副总统（2012）
Veep S02E03
Part 1
Oct. 12, 2020, 8:17 p.m.
你看了这个吗? 瞧瞧
Are you watching this? Look at this.
关于人♥质♥ 肖恩·潘做得都比我们多 (著名硬汉影星)
Sean Penn is doing more about the hostages than we are.
这些可怜的孩子...他们和Caterine差不多大
These poor kids... they're like Catherine's age.
我在人♥质♥危机中表现肯定会很糟 就算当劫匪也不会好
I'd be terrible in a hostage situation, even as a hostage taker.
女士 国防部长那还没有任何
So, ma'am, no word yet from the Secretary of Defense
关于和他一起去海军基地的答复吗
about joining him at the Marine base?
唔 没有 Maddox什么都没说
Uh, no, nothing from Maddox,
但他知道我现在在白宫的影响更大了
but he knows I've got a bigger role in the White House now,
也就是说我有个更大的屌♥让他吸了
which means I've got a bigger dick, which means he can suck it.
那真令人高兴 我的演讲怎么样了?
I'm so happy about that. How's my speech coming?
哦 就一个小改动 就一个词 真的
Oh, one minor change. Just one word, really.
经过深思熟虑的答复将变成坚定的答复
Considered response is now gonna be robust response.
坚定的? 见鬼 这真不错
Robust? Damn, that's good.
嗯 我是说 它微妙得足够让我们向总统示忠
Yeah, I mean, it's subtle enough to seem loyal to POTUS.
那会让特区激动得过电的 哦 那会给特区通上交流电
- That's gonna electrify DC. - Oh, it's gonna AC DC.
坚定是个好词
Robust is a good word.
而且你不常听到 就像自以为是一样
And you don't hear it often, like bumptious.
是的 它就是你想在人♥质♥危机时听到的
Yeah, it's what you want to hear in a hostage crisis.
坚定 不是自以为是
Robust, not bumptious.
Mike 你觉得怎么样? 坚定这个词怎么样?
Mike, what do you think? What do you think about robust?
坚定? 我喜欢 让我想到了酒 (robust也表示香味浓烈)
Robust? I like it. It makes me think of wine.
事实上我喜欢那样的红酒
It's actually how I like my reds.
你还喜欢用弯曲的吸管喝红酒 对吗 Mike
You like your reds through a bendy straw, too, right, Mike?
Mike 你身上有甜甜圈
You got donut on you, Mike.
Sue 祝你在听证会一切顺利
Sue, good luck at the hearing.
记住 Sue 要装傻 我会的
- Remember, Sue, be dull. - I will.
你是来开会的吗?我没约任何人
Are you here for a meeting? I'm not expecting anyone.
Sue 我是临时来顶你班的 Cliff Cliff 嘿 我是Gary
- Sue, I'm your fill-in, Cliff. - Cliff. Hey, I'm Gary.
我是你的邻居 记住 照顾好Selina 好吗?
I'm your neighbor. Remember, take care of Selina, okay?
VP代表很珍贵
VP stands for very precious.
懂吗? 是的
Okay? - Okay.
Cliff 在
Cliff. - Yes.
这是副总统百科全书
This is the Veeplopedia.
里面有一切你需要知道的东西
It's everything you'll ever need to know.
喔 希望这个有随赠读书笔记 (类似教材参考书的东西)
Wow. Hope it comes with CliffsNotes.
那是个和我名字有关的文字游戏 我的名字是Cliff
That was a play on my name. My name is Cliff.
别开玩笑 Cliff
Don't do jokes, Cliff.
我没有幽默感而你也不该有
I don't have a sense of humor and neither should you.
早上好
Good morning.
你怎么能把两个令人愉悦的词变得如此讨厌呢?
How do you make two perfectly pleasant words so irritating?
就是他 那个不给他的蛋做民调就
And here he is, the man who can't take a leak
尿不出来的男人
without polling his balls.
把我的樱桃色活页文件夹拿来 Jonah
Bring me my cerise-colored binder, Jonah.
樱桃色?是的 先生
Cerise? Yes, sir.
副总统的基地访问就是今天
The VP's base visit today.
国防部长Maddox没有辜负他的名字
Secretary of Defense Maddox is living up to his name.
他气得跟公牛一样发狂
He's mad as an ox.
我很确定只要我一到那就能阻止任何激烈的争辩
I'm sure I can break up any catfights when I get there.
副总统更关注人♥质♥的情况
The veep's more concerned with the hostage situation.
是的 我昨晚和总统谈过了
Yeah, I was talking to POTUS last night.
他都同意得那话儿站起来有Jonah那么高了
He had a pro-strike hawk boner the size of Jonah.
而你今天早上和他谈话后
And then you talked to him about it this morning
他突然就很反对这项行动了
and he's suddenly totally against the operation.
我只是把民调结果给了总统而已
All I do is provide POTUS with the polls.
冰冷的数字 上帝 我恨数字
- Cold numbers. - God, I hate numbers.
很多文化甚至都没有数字 但他们过得很好
There's cultures that don't even have any numbers and they do just fine.
好吧 Ben 看上去你并不适合现在的工作 你该辞职
Well, Ben, it seems like you're ill-suited for your job and you should resign.
把Ben的衰弱放一边 副总统觉得
Ben's breakdown aside, the VP feels we need
我们需要一次迅速的军事袭击
a quick military strike here.
是的 严格又精确 就像你的前脑叶白质切除术一样 Kent
Yeah, precise and surgical, like your lobotomy, Kent.
