疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E15

Part 3 May 3, 2020, 11:05 p.m.

Ugh. Ed, Ed,
具备哪些特质
What traits do you want in a woman?
我不挑三拣四
I'm not picky.
有俩条腿一只好使的眼睛就行
Two legs and a working eye.
那只眼睛可有可无
And the eye's negotiable.
罗斯玛丽又怎么不行了
Well, then, what's wrong with Rosemary?
她拒绝了我
She said no.
继续追呗约她出去
Well, then, romance her, take her out.
送些花讨她欢心
Buy her flowers. Sweep her off her feet.
你可以从买♥♥套新衣裳打扮打扮做起
You could start by buying some new clothes.
我才不想追她
I don't want to romance her.
为啥
Why not?
人家不想嘛
I don't wanna.
-骗人 -不想
- The real reason. - I don't wanna.
-说实话 -我不想追她
- The real reason. - I don't want to romance her.
知道我咋想的吗
You know what I think?
你不敢动真情
I think you're afraid to put your heart on the line,
因为你的心中已经有她
because you really like this woman,
你担心要是你俩谈上了
and you know if something starts,
就会陷得太深
then you're in deep,
而根据你以往的经验表明
and the last few times you've done that,
这会让你遍体鳞伤
you've been burned.
你害怕重蹈覆辙
And I think you're afraid to let that happen again.
跟这八竿子打不着
That's not it at all.
我不喜欢这女人
I don't care about this woman.
我只是想为性♥爱♥游戏中的"丁丁"找个厄文
I just want somebody to be an Irving to my Ting-ting.
老艾你真不喜欢她吗
You don't care about this woman, Ed?
自打我认识你以来
In all the years I've known you,
这还是第一个你主动提起的女人
this is the first woman you've even asked about,
尽管你后宫众多
and there's been many of them.
-多吗 -得得
- Many. - All right. All right.
打住打住
Blagh. Blagh.
艾德我想说的是
All right, Ed, what I'm saying is,
如果她就是你生命中的一个过客
if she wasn't special to you,
我们还会有这番谈话吗
would we even be having this conversation?
你胡说些什么呢
You don't know what you're talking about.
-少管闲事 -好
- Mind your own business. - Okay.
该上哪买♥♥新衣裳
Where do we go to buy new clothes?
咱离开这鬼地方吧
Let's get the hell out of here.
老艾思路放开阔点
Ed, you have to keep an open mind.
这家店很潮的
This is a very trendy store.
一定有你中意的东西
I'm sure you'll find something you like.
那玩意貌似很过瘾
I think I see something over there.
去吧我看看
All right, I'm just gonna see
这条裙子有没有我的码
if they have this skirt in my size.
试试好玩
You know, just for fun.
大腿舞多少钱
How much for a lap dance?
老艾你...你这是干什么
Ed, Ed, what--what are you doing?
那是我中意的东西啊脱衣舞♥女♥
I saw something I liked-- a stripper.
她不是脱衣舞♥女♥ 是这的员工
She's not a stripper. She works here.
艾德别对女人分门别类
Ed, you've got to stop objectifying women.
太三俗了
It's off-putting.
喔喔站住
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
二四六八
Two, four, six, eight.
哇一块都不少
Whoo! And they're all there.
喔喔喔
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
能为您效劳吗
Can I help you?
我想买♥♥男士服装
Yes, we're looking for some men's clothing.
可看你穿的这磕碜样估计没戏了
Although if you can't find any, I doubt if I can either.
就从裤子开始吧
Well, I would start out with the pants.
也许应该找条...不这么老土的裤子
Maybe something a little less that.
像这种酷酷的怎么样
And a little more something like--like this?
就这破旧的裤子还要100刀
I'm not paying $100 for a pair of pants that are ripped.
不是破旧是做旧
They're not ripped. They're distressed.
做旧的衣服价更高
It makes them cost more.
如此说来我的小内该值80刀了
In that case, I'm wearing an $80 pair of underwear.
