疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E08

Part 1 May 3, 2020, 11:04 p.m.

快看这个广♥告♥
Hey, check out this ad.
卡尔斯巴德要新开个水上乐园
They're opening a new water park in Carlsbad.
-应该很好玩哎 -要去你自己去
- That sounds like fun. - You go ahead.
我才不想从一个破管子里窜出来
I'd rather not be shot out of a tube
然后掉进一个
into a pool of water
小朋友在里面随便尿尿的池子里
filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.
小时候我每次和我哥洗澡
You just described every one
都是这样的
of my childhood baths with my brother.
早啊
Morning.
蒂姆你想不想去
Tim, wouldn't you like to go
卡尔斯巴德新开的水上乐园啊
to the new water park in Carlsbad?
你是说"嘘嘘世界"么还是算了
You mean urine world? No, thank you.
好了古先生我会把账单放到你桌上
Ok, Mr.G, I'll put your bills on your desk,
这些是你订的杂♥志♥
and here are your magazines.
《美国武器》
American gun.
《美国弹♥药♥》
American ammunition.
《美国武器与弹♥药♥》
American gun and ammunition.
这个就叫《美国》
This one's just called America.
你吃完早饭之后
When you've finished your breakfast,
去把你床铺整理下衣服也收拾好
go make your bed and pick up your clothes.
家里会有客人来小住几天
We have a houseguest coming.
谁要来住啊
Who's the houseguest?
我最好的朋友沃利·达拉姆
My best friend. Wally Durham.
上周你不跟我说
You told me last week
沉默才是你最好的朋友么
that silence was your best friend.
我说沉默是我的爱人
I said silence was my lover.
沃利当初是我的指挥官
Wally was my commanding officer,
周六是纪念我们去越南服役的
and Saturday is the 40th reunion
第40次重聚晚会
of our tour of duty in 'nam.
话说我和我以前的男朋友
You know, my old boyfriend and I
两年前骑自行车游览过越南
took a bike tour of Vietnam two years ago.
很美的国家
Beautiful country.
他们很喜欢同志
Very gay friendly.
我当时是船上的医生
I was a medic on a ship there.
通常都是给人们治淋病
Mostly treated people for the clap.
他们也很喜欢"互传淋病"
Very clap friendly.
反正周六晚上要来参加鸡尾酒会的
Anyway, about ten of us are meeting here
差不多有10个人
for a cocktail party Saturday night.
你得自觉闪人
You gotta make yourself scarce.
为啥我不能参加啊
Whoa. Why can't I come?
见见你的战友什么的
It'd be cool to hang out
我觉得挺好的啊
with some of your buddies from the war.
亨利
Henry.
这个聚会只准男人参加
This event is for men, and although
虽然你看上去是男人但其实你就是个
you look like a man, actually you're a boy
披着体毛茂盛的男人皮的小正太
in a very hairy man's costume.
那这个遗传上的不幸我该感谢谁呢
And who do I have to thank for this genetic misfortune?
你老妈
Your mother.
你不会真想见10个跟你老爸
Do you really want to spend time with ten men
一模一样的男人吧
that are exactly like your father,
他们只会讨论妓♥女♥
telling stories about hookers,
疾病和他们的"射击"对象
diseases, and things that they shot--
而且通常这三样都出现在同一个故事里
Oftentimes all three in the same story?
你肯定不想的
Of course not.
蒂姆你想见见他们吗
Tim, would you like to meet the fellas?
古先生十分相当非常地想啊
Mr. G, I wouldn't miss it for the world.
疯狂老爸箴言录
第一季第八集
美国海军军歌♥《起锚进行曲》
起锚吧我的伙伴们*
*Anchors aweigh, my boys
起锚吧*
*Anchors aweigh
告别学校的欢乐*
*Farewell to college joys
我们在黎明扬帆启航*
*We sail at break of day-ay-ay-ay
你哪儿学的这首歌♥啊
Hey, where did you learn that tune?
我参加的那个合唱团
The choral group that I'm in
在为一场音乐会排练这首歌♥呢
is rehearsing that song for a concert.
是一个主题音乐会
We're doing a theme night.
是海军主题吗
Is it a navy theme?
同志主题
Gay theme.
反正你唱得是真不赖
Well, either way, you've got a set of pipes on you, man.
