纯粹

纯 洁 强 迫 症 第一季 第四集
最开始的几秒一切都挺好的
Everything's cool for the first few seconds.
然后我想起我是个什么样的人 以及今日 明日
Then I remember what I'm like and how I have to be that
每一日我都得这样 直到最终改变
today, tomorrow and every day until I'm not.
我为什么会在这里
Why am I here?
你不记得了吗
Don't you remember?
你之前说你觉得天旋地转
You said everything was spinning.
当然啊 因为我喝了一瓶伏特加
Yeah, cos I'd just drank a bottle of vodka.
为什么
Why?
我丢了工作
I lost my job.
并且我跟某人闹掰了 人们就是那样
And I fell out with someone - it's what people do.
我就不那样啊
But I don't.
不是每个人的问题都能靠观看猫咪视频解决
Well, not everyone's problems can be solved by cat videos.
或是靠缩肛来解决
And anal clenches.
抱歉 谢琳 我不是那个意思
Sorry, Shereen, I don't mean that.
你让我住在这里 为我做了很多事
You've done so much, letting me stay.
我却嘲笑你 你应该把我赶出去
I'm taking the piss - you should evict me.
你是客人 又不是租户
Well, you're a guest, not a tenant.
我可不会让租户睡在我的床上
I wouldn't let a tenant sleep in my bed,
那违反租约了
it would be breach of the lease.
那可以让我停止胡思乱想
It shuts my head up.
我指喝酒
Drink.
我要怎么才能帮助你
Well, how can I help you?
别让我再有乱七八糟的想法了
Don't let me go to odd bits.
指压非常有助于缓解焦虑
Shiatsu's really good for anxiety.
为了通过课程 我也需要一个人来进行练习
And I need someone to practise on for my course.
我的感觉太糟了 那恐怕没用
I think I feel worse than that.
查理
听着
Look.
你最糟糕的感觉也差不多就这样了
This is as bad as you're going to feel.
我保证
Promise.
这是很正面的增进感情体验
This was a positive bonding experience.
尽管今天剩余的时间里我都得担心
Even if I am going to spend the rest of today worrying
我试图在睡梦中指交她的事
I tried to sleep-finger her.
是时候祭出大杀器了
It's time to bring in the big guns,
否则我就要被逼得先自杀
before I shoot myself in the head with one.
先说清楚 我的童年过得很快乐
Before you ask, I had a really nice childhood.
我没有被虐待
I wasn't abused.
除非 父母不给我买♥♥马也算虐待
Unless, not being allowed a horse is abuse.
好吧
Ok.
那很好
Good to know.
所以
So...
我为什么会老想着猥亵陌生人 以及...
..why do I think about molesting strangers and...
给我妈口♥交♥
..going down on my mum?
侵入性念头有时的确会很荒唐
Intrusive thoughts can be ridiculous,
但产生这些念头是正常的
but it is normal to have them...
但如果我根本不想做这种事 为什么老是会想到呢
But why would I think them if I didn't want to do them?
你能再跟我说说你的侵入性念头吗
Can you tell me another one of your intrusions, like,
比如最近的一个
the last one you had, perhaps?
我懂的 我知道这很艰难
I know, I know - this is difficult
但无论你说什么 我都会保密
but everything you say stays in here.
我当时想着用手指插♥你♥
I was thinking about fingering you.
我想的是用我的钢笔扎进你的脸
I was thinking about stabbing you in the face with my pen
然后我得付给清洁工额外的钱
and how I'd have to pay my cleaner extra
因为鲜血和墨汁肯定会溅得到处都是
cos of the blood and the ink stains.
那只是个念头而已
It was only a thought.
并没有任何意义
It doesn't mean anything.
对于那个念头 你是怎么应对的
And what did you do in response to that thought?
我告诉自己我并不想那么做
Told myself I didn't want to do it.
你试图让自己安下心来吗
You tried to reassure yourself?
