疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E12

Part 2 May 3, 2020, 11:05 p.m.

I write down the names of all my customers.
-哪呢 -这本账簿里
- Where? - In this ledger.
我的医用大♥麻♥销♥售♥执照
It's also where I keep my license
也在里头
to distribute medical marijuana.
帮我个忙行吗
So do me a favor, will you?
告诉我该怎么联♥系♥那个抢球的家伙
Tell me how I can get in touch with the guy who bought my ball
我好从他那买♥♥回来
so I can buy it back from him.
我说老艾啊我可不能泄露顾客的信息
Ed, I cannot give out customer information.
-我还是讲诚信的 -但没信誉
- I have integrity. - But no honor.
我能划清界限
I can make the distinction.
白天不做亏心事夜半不怕鬼敲门
That's how I can sleep at night...
大♥麻♥会伴我进入梦乡
That and my medical marijuana.
呃老艾我有"顾客"了
Oh, uh, ed, I've got a customer
我得去照顾一下
I have to look after here.
我猜他的"青光眼"又犯了
I think his glaucoma is kicking in.
看看好的一面今天你自♥由♥了
Well, hey, look at that. Your day opened up.
咱们能回归正轨了不
Any chance I can get you down to the track?
恐怕不行我要那颗棒球
Not likely. I want that ball.
老爸还有完没完啊
Aren't we finished here, dad?
送你一句
I'm going to tell you the same thing
我对"盲人按♥摩♥"女技师说的话
I told the blind masseuse.
相信我完事了我会告诉你
Trust me. You'll know when I'm finished.
宝贝快看这个看啊
Honey, look at this. Look at this.
我珍藏的贝比·鲁斯签名的比妮娃娃
It's my Beanie Baby signed by Babe Ruth.
稀世珍品呐
Very rare.
猪贝比·鲁斯啥时候死的
Honey, when did Babe Ruth die?
想想啊 1948年咋了
Uh, buh, buh, buh, 1948. Why?
不解释
No reason.
我们将在这度过一段幸福时光
You know what? I think we're going to be happy living here.
一定会幸福死的
Oh, we're going to be so happy.
我要把这又霉又旧的车♥库♥
I'm going to turn this musty old garage
变成咱的安乐窝
into our enchanted cottage.
咱们的床就安置在这些油漆罐上
We'll put our bed right over here by the paint cans.
行啊可以把咱们的结婚照
Yeah. Hey, we can put our wedding pictures
搁在那架子上
right over there on that shelf
那里...有一群蚂蚁啃噬着鸟尸
where those ants are devouring that bird carcass.
咱要让这里满布鲜花
Yeah, there'll be flowers everywhere
而不是四窜的老鼠
instead of rat droppings
或者
and...
蟋蟀蜕的壳
cricket husks.
可以在那边的水槽里
Hey, we'll give our baby a bath
给咱们的孩子洗澡
right over there in that sink
那还真有点《电锯惊魂》的味道
that looks like it was used in the movie Saw.
宝贝咱俩的孩子...你能想象吗
Honey, our baby-- can you even imagine?
想想啊我们真要在这养家糊口了
Yeah. No, we're really going to raise a family here.
虽然有点寒碜...
I know it's not much--
我的乖乖那桶里是什么玩意
oh, my god, what's in that pail?
其实吧我也不知道
You know what? I don't know.
自打我小时候那玩意就在那了
That--that has been there since I was a kid,
它就从没有要干的迹象
and it never quite seems to dry--
走吧咱们去找点乐子
Come on, let's get out of here-- let's go do something fun.
亨利老爸要是想找乐子
Henry, if I wanted to do something fun,
就会带着18美元硬币去蒂华纳[色情行业泛滥的地方]
I'd have gone to Tijuana with $18 in quarters.
我想到个计划
Now, I figured out a plan...
把我的棒球夺回来
to get my ball back.
-那需要我♥干♥啥 -这事得俩人干
- And why do you need me? - It's a two-man job.
鉴于我找不到搭档你就凑合凑合吧
And since I don't have another man, I'm asking you.
这棒球对你来说就那么重要吗
Why is this ball so important to you?
就不能让老爸怀怀旧吗傻帽
Because I'm sentimental, dummy.
我要你去分散老卡的注意力
I need you to distract Carl.
在你的掩护下我会神不知
While you're doing that, I'm going to quietly
鬼不觉地跃过柜台
and gracefully leap over this counter
拿下账簿
and grab that ledger.
