伊莱扎和真心话（2017）

上周他们的手♥机♥上跳出了一个令人瞠目的推送
apparently uh an alarming one popped up on phones last week,
那则消息说"男人只想要一个好女人"
saying men just want a woman who's nice.
请注意这可是一篇来自正经新闻频道的报道
Never mind that this came from a news channel.
这则消息推送引用了一篇专栏文章
The alert referenced an op-ed warning women that
来警告女性 如果她们太吵或者性格不好
if they are too loud, or anything but easy going.
男人可能就不想要她们了
Men might not want them.
这还是个警报性消息推送
This was an alert.
我是说 男人当然不想要
I mean, duh, of course men don't want a woman
那种整天吵架的女人
who's constantly arguing.
我们女人也不想整天吵架啊
Women don't wanna constantly argue either.
好吧 可能有一点
Ok, maybe a little bit.
好吧 可能吵架是我们最喜欢干的事了
Okay. Maybe it's our favorite thing ever!
但最重要的是
But most importantly,
什么是好女人
what's nice?
好女人 那是什么
Nice? What is that?
曾经有多少次 有男的来勾搭你
How many times has a guy hit on you,
你作为一个好女人礼貌拒绝了他
and you've rejected him nicely,
结果他对你说了一些很可怕的话 还记得吗
and then he said something horrific back to you, right?
是啊 如果每经历一次这种事都有一块钱 那我就有37块了
Yeah. If I had a dollar for every time that happened, I'd have $37.
是啊 我余生的每一天都会经历37次
Yeah, like every day for the rest of my life.
观众席里的男士 请听我说
Men in my audience, please listen to me.
如果你是个令人有安全感的男性
If you are a secure man,
是那种女人真正想要的男人类型
the type of man that women actually want,
你应该和女人们一起战斗 让外界听到女性的声音
you should join women in our battle to be heard.
顺便一说 我性格一点儿都不好
PS, I am the opposite of easy going,
我不是那篇文章里所写的那样
I am not that article.
我超暴躁的 比如我问 "宝贝 你今晚想吃什么"
I am not laid back like, "Babe, what do you wanna do for dinner?"
然后他回答 "我吃啥都行"
And he's like, I'm up for whatever.
我会说 "行 你真行 那我们就一起等着完犊子吧"
I'm like, oh, cool, let's just watch the world burn,
"因为你吃屎都行 Scott"
since you're just down for whatever, Scott!
重点是
My point is,
我就是这样的人 而且我总是和性感酷炫的男人约会
I'm like that, and I always date super hot cool dude.
做好准备 夏天
So get ready summer,
因为我来了
'cause here I come.
但是姑娘们
But girls,
在你拿起你的三叉戟
before you grab your pitchforks
去追出现你视线中的第一个男人之前
and go after the first man in your eye line,
他可能是正在你身边陪你看节目的男朋友
probably your boyfriend watching this with you,
对他好点
be nice to him.
文章是一个女人写的
The op-ed was written by a woman.
那是哪位捧场的观众啊 请务必常驻我的片场好吗
Who's that guest! I want to have her around forever.
"我要去买♥♥个汉堡而且只吃面包" "我的天啊"
Like, "I'm gonna get a burger and keep the bun." "Oh".
你可能会觉得
and you might think
在这集关于
in an episode about
为何"女人不应该互相伤害"的话题
how women should be not tearing each other down,
我就不会怼其他的女人
that I wouldn't call another woman out.
但是 怎么说呢 这个女人太差劲了
But...I don't know, this woman sucks.
大伙们
Guys,
女人也是人 大多数人都很差劲
women are people, and most people suck.
从数学角度来说 由我这差劲的数学算出
So mathematically, according to my suck math,
有一些很差劲的女人也是合理的
it would stand to reason that there're some women who suck too.
我现在聊这个 是因为
I'm talking about this now because I'm tired
我受够了这种让我盲目接受所有女性的女权主义
of this kind of feminism that urges me to blindly accept all women
究其原因仅仅因为我们都有两条X染色体
just because we share double x chromosomes.
我支持用功绩说话的女权主义
I support the kind of feminism that judges on merit,
而不是性别
not gender.
你想谈谈平等吗
You wanna talk about equal?
这就叫平等
That's equal.
所以现在 谢谢你们
So now, oh thank you.
所以咱现在就来具体说说这个话题吧
So now I'd like to shine a shady light on that idea
接下来的环节叫做
in a segment we called,
"差劲的女人"
"Women who suck".
