伊莱扎和真心话（2017）

赶紧拨♥打♥热♥线♥订购吧 我们有接线员随时恭候
So call now, we have an operator standing by,
献给我狗狗的歌♥
songs for my dog,
因为我知道你也会给宠物唱歌♥
because I know you sing to your pet, too.
我们让你们订购这专辑
We told you order it,
但咱没有订购热♥线♥
but there's no phone number.
真讽刺 对吧
So ironic right?
休息过后 接下来进入"聊天终结语"环节
When we come back, I get the last word on your text messages,
我们还会采访一位长者 问问他对千禧一代的看法
and we ask an elder about millennials.
不要走开喔
Stay with us.
欢迎回来
Welcome back.
关于千禧一代最大的成见就是
One of the biggest stereotypes about millennials
他们只通过约会软件交友
is that they only meet each other through dating apps
而且他们只会短♥信♥聊天
and they only talk through texts.
这太不公平了
Which is not fair,
我们明明还会视频
we also Facetime.
所以别小瞧我们的经历好吗
So don't minimize our experiences.
在咱们父母谈恋爱的时代
When our parents tried to date,
他们还只能线下会面 比如去Steely Dan的演唱会
they usually met in person, at like a Steely Dan concert.
你♥爸♥爸可能会说
And your dad said something like,
嘿 经常来这儿玩吗
Hey, come here often?
你妈妈就会回答说
And your mom was like,
想来点可♥卡♥因♥吗
Want some of this cocaine?
现在 那一套已经不管用了
Nowadays it's not as charms.
现在你可以和五个街区外某个叫Caden的男人勾搭上
Nowadays you get some guy named Caden who's five blocks away
他在Tinder上给你发"你的口♥技♥如何"之类的消息
messaging you on Tinder with like, "What that mouth do?"
那么
So,
还有 女士们 友情提示
also, ladies, here's a tip.
永远别回复他
Don't answer that ever.
咱们假设一下 你奇迹般地找到了自己中意的那个人
And let's say by some miracle you meet another human you like,
你们出去玩 然后你还跟他分享你的变♥态♥小故事
you go out and you tell him your stalk story
就在感恩节那天 你的脸
about the time you got bit on the face
被一只阿♥拉♥斯加雪橇犬咬了一口#真实故事
by an Alaskan Malamute on Thanksgiving, #True story.
你感觉到你们之间心灵相通
You know you have a real connection,
然后他就再也不回你信息了
and then they don't text you back.
好啦 我就是来帮助你的
Well, I am here to help you.
"聊天终结语“
Get the last word.
下面是"聊天终结语"环节 咱没彩排这音乐吧
Get the last word, we didn't practice that.
咱们的观众给我发了这样一则消息
So I received the following text from people in our audience.
来自纽约的Paula和一位男子第一次出去玩过后
Paula from New York got this from a guy
她收到了这条消息
after hanging out for the first time.
"昨晚玩得真嗨皮啊"
Super fun chilling last night.
"你能把你朋友的号♥码告诉我吗"
Can I have your friends number?
等等 你应该这样回复
Hold it, here's what you're write back.
”当然可以 她就喜欢丑男人“
”Sure, she loves ugly dudes.“
你会怎么回复呢
What would you write back?
还有什么搞笑点的回复吗
What's another comic response?
呃 我不知道
Um I don't know.
我可能会把他加到黑名单 懂吧 - 是啊
I would just block them. You know? - Yeah.
对 我希望他能看到你把他加黑名单了
Yeah, I wish that people could see when you block them.
你可以给他发一个视频 比如
You send a video of you being like,
"我在把你加入黑名单"的视频 然后发给他
"This is me blocking you" And then send it.
是哦 对 挺好
Yeah. Oh. That's good.
我就会那样做
That's what I would do.
我觉得咱们观点一致 好啦
I thought we'd agree. Okay.
所以咱们和一堆千禧一代聊了千禧一代的事
So we've talked to a bunch of millennials about millennials,
但要理解"现在" 咱先得理解"过去"
but to understand the present, we need to understand the past.
所以我们和老一辈的人展开了一次对话
So we talked to someone from an older generation.
他已经94岁了
He's 94.
电视上每一个精彩节目
He's also someone who happens to have created
几乎都出自他之手
almost every amazing show on television.
他就是Norman Lear
He's Norman Lear.
你叫Norman Lear 你知道的吧
You're Norman Lear, you know that.