你确定吗这还有点海拔咧
Are you sure? This counter's kind of high.
你那天系个鞋带都费老劲了
You pulled a hammy tying your shoe the other day.
这就是老子的计划想不想跟我♥干♥
You wanted to come with me? This is what I do.
想还是不想
Now, are you in, or are you out?
搞了
Fine.
速度点
Make it quick.
-老卡 -怎么了
- Hey, Carl. - Hey.
-那是汤尼·昆恩的球衣吗 -是啊
- Is that a Tony Gwynn jersey? - yeah.
汤尼·昆恩：著名棒球运动员
那有什么大不了的
What's up with that?
这可是汤尼·昆恩的球衣啊
It's a Tony Gwynn jersey...
仅此一件是鄙人的镇店之宝
One-of-a-kind, most expensive thing in my shop,
当然了那边柜台上的纪念碟
except for those extremely rare commemorative plates
更让人垂涎
I have over on the counter.
仓库里还有这种球衣吗
So do you have any of those jerseys in the back?
我刚说了仅此一件
I just said it's one-of-a-kind.
这样吧我去查一下
Okay, I'll go check.
看找到了
Yeah. Here we go.
喂喂老卡我改主意了
Hey, Carl, you know what? I changed my mind.
我想要一顶帽子
I'm looking for a hat.
帽子都在这
Oh, the hats are right here.
那有没有摇头娃娃呢
What about a bobblehead doll?
摇头娃娃就在帽子边上呀
Bobblehead dolls are next to the hats.
老卡仓库里有啥
What do you got in the back, Carl?
-棒球卡 -有86年版的巴克纳吗
- Baseball cards. - Do you have an '86 Buckner?
全圣地亚哥仅存一张
There is only one in all of San Diego,
那张就在我这
and I have it.
哇塞
Oh.
-给我来三张 -稍等片刻
- I'll take three. - Coming right up.
搞定快走
Got it. Let's go.
你车里总备着军用望远镜吗
You carry military-grade surveillance binoculars in your car?
对头
Yep.
-想解释一下否 -不想
- Want to elaborate on that? - Nope.
那我们得一直待这
So we're just going to sit here in the car
坐等那个买♥♥了辛辛那提棒球的家伙回家吗
until that guy with the Cincinnati baseball comes home?
聪明
Yep.
聊天愉快爸
Great conversation, dad.
亨利你到底想怎样
What do you want, Henry?
多了去了我先问你
Well, for starters,
你怎么就对这棒球依依不舍呢
why are you so sentimental about this baseball?
因为爱所以爱
I want the baseball 'cause I-I love baseball.
我老爸常带着我
My dad used to take me
每周六去看红人队的比赛
to watch the reds game every Saturday.
这样我俩就有共同语言了就是这么回事
There, we bonded. So that's it.
恭喜你你是我新晋的闺蜜了
Congratulations. You're my new BFF.
我的意思是你和你老爸也一起玩
I mean, see, you did stuff with your dad.
-他带你去体育场 -不是
- He took you to the stadium. - No.
我才9岁
I was nine years old.
你不能带9岁的孩子去体育场
You don't take a nine-year-old to the stadium
那都是又抽烟又喝酒的老爷们
where grown men are drinking and smoking.
他带我去酒吧
He took me to a bar.
我们在那看城里唯一的一台电视
And we watched it on the only television in town.
好吧但是你们呆在一起你们有交流
Okay, but you hung out. You talked.
我们不交流没必要交流
We didn't talk. Didn't have to talk.
我和我爸的关系好到...
My father and I, we had a great relationship...
基本都不说话
hardly ever spoke.
即使不唠嗑不聊天不扯淡
Don't need to chatter, chatter, chatter
也能相互了解
just to know someone.
这么说你就安静的看完整场棒球赛
So you'd watch an entire baseball game in silence?
他根本就不看比赛
He--he didn't watch the game at all.
他开车带我去麦吉尔的酒馆
He'd drive me to Mcgill's tavern
给我来碗腌鸡蛋
and, uh, set me up with a bowl of pickled eggs.
打开电视转到红人队的比赛
Then he'd, uh, turn on the reds game,
然后照顾生意
and then he'd take care of business.
你♥爸♥在酒吧里能有什么生意
What kind of business would your father have in a bar?
他是个农民
He was a farmer.
他和麦吉尔太太上楼
Well, he'd go upstairs
帮她打理税务
with Mrs. Mcgill and help her with her taxes.