伊莱扎和真心话（2017）

是因为有些诊所在做堕胎手术
is because some clinics are performing abortions.
然而堕胎手术完全不需要联邦资金补助
A legal procedure that receives no federal funding,
完全不需要
No federal funding.
跟着我重复一遍 - 不需要联邦资金
Say it with me. - No federal funding.
听我说 你可以支持生命
Now, listen, you are allowed to be pro life.
你也可以讨厌堕胎
You are allowed to hate the idea of abortions.
但是关闭一个有助于预防癌症
But closing a center that helps prevent cancer
并且提供健康服务的保健中心
and provides wellness services
仅仅因为可以在那儿堕胎
because they also happen to offer abortions,
就像是因为里面有一家Hot Topic服装店而把整个商场关了一样
that's like closing a whole mall because they have, like, a Hot Topic.
好吗
Okay?
你猜怎么着
And guess what?
没人逼你去Hot Topic买♥♥东西啊
No one is making you shop at Hot Topic.
但对一些人来说 Hot Topic是必不可少的
But for some people Hot Topic is an essential store.
懂了吗 有些人可能需要去那里买♥♥荧光口红吧 我猜的
Ok? Some of us like really need mouth glow sticks, I don't know.
现在就因为你不喜欢Hot Topic
But now because you don't like Hot Topic,
整个商场都关门了
a whole mall is closed.
现在我不能去Sbarro吃披萨
And now, I can't visit the Sbarro,
不能去溜冰场玩
use the ice-skating rink,
也不能去Wetzel's Pretzels试吃椒盐卷饼了
or eat all the free samples at Wetzel's Pretzels.
太不公平了吧
How is that fair?
在我谈下一个话题之前
So, before I move on
我得讲清楚
I need to be clear about something.
我们的今夜的主题不仅是你的阴♥道♥很正常
Our theme doesn't just mean your vagina is normal,
还包括你的脸 你的头发
it also means your face and hair
还有你身体的其他部分也很正常
and the rest of your body is normal too.
想听猎奇小知识吗
You want to hear something weird?
你的嘴唇实际上是你消化系统的一部分
Your lips are actually part of your digestive system.
它是你胃肠道的开端
It's the beginning of your GI track.
真的既奇怪又恶心的
It's so weird and gross.
有人对你说 "哦 好性感的嘴唇"
Cause like "oh, sexy lips."
你会说 "谢谢 它直通我的屁♥股♥"
you're like, "Thanks. They're connected to my butt."
这让我想到这一点
That brings me to this.
一名海关在检查行李爆♥炸♥物的百忙之中抽出时间
A TSA agent took a break from screening suitcases for explosives,
批评了奥♥运♥会奖牌得主艾莉·莱斯曼的二头肌
so he could criticize Olympic Medalist Aly Raisman's biceps.
在给她做检查时 他说 我没看到任何肌肉
While screening her, he said, "I don't see any muscles."
一个陌生人对你的身体发表意见
A random guy offering his opinion on your body?
姑娘们 就好比你走在街上
Girls, that would be like walking down the street,
随便让一个人评判你的身体
and having a random guy offer his opinion on your body.
令人震惊
Shocker.
有一次 有个男人挑逗我
At one time I had a guy cat call me with,
他说 "你随时可以来给我洗衣服(干一炮)"
"you can do my laundry anytime."
好恶心
Ew.
我说 "吃亏的那个是你"
I'm like, "Joke's on you,
"我所有的白衣服(白人)都变成粉色了"
'cause all my whites turned out pink."
因为我往里边扔了只红袜子
Throw a red sock in there.
男人们 都听我说
Man of the world, listen to me.
我们不在乎你怎么评价我们的身体
We don't care what you think of our bodies.
除非你很嗨 而且我们对你感兴趣
unless you're high and we have a crush on you
并且你还觉得我们很性感
and you think our bodies are hot.
但如果你很帅 却不那么喜欢我的话
But it's like, you're hot and not that into me,
那就给老娘滚远点 Mark
then screw you and your opinion, Mark.
是 啊
Yeah.
当然了
Sure.
继续咱们的话题
Moving on.
国内有多家影院都为<神奇女侠>
Multiple theaters are having women only screenings
设置了女性放映专场
for Wonder Woman in this country.
太感谢了
Thank you.
看啊 她真漂亮
Now. She's so beautiful.
现在有人说这是反向性别歧视
Now some guys are calling this reverse sexism,
同时还在抵♥制♥影院
and they're boycotting theaters.
认真的吗 兄弟们
Really? Guys?