还是你俩自己敲定吧
Look, why don't I just let you two figure this out?
艾德你是哪根筋错了啊
Ed, what is wrong with you?
你不是要我来帮你的嘛
I thought you wanted me to help you.
我为毛要打扮成一个无家可归的基佬
I don't see why I have to look like a gay homeless man
就是为了证明我对这女人的喜爱吗
in order to prove that I like this woman.
如果她不喜欢我的为人
If she doesn't like me for who I am,
她也就不值得我去爱
maybe she's not worth it.
老艾想想看要是她真喜欢你的为人
Ed, think about it, if she did like you for who you are,
你还会相信她的判断吗
would you trust her judgment?
说得好
Good point.
对头
Oh, yeah.
就是这样
There it is.
这可不是小胡子
It's not a moustache, okay?
就是被闪电劈中的柔毛
It's just the light hitting your peach fuzz.
相信哥我跟你邦姐一直在讨论这问题
Trust me, I have this conversation with Bonnie all the time.
靠我现在可吃不起罚单
Oh, crap, I can't afford a ticket right now.
没事淡定淡定
Okay, okay, relax, relax.
我朋友克丽丝总能逃过罚单
My friend Chris used to get out of tickets all the time.
-太棒了怎么弄 -抹眼泪露咪♥咪♥
- Great. How? - She'd cry and show her boobs.
关键时刻衬衫却塞得老紧
My shirt's tucked in.
你刚闯过了一个停车标志
You just ran that stop sign.
请出示驾照和行驶证
License and registration, please.
抱歉警官我刚刚在和我弟弟
I'm sorry, officer. I was just talking
-说话 -这么说吧
- to my brother, and we-- - You know what?
算了这些标示有的时候是比较难发现
Don't worry about it. Those things are hard to see.
下次注意点
Just be careful next time.
谢谢您警官
Oh, thank you, officer.
胡子挺帅的
Nice 'stache.
拍一个
I hear that.
你没系安全带
You're not wearing your seat belt.
罚款50美元
That's a $50 fine.
-派对不错啊 -老艾
- Nice party. - Ed.
你来干什么
What are you doing here,
斯特宾船长：美国著名剧集《爱之船》男主角
还把自己打扮的和斯特宾船长一样
and why are you dressed like Captain Stubing?
我这不是追求你嘛
I'm courting you.
你以为你打扮成海军小伙耍耍酷
Oh, you think you can just come here
就能赢得我的芳心吗
and win me over by dressing up like a handsome sailor?
行么
Is it working?
有点行
A little bit.
继续
Go on.
我儿媳妇说要是你在乎一个人
Well, my daughter-in-law said, if you care about someone,
你就要做出努力
you got to make the effort.
所以她带我去了一家时装店
So she took me to this trendy clothing store
想给我买♥♥一些
and tried to get me to buy some ridiculous clothes
20多岁的小混混穿的那种
that no self-respecting man over the age of 20
洋相十足的衣服
would be caught dead in.
你好罗斯玛丽
Hello, Rosemary.
嫉妒么
Jealous much?
不管怎么说吧
Anyway,
如果你对我有意思
if you're willing to give it a shot,
我可以和你慢慢来
I'm willing to take it slow.
你认真的
Are you serious?
以军官和老爷们的荣誉发誓
Give you my word as an officer and a gentleman.
我真是备受感动啊
Well, I'm impressed
我得说这是个惊喜
and, I must say, a little surprised.
事实上我今晚确实给你
Well, actually, I have a surprise for you tonight
准备了一个惊喜
that I'd like to show you.
-是什么 -相信我
- What is it? - Trust me.
你会喜欢的你想喝什么
You'll like it. What are you drinking?
我应该不会拒绝一杯夏敦埃
Well, I wouldn't say no to a glass of chardonnay.
除非它想睡你
Unless it wanted to sleep with you.
罗斯玛丽能能请你跳支舞么
Rosemary, would-- would you like to dance?
没有音乐啊马文
But there's no music playing, Marvin.
我真恨我自己
I hate myself so much right now.