伊莱扎和真心话（2017）

我当时说"赶紧拍了完事儿"
I said "Just take the picture."
我看起来是不是像只邪恶的蜘蛛 好吧
Don't I look like an evil spider? Okay.
感觉我穿这身儿是要参加一个很性感的葬礼
Like I'm going to, like a really hot funeral.
加州奥兰治县一个富裕郊区的一家酒吧
Okay. Uh, a bar in a wealthy suburb of orange county
在庆祝五月五日节的派对上竖起了充气的边界墙
put up an inflatable border wall as part of its Cinco de Mayo party.
一个女人在社交媒体上发布了这个消息
A woman posted this on social media
然后被疯狂转发
and it went viral.
首先
First of all,
所有酒吧都不应该模仿这家酒吧的做法
this bar did what absolutely no bar should do.
那就是大搞特搞五月五日节主题
Lean extremely hard into a Cinco de Mayo theme.
酒吧给顾客发了假绿卡
The bar gave patrons fake green cards,
如果他们成功爬上这个绿色怪物
And if they climb this green monster successfully,
就会得到一杯免费饮料
they got one free drink.
因为 是啊 喝酒庆祝一堵花费纳税人数十亿美元
Because, yeah, what's more fun to drink to
令无数家庭妻离子散的墙 有什么能比这更有意思呢
than a wall costing taxpayers billions and tearing families apart.
还有 我觉得更大的问题是
Also, I think the bigger issue here,
只给一杯
only one drink?
逊毙了 听着 事实是
Lame. Look, here's the fact,
人们想来美国
people want to come to the United States.
移♥民♥为我们的国内生产总值贡献了大约2万亿美元
Immigrants contribute about $2 trillion to our gross domestic product.
如果你真的想算得细一点的话
And if you really wanna be selfish about it,
我们的食物供应也依赖于非法移♥民♥的农场工人
our food supply depends on undocumented migrant farm workers.
好吧 可能并不是48个州全这样
Well it doesn't, like 48 states.
我觉得新罕布♥什♥尔州有自己的特色
I feel like New Hampshire like does its own thing.
怀俄明州的朋友 你们喜欢吃狼肉吗 我不知道
I'm also like, in Wyoming. What, you guys like wolf meat? I don't know.
我完全不懂
I have no idea.
美国就像是学校食堂里最受欢迎的人坐的那一桌
America is acting like the popular table in the cafeteria,
对移♥民♥来说 我们就像在说
to immigrants, we're all like,
"你可以种植我们的食物 你也可以把它们端给我们"
"You can grow our food and you can serve it to us,
"但你不能和我们坐在一起"
but you can't sit with us."
搞什么啊 时代姐妹花吗
Like, what are we, Heathers?
移♥民♥就说
Immigrants are like,
"好吧 但如果我在给你种食物的时候把手指切了"
"Okay. But if I slice my finger while growing your food,
"你能带我去急诊室吗"
can you take me to the ER?"
然后美国就拒绝
and American's like no,
"抱歉哦 才怪 但别忘了把舞会皇后的票投给我哦 拜拜"
"Sorry, not sorry, but vote me for prom queen, okay bye."
你们喜欢这个比喻吗 因为我还有一个
Did you like that analogy? Because I have another one.
美国曾经是高中受欢迎的女孩之一
America used to be the popular girl in high school,
我们很漂亮 每个人都想融入我们
We were beautiful and everyone wanted to be in us.
但到后来呢
But then like later in life,
美国卷入了一些战争
we got into some wars,
又欠了一屁♥股♥债
fell behind on some bills,
这回真的搞砸了
got a little banged up.
现在的美国大不如从前
And now we're not as hot as we used to be.
但移♥民♥们还是像那个高中时代的呆瓜一样
But immigrants are like that one dork
一如既往地爱着美国
that was still in love with us from high school.
觉得美国是最靓的那个妞
And like, still thinks we're amazing
永远都会是最靓的妞
and can be amazing.
就好比 "我还深深地爱着你"
And they're like "I'm still down for you".
这也是电影<阿珠与阿花>里的情节
It's also the plot of Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, and
但咱们最后可不会开围巾店
except like we don't open like a scarf shop at the end.
这也是<欢乐一家亲>第七季里的一个小转折吧
And it's also a small arc on season 7 of Frasier.
但我想说的是
But the point is,
让他爱你吧 美国
Let him love you, America!
