入被催眠状态时
that when he asked me to go under, you know to-
我觉得自己学到了很多
to hypnotize me,
我还觉得这是个让自己成长的好机会
I thought it would be a great opportunity to grow.
催眠你听到她说催眠了吗
Hypnotize, she said hyp- did you hear?
闭嘴
Stop it.
我有理由认为他干扰了
But I have reason to believe that he interfered
我的判断
with my...judgment.
为什么呢
How so?
我不喜欢他
Well, I-I wasn't attracted to him,
一点都不他对我来说只是个好老师
like not at all. He was just a good teacher.
当我从催眠中醒过来时
But when I woke up from hypnosis,
布莱德搂着我坐在沙发上
Brad was on the couch next to me, with his arm around me,
茶几上扔着一堆用过的卫生纸
and there was all these used tissues on the table,
我突然记起那时我感觉自己像是一个
and... I suddenly remember thinking that I was a...
无助的小女孩
a lost little girl.
属于他的无助小女孩
That I was his lost little girl.
当时我就是这种感觉
Like those words exactly.
无助小女孩可不会来这种讨论会
A lost little girl wouldn't come to a meeting like this,
-这是肯定的 -没错
- that's for sure. - That's right.
你把这个故事分享给我们
You sharing that story with us?
只有坚强勇敢的女性才会这样做
That's behaviour of a strong, brave-ass woman.
我知道我知道是这样我只是
Yeah, I know. I know you're right. I just um...
我内心深处有这样一个感觉
I have this, I have this pit in my stomach
因为我确信我在被催眠的时候
because I'm pretty sure he was pleasuring himself...
他在自♥慰♥
while I was under.
我相信你
I believe you.
他的所作所为都是他的问题
What he did? That's on him.
你不用再被他的病态影响了