疯狂老爸箴言录
$#*! My Dad Says
第一季
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疯狂老爸箴言录
$#*! My Dad Says S01E07
Part 1
May 3, 2020, 11:04 p.m.
打字机 没搞错吧
Typewriter? Really?
我肯定是不小心穿越到1955年了
Must accidentally set my time machine back in 1955.
说不定你应该穿越到1983年
Maybe you can set it back to 1983.
递给我个保险套 好把你扼杀在摇篮里
And hand me a condom.
对了 亨利 有个叫唐娜的女孩
Oh, by the way, Henry, you got a phone call
-打电♥话♥找你来着 -她找我♥干♥嘛
- from some girl--Donna. - What did she want?
她觉得和你在一起的时候好像
Well, she thinks she may have lost her self-esteem
把自尊心给丢了 想问问你找没找到
when she was with you and wondered if you found it.
我哪儿知道她找你干嘛
How the hell do I know what she wants?
这是她电♥话♥ 都写这儿了
This is her number. It's right there.
谢啦 老爸
Thanks, dad.
不过我对唐娜没兴趣了
But I think I'm done with Donna.
-靠 觉得唐娜配不上你啊 -你都不认识她
- Oh, too good for Donna now. - You don't even know Donna!
她生活可以自理 又是个大活人
Well, I know she can dial a phone and has a pulse.
跟你多配啊
That's exactly your league.
我都27了 老爸
I'm 27, dad.
我觉得我现在应该跟一些比较
I feel like I should be with someone
热情奔放的女孩交往
a little wilder right now, you know?
唐娜在油漆店工作
Donna works at a paint store.
她的专业领域是 无聊[原意为"米色
Her area of expertise is beige.
说真的 唐娜大概是
Honestly, Donna may be
我见过最无聊的人了
the most boring person I have ever met.
那你该见见我那倒霉儿子亨利
You should meet my son Henry.
敲敲门
Knock, knock.
谁来鸟
Who's there?
文斯和邦妮
Vince and Bonnie.
-哪个文斯和邦妮呀 -干啥啊
- Vince and Bonnie who? - What--what--
你干嘛呢
What are you doing?
抱歉 我以为在玩儿咱俩的老梗呢
I'm sorry. I thought we were doing a bit.
玩什么老梗啊 我们就是来...
Why would we be doing a bit? We're just coming--
找点乐子而已 一天之计在于晨嘛
I'm just trying to start the day with some fun.
我是文斯
Oh, I'm Vince
别吵了 两个二货
Hey, hey, Abbott and Costello.
你俩过来干嘛的
What do you want?
那个 爸 我们想问问你
Uh, well, pop, we were wondering
今晚想不想来我们家吃晚饭
if you would like to come over for dinner tonight.
这样啊 我考虑一下
Oh, well, I'll think about it.
就是吧 我们一年前就搬进新家了
Well, I mean, we've been in our new place a year,
你从来都没去过
and you've never come over,
再说离这儿也就两个街区 所以
and it's only two blocks away, so...
-我考虑一下 -我们刚刚才
- I'll think about that. - You know, and we just finished
重新装♥修♥过 而且都是我自己弄的
the new remodel, and I did it all by myself.
-是哦 我考虑一下 -我说老爸
- Yeah, I'll think about that. - Yeah, but, pop,
你每周都说你考虑一下
every week, you say you're gonna think about it,
然后你又每周都不过来
and then every week, you don't come over, so...
那这件事还真是值得考虑 是吧
Well, that's something to think about, isn't it?
疯狂老爸箴言录
第一季 第七集
没有拉拢不到的客户
There is no call that is too cold.
没有卖♥♥不出去的房♥子
There is no property that can't be sold.
天将降大任于斯人也
I was put on this earth
这是我最重要的使命没有之一
for one reason and one reason only.
那就是总有一天 我能赚到圣地亚哥史上
So that one day I would make the biggest commission
最大笔的佣金
in San Diego history.
今天就是我们飞黄腾达之日
Today is that day.
你们有过这种情况么 就是对一个交♥警♥
Have you ever been so mad at a meter maid
十分不满 于是你沿街追过去
that you chased him down the street
就为了在他背后揍上一拳
just to punch him in the back?
没啊 谁会这么做啊
No. Who does that?
没人
No one.
凯蒂 还记得你给我那份拉荷亚市的房♥单吗
Um, Katie, you remember that La Jolla listing you gave me?
拉荷亚市:位于加利福尼亚州 十大房♥价最高城市之一
如果我能在两天内找到买♥♥主
I think I can get the price down to 1.8
那我就能把价格压到180万
if I get a buyer in the next 48 hours.
