疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E06

Part 4 May 3, 2020, 11:03 p.m.

然后呢
And?
有那么一丁点搞笑
Intermittently humorous.
这么说你不觉得难堪
So you're not embarrassed by it?
虽然不如海明威言简意赅
It's not Hemingway,
但是至少可以印在罐头上
but it's short enough to read on the can.
首先我就当这是夸我了
First of all, I'll take that as a compliment,
其次我要说的不是文章
And I don't mean the writing.
我是说你还因为
I mean, are you still embarrassed
有个27岁的儿子和你住在一起而难堪吗
That you have a 27-year-old kid living at home?
我
I-I-I...
我要是一个更称职一点的父亲
I guess if I had done a better...
更称职又会如何
If you'd done a better what?
你就不会在家呆着了
You wouldn't be living at home.
老爸什么事情
Okay, dad, you have screwed up
都能被你变着花样搞砸
many different ways.
但这件事不是你的错
But this is not because of you.
很多人都有相同的经历老爸
There's lots of people in this situation, dad.
我不知道亨利
I don't know, henry.
你觉得为什么这么多人
Why do you think all these people
这个点都跑到咖啡馆里来
are hanging out at a coffee shop at this hour?
为什么不呆在家里
Why does anyone leave the house?
为了逃离他们的家人呗
To escape their loved ones.
不是这么回事
No.
是因为金融危机害大家都丢了工作
It's because the economy kicked our asses.
好吧亨利如果你非要找个借口
All right, Henry, if you need to believe that--
我证明给你看打扰一下
I'll show you. Excuse me.
各位打扰一下
Excuse me, everyone.
我所在的杂♥志♥社倒闭了
I was at a magazine that went under.
去年有多少人失业了
Has anyone else lost their job in the last year?
有多少人搬回去和父母住
And how many of you had to move back home?
有多少是靠码字为生的
And how many of you are writers?
有多少人拿到过稿费
And how many of you get paid for writing?
看到了吧老爸
See, dad?
没人举手
No one.
不对
Wrong.
什么意思
What are you talking about?
我跟迪奇说那篇文章可以发表
I told dickey that it was okay to run with the article.
这是你的稿费
Here's your check.
我又成作家了
I'm a working writer again!
淡定你又不是治好了小儿麻痹症
All right, settle down. You didn't cure polio.
那么我也要说一件事
Okay, I've got a confession.
我渴了得再喝一杯
I'm thirsty, and I need another drink,
我要我漂亮光鲜的妻子陪我去点
And I need my trophy wife to come with me.
这家伙嘴真甜
Oh, this guy.
天呐你听到他们刚才说的话吗
Oh, my god, do you believe what they just said?
我知道
I know.
你觉得他们是真要和我们交朋友
Do you think they really wanna be friends,
还是说着玩的
or are they just saying that?
邦妮他们是杀人犯
Bonnie, they killed a man.
可能是
Might have.
亲爱的他们是我们认识的最酷的人了
Honey, these are the coolest people we've ever known.
我们就不能忽视掉他们这点小污点吗
I mean, can we just overlook that little blip in their past?
这不是小污点这是大罪恶啊
It wasn't a blip. It was a bump.
居然先撞倒再碾一遍
The bump of a man being run over twice by their car.
这就是精彩人生所付出的代价
That is what happens when you live an exciting life.
在卡波发生了意外
You come into circumstances
一场车祸夺去了另一个人的性命
where you accidentally kill someone--in Cabo!
你听到你刚才说的话了吗
Do you hear yourself right now?
怎么了鼻音太重吗我这破嗓子
Why, do I sound nasally? Oh, I hate my voice.
邦妮你为了能和上层人士交往
Bonnie, you are condoning a murder
居然能宽恕谋杀这样的罪行
just so that you can sit with the cool crowd.
-你难道没有道德的底线吗 -当然有
- Is there no line? - Of course there's a line.
-那好吧底线是什么 -这种情况下
- Okay, well, what is it? - Well, in this case
算是临界了
it happens to be the borderline.
稍微蹭点边所以还能忍♥受
And this happened south of it, so I'm okay!
我们刚刚在吧台遇见了几个朋友
We just bumped into some friends at the bar.
你们会喜欢他们的
You would love them.
他们和我们是一类人
Yeah, they're our type of people.
听到了吗文斯他们和我们是一类人
Did you hear that, Vince? "They're our type of people."
-还有呢 -还有
- Go on. - Well,
他们在这里和洛杉矶开了画廊
they own a gallery here and in Los Angeles.
都是大慈善家到处旅行
They're big charity people, they travel everywhere,
而且都是俊男美女
and they're gorgeous.
算的上是圣地亚哥的
They're basically
布拉德·皮特和安吉丽娜·茱莉了
the Brad and Angelina of San Diego.
完美人士
They're perfect.
如果是完美人士
If they are perfect,
那应该是皮特和詹妮啊
They'd be more like Brad and Jen, but...
你是说詹妮弗·哈欠斯顿
Ugh. You mean Jen "Yawniston"?
她这人太无聊了
She's so boring.
也难怪皮特离她而去
I don't blame brad for leaving her.
你们说什么
What are you saying?
我们不是特别喜欢她
We're not that into her.
詹妮弗称霸小荧幕
Jennifer's little screen pretty,
安吉丽娜称霸大银幕
And Angelina is big screen pretty.
你不该在我这种"安妮斯顿铁粉"面前说这话
You have just messed with the wrong "Faniston."
那么
So...
你们轧死了人感觉怎么样
you guys killed a dude. What's that like?
詹妮弗·安妮斯顿是全美甜心
Jennifer Aniston is America's sweetheart
拥有傲人的身姿滑嫩的肌肤
with a perfect yoga body, and impossibly moist skin
即使真人素颜也一样光彩照人
that makes her look airbrushed, even in person.
你见过她本人吗
Have you even seen her in person?
没有但是我看过她的照片
No, but I've seen pictures of her in person,
确实光彩照人
and they look airbrushed.
我们走文斯
Let's go, Vince.
谢谢你们的晚餐
Thank you for dinner.
最后说个实数吧 46个热狗
And it was 46 hot dogs.
老爸快看
Dad, check this out.
食指一滑你就能用手♥机♥
You can flip through the pictures on your phone
浏览图片了
with your index finger.
神奇吧
Amazing, right?
亨利没人关心你那
Henry, nobody gives a crap about
破手♥机♥的破功能
all the things your phone can do.
又不是你发明的你不过是花钱买♥♥它的冤大头
You didn't invent it, you bought it.
是个人就能浏览图片
Any idiot can do that.
这下好了你又要把这句记下来
Oh, great, you're gonna write that one down now.
行了老爸就那一篇文章
Dad, it was one article.
我不会只靠记你的语录
Okay, it's not like I'm gonna make a whole career
来延续我的作家生涯
out of writing down things you say.