纯粹

你是个诱因
You're a trigger.
所以有时候我跟你在一起很不自然
It's why sometimes I go weird with you
因为你总是朝我甩奶♥子♥ 这让我很紧张
because you're always whapping your boobs at me, it freaks me out.
-我的奶♥子♥有什么问题吗 -没有
- What's wrong with my boobs? - Nothing.
不是你的原因 是我的病让我焦虑
No, it's not you, it's my disorder, they upset me.
-抱歉 -别这样
- Sorry. - No.
我无法避开所有诱因
I can't avoid every trigger.
别遮住它们 拜托 放它们出来
Look, don't cover them up, come on, get them out.
-戴夫 救命 她要猥亵我 -她没事 戴夫
- Oh, Dave! Help me! She's trying to molest me! - She's fine, Dave.
她可喜欢这样呢 真的
She loves it. She loves it, really.
我想它俩确实挺诱人的
I suppose they are quite nice.
不然我为什么对它们这么着迷
Why do you think I'm so obsessed with them?
-这次是谁 -南希
- What's this one? - Nancy.
之前的那个女孩吗
That girl from the other night?
-不 她不是女孩 -抱歉 女人
- No, she isn't a girl. - Sorry, woman.
她是个女巫
She's a witch.
能让你打破"桃乐茜只约一次法则"
Must be all right if you're breaking the
那一夜肯定还不错
Dorothy double-dip rule.
我有什么毛病
What is wrong with me?
不过是个女孩 女人 女巫 不管是什么
It's just a girl, a woman, a fucking witch, whatever.
-那就拒绝她 -不行
- Just say no to her. - Can't.
她会派女巫猴子紧追我
She's going to send her little witch monkeys after me
-那我该怎么办 -哄骗她沐浴现出原形
- and then where would I be? - Trick her into having a bath.
我倒真的很想与她共浴
I would love a bath with her.
因为那样她就会融化而死 因为她是个女巫
Cos then she'd melt and she'd be dead cos she's a witch.
-别给她发信息 -不 我要夺回控制权
- Don't text her. - No, I am taking control.
寻找配偶的仪式性求爱
...ritual courtship in their search for a mate.
谢琳
Shereen!
我不敢相信你和谢琳住在一起
I still can't believe you live with SHEREEN.
她挺好的
She's all right.
你好啊 喵语者穴"语者]Hi. It's the pussy whisperer.
我一直不懂这个绰号♥的含义 我从没养过猫
I never understood that moniker. I've never even had a cat.
快来 抱一个 别袭击我哦
Come on, bring it in. Don't try and strike me.
-欢迎来到我家 -你闻上去像2007年
- You're welcome in my home. - You smell like 2007.
你闻上去像住在地铁外的那个流浪汉
You smell like that homeless guy who lives outside the tube.
-我们去喝酒了 -你不是正在戒酒吗
- Yeah, we went for drinks. - I thought you were on a cleanse.
-只喝了一点 向祖国致敬 -看我做了什么
- Just a wee toast to the motherland. - Look what I did.
还有烤蔬菜芝士通心粉 为明天准备的
And a penne gratin with roasted summer veg for tomorrow.
明天有什么活动吗
What's happening tomorrow?
我们邀请了一些朋友来喝茶
We're having some people over for tea.
算是为你接风
It's kind of in your honour
-也因为他们本来就要来 -什么朋友
- and kind of because they were coming over anyway. - What people?
我新认识的
People I met.
你是不是上那些可悲的应用去交朋友了
Oh, did you go on one of those sad apps to try and make friends?
我听说那些软件没用
Those don't work. I've heard.
我在现实生活中认识的朋友
I met them in real life.
会很棒的
It will be great.
大家齐聚一堂
All of us together at the same social event.
这种事多难得啊
How often does that happen?
就像日食
It will be like an eclipse.
希望明天没有人视力受损
Let's hope nobody damages their eyesight.
日食总是让人失望
Yeah, eclipses are always a let down.
但它们也让人们齐聚一堂共同见证
But they also unite everyone together to witness
一个历史性的天文现象
an historic celestial event.
不过是懒人意粉 姐们
It's just a pasta bake, mate.
日食的另一个特点是 你会因为太专注于看天空
'The other thing about eclipses is that you're so busy looking 'up
而看不见你即将坠入的大坑
you don't see the massive hole you're about to fall into.'
所以 这位是
So, this one here is...
-海伦 -好的
- Helen. - OK.
那个家伙呢
And that guy there?
乔
Joe.
