外星也难民

我在我的袖子上添了些东西
Just got some work done on my sleeve.
你们看 是迪吉奥诺披萨的部落符号♥
Check it out. It's a tribal symbol for DiGiorno.
真酷 这东西可没法外送到家
It's so cool that it's not delivery.
学生们 请注意 按照每月惯例
Attention, students, as we do every month,
我们该宣布这个月 “最佳情侣”的得主了
it's time to announce the winner of best couple.
他们就是安妮和亚宇雷！
Give it up for Annie and Yumyulack!
早就猜到了！ -我说什么来着
Fuck, yeah, bro! -Fuckin' told you, son.
你们几个倒霉蛋 快把钱拿来！
All y'all bitches need to pay up right now!
这是怎么回事 -我有事要告诉你
What's goin' on here? -There's something I have to tell you.
宝贝 你可以告诉我任何事 只要是在两千到五千的赫兹频率内
Bae, you could tell me anything within 2000-5000 Hertz frequency range,
否则在我听来就是噪音
otherwise it's static.
宝贝 学校里所有人打了个赌 认为既然我这么性感
Bae, everyone at school decided to place a bet that I'm so hot,
无论我和谁在一起 都能获得“最佳情侣”奖
I could win "Best Couple" with anyone.
哪怕是你这样棉签形状 坑坑洼洼 长得像皮克斯动画角色的丑八怪
Even a Q-tip shaped, rough trough, Pixar-looking motherfucker like you.
但我没有想到 我真的爱上你了
Oh... But there's one thing I didn't bet on. Actually falling in love with you.
我真是不敢相信
I can't freaking believe this.
你生气也没关系 我可以理解
It's okay if you're mad. I get it.
我没生气 我才知道高中的事 可以拿来打赌 这太棒了
I'm not mad. I didn't know you could bet on high school stuff! That's awesome!
我要拿任何东西打赌了！
I'm gonna gamble on everything!
我觉得这不是你该学的…
I don't think that's the lesson you should be--
是时候在这破学校里 展开《茉莉牌局》了！
It's time to get all Molly's Game up in this bitch!
什洛浦星曾是个完美的乌托邦
Planet Shlorp was a perfect
直到被小行星撞上
utopia until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人和他们的复♥制♥人 分到了一只噗噗
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
逃往了太空
and escaped into the space,
在杳无人迹的世界寻找新的家园
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠毁在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
情况就是这样 说话的人是我
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
也就是抱着噗噗的那个 我叫科尔沃
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
这是关于我的动画 我刚把噗噗摔下去了 你看见我了吗
This is... This is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
真是让人无语 我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园
This is ridiculous. I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
人类愚蠢至极 他们一提到火星就激动得要命
People are stupid and confusing. They get so excited about going to Mars.
你们去过火星吗 我去过一回
Have you ever been to Mars? I went to Mars one time.
没什么酷的 连星巴克都没有
Not so cool, not even a Starbucks.
你摸摸 科尔沃 这个磨脚器太好用了
Feel, Korvy. These Ped Eggs are amazing.
我用它把脚上的老茧都磨掉了 我又能和地板亲密接触了！
I scraped all the plaque off my feet and I can taste the floor again!
特里 你把碎屑弄得满地板都是 太恶心了
Terry, you got your flakes all over the floor. That's disgusting.
我的天呐！
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
如果它是我想的那个东西 我真的要激动到把牙拉出来了
If this is what I think it is, I'm gonna literally shit my teeth off.
它到了 我们在eBay的拍卖♥♥上 赢下的独一无二的
It's here! A one-of-a-kind Crystal Skull Vodka brand bullet
有马克·汉米尔签名的 水晶骷髅头伏特加牌子弹
signed by Mark Hamill that we won from that auction on eBay!
她比我想象的还要美
She's more beautiful than I ever imagined.
我们去拍照吧 好让我脸书上子弹小组的人
Let's go get some photos so I can make my bullet group on Facebook
眼红得要死要活
seethe with jealousy.
现在拥有收藏价值最高的子弹的人 是谁啊 丹尼斯 你个肥贱♥人♥
Who's got the most collectible ammunition now, Denise, you fat bitch?