尽管你有缺点 移♥民♥们还是爱你
Immigrants love you despite your flaws,
还有你多出来的的18斤赘肉
and twenty extra pounds.
以及没完没了的国际债务
and mind-numbing international debt.
让移♥民♥们爱你 崇拜你吧
let immigrants love you and worship you
为了大好的机遇
for the opportunity giving,
为了那翻滚的琥珀色麦浪
amber wave of grain waving,
为了那巍峨雄伟的山峰
purple mountain majesty having,
为了追随你那自♥由♥的号♥角
fashion of let freedom ring that you are.
美♥利♥坚♥万岁
USA!
美♥利♥坚♥万岁
USA!
谢谢
Thank you.
你觉得这口号♥怎么样呢
What do you think about that, USA?
我只是觉着 坐在这白色王座上听你们欢呼
I just, it's very odd to hear
真的好奇怪
while sitting in a white throne.
感觉自己离第♥一♥夫♥人♥又近了一步
You definitely feel closer to Melania.
和我的感觉完全相反
Antithetical I got.
这和咱们主题正好冲突 - 对啊
It's a conflict of themes. - Yeah.
我们可不想让你坐在高脚凳上
We don't wanna put you on a stool.
真谢谢你呢
Yeah. Thank you.
清醒的其中一个表现 就是
Part of being woke is realizing
我们能意识到歧视的存在
that there's discrimination all around us
你参加过试镜吗
Have you ever gone to an audition?
你们会演戏 对吧
You guys act, right?
你们谁参加过试镜呢
Who has been to an audition?
这是Phoebe Robinson和我为一部电影试镜时
Yeah. Well Here's what happened
发生的事情
and I read for a movie.
嘿
Hey.
嘿 女士们
Hey ladies.
抱歉 我们吃了一小时午饭 才回来
So sorry, it took us an hour to get back from lunch.
非常感谢你们的耐心
Thank you so much for your patience.
我是你们两个的超级粉丝啊
Such huge fans of both you guys.
我的天啊
Oh my gosh.
在你们试镜前 我们要做些调整
So we have a few adjustments before we go in and read.
好啊
Okay.
那简直太太太太太太好了
Great,great,great,great,GREAT.
那么Phoebe
So Phoebe,
我们需要一个都市女性的角色
we're looking for something very urban.
她很愤怒
She's very angry,
同时又很泼辣
but she's also sassy.
基本上就是个来搞笑的穷逼
So she sort of a fun ghetto.
等等等等
Wait wait wait.
搞笑穷逼是啥玩意儿
What's fun ghetto?
因为这个角色总是大惊小怪的
You know she's very gah-gah!
唠唠叨叨 叽叽喳喳的
You know, she's very goo goo goo.
等等 就像一只鸟吗
Wait, like a, a bird?
她是个有眉有眼有脑袋的人
Out of shoulders, eyes, neck-head.
呃 她很开心
Um, she's having fun.
这点很重要
That's important.
她的节奏感很强
She's full of beats.
明白吗
Okay?
她玩得超嗨 头还要跟着节奏摇摆
And she's having a blast but she's rolling her head,
她特别易怒 还在尖叫
she's got anger issues, but she's screaming.
你得戴上这个假发 好吗
Uh. She's also wearing this. Okay?
可我有辫子啊
I I have braids.
我不需要这个
I don't need this.
真棒呢
Amazing.
这么快就进入角色了 你真聪明
Thank you so much for taking the note, you're brilliant.
我的天呐 Iliza
oh my god, Iliza!
你来了 我太激动了
So excited you here.
你所有的电影我都喜欢
I love all of your movies.
那你嘛
Uh. With you,
还得在疯狂张扬一点
The reed is gonna be a little bit more flurry.
好的
Okay.
呃 你的角色就是个婊♥子♥
Um She's definitely a bimbo,
她很疯狂
She's crazy.
你也可以叫她性感疯妞
She's also you would call a hot psycho.
她有恋父情结
She's got daddy issues.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
可这个角色是个修女
She's...the character's a nun.
对
Yeah,
等等 我也是来试那个角色的啊
Wait, I'm reading for the part of the nun.
对
Yeah.
我们演的是同样的角色吗
Are we up for the same role?
对
Yeah.
我们还不清楚需要什么样的角色
We have no idea what we're looking for.
那 我就先进去了
Yeah. Ah. I'm gonna hop back in there.