伊莱扎和真心话（2017）

做♥爱♥真的很累的
Sex can be tiring,
所以 你是说你想在下♥体♥♥位♥
So are you saying you wanna be on the bottom,
还是说 你只想躺下看杂♥志♥
or like you wanna lay back and read a magazine?
我觉得 说实在的 只要你的性生活
I think the honest truth is as long as you're participating in sex
能让你感到快乐就行
in a way that makes you happy,
就没事
you're fine.
是吧
Right?
唯一不正确的做♥爱♥方式就是你拿不到报酬
The only wrong way to have sex is if you don't get paid.
什么 行啦
What? Okay.
好有道理 对吧
Make sense. You're saying,
我妈妈会看这集的
my mom's gonna watch this episode,
她可能会说 你在说什么胡话呢
She'll be like, what are you talking about?
妓♥女♥的笑话吗
A prostitute joke?
拜托
Come on,
你能说个更好的笑话
you're better than that.
Christian G问
Christian G asks,
如果我觉得碧昂丝被高估了
am I a bad feminist
我是个坏女权主义者吗
If I think Beyonce a is extremely overrated?
是的
Yes,
而且 这还意味着你是种族主义者
also, it means you're racist.
下一个
Moving on.
呃 不是
Uh. No.
你不是啦 没事的
You're not, you're fine.
可能我们对女权主义者好坏的标准都不一样
So we might not all agree on what being a good or bad feminist means,
但我们都知道 女权主义者能把事情做好
But one thing we do know is that feminist get things done.
问题是 是啊 我有自己的脱口秀
The problem. Yeah, I got a show.
问题是 有些男人觉得这很有威胁性
The problem is some men find that threatening,
真可惜
which is a shame.
所以 如果你是个独♥立♥的女强人
So, if you're a strong independent woman,
而你的感情生活也不如意
and your love life isn't what you want it to be,
我有个办法
I've got a solution for you.
女士们
Ladies,
你上了大学 找了份高薪工作 买♥♥了房♥子
You went to college, you got a high-payed job, you bought a home,
你跟上自己的生活节奏 吃得健康
you keep up with your highlights, and you eat healthy,
每件事你都做得很好
you've done everything right.
但现在没人跟你约会了
And now there's no one left for you to date,
因为男人都怕你
because men are terrified of you.
不是因为你刻薄或很可怕
Not because you're mean or scary,
而是你选择了照顾自己
but because you've chosen to take care of yourself.
你想要爱
You want love,
其他人也一样
but so does everybody else.
和你们每个人相比
And for every one of you,
还有成千上万的女人 能让男人觉得不那么有威胁性
there are thousands of women that men find less threatening.
那么 你该如何从竞争中脱颖而出呢
So how does a girl set herself apart from the competition?
使用我的"弱点工具包" 做个弱女子吧
By being weaker, with my weakness kit.
我的包里塞满了各种工具
My kit is jam packed with tools
保证让你迷倒众生
guaranteed to make you more attractive to men.
在里面
Inside,
有一本指导手册 内含一些有用的对话开场白
you'll find an instructional booklet with helpful conversation starters.
你会学到些有用的表达
You'll learn phrases like,
"我能穿你的夹克吗"
"Can I wear your jacket?"
"我好冷哟"
"I'm cold."
"我该选哪种医保呢"
"What tiers should I root for?"
"你能打开这个吗"
"Can you open this?"
我的工具包里还有这瓶在关键时刻使用的氦气
Also included in my kit is this flask of helium for key moments.
因为当你想跟男人约会的时候
Because when you're trying to meet a man,
他是不会喜欢这样的女生的
he's not going to go for this,
咱来拼酒吧
Let's do shot.
快点啊 来啊
Come on, yeah!
因为他更喜欢这样的女生
when he can go for this.
我酒量真的不行
I'm such a lightweight.
你可能在问 Iliza
You may be asking, Iliza,
为什么我需要这个工具包
why do I need this kit?
难道男人不觉得女强人有魅力吗
Don't men find strong women attractive?
有一个男人是这样的
Well. One man does.
我们找到他了
We found him.
他住在弗雷斯♥诺♥
he lives in Fresno,
但他已经结婚了
also he's married.