我们模仿《霹雳娇娃》拍照吧
Let's go take a photo like we're in Charlie's Angels.
别在意我 我在努力模仿刘玉玲
Don't mind me, just channeling hard Lucy Liu vibes over here.
Wait, we're not doing the Kristen Stewart one?
等等 我们不模仿克里斯汀那版吗
当然不 这俩就像 隔着两个重启版那么远
No! That's two reboots too far.
不 见鬼 我们的子弹 无价之宝被我射出去了！
No! Fuck, our bullet. I shot a priceless bullet!
见鬼 特里 那子弹全世界就只有一颗！
Goddamnit, Terry! That bullet was one of a kind!
有Uber Eats广♥告♥明星
You don't just find vodka merch
签名的伏特加周边可是百年难遇的！
signed by stars of Uber Eats commercials every day!
等等 我还能看到它 -什么
Wait, I can see it. -What?
我是直射出去的 我的视力超好 因为我经常自♥慰♥
I shot it straight up and my eyesight is really good because I masturbate a lot.
眼睛一刻也不要离开它！
Don't stop staring at it!
它开始下落了吗
Is it coming down yet?
它可不是道奇队赢了世界棒球大赛 就朝天空射击的
It's not a shitty shoot-in-the-air when-the-Dodgers-win-the-world-series
那种垃圾子弹 科尔沃 它非常遵循空气动力学
type bullet, Korvo. This thing is aerodynamic as hell.
要在上面待上好一阵子呢
It's gonna be up there for a while.
见鬼 继续盯着 我们必须赶在它落地
Shit, keep an eye on it. We have to catch it
损失一半价值前接住它
before it hits the ground and loses half its value.
好 它还在往上飞 我一定能行 别让任何东西打扰到我
Okay, it's still going up. I can do this. Just make sure nothing distracts me.
保证完成任务
I'm on it.
这套大得夸张的铠甲是怎么回事
What's with the comically large suit of armor?
我们想了个完美计划 雪莉穿上它后 会显得高大无比
We have an amazing plan. It's for Cherie. It'll make her look huge, right?
确实 前提是她穿上之后还能走动 她要和谁战斗
I mean, yeah. If she can move in it. Who's she fighting?
这是为了鼓舞人心 不是为了战斗
It's designed to inspire, not for battle.
她可以穿着这身接管墙国 成为我们的领导人
She can wear it when she takes over as leader of the Wall.
我们打算叫她“女公爵”
We're thinking of calling her "The Duchess."
很不错吧 -你听到她们说的了吗
It's good, right? -Are you hearing this?
她们想重演公爵那套戏码
This is just the Duke all over again.
不行 等她归来后 宣布提姆已死时 她必须展露真实的自我
No. When she tells everyone she's back and Tim's dead, she has to be herself.
我太懂这些人了 人♥民♥需要一位神圣的角色
I know these people. They want someone divine.
一个凌驾于生命之上的领导人
Someone larger than life to lead them,
就像雪儿 或是花生 就是杰夫·唐纳姆的那个布偶
like Cher or Peanut, the Jeff Dunham puppet.
她死而复生的经历还不够传奇吗！
She's already coming back from the dead!
所以这套铠甲能让民众更加信服她
Which is why the suit will seal the deal.
民众需要一位诚实的领导人
They deserve an honest leader.
一个亲民的人 就像乔治·华盛顿 早期的德瑞医生 不是贪财的那个
Someone accessible, like George Washington or Dr. Dre. Early Dre, not sellout Dre.
不过他做的耳机真是很不错
Although he does make a damn good headphone.
我只知道 我们一定 不能把皮思丽牵扯进来
All I know is we have to keep Pezlie out of it.
我们必须隐瞒她的存在 保护她的安全
She needs to stay hidden and safe.
这一点我们都同意 没人需要知道这个小天使的存在
We all agree on that. Nobody needs to know about this little angel.
所以你打算怎么做 以真实的自己去领导民众？
So, which is it gonna be? Lead as yourself?
还是去扮演穿着酷炫铠甲的救世主
Or as a savior in a banging suit of armor.
