疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E13

Part 2 May 3, 2020, 11:05 p.m.

What the hell are you talking about? I'm smiling.
天呐是他他到了
Oh, my god, that's him. Okay, he's here.
老艾笑一个笑容
Big, big smile, Ed.
笑灿烂点
See... big.
得就这样吧
There-- there you go.
-爸爸 -我的洋娃娃
- Daddy. - Baby doll.
瞧瞧谁来了是泰瑞啊
Hey-hey, Terry.
文斯气色不错啊
Vince, you look great.
你减肥成功了吗
Did you lose weight?
成功个屁
No.
百善百善孝为先
You just-- you just got to love your dad.
百善...孝为先
You just... love your dad.
你好啊
There he is.
值钱的东西都藏好
Hide the silverware.
老艾
Ed.
值钱的东西都藏好
Hide the silverware.
爸爸最近你都忙了些啥
So, daddy, what have you been up to?
忙东忙西呗
Well, you know, this and that.
泰瑞说清楚点忙东还是忙西
Oh, which is it, Terry? This or that?
怎么我就不能既忙东又忙西吗
Why can't it be this and that?
为毛要用一个问题回答我的问题
Why do you answer a question with a question?
你不也一样吗
Didn't you just answer a question with a question?
-我有吗 -没有吗
- Did I? - Didn't you?
-我哪会这么二缺 -怎么不会
- Why would I? - Why wouldn't you?
够了够了
Okay. Okay.
真像是在苏斯博士家开派对啊
Wow, it's like being at a dinner party at Dr. Seuss's house.
苏斯博士：美国著名作家希奥多·苏斯·盖索的笔名
-是吗 -不是吗
- Is it? - Isn't it?
老艾求你了行行好
Oh, Ed! Ed, stop it, please.
好的抱歉
Okay. I'm sorry.
-生意如何 -棒极了
- So how's business? - Fantastic.
你在忙活什么生意呢
And what business would that be again?
该干啥干啥
The kind of business that I'm in.
这么说你的生意...
And that business is?
棒极了
Fantastic.
老艾啊你在绕圈圈
You know, you're talking in circles, Ed.
老艾友好点
Ed, be nice.
好着呢
I am!
我不就想从老朋友泰瑞那
I'm just trying to get a straight answer
套出点直截了当的回答嘛
out of my friend Terry.
貌似有些人就是死性不改啊
But I suppose some people never change.
老艾我明白你的意思了
Okay, Ed, I know what you're getting at,
不错我确实犯过一些错误
and, yes, I've made some mistakes.
你就没犯过错误吗
Haven't you ever made any mistakes?
犯过啊楼上二位大神
Yes, two. They're both upstairs.
我现在能自食其力
Well, I'm taking accountability for mine
康复疗程也十分奏效
and went through a wonderful recovery program.
这都是奥尔森牧师的功劳他碰巧也是名医生
It's run by Reverend Olson, who also happens to be a doctor.
我经历了一次极为彻底的体♥检♥
I had to go through a very thorough physical
才获准接受治疗
just to get in.
泰瑞你到底想表达啥
And what's your point, Terry?
我已经洗心革面了
My point is that I've changed.
在这我表个态这次婚礼的钱我出了
And, as a gesture, I would like to pay for this wedding.
太谢谢你了老爸你没必要这么做
Thank you, dad, but you don't have to do that.
不不老爸一定要出这钱
No, no, I insist.
虽然我没多少钱但我希望出点票子
I don't have a lot of money, but I'd like to chip in,
拿出个三五百买♥♥点吃的喝的
say $500 for some food and some liquor.
老爸说真的我不能收你的钱
Really, really, I can't take your money.
我收
I'll take it.
抱歉偷听了你们的谈话但只给我80刀
I'm sorry to eavesdrop, but, at $80,
还办什么婚礼啊
this wedding was going to blow.
快出来啊
Come on out. I want to see
让我瞧瞧你穿礼服的样子
how you look in your tux.
不要
I'm not coming out.
我恨我自己
I hate myself.
人家不结婚了
I'm not getting married.
文斯婚是要结的
You're getting married, Vince.