根本没有反向性别歧视这回事
Reverse sexism doesn't exist.
就好比没有反向种族主义一样 大伙们
Just like reverse racism doesn't exist, man, yeah.
没错
True.
没有这回事
It's just not a thing.
说实话吧
And to be frank,
男人在乎这个 只因为它是<神奇女侠>
men only care about this because it's "Wonder Woman",
女主这么漂亮 还穿着泳衣打击罪犯
and she's gorgeous and fighting crime in a bathing suit.
比如说
Well like,
说实话 你什么时候能看到一群男人
honestly, when's the last time you saw a group of men
会因为自己没被包括而疯狂甩脸色
who got livid that they weren't included in,
比如 迎婴派对吗
like, a baby shower?
还有
Also like,
还记得在<时时刻刻>里妮可·基德曼大大的假鼻子吗
remember "The Hours" when Nicole Kidman had that huge fake nose?
是 啊 很多女人亲眼看到了
Yeah. Tons of women went and saw that by themselves.
我觉得没有一个男人注意到这个细节
I don't think any men even notice.
看电影的时候
It was so great to just like,
没有男人在身边真的是棒呆
be able to watch something without like dudes around.
绝妙
It's nice.
是的 因为你可以 比如说
Yeah, 'cause you can, like,
把裤子拉开 狂塞爆米花 吃到撑
unzip your pants, and like eat popcorn and be bloated,
还放屁 完全没问题
and, like, fart. It's, like, okay.
你还可以吃个热狗 也不会有罪恶感
You can like actually get a hot dog and not feel bad about it.
没错 - 是啊
Exactly. - Yeah.
太棒了
It was great.
然后你脱掉鞋子和裤子 我在说啥
You take off your shoes and your pants. What?
所以 从古至今 女性都受到了压♥迫♥
So historically women are oppressed.
我们一直想得到男人拥有的东西
And so we're always wanted to be included in male things,
因为无论什么好事 他们都走在前头
because men got to do the good stuff first.
他们可以喝酒 投票 开车 拥有财产 运动
They got to drink, vote, drive, own property, play sports.
都在咱们体验这些经历之前
all before any of us got a crack at it.
当男人想参加所有的女性聚会
It's not normal for men to wanna be included
是不正常的
in all female gatherings.
真的很奇怪
It's weird.
如果你想融入女性的生活 伙计们
If you wanna be included in all things female, guys,
那就得面面俱到
then it should be across the board.
所以明天早点起床
So tomorrow get up bright and early,
因为我和我的五个女朋友
because me and five girlfriends are gonna go
要在早午餐时分同一片吐司
split a piece of toast at brunch,
然后试穿婚纱来解闷
and then try on wedding dresses just for fun.
你最好按时赴约
You'd better be there.
给老娘记住了
You'd better be there.
休息片刻后
When we come back,
我们邀请了Sherry A Ross博士
we got Dr. Sherry A Ross.
她会给我们普及所有关于阴♥道♥的知识
and she will tell us all the real facts about our vaginas.
嗨起来
Get excited.
我好嗨啊
I'm excited.
我的下一位嘉宾是一名获奖的妇产科专家
My next guest is an award-winning OB-GYN,
她自称为阴♥道♥斗士
and self proclaimed vagina crusader.
欢迎Sherry A Ross博士
Please welcome Dr. Sherry A Ross.
嗨 谢谢 - 嗨 谢谢你来捧场
Hi, thank you. - Hi. Thank you for being here.
所以你是阴♥道♥革命的斗士
So you are a crusader of the vagina revolution.
千真万确
I truly am.
咋回事 我被邀请了吗
What is that? And am I invited?
你被邀请了 所有人都被邀请了
You are invited, everyone's invited.
事情是这样的
Uh...So here's the thing.
在我写<她学>这本书的时候
When I wrote my book, "she-ology,"
女人是 - 咱会推你的新书的
women were so... - We're going to plug your book.
好的 好的 - <她学>
Yeah. That's okay. - She-ology.
女人对阴♥道♥很好奇
Women were so curious about the vagina.
大家都想知道它长什么样
Everyone wondered how it looked,
味道如何 气味怎样
how it taste, how it smelled,
但没人会提"阴♥道♥"这个词
but no one would say the word "vagina."
所以这次革命是想为"阴♥道♥"正名
So the vagina revolution is a way to reclaim the word,
为我们身体正名
reclaim our bodies,
让我们能自在地说出阴♥道♥这个词
and made it comfortable to say the word "vagina."
她是你的朋友
It's your friend.
这是你快乐的源泉
It's your happy place.
你的朋友
Your friend.