外星也难民

猩猩牙 有人看到猩猩牙了吗
Gorilla fangs? Has anyone seen gorilla fangs?
在这儿 就在杀人碟底下
Right here, under the murder discs.
快乐的终结正在向我们走来
And here comes the end of fun.
我还什么都没说呢
I didn't even say anything yet.
通常这时候 你会朝我们大吼 责怪我们
This is where you yell at us for building
只知道搭迈克尔·克莱顿《刚果》的乐高片场 不去修理飞船
a Michael Crichton's Congo LEGO set, instead of working on the ship.
我是改头换面的科尔沃
This is new Korvo.
我随和得要命 不在乎你们偷懒摸鱼
I'm chill AF, Chill About Fudge.
这是太空激光枪里的零件吗
Does this go in the space laser?
你说的是电影《刚果》里的东西 这副乐高是根据原著设计的
That's from Congo, the movie. This is based on the book.
不过看得出来 乐高已经在搜刮为数不多的版权许可了
LEGO's scraping the bottom of the licensing barrel, that's for sure.
你确定你没有被这项任务吓坏吗？
You sure you're not freaking out about the mission?
让我打开一罐啤酒 解开我的袍子再回答你的问题
Allow my cracking a beer and unfastening my robe to answer that.
红色警报响了 我们得赶紧去飞船上
That's a red alert! We have to get to the ship.
喂 等等！
Hey, Hey, hey! Ow! Ow! Ow!
这简直是乐高改编的《糖衣陷阱》 电影最终战的小说变成现实了
This is the LEGO novelization of the film The Firm final battle all over again.
喂 别拽了 我最好的T恤 都要被你拽坏了
Hey, stop it! You're ruining my best shirt.
你知道我喝了多少瓶科罗娜轻啤酒 才换来这件衣服吗
Do you know how many Corona Lights I had to drink to get this?
雷格纳死了 不 我们忘记给它喂食了
The Ragnar's dead. The Ragnar, no. We forgot to feed it.
什么 -我和你们一样都是外星难民
The what? -I'm as Solar Opposites as they come,
我完全不知道你在说什么
and I have no idea what you're talking about.
雷格纳是我们母星精神的活象征
Ragnars are a living reminder of the spirit of the homeworld.
现在是死象征了 不过还是能用的
Now, it's a dead reminder. Still works, though.
死去的雷格纳是对我们散漫的警示
This dead Ragnar is a cautionary tale for our lax attitudes.
我们会把整个种族的未来毁掉的
We're fucking up the future of our species.
不会的 噗噗还好好活着呢
No, we aren't. The Pupa is fine.
他早该把这个星球什洛浦星化了
He should've terraformed the planet already.
别这样 科尔沃 没事的
Come on, Korvo. It's okay.
是啊 我们是很称职的外星人 别这样
Yeah, we're good at being aliens. Don't be like that.
我们没那么重要 对吧 -我们就是那么重要
We can't be that important, right? -We are that important.
如果我们没法让噗噗完成它的使命 我们就再也回不到以前的生活了
If we don't make sure the Pupa does its thing, our way of life will be over.
其它99架飞船不是肩负着 和我们一样的使命吗
Aren't there 99 other ships doing the same thing we are?
你在说什么
What do you mean?
每天早上你重新跟我们解释
That's what you say every morning to us
我们的起源故事时都是这么说的 你自己看看
when you re-explain our origin story, take a look.
什洛浦星曾是个完美的乌托邦 直到被小行星撞上
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人和他们的复♥制♥人 分到了一只噗噗 逃往了太空
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa and escaped into the space,
在杳无人迹的世界寻找新的家园
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠毁在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
情况就是这样 说话的人是我
That's right. I've been talking this whole time.
也就是抱着噗噗的那个 我叫科尔沃
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
这是关于我的动画 我刚把噗噗摔下去了
This is my show. I just dropped the Pupa.
你看见我了吗 真是让人无语
Do you see me? This is ridiculous.
我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园 人类愚蠢至极
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home. People are stupid and confusing.
从何时起 人类不再坐着 软式飞艇出行了
When did humans stop traveling in blimps?
就算一个世纪前 一架飞艇 惨烈地爆♥炸♥了又怎样
Who cares if one exploded horrifically a century ago?
别纠结了 重新启用软式飞艇吧！
Get over it and bring back the fucking blimps!
《外星也难民》
我的天 你说得对
Oh, my God, you're right.
除了我们还有99支小队
Ninety-nine other teams,
大概率母星已经被其它小队拯救了
odds are someone else has already saved the homeworld.
说不定我们是表现最烂的一队呢
And we're probably the shittiest one of them all.
我必须确认一下
I have to know for sure.
爱莎 你能扫描一下 其它小队的信♥号♥♥吗
Aisha, can you scan for signals from other crews?
我不用浪费能量去扫描
I don't need to waste a scan.
其它飞船就连接在爱莎的操作系统上
All those ships ran on the Aisha OS.
我们是彼此相连的 你们想像看短片一样挨个看一遍吗
We're all connected. You wanna see them like a clip show?
爱莎 用短片的形式看也太老套了
Yeah, it's sort of well-trodden territory there, Aisha.
我们去模拟甲板上看吧
Let's do it on the Pretend-O-Deck.
你可以像讲睡前故事一样 讲给我们听
You can tell it to us like a bedtime story.
把我们当成《公主新娘》里的 弗莱德·萨维奇
Like Fred Savage gets it in The Princess Bride.
没错 我超爱那部电影
Yes, I love that movie.
多年来 我一直想用艾欧肯粉毒死你
I've been trying to kill you with Iocane powder for years.