快跟我说"这么给力"
Can I get a "What-what"?
给个毛力
Uh, no-no.
这单房♥子不用你卖♥♥了
I'm taking the property back.
-啥 -啥
- What? - What?
-我改变主意了 -为啥
- I changed my mind. - Why?
因为你♥爸♥是李♥刚♥
Because you're the devil.
这搞什么呢啊
Can you believe that?
那份拉荷亚市的销♥售♥项目
That La Jolla listing was, like,
可占了我全年佣金的一半呢
half of my commission for the year.
真难以置信
I can't believe her.
听听她的语气 你听见她咋说的了吗
God, just listen to her. Do you hear the way she talks?
淑女不该那么说话
No lady should talk like that.
真是让我蛋疼
It really chafes my balls.
-嗨 -嗨
- Hey. - Hey.
这是我们家的钥匙
Here are our keys.
黑牛的狗绳在水池下面
Root beer's leash is under the sink,
还有给他装便便的小塑料袋
and there's some little baggies for his poo.
别看他个头小 粪量很惊人的
He's surprisingly prolific for a little fella,
所以你得多带点塑料袋
so you're gonna want to bring a lot of baggies.
带很多很多
A lot of baggies.
顺便问句 为啥要我照看黑牛一整天啊
By the way, why do I have to watch Root Beer all day?
我有篇文章周末就得交了
I have an article due at the end of the week,
老爸就坐在家用他的打字机
and dad's just sitting at home, on his typewriter,
给前美国总统夫人写吐槽信
writing hate mail to Eleanor Roosevelt.
我们也想叫老爸帮忙看着黑牛 但是
Well, we would ask dad to watch Root Beer, but...
但是你老爸从来不肯对文斯好一点
But your father doesn't do anything nice for Vince.
邦妮 不是这样的
Okay, Bonnie, that's not true.
我肯定如果我们叫老爸帮忙看着狗的话
Look, I'm sure if we asked dad to watch the dog...
他会说他考虑一下
He would say he'd think about it,
也就意味着他不答应
which means he's not gonna do it,
就像他今晚还是不会过来吃晚饭
just like he's not coming over for dinner tonight.
小邦邦 他今晚会来的
Uh, bon-bon, he's coming over for dinner.
等等 让我搞搞清楚
Wait, let me get something straight here.
老爸不去你家吃饭 你反倒不高兴了
You're upset because dad's not coming to your house.
这就像 你抱怨你老婆的屁♥股♥太赞一样离谱
That's like being pissed that your wife's ass is too perfect.
亨利 别把老娘屁♥股♥扯进来
Henry, let's not drag my ass into this.
有人偷了一瓶我的汽水
Someone took one of my Dr. Peppers.
我没要公开指责他
I'm not pointing any fingers,
但是他得给我拿瓶新的来
but I want it replaced.
你是谁啊
Who are you?
亨利 这位是凯蒂 我们的头儿
Henry, this is, uh, Katie, our boss.
她是分店经理
She's our branch manager.
这是亨利 我的小叔子
And this is Henry, my brother-in-law,
他正要走呢
who was just leaving.
哎呀呀 你就是凯蒂啊
Oh-ho-ho-ho, you're Katie.
干嘛 他们说我什么了
Why? What did they say about me?
他们说你...
Oh, they said...
他们说你好得不得了呢
They said you are great.
是嘛 我也觉得他们很好哦
Well, I think they're great.
其实 我刚出来就是要
In fact, I was just coming out here
把这个选单还给他们
to give them back this choice listing.
-啥 -神马
- What? - What?
那个 你家有亨利太太吗
So is there a Mrs. Henry?
我爸叫我亨利太太
Well, my dad calls me Mrs. Henry.
不过我还未婚
But I'm not married.
这样的话 我想问问你是否符合条件
Well, I hope you won't think I'm too forward
希望你不会觉得太过火
if I ask you if you're eligible,
那个条件是指 你有常规炮♥友♥吗
and by eligible I mean, are you banging anyone?
嗷呜
Whoa.
小妞儿够野的呀
Whoa. You're kind of wild, huh?
合你口味吗
You like that?
要的就是这个味儿
I think I do.
你知道吗 我刚还说我想找个
You know, just today I was saying I want to meet someone
野性另类一点的
who has a little bit of an edge.
那你可找对人了
Well, I am all corners.
太好了
All right.
我现在要放那斗牛犬出去撒撒欢了
Well, I'm gonna go let the bulldog out for a little run.
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疯狂老爸箴言录
$#*! My Dad Says
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