听起来他像是被人从台上推下去一样
Sound like he was getting pushed off a club.
有一种差劲的女人 她们总是摆出一副无所不知的样子
One woman who sucks is "The girl who knows one thing".
我说的是那种刚刚从
I'm talking about the type of girl who like just learned something
快照上的品味频道里学到点什么东西
from clicking on a Tastemade Snapchat story
就迫不及待地想在对话里掉书袋
as you can't wait to insert it in conversation
来反驳你说的任何事情的女孩
to contradict anything you might say.
你说 我今早去跑步了
You're like, I went for a run this morning,
感觉棒棒的
I feel great.
她就会说 其实跑步对你的膝盖很不好
She's like, um actually running is bad for your knees
如果你想
and if you wanna,
如果你想要感觉很棒的话
if you wanna feel amazing,
你应该吃蓝莓 因为蓝莓富含黄酮类化合物
you should eat blueberries because they're packed with flavonoids.
你就会问
And you're like,
什么是黄酮类化合物
okay, what are flavonoids?
她就会说
She's like,
它们就是蓝莓富含的东西啊
they're something that's packed in blueberries.
而且 这种女孩的名字通常叫Brie
Also. I feel like her name is always Brie.
另一种是宣称"我没有什么女性朋友"的女人
Another type is the "I don't have a lot of female friends" girl.
是的 这是另一类差劲的女人
Yes this is another type who sucks.
你肯定认识这么一个女孩
You know The girl.
肯定的 我能从你们的哀嚎声里听出来
You do. I could tell by your groans.
她没有什么女性朋友
She's the one who doesn't have any female friends
还假装她是刻意被孤立的
and pretends like it's on purpose.
她一直在瞎叨叨
She's constantly commenting, like,
看吧 这就是我不和女生做朋友的原因
see, this is why I'm not friends with females.
而事实是 不
And it's like, no,
你没有女性朋友 因为你不是个好人
you're not friends with females, because you're not a good person.
懂了吗
Okay?
我是个好女孩
I'm a nice girl.
说实话吧
And to be honest,
在你20多岁的时候被超级帅哥包围可能真的很不错
while it might be cool in your twenties to be surrounded by like super hot dudes,
但在你30多岁的时候
in your thirties,
你需要一个有耐心
you're gonna need someone who has the patience
陪你试穿15条黑裤子后 还能给你一个诚实意见的人
to watch you try on 15 pairs of black pants and give you an honest opinion.
Valentina 你能等别人试多少件衣服
Valentina. How many try-ons can you sit through?
我大概最多能忍♥30次吧
My limits are like 30.
我坚决不同意
I have to disagree.
其实我喜欢那种女孩
I like that girl.
你是那种女孩
You are that girl.
我是那种女孩 - 你是那种女孩
I am that girl. - You are that girl.
超级性感的男孩 看过来 - 嘿 帅哥们
She's like, super hot dudes. - Hey boys.
好吧 休息过后咱来聊聊 你是不是坏女权主义者
Okay, we'll be right back to tell you if you're a bad feminist.
欢迎回来
Welcome back.
谢谢你们继续收看节目
Thank you for coming back.
咱今天聊的是"女人间的对决"
We're talking about women vs. women.
聊起这个 咱就不得不提起女权主义
And you can't talk about that without talking about feminism.
女权主义
feminism.
好的 谢谢 好吧
Okay, thank you. Okay.
它是
It's...
这个词真的
That word is
有很多涵义
is such a loaded word.
有些人想成为女权主义者
Some people want to be feminists.
没问题
Okay.
有些人想成为女权主义者
Uh. Some people want to be feminist,
但有些人却讨厌这个词
some people hate the term.
有些男人认为女权主义者就是那种
Some men think a feminist is
"这些男人婆想吊打我一顿然后抢走我的工作"
"some square job broad is gonna kick me in the dick and take my job!"
这不是我们本意
Not what we want.
不是那样的 好吗
Don't want that. Okay?
是啊
Yeah.
我不想要你的工作 Tyler 我又干不了体力活
I don't want your job, Tyler. I can't lift anything.
有些女人担心自己是个坏女权主义者
And some women worry if they're bad feminists.
比如
For example,
我收到了听众的以下问题
I received the following questions from people in our audience.
Marlena Jay问 如果做♥爱♥的时候喜欢被动一点
Marlena Jay asks, am I a bad feminist
我算是个坏女权主义者吗
if I like to be submissive in the bedroom?
呃 是哪种程度的被动呢
Um. How submissive are we talking?
比如说
Like,