外星也难民

Terry, your job is most important.
噗噗长大后 会将地球改造成适合我们居住的新星球
Because the Pupa will grow up to terraform your new planet,
你必须好好哺育他
you must nurture him.
因为作为噗噗专家照顾他是你的责任
For, as the Pupa specialist, he is your responsibility.
给我等等 我要负责照顾噗噗？
Hold the fuck on. I'm supposed to be taking care of the Pupa?
寇佛天天念叨这个 泰瑞 -是啊 别大惊小怪的
Korvo says that all the time, Terry. -This isn't news.
我还在寻找自我 我还没准备好养育一只噗噗呢
I'm not ready to raise a Pupa. I'm still finding myself.
烦死了 我还想去卡波呢
I want to go to Cabo, damn it.
磨磨唧唧地抱怨有用吗 泰瑞
You want some crackers to go with your wine?
承担责任的确很可怕但是时候成长起来
Being responsible is scary, but it's time to grow up
开始执行你的任务了这是为了寇佛！
and start working on the mission. For Korvo!
为了寇佛！
For Korvo!
你们在搞什么？ -糟糕 我们把寇佛的事忘干净了
What the hell are you doing? -Shit! We forgot about the Korvo thing.
地球上有太多让我们分心的事了 -在这里我们没法尽忠职守
Earth is too distracting. We can't do our jobs here,
还有那么多“嘻哈女孩”等着我去撩
with all the trap queens in need of hyping.
我得把我的“麦克大卡车”停进那些“小车♥库♥”里
I've got to park that big Mack truck right in that little garage.
如果我们想专心 就必须得搬到另一个星球去
If we're going to focus, we've got to do it on a new planet.
很好 爱莎 在这些蠢蛋后悔之前赶紧启动预发射程序
Good. Aisha, initiate the pre-launch before these idiots change their minds.
好 破程序已启动 -终于要发射了
Fine. The shit is initiated. -Launch time, baby.
部分成员未在船上 -见鬼！
Not all the crew is accounted for. -Fuckers!
等等 可所有人都在啊
Wait, but everyone's here.
全员到齐包括所有被分割下来散落在小镇各处的身体部位
All crew means all body parts that got severed and left around town.
等等 什么 -把你们的老二找齐
Wait. What? -Go get your dick.
有人把身体部位扔得到处都是吗
Anyone been leaving body parts around?
毕竟我过着充实且丰富多彩的生活
I mean, yeah. I live a full and rich life.
如果你觉得我是个有时间去捡我那些身体部位的大闲人
You think my calendar's so open I can just pick up my own body parts all day?
那你就大错特错了
Wrong.
别看我 我很守规矩的
Don't look at me. I keep my shit tonight.
启动斯洛普肢体定位仪
Activate the Shlorpian Extremity Triangulator.
它能定位星球上的所有斯洛普血肉很诡异 但正好能派上用场
我没问题 所有身体部位都在船上
I'm clean, all my pieces are on the ship.
你的四肢散落得到处都是
You've been dropping your limbs all over the place.
竟然有五个在家得宝？
Five at Home Depot?
一定是那个夏天我想当流言终结者时留下的
That must have been from the summer I tried to be a MythBuster.
那两个红发老头没给其他人留下什么可终结的流言
Those two ginger mummies didn't leave any myths for the rest of us.
你的任务是记录 不是终结广为流传的流言
You're supposed to be chronicling not busting popular myths.
我最爱的手也化了 -我们必须赶在寇佛彻底变成粘液前
Oh! My favorite hand. -We've got to get these body parts
把那些身体部位找回来否则我们就要自己处理税务问题了
before Korvo is goo for good or we'll have to learn how to do taxes.
那个难得要死
It's hella complicated.
祝你早日学会计算只用于公务的
Good luck figuring out the depreciation value
时空旅行鞋的折旧值
of time traveling sneakers you only use for business.
把噗噗扔在这没问题吗 泰瑞
Are we just going to leave the Pupa behind, Terry?
