基和皮尔（2012）

Where you at, though? Where you at Look at this.
你好吗 妹子 上哪呢 快看她
34, 24, shabloimps. Blip.
巨♥乳♥ 蜂腰 加美臀 侦测到翘臀
Blip, blip.
哔 哔
Oh, man, check this out, dog. Where, where?
兄弟 快看那边 哪里 哪里
Look at this fine piece of ass
快看那边街尾
all the way down the street here, dog.
有一极品美臀出没
That's what I'm talkin' about though, Damn. Ooh!
最爱的就是这种 太赞了
hey, girl!
嗨 小妞
Yeah, walk this way with that fine ass.
扭着你的美臀来这跟哥俩玩玩
Blip!
哔
Yeah, girl, why don't you come down here
妹子 快来这里把你的美尻
and put that in my mouth 'cause daddy want a snack!
塞到爸爸的嘴里 爸爸想吃甜食了
Blip, blap, takin' a bap! Why you hurtin' me, girl?
真是要了个亲命 美女你为何要伤我
Brisket. Briskety. You're hurtin' me!
皮薄馅儿多滋味好 我都要憋伤了
That's deliciousness, yeah! Yeah!
太令人"鸡"渴难耐了
Yeah, keep it coming! Ye--
继续不要停
And-- and that is a professional basketball mascot.
那是职业男篮队伍的吉祥物
That is a man in an orange rhinoceros costume.
是一个男人穿着橘色犀牛变装服
Hell, I'd fuck that rhino.
这犀牛美臀 我"操"了
Hello.
大家好
All right.
好的
All right, all right. Thank you.
好啦 谢谢大家
Welcome to the show. Thank you for coming.
欢迎来到节目 感谢大家前来
Uh, I am Keegan. And I am Jordan. Hello.
我是基根 我是乔丹 大家好
And this is Key and Peele.
我们节目是《基与皮尔》
Thank you, thank you.
谢谢 谢谢
And, uh, Africa is truly fucked up.
非洲真的是烂成一团狗屎
Okay. You just came outta the gate with that.
行 你一出闸就放大招吗
It's fucked up!
真的是烂爆了
See, and I completely disagree.
像我就完全不同意你这话
I would go to Africa right now.
我很乐意现在就去非洲
No, see, there are flyover states.
像美国有所谓的纯经过省
飞机单纯是从上空飞过的那些省
指美国东西岸之间那些通常没旅客去
For me, Africa, that's a flyover continent.
而对我来说 非洲是个纯经过大♥陆♥
So, you're seriously telling me
所以你是认真在说
you would not want to see the Nile?
你不会想看到尼罗河
No.
不想
You would not want to see the plains of the Serengeti.
你不会想看看塞伦盖蒂大平原
每年有数百万动物大迁徙可看
位于非洲坦桑尼亚
No.
不想
You would not want to see, uh, Mt. Kilimanjaro.
你不会想看到乞力马扎罗山
Kilimanjaro?
乞力马扎罗山
I'm more worried about Mt. "Kilima-negro."
我比较担心"用力扎死咱黑鬼山"
No, you didn't. No, you did not.
你敢放这种地图炮 你不是吧
You did not just say that. I'm saying, look...
告诉我刚才是我听错 我想说的是
slavery was an awful thing.
当年奴隶制的确是很不好
Awful.
令人发指
All I'm saying, silver lining, it got my ass out of Africa.
但所谓塞翁失马 好歹我也成功移♥民♥出非洲啦
Okay. I said it.
你真是... 就这么说咋地
But things are improving there, Jordan.
乔丹 可人家那里也在慢慢进步啊
Things are different. It's not It's not
士别三日刮目相看嘛 才没有咧
It's not different enough.
那里至少需要三百日吧
I'm sorry, no, I refuse to go to a continent
对不起 可是我真心不想去一个
that's so bad that people don't even care
烂到普通民众都不在乎脸上
if there are flies on their face.
