接生公（2015）

Beep, beep, beep.
哔 哔 哔
Get back.
退后
I don't want your big policeman hands all over it.
不要用你警♥察♥的粗手摸来摸去
Oh, this for the parents room?
哦 这是要放在家长房♥的吗
My art O Level is not going to be wasted.
我的美术高水准不会被浪费的
I'm going to call it...
我准备给它题名
Motherhood.
<母亲>
That's quite a...
这画真是
quite a different use of palette there. There's a lot of paint down there.
真是创造性地使用了调色盘 用了不少颜料呢
There's a lot of paint.
好多颜料
Yes, my art teacher, Mrs Phillips,
是的 我的美术老师 Philips小姐
always said I was possessed of a rare talent.
常说我被赋予了罕见的艺术才能
Or just possessed?
或者只是被附身了
I'm going to look away now because my eyes are beginning to melt.
我得往别处看了 因为我的眼睛都要融化了
But I will come back to it.
但是我会重新审视它的
Don't listen to them, Pat.
别听他们胡说 Pat
You know, it speaks to me, it really does.
这幅画让我产生了共鸣 真的
Perhaps I could commission one from you.
或许我能委托你给我画一幅
Yeah, give me a subject.
没问题 给我个主题
Let's call it Husband. And don't hold back this time.
就叫<老公>吧 而且画的时候请不要有任何保留
Stop right there. Come here. I know that expression.
站住 过来 我见过这个表情
I think I might be pregnant.
我想我可能怀孕了
But I'm not sure.
但是我不确定
My boyfriend got me one of them little paddly things,
我的男朋友给我买♥♥了那种小棒子
but I don't know how you can tell and I weed on it loads.
但是我不知道怎么看结果 我往上头尿了好多
This is a tea stirrer. It's for stirring tea.
这是调茶用的棒子 是用来调茶的
Oh! It's not even much good at that,
是吗 这玩意儿连茶都调不好
you'd be better off with a spoon.
不如直接用调羹
Oh, my God, I gave Nev a tenner
我的天 我从我妈钱包里
out of my mum's purse to get that.
拿了张10磅给Nev去买♥♥这个
Please tell me you're not leaving your contraception down to Nev.
千万别告诉我你把避孕的任务也交给了Nev
It's OK, he says the way we do it, I can't get pregnant anyway.
没事的 他说了依我们的做法 我是不可能怀上的
Oh, what's that, then, upside down? In a bath? On a Thursday?
哦 那是什么做法 倒立着来 在浴缸里 还是在周四做
In a Tesco car park because it's cold outside?
还是因为外头太冷 所以在超♥市♥的停车场里做
Yeah. And you believe him, do you?
就是这个 然后你相信他了 对吗
Should I not? He gave you a tea stirrer.
我不该信他吗 他给你的可是根调茶棒
Oh, yeah.
也是哦
OK, these will give you all the basics.
好了 这些能教会你所有基础知识
And dump Nev because I'm fairly sure you can do better.
还有 甩了Nev 因为我很肯定你能找个更好的人
Take it from someone who has been there....
听听过来人的意见吧
Oh, not with Nev, obviously, that would be weird.
哦 我当然没跟Nev一起过 真那样的话就诡异了
Well, Mrs Akua, you're not any further along, are you?
Akua小姐 你离预产期很近了对吧
We might want to think about breaking your waters
应该考虑破掉羊水了
and then it should just slip on out,
这样在你说咒语之前
before you can say bippety-boppity-boo.
宝宝就能顺利地出来啦
And how likely is that really?
这样的可能性到底有多大呢
I'll be honest, it's not that likely.
说老实话 可能性不是那么高
But, you know, we're prepared for any eventualities...
但是 我们已经为所有意外做好了万全准备
I haven't got a pen. Erm... one sec...
我没拿笔 呃 稍等
When you say eventualities?
你说的意外指什么
You know - dads fainting during the birth,
就那些嘛 爸爸在生产途中晕倒
babies born with horns,
宝宝出生时长着角
finding babies in cupboards.
在柜子里发现宝宝
A baby with a horn? I know, a horn, that's strange, isn't it?
宝宝长着角 我明白 长角 很奇怪是吧
But it only happened the once and, erm... it fell off a day later
但是只发生过一次 而且第二天角就掉下来了
so, you know, really no big deal at all.
所以 并不是什么大问题
Would you excuse me one second?
您等我一会好吗
A horn?
长角
Wait, was there a baby in that cupboard? No.
等等 刚刚那柜子里真有个宝宝吗 没有啦
Lisa... I don't suppose you've seen a mum kind of minus a baby?
Lisa 你有没有见到一个少了娃的妈妈
Description? Female, sort of child bearing age.
具体点 女性 正是怀孩子的年纪的那种
That's basically a woman,
所有女人都符合你的描述
you're asking me have I seen a woman?
你是在问我有没有见过一个女人
I see what you're saying but I'm...
我明白你的意思 但是我
Ok.
好吧
Fancy a cheeky pint?
想来偷喝一杯吗
Do you know, I don't,
不要
but you're Mr Security, can you explain this?