跟我讲讲沃利的事儿吧
So tell me about this Wally.
我很好奇你居然会有朋友...
It's so interesting to me that you have a friend...
什么朋友啊
A friend who what?
"你居然会有朋友问号♥"
That was the end of the thought.
沃利很给力的
Hey, Wally's a riot.
我们一起服役了三年
We served three years together, and I don't think
而且每次我洗澡的时候
I took one shower without him
他肯定会想办法把我裤子藏起来
trying to hide my pants.
而且每天早上他叫我起床的方式就是
And he'd wake me up every morning
用他"那玩意儿"捅我耳朵
by sticking his junk in my ear.
海军部队听上去跟我们健身房♥很像哎
Wow, the navy sounds a lot like my gym.
沃利可不仅仅是往别人
Well, Wally is more than just a guy
耳朵里插小鸡鸡的那种人
who sticks his schmeckel in your ear.
他可是个绅士
He's a gentleman.
我擦嘞个去艾德·古德森看看你
Holy crap, Ed Goodson. Look at you.
就像是一陀裹着钓鱼背心的大象便便
Looks like an elephant took a dump in a fishing vest.
沃利·达拉姆
Wally Durham.
你脸上褶子再多点就赶上你老婆的脖子了
You had any more wrinkles, you'd be your wife's neck.
路易丝三年前就死了你知道的
You know Louise died three years ago.
这就是笑点
That's the joke.
你好不沃利
How you doing, Wally?
小鬼在你老爸昏倒之前赶紧进来
Hey kid, get in here before your old man keels over.
你都装了神马啊
What did you pack in this thing?
你老婆么
Your wife?
喂
Hey!
他老婆3年前就死了
His wife died three years ago.
你说话小心点
Watch your mouth.
切这包哪有那么重啊
Aw, the bag's not that heavy.
你说得对这孩子比鲍勃·多尔
You were right, the kid's softer
刚洗完冷水浴还"不坚挺"
than Bob Dole getting out of a cold bath.
鲍勃·多尔:美国政♥治♥家曾给伟哥代言过= =
从机场到家这一路上
You were so nice to me
你明明都对我很友好的
on the ride home from the airport.
当时又没人围观
Didn't have an audience.
这位围裙男是谁
Ah, who's the apron?
他叫蒂姆
Oh, this is Tim.
就像我儿子一样不过他妈妈
He's like a son, only his mother
可没因为赡养费起诉我
hasn't sued me for alimony.
蒂姆小心哦他要吐槽喽
Tim watch out, he's gonna zing you.
沃利·达拉姆幸会
Wally Durham. Good to meet you.
就这样哦你不取笑我一番吗
That's it? You're not gonna make fun of me?
不了你长得就够有喜感的了
Nah, why take a job away from your mirror?
这米其林轮胎吉祥物是谁啊
Whoa. Who's this stack of tires?
找下米其林吉祥物大家就明白了
这是我另一个儿子文斯记得不
You remember my other son, Vince?
哦是文斯啊
Oh, this is Vince.
刚刚我还以为他们想出办法
For a second I thought they'd figured out
humpty-dumpty: 童谣中从墙上摔下跌得粉碎的蛋形胖矮子
把"矮胖子"复活了呢
how to put humpty-dumpty back together.
快文斯爷们儿点吐槽回去
Come on, Vince. Be a man, give it back to him.
介个... "我恨你"行不
Um...I hate you?
-亨利可以走了不 -去哪儿啊
- Henry, you ready to go? - Go where?
老爸说这周末你要去我和邦妮家住
Dad says you're staying with me and Bonnie this weekend.
对沃利要住你的房♥间
Yeah, Wally's gonna take your room.
所以我就
I took the liberty of
把你的东西扔外面的垃圾袋里去了
putting your stuff in a trash bag outside.
外面没有什么垃圾袋啊
There was no trash bag outside.
对啊今天是收垃圾的日子
Oh, that's right. It's trash day.
真不敢相信他把我赶出来了
I can't believe he kicked me out of the house.
我的床还在那边呢
Out of my own bed.
咱家有沙发床嘛瞧见没
Ah! We have a pull-out couch. You see?
咱只需要...只要...
So we just-- gotta just--
稍等下
Hold on a second.