接生公（2015）

Unless it happens to be your name.
除非那正好是你的名字
No, it's Lisa. Matthew.
不是 我是Lisa 我是Matthew
Hi. Hi.
嗨 嗨
Good choice.
好眼光
Oh, yeah? You think? I do, yeah. Very good.
哦 你觉得这个好吗 是啊 非常好
You know, I read in Vietnam, prostitutes used to use that,
你知道吗 我读过 越南的妓♥女♥
actually, at the end of a night's work, so to speak er...
每天晚上下班之后用这个
because of its spermicidal properties.
因为里面有杀精成分
Is that right? Mmhm, yeah. They used to shake it up and...
是吗 嗯哼 她们会摇一摇然后
spray it up themselves as a sort of er...
洒在自己身上
vaginal douche.
当做阴♥道♥灌洗剂用
Not saying that's why you picked it.
不是说那是为什么你选了这个
You're not a Vietnamese prostitute. I noticed that about you.
你不是个越南妓♥女♥ 我注意到了
Thanks. That sounds almost like a chat-up line
谢了 挺像一般人搭讪的台词
No, actually, that went quite well for me.
其实我说的不错了
If it had been a chat-up line, it would have gone a lot worse.
我的搭讪台词比这烂多了
Proper disaster. Real train crash.
简直是火车车祸现场
My parents died in a train crash.
我爸妈就是这么去世的
Shut the f... Are you sure?
你说特么什 你确定吗
Am I sure? You're kidding me, right?
我确定吗 你开玩笑的 是吧
Well, either that, or I'm doing some really bad chatting up
不然的话 我就是搭讪的很糟糕
just to make you feel at home.
就为了让你有在家的感觉
You are in there In?
你走进成功了 "进"
Like a douche.
像阴♥道♥灌洗剂一样
Hi, Alexa.
嗨 Alexa
How are you feeling? You know...
你感觉如何 你知道的
Pat. I think I can take it from here.
Pat 我觉得我可以从这里接手了
I was just passing. Thought I'd help ease the tension.
我刚刚路过 觉得我可以帮着缓解一下紧张的气氛
Whale music. She's not a Willy, Matthew.
鲸鱼的声音 她不是Willy Matthew
It's soothing. Don't touch my stereo!
这声音有镇静效果 别碰我的音响
Matthew! Bless you.
Matthew(啊嚏) 保佑你
Isn't that better?
是不是好点了
Oh, yeah. That's really nice.
噢 耶 这感觉真的挺好的
Nice, isn't it? See?
挺好的 对吧 看见没
Is that a...
那是
Is that a boat?
那是船吗
I don't think it is.
我不觉得是
Whalers. Oh, my God. That's whalers.
捕鲸人 噢 我的天 那是捕鲸人
I'm so sorry, Alexa. Let me see if I can just...so sorry.
对不起 Alexa 我看看我能不能
Pat, how do I turn this thing off? please.
Pat 这东西怎么关
Pat, can you just help me turn this...
Pat 你能不能帮我把这关掉
And breathe...
然后呼吸
Under there. Up there.
在这下边 上边
You are very overdue, Mrs Khilnani, but the trouble is,
你预产期过了很久了 Khilnani女士 但是问题在于
if I get involved, it's normally a very bad sign.
事情严重了我才会介入
Your midwife is the best person to deal with you.
你的助产士是最适合你的
Who are you with? Tash. Right...
你的助产士是谁 Tash 好吧
Even so Can I have your mobile number?
即使是这样 能给我你的手♥机♥号♥吗
I don't even give that to my wife!
我都不给我妻子手♥机♥号♥
Will I see you tomorrow morning? Do you play golf?
我明天早上会见到你吗 你玩高尔夫吗
No? Then no.
不玩 那就不会
OK, Alexa, I want you to remember our breathing
Alexa 我希望你能想着我们学过的呼吸
and our exercises, OK?
还有训练过的动作 行吗
We're in the Indian Ocean. Oh, what next?
我们现在在印度洋 噢 接下来呢
Have you got a CD of Somali pirates
你是不是还有索马里海盗的CD
I just have a different technique to you, Pat. That's all, OK?
我不过就是方法和你不一样 Pat 仅此而已 行吗
Mine's just a little gentler, a little bit more subtle.
我的不过就是更轻柔些 更巧妙些
Namby-pamby nonsense, that's what it is.
我看是矫情的胡闹还差不多
Shall we not do this in front of the mother?
我们能不在产妇面前争这个吗
She don't care. Look at her.
她才不在乎呢 看看她
OK, Alexa, I want... Alexa? I want you to do something for me -
好吧 Alexa 我需要 Alexa 我需要你为我做些事
Oh, listen, Missy! I want you to give one hell of a push,
噢 听着 小姐 我需要你特么的使劲
or I will climb up in that womb and boot the baby out myself.
不然我就要爬到你的子♥宫♥里 自己把那孩子踹出来
No, no, no, no. What Pat means is you're doing very, very well.
不不不不 Pat的意思是你做的非常非常好
Ah, the big purple slug is coming!
呃 紫色大鼻涕虫要出来了
Beautiful baby, on its way.
