疯狂老爸箴言录

$#*! My Dad Says S01E12

Part 1 May 3, 2020, 11:05 p.m.

黑牛我太爱你的作风了
Hey, Root Beer, I admire your style.
你吃不了占不住的就往上尿尿
If you can't eat it or hump it, you pee on it.
咱俩还真像
We're not that different, you and me.
嘿小黑爱我就给我做个地包天看看
Hey, Rooty, stick out your jaw if you love me.
好乖你最爱我了
Yes, you do.
嗨好消息
Hey, great news--
我编辑刚告诉我
I just spoke to my editor,
他们在办公室发现了臭虫
and they found bedbugs in the office.
所以他们今天关门一天
So they're closing the paper down for the day.
-赞吧 -关我毛事
- Isn't that great? - What's that got to do with me?
这个嘛我是想反正我休息一天
Well, I was thinking that since I have the day off,
-咱爷俩可以 -没空忙着呢
- You and I can spend-- - Can't. Busy.
你刚才问什么来的
What was the question?
我是说你想不想一起干点啥
I said do you want to spend the day together?
没空忙着呢
Can't. Busy.
忙啥才早上九点
Doing what? It's 9:00 a.m.
你今天该吼的都吼完了
You already yelled at everything you're gonna yell at for today.
还能干啥
What else is left?
我要去正品老卡那
I'm going down to Authentic Carl's.
那个运动纪念品商店吗
The sports-memorabilia place
你买♥♥史蒂夫·加弗瑞球棒那地方
Where you got your Steve Garvey bat?
没错
That's right.
就是他打出超级大满贯那晚用的球棒
The bat he used that night he hit for the cycle.
超级大满贯：是指击球人在一场比赛中打出一分本垒打，两分本垒打，
三份本垒打和黄金全垒打。在棒球比赛中极为少见。
加弗瑞在圣地亚哥教士队没打出过超级大满贯
Garvey never hit for the cycle with the Padres.
没说棒球的大满贯
Not the baseball cycle.
比赛结束后在体育场边的旅馆
After the game at a motel near the stadium...
据说加弗瑞搞遍深发的金发的
Garvey allegedly banged a brunette, a blond,
红发的还有对双生的
a redhead, and a twin--
那个大满贯
That cycle.
而他之所以给旅店老板那只球棒
And the bat is the one he gave to the motel manager
是要他别告诉他第一任老婆
so he wouldn't tell his first wife.
总之我定了一个他在克斯利球场
Anyway, I have ordered a ball that was used in the last game
为辛辛那提红人队打的最后一场比赛的用球
that the Cincinnati Reds played at Crosley field.
正品老卡给我留着呢
And Authentic Carl is holding it for me.
老爸我搬回来是想更了解你
Dad, um, I moved back here so I can get to know you better,
让咱爷俩亲近点
So you and I can get closer.
还好我没跟你太近你一身虱子
Well, I'm glad we didn't. You're covered in crabs.
你明天再去取那球不行吗
Why don't you go and pick up that ball tomorrow?
这样也许咱俩今天就能待在一起
And maybe today you and I can spend some time together,
父子天伦之乐
Do a father-son activity.
对了去赛马场怎么样
Hey, why don't we go to the racetrack?
我要去取我的球
I am going down to pick up my ball.
你要是想来围观
If you want to come down and watch me do it,
随你
that's up to you.
我自己出汽油的钱我就去老爸
Only if I get to chip in for gas, dad.
这下好了又想跟我坐一辆车了
Oh, great, now he wants to ride in the same car.
嗨老爸
Hi, dad.
你想干嘛
What the hell do you want?
这个嘛邦妮排卵期到了
Well, Bonnie's ovulating,
我们在进行造人计划
and we're trying to make a baby.
所以你要是想大半夜
So if you need to come into our room
进我们屋拿什么东西
in the middle of the night to get something,
或许你可以...我也不知道啦
maybe you could-- I don't know--
敲下门啦或者别开灯啦
knock or, uh, not flip on the lights
或者至少别大叫"吓人啊吓人啊"
or perhaps not shout out, "The horror, the horror."
不会再发生了
Not happening.
好滴
Okeydoke.
喂你乐啥
Hey, why are you smiling?
这个嘛我们新找了一个生育专家
Well, we're seeing a new fertility specialist
他说既然邦妮的卵子
Who says that since there's nothing wrong
和我的小蝌蚪都没什么毛病
with Bonnie's ova or my sperms