亚宇雷 你还好吗 我听说了你和安妮的事
Yummers, you okay? I heard about what happened with Annie.
你是不是要用科幻的方式 展开复仇了？
I'm assuming you're gonna do some fucked up sci-fi revenge?
才没有 我好得很 -等等 真的吗
Nah. I'm fine. -Wait, really?
唯一让我难过的就是 我竟然花了这么久才知道
The only thing I'm upset about is that it took me this long to figure out
这种高中的愚蠢打赌 竟然可以用来挣钱
people can make money off dumb high school bets.
好在既然你已经分手了
Silver lining. Now that you're single,
你可以和我一起去参加 明天的模拟联♥合♥国♥大会
you could come to the JV mock Model UN tomorrow with me.
或者我们可以乘着我的快乐云 一起到处飞！
Or maybe we could float around together in my Lakitu cloud!
这是经济衰退时 我用政♥府♥发的
I bought it with the Club Nintendo points
任天堂俱乐部积分买♥♥的
the government sent out during the recession.
才不要 我不参加课后活动
Hell no. I don't do after-school activities.
我自己就是课后活动
I am an after-school activity.
你看 是傻蛋一号♥
Hey, look. It's fucknut number one.
你好啊 粪便喷射器 -骂得有创意
What's up, turd squirt? -Good one.
我听说打赌的事了 我也想加入
I heard about the betting and I want in.
小宝宝以为自己可以玩大人的游戏
Aw... The baby thinks he can play with the big boys.
在交际政♥治♥方面 没人能赌赢 马克和克拉克·汉堡兄弟
Nobody wins a socio-politic bet against Mark and Clark Hamburger.
你想赌什么
What do you got?
我用五十块赌那几个迥然各异的学生 公主病 小天才
Fifty bucks says those totally different kids over there, the princess, the brain,
坏男孩 体育生和怪胎 永远不会成为朋友
the bad boy, the athlete, and the freak, will never become friends.
见鬼了 可他们明明性格迥异 水火不容
Goddamnit! But they're all so different from each other!
他们怎么会组成一个乐队呢
How could they form a bond?
你不懂高中的运作原理吗 -快给钱 斑脑袋
Don't you know how high school works? -Pay up taint hair.
他说快给钱 臭蛤♥蟆♥ -我拿不出钱 我有一台造金机
He said pay up, stink wad! -I can't. We have a gold machine,
但去年我对女友体验上了瘾
but I got addicted to girlfriend experiences last year
制♥造♥了太多金子 使它不再稀有
and I made too much gold, which reduces scarcity,
所以如今金子都一文不值了
so now all gold is worthless.
得了吧 这种糊弄人的蠢话 我听过太多遍了
Yeah, right. I've heard that bullshit before.
看来你要被夹汉堡了
Looks like it's time to get burgered.
不 别再“汉堡”我了
No, stop burgering me.
我被两堆肉夹在中间 没法呼吸了
I can't breathe under all this meat-themed bullying.
再赌一把 三倍或一笔勾销！
Triple or nothing!
你说什么 -三倍或一笔勾销 我来选赌局
What did you just say? -Triple or nothing. Any bet I choose.
说定了 这次你输了后 最好把钱准备好
Deal! And this time when you lose, you better have that money,
否则我们就给你生挖一个屁♥眼♥来 塞鞭炮进去！
or we'll dig you out an asshole just so we can fill it with firecrackers!
你简直是王者 特里
You a king, Terry.
来给你疲惫的双眼滴点眼药水
Let's get some Visine on those squiggly pupils.
风向改变了一点 -它快达到最高点了
Wind's shifting a bit. -It's probably hitting the maximum height.
继续盯着 -我可以的
Keep staring. -I got it.
我可以的
I got it.
喂 该死的外星人 你是不是碰我的车了
Hey. Hey, fucking aliens! Did you just touch my fucking car?
冷静点 格伦 那是个意外
Calm down, Glenn. It was an accident.
特里正在盯着我们射向天空的 那颗水晶骷髅伏特加牌子弹
Terry's keeping an eye on our Crystal Skull Vodka brand bullet
他在调整方位的时候
that we shot into the sky, and his elbow lightly grazed your car