美丽的宝宝 正在出来
Now I want you to squeeze,
现在我需要你使劲挤
like you're doing the biggest poo ever.
就像你在拉史上最大一坨便便一样
Or, as we say, "Marshmallow vagina."
或者 我们可以说 "棉花糖阴♥道♥"
Sorry, is there any way that I can buy an eight-gig memory card?
打扰了 这哪有卖♥♥8G存储卡的
Not in here, no. Does anyone have a spare charger?
不在这 不 有人有多余的充电器吗
Out! There you are.
出去 这就对了
Oh, look!
噢 看啊
A beautiful...
一个美丽的
beautiful, beautiful baby, look.
美丽的 美丽的宝宝 看啊
Oh!
噢
Well done. Well done! Well done, just said that.
干的好 干的好 干得好 我刚刚说过了
I said it first.
我先说的
Left to you, he would still be up there,
要是按你那么做 他可能还在肚子里
hands wrapped round the mother's lungs, saying,
手包裹着他妈的肺 说着
"I'm not coming out today,
"我今天是不会出来的
cos there's a ladyboy waiting to play me Michael Buble
因为有个人妖在等着给我放Micheal Buble的歌♥
and rub me in patchouli oil."
然后给我擦广藿香油"
Don't knock the Buble. 30 million albums sold, he's...
别贬低Buble 唱片销量三千万张 他可
Anyway, I got her warmed up, nice and gentle.
不管怎样 我都帮她热好身了 舒缓温柔地
You just happened to come in at the right moment,
你不过就是恰巧在合适的时候来了
giving it all that like a giant Rastamouse.
开始像个巨大的Rastamouse似的
What did you say?
你说什么
It's not racist to say that someone is a giant Rastamouse.
说别人是巨大的Rastamouse不是种族歧视
Is it? I mean, Rastamouse is a loveable children's cartoon character.
不是吗 Rastamouse是一个受人喜爱的卡♥通♥角色
He's a crime-fighter, he's intelligent.
它与罪犯斗争 它聪明机智
He's a lead guitarist! If anything, it's a compliment.
他是主音吉他手 全都是夸奖
Well, "Unprovoked abuse", it says here.
好吧 这写着 "无缘无故地辱骂"
Unprovoked? Well, she undermines me in front of my own patients,
无缘无故 她在我自己的病人面前贬低我
she hits me, she called me a ladyboy.
她打我 她说我是人妖
Now, I could complain about that.
我还能控诉这个呢
Are you a transgender woman? No.
你是变性的女人吗 不是
Well, you can tell me. Oh, OK No.
没事 你可以和我说的 噢 好吧 不是
Well, then. You know, tough. Fat Pat has made it
好吧 你要知道 没办法 肥Pat提交了
I'm sorry, who? OK, "Patricia".
抱歉 谁 好吧 "Patricia"
Patricia's made a complaint,
Patricia提交了控诉
I have to get you in and pass it on to HR.
我必须得把你记录下来 然后递交给人力资源
Please don't let them sack me.
请不要让他们解雇我
Well, I'm gonna do my best for you, Matthew.
好吧 我会尽力帮助你的 Matthew
No. Do more.
不行 再尽力点
OK, I won't let them sack you. Yes, thank you.
好吧 我不会让他们解雇你的 太好了 谢谢你
Yeah, but, you know, butch up, ladyboy!
好好 但是 男人一点 人妖
Or she will cross you, mentally and potentially physically.
不然她得整死你 从心理上 还可能在身体上
I'm butch, you know?
我很男人 好吗
I'm not a...
我不是个
Oh, don't do that. I won't do that.
噢 别这么做 我不会这么做的
That's just... old police instinct, kicking in.
这只是 以前当警♥察♥的本能爆发了
Yeah, good. Consider that sorted.
呀 好 就当这个已经被解决了
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
谢谢你 谢谢 谢谢 谢谢
Claire?
Clarie
Sorry, didn't mean to er... disturb you and your brother.
抱歉 我不是想 呃 打扰到你和你哥哥的
You weren't disturbing nothing.
你什么也没打扰到
Nice to see siblings who get on so well. Very heartwarming.
看到兄妹们相处融洽简直太好了 太暖心了
Your parents will be here any second.
你们的父母马上就来了
I just saw them in the corridor.
我刚刚还在走廊里看到他们呢
No! Is there a way out of here?
不要啊 有什么办法能从这里出去吗
Yeah, you have your baby, you get discharged and off you go.
有啊 你生下孩子 办理出院 然后就可以走了
No, for him! What about the window?
不 他走 能从窗户出去吗
Well, they open about three inches.
窗户大概能开不到8厘米
There's a sign up there, look, says, "Exit for supermodels only".
看那上边有个标志 写着 "超模专用出口"
Now, shall we start again?
不如我们重新开始
Because er... I do have a sixth sense about these things.
因为 呃 我对这种事情都有第六感的
And er... He's not your brother,
他不是你哥哥
is he? Claire, we should just tell them.
对吧 Claire 我们就应该和他们说
No, not yet. My parents think it's all his fault.
不 还不到时候呢 我爸妈认为都是他的错