外星也难民

Wait!
这些混子 这些混子挤满了街头
The jerks, the jerks are filling up the streets!
不不不 他们不再躲藏
No, no, they aren't hiding anymore.
混子们在行动
The jerks are on the move!
快联♥系♥市长
Get me the mayor!
不立马行动 这就是十分钟后要面对的混子数量
If we don't act now, here's how many jerks we'll be at in ten minutes.
二十分钟
Twenty minutes.
一个小时内 城市会完全失控
And in an hour's time, we'll have completely lost our city.
哦 老天 已经太迟了
Oh god. We might be too late.
摇滚小子刚刚宣布要把他的
Kid Rock just announced he's bringing
“美国再次喷射日”带到我们镇了
his Make America Squirt Again festival to our town!
行了 我知道该怎么做了
- Well, I know what I need to do.
我要和我的情妇回去睡觉了
I'm gonna sleep with my mistress in my own bed!
原来市长一直都是混♥蛋♥
All this time, the mayor was a jerk.
这还是第一次 现在只能靠我们了 麦蒂
That's a political first. It's up to us now, Maddie.
不 现在只有你了 死胖子 拜咯
- Nope. It's up to you now! You're fat. Byeee!
镇里满是混♥蛋♥ 而《大观》评审今天就要来了
- The town is full of jerks, and Parade Magazine is coming today.
在他们到之前我们得..
We have to do something before they - -
哦不
Oh no.
哦 老天 不行
Oh god, no!
嘿《识骨寻踪》编剧
- Hey. Bones writer.
伙计 我睡了多久
- Man, how long was I asleep?
那些该死的大♥麻♥让我昏睡不醒
Those skeeto poppers really knocked me out.
喔哦 什么鬼
- Whoa. What the hell?
你的搭档已经丧失理智 快帮我松开
- Your partner's lost her cool -haircut head. Untie me.
嘿 疯子 那人♥质♥是怎么回事
- Hey, psycho, what's with the hostage?
守门人不在计划内 他不会有事的
- The Janitor needed to be taken out of the equation, he'll be fine.
可我们是他的客人 什么计划
- We were his guests! What equation?
杀死所有蚊子
- E equals kill every mosquito.
什么 全墙都在等这些蚊子肉呢
- What? We can feed the whole Wall.
任何能伤害佩斯里的东西都得被消灭
- Anything that can hurt Pezlie needs to be destroyed.
老天 雪儿 为了消灭你所谓的威胁
- Jesus, Cherie, how many more people have to die
还得死多少人
because you have to nuke every threat?
或许你可以帮我对付一些威胁
- Well, maybe you could start helping with some threats.
我还以为你是英雄呢
I thought you were a hero.
我从来没想过当什么英雄
- I've never wanted to be a hero!
就这样吧 我不干了 我要回家
That's it. I'm done. I'm going home.
你不能走 我们是搭档
- You can't quit! We're partners!
我的妻子才是我的搭档
- My wife is my partner.
战斗一场接着一场
There's always gonna be another battle.
要是不能和家人待在一起
- What's the point of fighting for your family
那你为家庭战斗的意义是什么
if you never get to be with your family?
回家吧 雪儿 别让你宝宝失去母亲
Go home, Cherie. Before you make that baby an orphan.
所以只能这样了吗
- So this is where we are, huh?
你和蒂姆还有爵爷没什么两样
You're just like Tim. And The Duke.
你根本不了解林戈
- You don't know shit about Ringo.
我们已经得到了祝福
- We've been given a blessing!
但你被”领军"蒙蔽了双眼
But you're too busy "leading" to see it.
骗子 总是用愚蠢的谎言骗取权力
Liars, always holding on to power with your stupid lies.
不 我♥干♥掉了所有的骗子
- No, I got rid of all the liars.
如果你这样想 那你永远不知道谁在对你撒谎
- If you think that, then you don't know who's lying to you.
闭嘴吧你
- Oh, shut up.
唔 呃啊 如果不这么好吃就容易多了
Mm. Ugh, this would be so much easier if this wasn't so delicious.
好了 蛹宝 我们去拍小镇大合照吧
- Okay, Pupa. Let's go get in that town photo.
现在那三个最大的混♥蛋♥已经被关进了我们的飞船
Now that the three biggest town jerks are locked in our ship,
我们可以自♥由♥地...
we can be free to - -
呕
Eww!
跟你说说我昨晚的梦吧
- Listen to this dream I had last night.
梦超级超级长 但没有你哦
It's super long, and you're totally not in it.
发生什么事了
- What's happening?
这里好多人都戴着尾巴
There's a lot of people around in summer scarves!
那些把我们变成鬣蜥的外星佬已经不在了
- Those aliens who turned us into iguanas last year are gone!
虽然那是我们应得的
- We totally deserved it, too.
但现在 我们混子王者归来 北鼻们
But now, the jerks are back, baybee!
哦不 我错了
- Oh no, I was wrong!
酷佛 泰瑞和雅咩不是问题所在 而是解决之道
Korvo, Terry, and Yum weren't the problem, they were the solution!
