疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E11

Part 1 May 3, 2020, 11:04 p.m.

开饭咯
Dinner.
开饭啦
Dinner!
吃饭
Dinner!
-什么状况 -我做了晚饭
- What is going on? - I made dinner.
你们没听到晚餐铃响吗
Didn't anyone hear the dinner bell?
那不是晚餐铃那是船用警铃
It's not a dinner bell. It's a ship's warning bell.
越共的鱼雷艇攻来了
It means viet cong torpedo boats--
我们要死翘翘了
We're all gonna die!
我做了晚饭
Well, I made dinner.
这下真要死翘翘了
We're all gonna die.
我听到警铃响出什么事儿了
I heard the bell. Is everything okay?
我以为那是晚餐铃啊
I thought it was a dinner bell.
不亲爱的那不是晚餐铃
No, honey, that's not what that means.
那是"打屁屁"铃
It's a punishment bell.
意思是"把屁♥股♥蛋子撅起来"
It means "Come get your spanking."
那你还喜滋滋的跑进来
And you rushed in for that?
听爹话吃饱饭
Time with dad is time with dad.
现在是家庭晚餐时间
All right, it's family dinnertime.
大家都坐下吧坐哪儿都行
Everyone have a seat. Doesn't matter where.
别坐别坐挪一点快挪
It does, it does, it does. It does matter...it does...
再换再换
I don't-- I don't like it.
别这么
You know what...
好各就各位坐
And perfect. Have a seat. Okay.
邦妮你这是干什么
Bonnie, what are you doing?
尽享天伦的家庭晚宴呀
We are having family dinner.
可是没有电视看啊
But we're not in front of the TV.
没电视看我们一家人其乐融融的
That's right. We are at a table
同坐在一张桌子边吃晚饭
where families eat dinner.
我觉得既然古德森一家人聚齐了
I thought, since the Goodsons are all under one roof,
即便是暂时的
albeit temporarily,
我们还是可以发展一个小习俗
that maybe we could start a tradition
晚餐时齐聚一堂聊聊彼此的一天
where we sit down at dinner and tell each other about our days.
也许是我多愁善感
You know, call me sentimental,
我觉得这是个挺好的家庭庆典
but I think it's a nice way to celebrate being a family.
-免了 -老艾老艾
- Pass. - Ed, Ed...
坐下坐下就试一次嘛
Sit down, please. Just give it a try.
亨利之前你不是给我讲了个故事吗
So, Henry, you were telling me a story
你不是有个很漂亮的线索调查员同事吗
about a cute fact-checker girl at work.
[线索调查员报刊杂♥志♥社中负责调查新闻线索真实性的职员]
你们知道大家都是怎么说线索调查员的吗
Oh, hey, you know what they say about fact checkers?
这是个疑问句好吧
That's a legitimate question.
我不了解线索调查员所以才问的
I don't know anything about fact checkers.
我也不了解她啊
I don't know anything about her either.
也许她结婚了也许她有男朋友
I mean, she could be married. She could have a boyfriend.
不不我记得是个很有爱的故事
No, I just remember it was a cute story.
你跟她的一个故事讲吧讲吧
Something you do with her. Go ahead, start talking.
把大家的话匣子打开嘛
Get the conversation ball rolling.
我有个同事叫金她是线索调查员
Well, at work we have this fact checker, Kim.
我每次写稿时
And whenever I'm writing a story,
都会编些搞笑的假名字
I put in a funny name.
她每次看到都会改成真名字
And then she catches it and changes it into a real name.
看吧这是古德森一家第一个晚餐小故事
There you go-- the very first Goodson family dinnertime story.
大家勉为其难听一下吧
Nowhere to go but up.
搞笑的外号♥ 比如呢
Funny names, you say. For instance?
你又要拿我开心了
Okay, now you're just making fun of me.
不不我是真想听
No, no, no. I'm really interested.
没有上下文就不好笑了
Well, it's not gonna be funny out of context
今天我写了一篇关于一家叫做
But, um--so today I wrote an article
"抓不了甩着走"的律师事务所
about the law firm Grabbit and Spankaway.
挺有趣还有吗
Delightful. Got another one?
我还有一篇文章是讲俄♥国♥女演员
Well, I did a story on the new russian actress
伊娃·不搞不舒服斯基的
Ivanna Bangya.
还有吗
Another one?
你喜欢听这个我还真有点意外
I'm actually kind of surprised you like it.
