IT狂人（2006）

悲催的珍
你是否有过这种经历
Has this ever happened to you?
从今天起 999不再提供应急服务
From today, dialling 999 won't get you the emergency services.
除此之外 我们有
And that's not the only thing that's changing.
更炫的救护车 更快的反应速度
Nicer ambulances, faster response times,
和更标致的司机
and better looking drivers
这不仅是紧急服务
mean they're not just the emergency services,
更是你专属的紧急服务
they're "Your" emergency services. So...
只需拨♥打♥
remember the new number:
没错 就是
That's...
你好 我摔倒了
Hello? I've had a bit of a tumble...
还真是好记啊
Well that's easy to remember!
0118 999 881
0118 999 881
999 119 725
999 119 725...
3
3!
真搞不明白 干嘛要换号♥码
I don't know why they just couldn't keep it as it was!
难道要记住911很难吗
How hard is it to remember 911?
是999吧 -是999
You mean 999... - I mean 999!
你那是老美的紧急电♥话♥ -没错
That's the American one! - Yeah!
你个二 -走吧 准备好了吗
You berk! - Come on, are you ready?
真不知道说什么好 真搞笑
I don't know what to say really it's fun...
世上好东西太多
there are some many issues in the world,
它们都很漂亮 我都喜欢
they are beautiful, I love them...
那是我见过最美的鞋
in fact they're the most beautiful shoes I've ever seen but...
当然 我不可能拥有一切
you know, I can't have everything that I love,
否则我每双鞋都买♥♥红的
otherwise I'd own lots of things, and actually they're red,
那看起来也太荡了
which is quite tarty, and they
而且我也没衣服搭配
don't necessarily go with any of my outfits...
走吧 疯婆子
Come on you crazy bitch!
走吧
Come on!
走吧
Come on!
丹农自称将军了 -啥 又来
Denholm's called the general. - Oh God, another one!
没错
Yeah!
我敢打赌 他肯定要宣战
I bet he declares war on something!
他就喜欢搞这套
He loves declaring war!
我要宣...
I am declaring...
战
War!
我知道我今天穿的很拉风
I can see that got your attention.
知道我要向什么宣战吗
What am I declaring war on?
我下面的
My bollocks?!
压力
Stress!
压力是一种疾病 而我就是药方
Stress is a disease, people, and I am a cure!
我是有药方的医生
I'm a doctor with a cure.
不 我是将军 这仍是一场战争
No, no! I'm a General! And it's still a war!
一场与病魔的战争
A war on disease!
压力病
Stress!
你们压力太大了
There's too much stress around here.
那鞋太贵了 而且
They're very expensive and besides,
店员说那双鞋太小 我穿不了
the woman in the shop said they were way too small for me.
你应该实际点
You see you know, be practical, go on!
在我讲话的同时
In the time I've been speaking,
有超过1千8百万人因为压力而丧生
over 18 million people have died of stress.
又死一个
That's another one.
再死一个
That's another one.
越来越多
More...
大悲剧
Mayhem!
所以我们得对付它
We gotta deal with it!
准备好了吗 -嗯
Are you ready to deal with it?! - Yeah!
说 "我讨厌压力"
Say "I hate stress!"
我讨厌压力 -不
I hate stress! - No!
我还没说完
You didn't let me finish.
说 "我讨厌压力
Say "I hate stress..."
我要将它的影响降至最低
and I want to limitate its influence in my life,
怎么做 谁知道
what can I do about it? Anyone?
泡个澡
Have a bath?
泡澡
Have a bath?!
买♥♥辆自行车
Get a bike!
我每天骑车上下班
I cycle to work... everyday!
112公里
70 miles!
这里还有这里
Both here, and here...
都红得像消防车
are as red as a fire engine!
还有什么主意
Any other ideas?
珍 你觉得呢
Jen, what about you?
鞋子
Shoes!
什么 -鞋子
What? - Shoes!
嗷 鞋子
Well, shoes...
好吧 听好了
Ok, look!
我已经邀请了朱利安·福尔摩斯博士
I have invited Dr. Julian Holmes
利用午餐时间给我们做讲座
to come and give a class at lunchtime.
他是欧洲数一数二的减压专家
He is Europe's leading stress expert.
人称 "压力大♥师♥"
They call him: " Stressperts!"
哪位有兴趣参加课程
Anyone interested in coming along picking up
学习一些减压技巧呢
a few tips on how to manage stress?
有免费自助餐哦
There's a free buffet...
很好
Good!
有觉悟
Good people.
对了 顺便一提
Oh! By the way!
下班之前 如果还有谁压力过大
Anyone still experiencing stress at the end of the day...
我就炒了他
will be fired!
你穿不了
It's not going on!
可以的啦 再挤一挤
Yeah, I think it is so. Just down angle it a bit more.
你真的是穿5号♥鞋
Are you sure you're a 5?
骗你干嘛 -但穿不进去啊
I'm not a liar. - Yeah, but I mean I can't...
脚跟快进去了
I can feel the heel going into the shoe.
再挤一挤
Just down angle a bit more...
真挤不动了
There is no angle, but I could...
用力顶住
Don't let me push you away!
尽管用力
Just lean in with the shoe. Lean in...
用力
with the shoe!
用力
Lean in!
我们都试半个小时了
We've been here... for half an hour.
这鞋子你根本穿不了
The shoes aren't going on!
起码小了两码
They're two sizes too small.
就算穿进去了
And even if they did go on,
也会把你搞残了
they would cripple you.
你也不想把自己搞残了对吧
You don't want that, do you?
我曾经也特别
I myself, have been subject to some...
暴躁 不过...有事吗
terrible rages, but... Yes?
打扰了 请问这里是减压讲座吗
I'm sorry. Is this the stress class?
是的 请进
Oh yeah. Come on in.
谢谢
Thank you.
莫斯
Moss!
在这里 莫斯
This is in here! Moss!
进来吧
Just come in.
不好意思
Sorry.
不好意思
Sorry.
谢谢
Thank you.
好了
OK.
你没事吧
Are you all right?
刚才说到
As I was saying...
我也曾有过暴躁脾气
I myself have been subject to some terrible rages.
那时候
Where I've...
我会殴打妻子 对同事大呼小叫
snapped at my wife, or spoken harshly to a work colleague,
那都是压力在作怪
because of stress.
仔细一想 我发现
If I... just... thinking about it now, I realise I'm...
自己嗓门有点高
raising my voice.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
压力是心脏病发的主要诱因
Stress is the main cause of heart attacks.
哪怕只有一点点 这样吧
And even a little bit... well...
我来给大家演示一下压力的危害
let me show you what stress can do.
有谁自愿上台