出来吧让我瞧瞧
Just come out. I wanto see how you look.
我上辈子作了什么孽啊
I hate myself so much!
文斯这就是你上次婚礼穿的礼服
Vince, it's the same tux you wore for your last wedding.
你又能变多少呢
I mean, how much could you have changed?
好吧我出来但不许冷嘲热讽
Okay, fine, I'll come out, but no judging me.
我勒个去你当时真♥他♥妈♥肥
Holy smokes, I forgot how big you were.
企鹅的减肥广♥告♥真该找你代言
You look like a slim fast ad for penguins.
我的体重摇摆不定亨利
I yo-yo, Henry.
像你这种瘦不啦叽的人是不会懂的
Skinny bitches like you wouldn't understand that.
你不用像我一样为了健身汗流浃背
You don't have to work hard for your figure like I do.
你诱人的翘臀丰满的胸部
Your tiny hips, your perfect breasts,
简直是与生俱来
they come naturally.
淡定淡定
Okey, calm down.
你为什么这么抓狂啊
Why are you freaking out?
我上次婚礼拍的照片简直见不了人
Because my last wedding pictures were terrible.
这次婚礼是我挽回颜面的机会
This wedding was my chance for a redo,
现在看来是没戏了
and now it's ruined.
没戏了
It's all ruined.
-文斯 -走开我是丑八怪
- Vince. - Go away. I'm ugly.
我令人厌恶
I'm disgusting.
我怎么就这么瘦呢
I'm too thin.
听着
Okay, look,
我认识一名很不错的裁缝
I know a great tailor downtown.
我把你的衣服给他
I'll take him your suit.
过几个钟头就能取回来
We'll have it back in a couple hours.
一定能让你在婚礼上帅气十足
And you will look beautiful on your big day.
真的吗不是糊弄我吧
You really think so? You're not joking?
绝对靠谱
No joke.
好吧
Okay.
谢了亨利你真是个好人
Thanks, Henry. You're a good man.
能开个玩笑吗
Can I get one joke?
好吧别太过火
All right, fine, so long as it's not too mean.
咱们可以用裁剩的衣料为自♥由♥女神像
We can use the rest of the material to make a burka
做一件长袍
for the statue of liberty.
挺应景哥能接受
That's good. That's not too mean.
还能用它罩住洋基棒球场
And cover Yankee Stadium.
过了过了啊
That--that is too mean.
我最初的想法是让你
So my original vision was to have you walk
走下丝质地毯穿越玫瑰花环
down a silk carpet through a garland of roses
文斯伴着弦乐四重奏
and have Vince ride in on a white stallion
骑着白色大种马进场
to the sounds of a string quartet.
-不幸的是 -白马得知这个消息后
- Unfortunately-- - - The stallion got wind of it
自杀了
and shot himself.
抱歉附近就没有哪个充满爷们气质的娘们
I'm sorry. Isn't there some mannish woman somewhere out there
让你取笑讽刺么
you can be mocking right now?
继续蒂姆
Go ahead, Tim.
不管怎么说我只有80美元的预算
Anyway, since I only had $80 to work with,
你就走在剁肉的油毡纸上
you'll walk down on butcher paper
享受邻居的郁金香雨吧
while I throw the neighbor's tulips at you.
音乐由弗拉切克提供
The music will be provided by Vlacek,
我在爱德药房♥门前看到他在演奏
who I found playing in front of the rite aid
他不要钱给花生就行
and is willing to work for peanuts.
就是花生他是个疯子
Literally peanuts. He's insane.
还有
And
仪式会由最适合你的
the ceremony will be presided over by yours truly,
圣母玛利亚闪电结婚网的
an ordained minister
牧师主持
from our lady of quickhitch.org.
好的宝贝我去买♥♥酒和吃的
Okay, baby doll, I'm gonna go pick up the booze and the food.
你拿钱了么
So you got the money?
拿了
Oh, yeah, we're all good.
-半个小时后我回来 -好的
- I'll be back in about an hour. - Great.
等会
Wait a minute.
你给他钱了你为什么给他钱
You gave him money? Why'd you give him money?
他要去买♥♥东西
He's just picking up a few things.