不喜欢我只是扮红脸而已
I don't. That's me being nice.
现在该黑脸上场了
Here's me being mean.
这是你的事业不是什么北朝鲜国旗
It's your career, not the north korean flag.
不能尿泡尿随意糟践的
You don't pee all over it!
你想说什么
What are you talking about?
上班的时候就认真工作
You don't joke around at work.
工作的地儿是用来干嘛的
You know what you do at work?
工作的
You work.
我只是想娱乐下大众嘛
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
如果我工作的时候也娱乐下大众会怎么样
You know what happens if I joke around at work?
那就出人命了
People die.
你都退休了
You're retired.
你说你的工作就是把钱都花光光
You told me your job is to spend all your money
免得留给我糟践
so there's nothing left for me.
这是我的爱好
That's my passion.
我的职业是外科医生
My job is a surgeon.
你只是每个月在医院呆上三天
You work three days a month at a hospital
以免行医执照被吊销
just to keep your license.
没错明儿就轮到我值班
That's right. And tomorrow I make my rounds
搭档是个跟你一边大的傻小子
with a doctor exactly your age.
你以为他现在的工作
Do you think he got where he is
是靠闹着玩得来的吗
by jerking around at work?
咱们来聊点别的吧
All right, can we please just talk about something else?
我享受的很呢家庭晚宴真好玩
I'm enjoying myself. I like these family dinners.
你这是故意找亨利的茬儿
You're just picking on Henry.
那好吧
Oh, that's right.
这不公平
It's not fair.
文斯邦妮
Vince, Bonnie...
你们把工作辞了
You threw away your careers.
试图从我的车♥库♥ 开展你们的宏图大业
You're now trying to start a business out of my garage.
进展如何了
How's that going for you?
-我走了我不吃了 -我也走
- You know what, I'm out of here. - Right behind you.
好啦我们可以二人世界了
Well, looks like it's just you and me.
我也吃完了
Pass!
那邦妮你过得怎么样呢
Wo, Bonnie, how was your day?
呃我试图让俩懦弱男
Well, I tried to get a couple of weak-willed men
坐下来和一头老犟驴吃饭
to sit down at a table with a stubborn old jackass.
效果不怎么好
Didn't work out so well.
哎呀邦邦至少你还美若天仙啊
Well, Bon, at least you have your looks.
疯狂老爸箴言录
第一季第十一集
冬歇前最后一集
祝各位圣诞及新年快乐
你的屁屁上伤痕累累啊
You've got multiple claw and bite marks on your buttocks.
我把屁♥股♥塞到狼獾笼子里了
Yeah, I stuck my ass against the bars of a wolverine cage.
哎哟喂你来这岂不是没人给奥巴马出谋划策了
Wait, if you're here, who's advising the president?
好啦老爷子交给我处理吧
That's okay, grandpa, I've got this one.
不用我来我可不是你的老爷子
No, I've got it. I'm not your grandpa,
但爷上过你妈
But I did do your mother.
天啊我都没发现
Oh, my god, I didn't realize--
你是艾德·古德森医生
You're Dr. Ed Goodson.
-是啊 -你是个传说啊
- Yeah. - You're a legend.
你一辆黑斑羚[雪佛兰的一款车] 连占三个车位
You take up three parking spaces with your impala.
我不想刮花我的宝宝
I don't want that baby getting scratched.
那种销魂的枣红色可是世上罕有呀
That shade of burgundy is hard to come by.
真的很荣幸我是泰德·巴伦
It is an honor. Ted Barron.
很高兴认识你古德森医生
It's good to meet you, Dr. Goodson.
-叫我老艾好 -老艾太好了
- Call me Ed. - All right, Ed. All right.
来开工吧我们这是要干嘛
So hit me. What are we looking at here?
加里拿他的翘臀给狼獾喂食
Well, Gary here put his ass against a wolverine cage.
等等等等如果你在这儿
Wait, wait, wait, if you're here,
那是谁在致力于寻求癌症治愈方法呢
Then who's working on finding the cure for cancer?
[加里·奈斯为美国犬类癌症机构组织的首席执行官]
你们笑吧但我可在YouTube上有
You guys can laugh, but I'm gonna be getting, like,
上百万点击
a million hits on youtube.
真的
Really?
那你能赚多少钱
How much money do you get for that?
毛都没有对哦
Nothing. Oh...
我们来看看吧
Let's have a look shall we?