啊 我给人放火 但火烧回来了
- Ahh! I tried arson, but it backfired!
哦 天啊 啊
Oh god! Ahh!
嘿 在巴黎的艾米莉
- Hey! Emily in Paris!
这是五分钟后街道的样子
This is how it will look in five minutes.
该死
Goddammit.
这就是他选的影像吗
That's the silhouette he chose?
现在我懂了 我爱同理心
- I get it now. I fucking love empathy!
是的 我们看到了士兵在机场给他们的孩子惊喜
- Yes, we've seen soldiers surprising their kids at the airport,
我们还看两遍《孤寒财主》
and we double -watched Scrooged.
我的每一颗心都展开了
It expanded every heart I have!
停 有条给雅咩的消息
Hold up. Got a message for Yum.
老天爷 这个小镇终于想起它的道德标兵了
- Oh my god, the town finally needs its moral center!
家人们 我错了
- Fam, I was wrong!
混子们已经完全占领了小镇 只有你们这帮混♥蛋♥能救它了
Jerks have totally taken over, and only you assholes can save this town!
拜托了 莎莎 我们得出去
- Come on, Ai -eesh, we need to get out!
快点 妹子 我们没时间了
- Come on, sister girl, we're running out of time!
老天 你们这群外星佬惹上什么蠢事了
AISHA: Jesus, you fucking aliens get into some stupid shit.
行吧 那直接进行最终测试
Okay, we can skip to the final test.
我点了份披萨 你们只需要和外卖♥♥小哥说话
I ordered a pizza, all you gotta do is talk to the delivery guy
然后拿到披萨 明白了吗
and get your pizza. Okay?
哇哦 就这吗
- Wow, that's it?
简单 我还不饿
- Easy. Not even hungry.
对了 他迟到了俩小时
AISHA: Also, he's two hours late.
什么 那我他妈的披萨在哪
- What? Where the fuck's my 'za?
加油 你们一定能行
- Come on, you guys can do this.
现在 我百分百相信你们
As of now, I believe in you!
啊 我的《少年泰坦》收藏花瓶
- Ah! My Teen Titans collector vases!
呃啊 赶紧结束吧
- Ugh. Let's get this over with.
你好 披萨代表
- Hello, pizza representative.
呃是的 我送披萨的
Uh yeah, I got a pizza
给科恩 拉里 和海克提萨的
for Korn, Larry, and HackitySack.
称呼我的教名
- Call me by my Christian name!
不 不 别激动雅咩莱 我们可以的
- No, no, calm your tits, Yumyulack. This can be done.
谢谢
Thank you.
很好 现在给小费吧
Cute. Now tip him.
他这副逼样还得给小费吗
- For not doing his job?
别激动 我们得出去 这个城市需要我
- Come on. We gotta get out of here. The city needs me.
呃 小费可以低于百分之十吗
- Uh, does it go any lower than ten percent?
不行吗 百分之十是最少的吗 行吧
No, ten is the bottom? Of course it is.
好了 我们做到了 开门
Okay, we did it, open the doors.
给他五星好评
Give him five stars.
不行 一个完美的五星好评不能随便给
I can't. A perfect five -star rating means something, dammit.
如果说今天我学到了什么
- Okay, if I've learned anything today,
那就是同理心不代表去考虑事情是否正确
it's that empathy isn't about doing the correct thing.
而是忽略那些逻辑 让别人感觉舒服就行
It's about skipping what makes sense to make someone else feel good.
想想 吝啬鬼会怎么做
Come on, what would Scrooged do?
他会...考虑别人想要的
- He would... think about what other people want
然后给予他们 因为他才是真的圣诞老人
and give them that because he's actually Santa.
是的 等等 什 么你没着电影吗
- Yes! Wait, what? No, did you even watch the movie?
没看 我一直把眼睛闭着 但我看到过海报
- No, I had my eyes closed the whole time, but I remember the poster.
耶 走咯
- Yeah! - Alright!
同理心时间到 混♥蛋♥们 老爹来给你们上一课
- It's empathy time, motherfuckers. Let's get decent!
老天 我成功了
- Oh my god, I did it.
所有混♥蛋♥都消失了
All the jerks are gone!
这也意味着
Which means
我就是镇上唯一的混♥蛋♥了
I get to be the only jerk in town!
真♥他♥妈♥令人兴奋
What a fuckin' reveal!
哇 我们的小镇也太美了
- Whoa, our town looks gorgeous!
是啊 我们把混♥蛋♥都”理”出去了
- Yeah, we empathized the fuck outta this place.
在担任评审的这段日子里
- In all my time as a Parade judge,
这是我见过最文明的城市
I have never seen nicer townfolk.
毫无疑问 美丽的吉娜戴维斯维尔 将被列为十大宜居城市之一
Surely the Top Ten will include the gorgeous city of GeenaDavisville.
我要给这个喷泉来一场金色淋浴
I'm giving this fountain a golden shower!
哦 不 糟了
JESSE: Oh no, this is bad.
失礼了