反正他也没法离开噗噗专用椅
He can't get out of the Pupa seat.
就算他挣脱开了 没他的奶油酥他哪儿都不会去的
And even if he could, he'd never stray from his puffs.
奶牛的叫声是…
The cow says...
艾迪 你回来得好早啊
Eddie! Ooh, you're home early.
凯蒂 亲爱的 给我一个吻
Katie. Baby, Kiss me.
快进来吧
Get in here.
我至今还是不敢相信一年前的今天
I still can't believe it was one year ago
你单膝跪地 送了我这个
to the day you got down on your knee and gave this to me.
还记得吗 那是我们的第二次约会
Remember? It was our second date.
我以为你疯了
I thought you were crazy.
我确实为你而疯狂
I am. Crazy. For you.
我曾发誓 我绝不会和我爸的手下约会
I swore I would never go out with someone who worked for my dad.
但你和他的其他员工不一样你很特别
But you're not like his other employees. You're, you're different.
你这趟推销旅行怎么样？
Ooh, how'd the sales trip go?
完美 都被我搞定了 -我爸一定会很开心的
Crushed it. Crushed it. -Daddy will love that.
也就是说 他不会猜到我们要把他抢劫一空
Means he won't see it coming when we rob him blind.
好了 大伙 我粘液化得越发严重了
All right people, I'm gooing pretty bad.
所以大家要尽快找回散落的四肢
So let's get these limbs and get back to the business
以便尽快离开这个破星球
of leaving this shithole planet.
这些冰块脏了
Bad ice.
别问我它为什么在里面
Don't ask me how it got there.
去问他们为什么从不清理冰柜
Ask them why they never cleaned it.
喂 那是我的挠蛋… 挠背器
Hey, my ball... Back scratcher.
你活该 库克
Suck it, Cooke.
你做得很对 -大家的身体部位都找齐了吗
You did the right thing, -So everyone got their body parts?
差不多了 接下来只需要去风城取最后两个
Almost. We just have to go to the Windy City to pick up the last two.
你们没带我 自己去了芝加哥？
You went to Chicago and didn't invite me?
你们明知道我有多喜欢绍姆堡的奥特莱斯
You know how much I like the Schaumberg outlets.
上次你害我们在汉马克·施莱默商场等了你一整天
Last time we wasted all our time waiting for you at the Hammacher Sclemmer.
我和亚宇雷经常来芝加哥
Me and Yumyulack have been commuting to Chi-town
和芝加哥专业翻跟斗者练习
to practice with the Chicago Pro Tumblers.
他们是一支了不起的中场秀杂技队
They're a legendary acrobatic halftime show.
我做这个是为了保持身体的敏捷
I do it to help me stay agile.
而且皮蓬在的时候我们还能跟他玩一会
Plus, we get to hang with Pippen when he's around.
上次练习时 我们翻了个高难度的跟斗 撞在彼此身上
He took a tough tumble into each other, last practice and knocked
把我们俩的屁♥股♥撞掉了
our tushes clean off.
找到了
Ooh, there they are.
大伙 洁西和亚宇雷回来了
Guys, Jesse and Yumyulack are back.
最近还好吗 艾米丽
What's up, Emily?
阿丽莎 你好啊
Alyssa, how you been?
天啊 乔什和索菲亚 发生什么事了
No, Josh and Sophia, what happened?
我们在为地区锦标赛半决赛的中场秀热身时
We snapped ankles warming up for the semi-regional
把脚踝扭断了
halftime show championships.
什么玩意 -但比赛就在今天啊
What? -But that's today.
你和小亚得替我们上场完成最后的集体动作
You and Yummy have to sub in to do the final team tumble.
不行 谢谢 我们在赶时间
No, thanks, we're in a time crunch.
让我们有请芝加哥专业翻跟斗队上场
Chicago Pro Tumblers to the floor.
你们在做… 不许穿
What are you... Don't you put that,
你们敢把那可爱的翻跟头服穿上试试
don't you put on that sweet tumbling gear.