所以我们或许应该心态积极一点
That perhaps we should try staying more positive
这样或许会增加受孕几率
as it may affect our ability to conceive.
所以我们正在照办
So that's what we're doing.
听上去够二
Sounds stupid.
说得对
Fair enough.
老艾老艾我很高兴你能不见外地
Ed, Ed, Ed, I love that you feel comfortable enough
大夜里跑来我屋找过期的《生活》看
to come into our room at night looking for an old Life magazine
而且还拿到离我不到四英尺的
and then taking that Life magazine into the bathroom,
厕所边办事边看
which is a mere four feet from my head.
不过不知你能不能办事儿的时候关上门
But if there's any way you could close the door next time,
我就感激不尽了行吗
that would be super, okay?
谢谢亲爱的
Thanks, doll!
你们干嘛非得现在要孩子
Why the hell would you want to have a child now?
你们的事业刚刚起步
You're just starting to get your business off the ground.
现在不生更待何时
If not now, when?
根本没有完美的时机要孩子好不好老艾
I mean, there's no perfect time to have a baby, right, Ed?
正解就是某人
Bing! Oh!
老艾老艾天呐跟你住超欢乐的
Ed, Ed, Ed, you are, gosh, a delight.
不过有没有能不让你撞见
But is there any room in the house that you won't walk in on us
我跟你儿子给你造孙子的屋子
when we're trying to conceive your grandchild?
别说还真有
Well, there is one.
车♥库♥吗
The garage?
你想让我们住车♥库♥么
You--you want us to live in the garage?
猜对了
Bingo!
疯狂老爸箴言录
第一季第十二集
我只是说你应该小心一点爸
I'm just saying you should be more careful, dad.
你差点儿撞上那个行人
You almost hit that pedestrian.
那人坐着轮椅好歹算辆车好吧
Guy was in a wheelchair. That's a vehicle.
嗨
Hey.
-古德森医生 -正品老卡
- Dr. Goodson. - Authentic Carl.
亨利这位是正品老卡
Henry, this is Authentic Carl.
-看啊小胡子不错啊 -是啊是啊
- Look, it's coming in, huh? - Yeah, yeah.
是啊长出来了
Yeah, it's coming in.
正牌老卡是我的密友知己啊
Authentic Carl's my good friend, my confidant.
我跟他无话不谈
I tell him everything.
你好我是亨利
Hey, I'm Henry.
你怎么认识老艾的
And, uh, how do you know Ed?
我是他儿子
I'm his son.
我咋不知道你还有个儿子
I didn't know you had a son.
对了顺便一问黑牛怎么样
Hey, how is Root Beer, by the way?
可爱死了
Oh, so cute.
长得可快了
They grow up so fast.
对了我的球拿到了吗
So you got my ball?
啊哈哈对那个嘛
Ah. Ha ha. Yes. About that...
告诉你个好消息
I got some good news.
早上球就送来了
It came in this morning,
维护得相当好啊
amazing condition.
好到价值你原本开价的两倍
Turns out this ball is worth twice what you were gonna pay for it.
好消息啊我赚大了
Good news is I got a great deal.
不好消息是我以四倍于你的出价
No, the good news is I sold it for four times
卖♥♥出去了
what you were going to pay.
但是老卡那球是你给我留的
But, carl, you were going to hold that ball for me.
咱有口头协议的
We had a verbal agreement.
你搞毛见钱眼开啊
You can't sell that ball to the highest bidder.
咱讨论的又不是你妹妹的贞洁
It's not your sister's virginity.
老艾对不住了可我也要维持生计啊
Ed, I'm sorry. I have a living to make here.
咱们可有二十年的交情了
We've known each other 20 years.
二十年就没提过哥吗
20 years? My name doesn't come up once?
你不能出尔反尔啊
You can't go back on something like that?
你的信誉何在
Where's your honor?
艾哥我都五十岁的人了
Ed, I'm 50.
我就卖♥♥卖♥♥体育纪念品养养小蜥蜴
I sell sports memorabilia and breed iguanas.
当年我在比妮娃娃上签下贝比·鲁斯的名字
I said good-bye to my honor the first time I signed
贝比·鲁斯：著名棒球运动员
并把它卖♥♥给一个傻小子时
Babe Ruth's name on a Beanie Baby
就已经抛弃信誉了
and sold it to some idiot kid.
那... 你知道那买♥♥家的名字吗
So do you know the name of the guy who bought the ball?
当然
Of course I do.
我记下了每个"顾客"的名字