那有用吗
Did that work?
没用 我还在幻想那么做
No, still thinking about it.
你还没碰过我
And you haven't touched me.
那说明
Which would suggest
你并不会真的去实施你那些侵入性念头
that you are NOT going to act on your intrusions.
但我也曾实施过
But I have acted on them.
跟不同性别的不同的人 以不同的方式实施过
With various people and various genders in various ways.
所以你不断确认
Ah, so you keep checking?
好吧
Yeah.
那是种强迫症
That's a compulsion.
你针对侵入性念头
Anything you do as a reaction
采取的一切应对行为都是种强迫症
to your intrusive thoughts is a compulsion.
你采取的这些办法 有成功制止这些念头
Do any of these things stop the thoughts,
或这些念头所引起的焦虑吗
or the anxiety they cause you?
没有
No.
有没有可能你的解决办法
So, could it be that your solutions
也是问题的一部分呢
are part of the problem?
强迫症是一种被确认的病症
OCD is a recognised condition
人们会为此而寻求专业帮助
that people get help for.
帮帮我
Help!
-我被治好了 -真的吗
- I'm cured! - Really?
假的 我还要接着去
No, I've got to come back.
没事吧
Everything OK?
跟焦虑有关
Uh, it's an anxiety thing.
天呐
Snap!
那很可能是因为我们都很有创意
That's probably because we're both creative.
那就像是大自然的称赞
It's, like, nature's compliment.
查理
非常感谢你这样帮我
Uh, thanks SO much for this.
我会把钱还给你的
I'll pay you back.
算我请你的
Oh, it's my treat.
我上次收到实用性的礼物是我父母
The last functional present I got was when my parents got me
在圣诞节送我的一张办公椅
an office chair for my Christmas.
这个好多了
This is much better.
走吧
Come on.
还好吗 又是我
All right? It's me,
住在父母家的那个混♥蛋♥
the knob end from his mum and dad's house, again.
你把我屏蔽了吗
Have you blocked me?
我开始这么认为了 我给你发了好多条短♥信♥
I'm starting to think that you have - I've sent a lot of texts!
总之 你能不能...
Anyway, will you just erm...
你能给我回个电♥话♥吗
Will you ring me back?
因为...
Cos, erm...
我待会儿要参加一个会议
I meant to be going to this thing later
我需要说服那些同事相信我没事
and I've got to convince these work people that I'm all right.
实际上 我的情况并不好
And uh, yeah, I'm not.
我感觉...
I feel, erm...
我感觉糟透了 因为之前跟你的那件事
I feel shit, actually, cos of, you know, cos of how I was with you.
所以你能不能....
So, yeah, will you just...
你能跟我说说话吗
Will you just talk to me?
我知道我不算很了解你
I know I don't really know you,
但我觉得我了解得已经够多了
but I feel like I know enough.
可能太多了
Too much, perhaps.
不过 你对我了解得也太多了
But, you know too much about me and all.
因此...
That's...
因此我们应该做好朋友
T-That's why we should be mates.
所以...
So, erm...
那个 给我回电♥话♥
Yeah, call me back.
操
Fuck.
我♥干♥过的那些操蛋的事 都是因为我的强迫症
All the fucked up stuff I've done is cos of my disorder,
包括那些性事
even the sex stuff.
从现在开始 我要摆脱那些
From now on, I am off it.
这里是友情区
This is a friend zone.
如果你看到我靠近任何人的生殖器
If you see me near anyone's genitals,
一定要阻止我
just smack them out of my hands.
62.37镑 对吧
￡62.37, right?
对 谢了
Yeah, thanks.
我以为你不会来
I didn't think you'd come.
除非化成厉鬼 来夺我的魂
Unless it's the ghost of you and you've come to haunt me.
我也是活该
Which I would deserve.
那我闹不死你
I'd haunt the fuck out of you!
我会把你家具摔出去
I'd chuck your furniture about,
大半夜叫醒你