-乔 一起工作的那个乔 -对
- Joe. Joe from work, Joe? - Yeah.
其实
Well, um...
现在我们不是同事了 因为我辞职了
Not from work now, cos I quit,
但我没辞职的时候我们一起工作
but he was at work when I was there.
所以你们还保持联♥系♥ 挺好的
So you keep in touch. That's nice.
是的 他现在算是我的朋友吧
Yeah, he's...kind of a friend, now.
-像我们一样 -是的
- Like us. - Yeah!
宝贝 你可以
Babe, can you, like,
-给我发条短♥信♥吗 我觉得我手♥机♥坏了 -行
- text my phone cos I think it's broken? - Yeah...
我去和大家聊聊
I'm just going to go and mingle.
他去和大家聊了 交际开始了
He's mingling. Mingling is happening.
三文鱼慕斯黄瓜薄饼
Salmon mousse on a cucumber blini?
-是你自己做的还是超♥市♥买♥♥的 -自己做的
- Are they home-made or shop-bought? - Home-made.
就像大家把自己做的东西带到办公室吃 对吧
It's like when people bring home-made stuff into work, isn't it?
你就是信不过其他人做的食物
You just don't trust it.
这里面是不是有辣根酱
Do I detect some horseradish?
所以 你的房♥子表现出你那些特点
Yeah, so, what does your house say about you?
感觉就像是我的过去
It's like my old life
和我的现在结合 生出了一个可爱的小孩
shagged my new life and had a delightful child.
没事的 你不是非得要说
It's OK, you don't have to say.
-我们聊聊别的 -不不不 我要说
- Let's talk about something else. - No, no, I'm going to do it.
最喜欢的网红宠物吗
Favourite celebrity animal? Um...
当他不发消息的时候
So when he's not texting,
就感觉 你像是外来客
you're, like, coming from different places.
并不是因为他们不喜欢你
And it's not because they're not into you.
只是因为他们没时间聊天
It's just they haven't had time to talk,
因为他们在开会或者在图书馆
because they're at a meeting or in a library,
他们没法说话
and they can't talk,
所以他们才应该发短♥信♥
and that's why they should fucking text, you know?
或许你应该直接给她打电♥话♥
Maybe you should just ring her.
我应该直接给她打电♥话♥
I should just ring her, you know?
喂 南希
Hey, Nance.
现在是周六晚上8点32分 你估计出门了
It's 8:32P.M. on a Saturday, and you're probably out,
去打破性别歧视或者传统
breaking that glass ceiling, or the mould,
或者某人的心什么的
or some hearts or something.
我也是 出去玩了
So am I, out and about.
他说你害他被车碾过
He says you got him run over.
这个嘛
Well...
-当时是... -我们当时在酒吧
- What happened was... - We were at this pub.
-什么 是在约会吗 -不
- What, like a date? - No!
和约会恰好相反
Like the opposite of a date.
什么情况
What's this?
我有没有可能 把胸罩落在你家了
Did I, by any chance, leave my bra at your house?
因为我去的时候还戴着 现在不见了 所以
Cos I arrived with it and now I don't have it, so...
如果你找到了
..If you find it...
我想拿回来
..I want it back!
谢谢
Thank you!
那是一套内衣的一部分
It was part of a set.
当然了 所以要成套卖♥♥
Of course. That's why they're sold together.
要来一杯吗
Would you like a drink?
给我来杯红葡萄酒吧 谢谢
Yes, I'd like a pint of wine, please.
我离开他家的时候 他的一只鞋还在我口袋里
And his shoe was still in my pocket when I left his.
因为护士说需要有人照顾我
Because the nurse said I needed looking after.
-我就像他的护工 -对病人态度很好
- I was like his carer. - Good bedside manner.
所以 回答你们的问题 那不是约会
Er, so, not a date, to answer your question.
她不愿意
She wouldn't.
为什么
Why not?
她这个人性♥欲♥不强
She's just not a very sexual person.
我在伦敦过得挺好的
I'm doing all right in London.
我喝完了
I'm empty.
-你还好吧 -我很好啊
- You all right? - I'm fine.
怎么了 我看起来不好吗
Why, do I not seem fine?
不是
No...
你只是看起来有点注意力不集中
You just seem a bit distracted.
是因为有那么多人在吗 你在幻想他们的身体
Is it cos of all the people, with their bodies?
我没事
I'm fine.
好吧 我本来没事
Well, I WAS fine.
但现在感觉有点糟糕
Now I feel kind of shitty.
她为什么那么问
Why did she ask that?
我是个变♥态♥吗 大家察觉到了吗