马上把那双护膝袜扔在地上 朋友
Drop those knee socks right now, mister.
喂 我看见你们还在穿呢 -当翻跟斗的使命召唤时
Hey, I can see you. -When Tumbling calls,
我们必须上场
you accept the charges.
给我回来！
Get back here!
我有点想看他们表演
I kind of want to see it.
你们俩真的很看重这个蠢得要命的活动 是不是
This stupid bullshit really meant a lot to you two, didn't it?
这是我做过最有成就感的事
It's the most satisfying thing I've done in my life.
好吧 那我很高兴你们上场了
Okay, well, then I'm glad we did it, I guess.
如果我没在化成粘液就更好了泰瑞 该你了
I still wish I wasn't turning into goo. -Terry, your turn.
该我什么？我说过了 我很守规矩的
What Turn? Like I said, I keep my ship tonight.
你把我当什么了 我又不是复♥制♥人
Don't insult me. I'm not a replicant.
还真有 好多胳膊啊
Wow, yes, that's a lot of arms.
几十条胳膊扎堆漂在海上泰瑞 你这个不成器的
Dozens tightly clustered over the ocean. Terry, you stinky shit!
你是不是用胳膊喂鲸鱼了 -没有
Did you feed your arms to a whale? -No.
真的没有 我做什么了来着
No. What did I do?
格拉德威尔 -格拉德威尔是什么
Gladwell. -What's a Gladwell?
现代社会学家马尔科姆·格拉德威尔 我们翻云覆雨 耳鬓厮磨了一段时间
Pop sociologist Malcolm Gladwell, We've been ripping and tearing ass on the reg for a while now
每天早上
and every morning
我宁愿把自己的胳膊咬断也不想把他吵醒
I would chew my arm off rather than wake him up.
因为一旦把他弄醒 他就会喋喋不休地跟我讨论人类现状
Because if I did, we would be chatting about the human condition all morning.
唠叨个没完没了
The guy won't shut up.
我的那些胳膊肯定在他真实存在的私人游艇“装运点”上的某处
My arms are somewhere aboard his private non-fiction yacht, The Shipping Point.
那是他为粉丝开办的知识游轮之旅
It's an intellectual cruise experience he runs for his fans.
那我们怎么从那个 他叫什么来着？格拉德威尔那儿把你的胳膊找回来
How would we ever have gotten all that from you just saying, Gladwell?
别眼红 寇佛 嫉妒使人丑陋
Don't be jealous, Korvo. It doesn't look good.
我没有 嫉妒你和获奖作家有过一段炮♥友♥情干什么
I'm not. A sexual relationship with an award winning author?
你让我刮目相看我离名人最近的距离就是
I'm impressed. Best I could swing was a hand job
两个帮乔治·马丁记录小说中马名的家伙
from the two guys who keep track of all the horse names
帮我打过飞机
for George R.R. Martin.
亲爱的 那我们的计划怎么办
Baby, but what about the plan?
我们说好等那个混♥蛋♥给你升职后再敲诈他的
We were going to wait until that prick promotes you and then fleece him.
明天 明天就走 没得商量 -下一班飞墨西哥的机票
Tomorrow. Tomorrow. No argue. -The last flight to Mexico.
那你今天就要和我爸摊牌了
So you have to talk to Daddy today.
小心点 他有很多有权有势的朋友亲爱的 你必须下好每一步棋
Be careful. He has powerful friends, baby. You got to play this perfectly.
别担心 一切尽在掌握
Relax, Relax. It's me.
天啊 等我们到了芝华塔尼欧这一切都值了
God, it'll all be worth it once we're in Zihuantanejo.
再一次占有我吧
Take me again.
天啊 我爱死你的身体了
God, I love your body so much.
《决断两秒间》作者 马尔科姆·格拉德威尔
让我们过去吧 我们是格之客格拉德威尔的客人
Excuse us. We're G-O-G, Guests of Gladwell.
我叫泰瑞 你的本子上应该有我 -小泰瑞 你状态真好 这T恤不错