但是你是我们的保安先生 能来解释一下这个吗
It's a baby. Well done,
这是个宝宝 解释得真好
yes, and I just found him in a cupboard.
没错 我找到他时 他在一个柜子里
That's not where you keep them?
你们不是本来就把宝宝存放在柜子里吗
Not as a rule, no, and he's got no bracelet,
并没有这个规矩 而且他没有戴手环
which means he has been abandoned,
说明他是被抛弃在那儿的
which means Social Services are going to be involved, the police...
也就是说 社会服务部门会被牵扯进来 还有警方
The police are already involved, mate.
警方已经介入了 伙计
Neither of us are police anymore, mate.
咱俩都不再是警♥察♥了 伙计
I think you'll find I am.
你应该明白 我是个警♥察♥
I think you'll find you're still suspended.
你也应该明白 你还处于停职期
Hey, if I manage to find the missing baby... Mother.
对了 要是我能找到失踪了的宝宝 是妈妈
Yeah, if I manage to find the missing mother, I'm the hero,
对 要是我能找到失踪了的妈妈 我就成英雄了
looks good at the hearing, boom, get my job back.
在听证会上好好表现 咔嚓一下 我就能当回警♥察♥了
I have to report this now.
我必须现在就去上报
Please, just give me one chance.
求你了 就给我个机会吧
For an old pal. I'll see what I can do.
为了你的老朋友 我尽力吧
Good man. Just keep it under your hat
好兄弟 在我和Caitlin谈过之前
until I speak to Caitlin, OK?
要守口如瓶 好吗
I'll need an extra large helmet...
那我需要一个超大的头盔
I wouldn't put a baby on my head...
我不会把宝宝顶在头上的
I wouldn't! This is serious.
不会的 这事儿很严肃
What's serious? Erm...life generally.
什么很严肃 呃 人生就很严肃
Indeed, why? What's going on? Mum's the word. No.
确实 发生了什么 不能说(关键词是妈妈) 不
No, not Mum. Nothing to do with Mum. Schtum. Schtum is the word.
不 不是妈妈 跟妈妈没关系 缄默 缄默才对
Oh, there we go, come here...
好啦 来抱抱
I'll see you in a bit. All right.
一会见 好
He has to go. He does, yeah, a very busy schedule.
他必须得离开 是的 他日程很紧
I mean sacked. Oh, really, Ian?
我是说炒他鱿鱼 真的吗 要炒Ian
No, he's fine, he's just under a lot of stress.
不 他挺好的 只是最近压力太大了而已
I know why you want him here. Why?
我知道你为什么想让他留下 为什么
To make you look competent by comparison.
用他来反衬你自己的能力
No, it's just because he's a mate.
不 只是因为他是一个好伙伴
A what? A mate.
你的什么 一个伙伴
No, no, you've lost me. A friend?
不不 我不明白你在说什么 一个朋友
No, lost me completely.
不 完全听不懂
So, this missing mother
这个消失了的妈妈
what does she look like? Got any photos?
她长什么样子 有照片吗
Where's the baby? It's OK, I've hid him on a trolley.
宝宝在哪儿 我都处理好了 把他藏在了推车里
Well, about a day old, proper clamp. Oh, hang on, what's this?
大约一天大 脐带夹得很好 哦 等等 这是啥
Apple sticker. All right. We've got to find this mother.
苹果贴纸 好了 我们必须找到他的妈妈
Oh, Matthew,
哦 Matthew
you're so sweet and naive.
你是如此的善良和天真
She could be anywhere by now, frankly.
都这会了 她都不一定到哪儿去了
You have to be buzzed in and out here, right?
想进出这里必须要被放行 对吧
Whoever this is either works here or is known by someone.
干这事儿的人 要么在这里工作要么是张熟脸
Ooh, you were a policeman.
唔 你以前确实是个警♥察♥嘛
Yes, was that ever in doubt?
当然 难道还被怀疑过吗
Well, you know, people put things on their CVs, don't they?
大家都会在写简历的时候自♥由♥发挥 不是吗
I put that I could ride a horse but I can't.
我写了我会骑马 但我其实不会
How do you sleep at night? And swordfighting.
这样你晚上都能睡得着吗 还有击剑
Never thought I'd get caught on that one either but I did.
从没想过会被抓包 但还真的被抓了
Oh, what a long strange summer.
真是个漫长又奇怪的夏天
About the long strange baby...
关于这个长而奇怪的宝宝
Look, I'll call the authorities
我会给上头打电♥话♥
you watch out for anyone wincing and walking a bit funny.
你注意点有没有龇牙咧嘴 走路姿势奇怪的人
Not Jake the porter, he's just like that.
除了护工Jake 他本身就那样走路
OK, don't call them yet. Please, OK?
好 先别急着打电♥话♥ 帮个忙 好吗
We'll find her. Just give me an hour.
我们会找到她的 给我一个小时就好
OK. You've got 60 minutes,
好的 你还有60分钟的时间
then this goes public. OK.
然后这事儿就会公之于众 好
And you're off the case. Right.
到时 你便无权再插手此案 好
Or I'll bust you back to traffic. I get it.
不然我就把你贬职去当交♥警♥ 我明白了