不要 这太幼稚了 -《公主新娘》
No, that's stupid. -Princess Bride!
《公主新娘》！
Princess Bride, Princess Bride!
就如你们所愿
As you wish.
我不要模仿《公主新娘》的情节 你们不能无视我的意愿
We're not doing a Princess Bride. You can't just chant me into doing stuff.
为什么所有事都要用有趣的方式做
Why does everything always have to be fun?
让我确认一下飞船上 有没有不能播出的东西
Let me make sure this ship is legally clearable.
哇 这和弗莱德·萨维奇的房♥间 一模一样
Wow, this is just like little Fred Savage's room.
爱莎 你可以扮成彼得·福尔克
Aisha, you can be the Peter Falk.
启动胡子和眼镜外貌程序
Initiating mustache and glass eye protocol.
数据日志
很久很久以前 我们的星球被一颗小行星击中
Once upon a time, our planet was about to get hit by an asteroid.
在它爆♥炸♥前 100名成年人 与他们的小队各被分配了一只噗噗
Before it blew up, 100 adults and their crew were assigned Pupas
之后他们便飞向太空 寻找新的家园
and they flew into space in search of new worlds.
让我跟你们讲讲第1小队的故事
Let me tell you about team number one.
弹射扩散第1小队
扫描结果显示S标记67857处 有一颗M级星球
Scans indicate there's a class M planet at 67857 mark S.
好的 长官 正在调整航线
Yes, sir. Adjusting vector now.
看到他的二把手是如何兢兢业业
See, how his second-in-command just did his job
没有一丝埋怨地完成工作的吗 特里
without being a little bitch about it, Terry?
因为他就是个小跟班 -你也是个小跟班
Yeah, because he's a cuck. -You're a cuck.
看来我们同类相吸呢
And we can sense our own.
启动降落程序
Initiating landing sequence.
作为你们的领队 保护并指引你们是我的使命
As your leader, it is my duty to protect and guide you.
我们要荣辱与共 一起做出牺牲…
Any of your failings are mine, and together, we make this sacrifice...
一切为了噗噗！
For the Pupa!
这支小队把我们衬托得 像一堆废物似的
Okay, we get it. The team makes us look like a bunch of jabronis.
你是在故意羞辱我们吧 爱莎
You're just rubbing it in, Aisha.
谁还不会在田野里嬉戏啊
We could frolic in fields if we wanted to.
你们是一群废物又不是我的错 -乱说话
It's not my fault you all suck. -Bullshit!
我们比他们强 -好吧
We're better than them. -Okay, fine.
的确有一队比你们的表现还糟
Here's a team that did worse than you.
弹射扩散第2小队
这个星球看起来棒极了
This planet looks awesome.
作为你们的领队 我想说 我为大家骄傲
As your leader, I just want to say that I am proud of you.
这他妈是什么 我说我想看表现更糟的
What the fuck is this? I said I wanted a bad one.
你先看下去
Just wait for it.
你们的需要就是我的需要
If you need something, then I need something.
因为我们是一个团队
Because we're all in this together.
唯一的规矩就是 不要把坏情绪带进我房♥间
Only rule is if you walk through my door,
太棒了 真爽！
Yeah, yeah! Yeah!
过热气浪可不是好惹的
Nobody fucks with the wave of superheated gas.
想再看一队和他们境况相似的吗
Wanna see another one like that?
好啊 尽管讲吧
Yes. Hit me.
弹射扩散第3小队
噗噗真的很喜欢这里
The Pupa really likes it here.
这里有数不尽的莓果 和整个什洛浦星最好的队伍
All the berries we can eat and the best team a Shlorpian could ask for.
看这个星球多好 没有遭受任何人类污染
Look at that planet completely untouched by human pollution.
没有高速公路 也没有摩天大楼
No highways or skyscrapers.
如果我们降落在那样的星球就好了 而不是…
I wish we'd landed on a planet like that instead of...
我的亲娘诶！
Jesus Christ!
太棒了不知从哪冒出来的霸王龙万岁
Yeah, T-Rex out of nowhere for the win.
好吧 这也不是他们的错
Okay, that's not exactly their fault, I guess.
能给我们看个没被他们星球上的东西 害死的队伍吗
Can we see a team that doesn't get killed by something on their planet?
弹射扩散第4小队
做个好梦 小噗噗
Sweet dreams, little Pupa.
瞧啊 他睡觉时还在什洛浦星化呢
Look, he's terraforming in his sleep.
他们为什么把噗噗当成婴儿照顾
Why are they treating their Pupa like a baby?
我以为它是个宠物 -他不是吗
I thought it was a pet. -He isn't?
也许我们不该继续喂他骨头
Maybe we shouldn't feed him bones
或是让他在沙盒里上厕所了 是吧
or make him shit in a box of sand anymore, huh, guys?
你把暖气打开了吗
Did you turn the heat on?
他们的太阳超新星爆发了？ 怎么才能让我们的太阳变成那样？
Their sun went nova? How do we make ours do that?
你只需找到合适的同位素…
You just have to find an isotope of...
别告诉他们 我们已经连着看了三支团灭的小队了
Don't tell 'em. That's three dead teams in a row.
那又怎样 -这会不会太巧了
So? -Isn't that like totes random?
太空是很危险的
Space is fucking dangerous.
没错 可不是嘛
Hell, yeah, it is.
再多讲几个团灭的小队
Tell us about more dead teams.
不过背景故事就跳过吧
But skip the backstories.
既然他们最终都要死 我不想对他们投入过多感情
I don't want to get emotionally invested if they're all going to get Mufasa'ed.