樱桃色活页夹 先生 不 这是桃红色
- The cerise binders, sir. - No, that's cherry red.
樱桃色 抱歉 先生
- Cerise. - I'm sorry, sir.
我肯定有某种特殊的色盲
I must have a very specific form of color blindness.
我每天都做这种面
I cook these noodles every day.
哦 面的比喻
Oh, the noodle analogy.
你们会喜欢的
You guys are gonna love this.
我马上离开
I will leave.
它们得在800瓦的功率下加热
They need to be heated at 800 watts
3分35秒
for three minutes and 35 seconds.
超过就会太干
Any more and they'll dry out.
时间少了它们就会软趴趴湿哒哒的
Any less and they will be flaccid and damp
就像雨天里女人的头发一样
like a lady's hair in the rain.
我们为什么要谈论面条? 不 让我换个问法
- Why are we talking about noodles? - No, let me rephrase that.
我们他妈为什么要讨论面条?
Why the fuck are we talking about noodles?
我会告诉你原因 人♥质♥危机 面条...一样的原则
I'll tell you why. Hostage crisis, noodles... same principle.
全都要求精确的时机把握 都不能匆忙处理
Both require precision timing, neither should be rushed.
只有在65%以上的美国人支持不计伤亡
Inaction only becomes untenable when more than 65% of Americans
采取干预措施的时候行动时机才成熟
support intervention even with casualties.
所以你想让我告诉副总统在那之前我们什么都不干?
So you'd like me to tell the vice president we do nothing until then?
等待不是什么都不做
Waiting is not doing nothing.
我选择等我的面条
I choose to wait for my noodles
就算我的唾液腺朝我大喊
even though my salivary glands are crying out to me
像新生的幼鸟一样
like newly hatched birds.
但它们会感谢我 因为我会一直等到...
But they will thank me because I waited until...
你就为了等你这一叮
You just timed out that whole shit analogy
把刚才的时间用狗屎比喻给糊过去了?
for your little ding?
真你妈可悲
That is fucking pathetic.
嘿 Maddox那有任何消息吗
Hey, have we heard anything from Maddox?
他有因为我在基地出现而吐子弹么?
Is he spitting bullets 'cause I'm showing up at the base?
什么也没有 真的吗
Nothing. Nada. - Really?
那挺可怕 不是吗 是挺可怕
- It's eerie, right? - It is eerie.
嘿 Neilio 我们进来了
Hey, Neilio. We're in.
到里面见 我猜
See you in there, I guess.
好的 谢谢
Okay. Thanks.
他的头大概塞进屁♥股♥里了
Probably got his head stuck in her ass.
是的 我有 哦 天哪 是的
Yes, I do. Oh, my gosh, yes.
嘿 女士 在Maddox到之前你有五分钟副总统的时间
Hey, ma'am, you've got five minutes of veep time before Maddox arrives.
是的 他们没有对你行礼
- Yeah. - They're not saluting you.
他们在室内不行礼 Gary
They don't salute indoors, Gary.
他们在室内不行礼 Gary
They don't salute indoors, Gary.
早上好 陆战队员们 女士
- Good morning, Marine. - Ma'am.
你在伊♥拉♥克♥服役过?我知道了
You served in Iraq? I see.
那么你有到...附近
And were you anywhere near...
巴格达 安巴尔
Baghdad. - Anbar.
...安巴尔? 是的
- ...Anbar? - Yes.
安巴尔 太棒了
Anbar, wonderful.
女士 这个基地驻扎的是陆战二队
Ma'am, this base houses Marine 2.
我知道陆战二队在这里
I understand that Marine 2 is here.
你知道我CD播放器里有《飞行的女武神》吗 (瓦格纳著名进行曲)
And did you know in the CD player I've got Ride of the Valkyries?
《现代启示录》
Apocalypse Now.
是我最喜欢的电影之一 黑暗 但我喜欢
That's one of my favorite films. It's dark, but I like it.
陆战队员们喜欢被称作魔犬 魔犬
Marines Like to be called Devil Dogs. - Devil Dogs.
你们就是一群魔犬 这就是我听说的
You are a bunch of Devil Dogs, that's what I hear.
我嫁给了一只魔犬 但他不是海军陆战队的
I was married to a Devil Dog, but he wasn't a Marine.
他比魔鬼更黑暗
He was more of a devil.
她真有趣
She's so funny.
谢谢你对国家的贡献
Thank you for your service.
早上好 陆战队员 他有张漂亮的脸
- Good morning, Marine. - He has a nice face.
你有张漂亮的脸 谢谢 女士
- You have a nice face. - Thank you, ma'am.
你在哪服役来着 陆战队员?
And where did you serve, Marine?
停止开火!停止开火!
Cease fire! Cease fire!
这些小型武器的有效射程是25码
These small arms have a max effective range of 25 yards.
小型武器指的是手♥枪♥ 女士
Small arms means guns, ma'am.
哦 是吗 Gary?不是霸王龙的手? (小短手) 好吧
- Oh, really, Gary? Not T-rex hands? - Okay.
部长先生 您要试试么
Mr. Secretary, would you like to try?
不 我很好 我开过枪
No, I'm good. I've fired a gun before.
好吧
Okay.
在盛怒之下 我恐怕得加上 哦 喔哦
- In anger, too, I might add. - Oh, uh-oh.
不过你为什么不试试 副总统女士?
But why don't you give it a try, Madam Vice President?
哦 我不
副总统（2012）
Veep
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