是啊 我知道 我也是今早上醒来才发现的
Yeah, I do know that. I knew that this morning when I woke up.
你对千禧一代的看法是什么
What do you think about millennials?
或者 你想过千禧一代吗
Or do you think about it?
我根本没想过那些事
I have not thought about it all.
所有人都觉得千禧一代懒散 狂妄自大又娇惯
Everybody thinks that millennials are lazy and entitled and spoiled.
我一点也不这么觉得
I don't feel that way about them at all.
我认为他们只是碰上了强劲的对手
I think they have gotten a lousy deal.
很多东西都是其他更伟大的世代创造出来的
Too much is made of the greater generation.
我觉得我们可能会意见不一
I don't think we would agree.
我这一代还不是最好的那一代
We haven't turned out to be the greatest generation at all.
所有家庭都需要平衡
All the families dealt with the relationship
"婴儿潮"和"最伟大的一代"之间的关系
between baby boomers and the greatest generation.
那你对婴儿潮和千禧一代的看法是什么
What do you think about the clap today between baby boomers and millennials?
不管和谁交谈 我都觉得我和他同辈
I feel myself to be the peer of whoever I'm talking to.
你才多少岁 27吗
However old you are, 27?
是吧
Yep.
那我也是27岁
And I'm 27.
我们都是27岁
We're all 27.
所以我对现在的千禧一代了解什么
So what do I know about millennials today?
咱一点也不关心
We do not give a shit.
爷可不在乎要搞懂这代人想的什么
Well, I don't give that much of a shit about trying to figure them out.
我只是觉得 我就是其中的一员
I just feel I am one of them.
我会问你一些问题
I'm gonna ask you some questions.
这些题比较简单
These are a little bit lighter.
你知道这些俚语的意思吗
Do you know what these slang terms mean?
欲照
Thirst trap.
欲照吗
Thirst trap?
是啊 - 不知道
Um hmm. - No.
欲照就是当你发布了一张照片
Thirst trap is when you posed a picture
然后希望男士们来夸你
hoping that men will compliment you.
一切都是为了博关注
It's just trying to get attention.
这不是个新概念吧 对吗
That's not a new concept, is it?
确实 挺老套的 - 对吧
It's not a new case. Ancient concept. - Right?
而且这是老套路的一个很糟糕的表现方式
And it's a very poor representation of an ancient concept.
是啊 - 欲 照
Yeah. - Thirst trap.
怼 你知道怼是什么意思吗
Shade? You know what shade is?
怼
Shade?
不好意思 我知道它本来的意思
Sorry, I know what shade is,
但这儿应该有另外的意思
but it's something else.
是另外的意思
It's something else.
明天它又会换个意思了
And tomorrow it'll be something else.
怼的意思就是 当你说了些
Shade is when you say something,
说了某人的坏话
something crappy about someone.
我开始有点觉得 你现在就是在胡编乱造
You know I'm sitting here thinking you're making this up now.
就比如说 我说
As I'm saying, I'm like,
真不敢相信我明明上了大学
I can't believe I went to college,
现在却在问Norman Lear这些问题
and these are the things that I'm asking Norman Lear.
你之前用过快拍吗
Have you ever used Snapchat before?
我知道有这么个东西
I know of it.
快拍和其他的社交软件的不同之处在于
So Snapchat differs from other social media in that
你发布的图片在24小时后就会被删除
the image you take disappears in 24 hours.
所以大家都喜欢发他们的私处
So people love to send their genitals,
这也是咱接下来要做的
which we're gonna do right now.
现在要发我的私处吗
That we're gonna show my generals right now?
对啊
Yeah.
噢 好啊 - 可以吗
Oh good. - Is that cool?
可以啊 我随身带着它就是等着这一刻
Good, I brought them for that purpose.
这基本上就是大多数小孩每天24小时都在做的事情
So this is basically what most kids are doing 24 hours.
你这差不多是美国最快的拇指了吧
Am I looking at the fastest thumb in America?
我的手速还挺快
I have a really fast thumb.
哦 天哪 你在看吗 Betsy
Oh, my gosh, are you watching, Betsy?
你不觉得自己很漂亮吗
Don't you feel pretty?
我觉得你更漂亮
I think you're prettier.
来了
Okay.
看 我们变成鸭子了
Look at us as ducks.
这就是孩子们每天不好好读书干的事
This is what kids are doing instead of reading.
我可以戴你的帽子吗 - 戴多久
Can I wear your hat? - Forever?
就现在 - 现在
Just for now. - For now?