但总的来说
But in general,
随着年龄增长 女性变得更加自信和成功
as women grow more confident and successful with age,
我们的约会范围却缩小了
our dating pool narrows.
而男人的约会圈子却无限扩大
Yet men's dating pool expands infinitely.
我们还会教你如何如何示弱
We'll also teach you how to downplay your strength.
我有博士学位 我真是个书呆子
I have a PhD, such a nerd.
我买♥♥了房♥子 但连门都没装
Yeah, I bought a house, but I don't really get doors.
我是我工作领域的专家
I'm an expert in my field,
研发治疗小儿糖尿病的药物
studying cures for pediatric diabetes,
但那一点也不重要
or something.
我的弱点工具包还包括这种乳液
So weakness kit also include this lotion,
它能让东西完美地从你手中滑落
perfect for making things slip out of your hands
这样男人们就会帮你捡起来
so men have to pick them up for you.
谢谢啦 小伙子们
Thanks, fellas.
有人能告诉我怎么应该看待我的身体吗
Can someone tell me how to feel about my body?
如果你现在行动的话
If you act now,
我们还会赠送一个福利
we'll also include this bonus pamphlet on
这本如何成为性感囧妹的小册子
how to be the awkward hot girl.
我很性感
I'm so hot,
也很囧
and awkward.
拨♥打♥热♥线♥ 1-800-8(扮)-6(弱)
Call 1-800-be-weak.
是的 只有六个数字 数字太难了
Yes, it's only six numbers, because numbers are hard.
那个产品是不是吊炸天了
Isn't that product amazing?
我很想拿来给你们看看 但是它太重了
I'll show it to you, but it's so heavy.
Valentina 为了吸引男人
Valentina, what's the craziest thing you've ever done
你干过最疯狂的事是什么
to make yourself attractive to a man,
除了打扮成女人之外
besides dress up like a woman?
没有了
Nothing.
吼 她是说 不费吹灰之力
Well, she's like, it's effortless.
好 接下来
Okay. Coming up,
我们将请出<摩登家庭>的Ariel Winter
We've got Ariel Winter from Modern Family,
请不要走开
Stay with us!
我迫不及待请出下一位嘉宾
I am so excited to welcome our next guest,
她因热剧<摩登家庭>中的Alex Dunphy这一角色
She's best known for playing Alex Dunphy
而家喻户晓
on the hit show Modern Family.
有请Ariel Winter
Please welcome Ariel Winter!
美呆了你
you're so pretty
谢谢邀请我来到这里
Thank you so much for having me.
必须的
Of course.
最近新闻上经常能看到你
So I guess you've been in the news a lot lately.
我想问你的是
I guess my question to you is,
媒体什么毛病
what's the media's problem?
我觉得媒体有很多毛病
Well, I mean the media has a lot of problems I think.
媒体描述女性的口吻真的恶心
I think the way that media portrays women is really, um, disgusting,
然后我觉得 这点真的需要改一改了
and I think that, it really needs to change
让我很失望的是
because what's really disappointing is,
我做过那么多的事
for a lot of things I do,
但你从没看到过一个新闻头条说的是
you'll never see a headline that says, you know,
<摩登家庭>最新的一集里
Ariel Winter see her, um, do really well
Ariel Winter演得不错
in this latest episode of Modern Family,
她很好地诠释了这个角色
she had a great scene with this character.
或是说你付出了多少才取得今天的成就
Or what it took to get there?
你下过苦功 你是童星
The amount of work that, you're a child actor,
从小就演戏
you've been acting your whole life.
有这样的基础 以及坚持精益求精
Just that preparation, and I guess adhering to your craft,
最近有件大事
There was a big thing recently,
你和<摩登家庭>的演员一起参加了个活动
you went to something with the cast of Modern Family,
那是个休闲的场合 而你就像 一拍脑门
and it was casual and you were like,
灵光一现 然后就付诸实践
ugh-ugh, I've got an idea and you like threw it down,
于是有的人就有些意见了
and people had a problem with this.
我觉得你看起来很 我不好说那个带妈词
and I think you look so...I can't say the f word,
就是他X的性感 - 谢谢
but like fxxxing hot. - Thank you.