是不是有苍蝇的破大♥陆♥
Unbelievable.
无语了
All right, y'all gather round.
好了 对面乡亲你看过来
Gather round. Welcome, gentlemen.
看过来 看过来
What a beautiful and blessed day for an auction.
今日风和日丽 是个办拍卖♥♥会的黄道吉日
All right, y'all. Get on up there.
好了你们 统统站上去
Put that whip down and see what happens, though.
有种把鞭子放下 看我怎么整死你
Straight up!
没错
I don't care what plantation I end up on.
不管爷最后是被卖♥♥去哪个农场
I'm straight staging a revolt in this motherer.
我到时候就策划奴隶大叛变干♥死♥他们
Hells yeah.
就是啊
We have lot A, lot B, and lot C.
有拍卖♥♥品A B C
Uh, $3 on lot A. $4.
A三块钱 四块
5!
五块
$5 going once, twice, three times, sold.
五块一次 两次 三次 成交
Lot A goes to the man in the black hat.
A现在是黑帽先生的了
I mean, good. Yeah.
正合我意 是啊
I'm glad I didn't get sold,
我还庆幸我没被卖♥♥掉呢
'cause I don't want to be owned by another human being.
我可不想成为另一个人类的所有物
Whoever buys me, they better kill me the first day,
谁敢买♥♥我 最好第一天就杀了我
or I'ma go buck-wild on the whole operation.
否则我要凶性大发 搞得他鸡飞狗跳
Okaay?
还用说咩
Next one, get up on there, now.
下一个 快上台去
Oh, this, okay.
这壮士 好吧
$6 on lot A.
A六块钱
$7! 8.
七块 八块
9!
九块
$9 going once, twice, three times, sold!
九块一次 两次 三次 成交
Ohay, well, you have to buy that dude.
好吧 这位壮士必需得买♥♥啊
It's a nobrainer. I mean, that guy's huge.
用膝盖想也知道 他壮得像条牛
A massive individual. That's two of me.
好一位巨汉 有我两倍大
Anybody would buy him. I'd buy that dude.
谁都会想买♥♥他 我都想买♥♥
My question is, how'd they catch him?
我想问的是 他们是怎么逮到他的
Next!
下一个
Okay. Oh, yeah.
看来是我们了
$2 on lot A.
A两块
$2 going once, twice, three times, sold.
两块一次 两次 三次 成交
See, now, that surprises me.
这个我就有点纳闷了
That is interesting, to say the least.
的确是让我摸不着头绪啊
I mean, well, it just seems like at a certain point,
感觉好像买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥到一个阶段后
it's like, do they even know what they're looking for?
他们都有点搞不清自己想买♥♥怎么样的了
It's like the whole criteria seems just a little inconsistent.
感觉他们的标准前后不太一致啊
I mean, at some point, I want to be on lot A.
我都有点想去站A号♥了
Yeah, which-- Can a brotha get on lot A?
能让兄弟我去站站A号♥位吗
Next.
下一个
Here we go. Here we go.
好吧 吉时已到
Been a pleasure. Give 'em hell.
很高兴认识你 给他们苦头尝尝
All right. Okay.
行 来吧
$8 on lot A!
A八块
Going once, twice, three times, sold!
八块一次 两次 三次 成交
How does that happen?
这怎么可能
Nope, not true. What you just said
不可能 这不是真的 你刚才说的
that's gobbledygook, okay?
你♥他♥妈♥是不是在唬烂
That can't be true. 'cause what can this dude do?
这怎么可能 这位兄弟能做什么活儿啊
Look at him. What could he pick?
你看他 能采什么东西啊
A cotton plant is, like, this tall.
棉树大概有这么高呢
Yes. No offense, brotha,
对啊 无意冒犯啊 兄弟
I'm just saying. Offense taken.
我就说说 已经冒犯到了
Wha--
什...
Am I wrong? Is he not short? He's short.
我说错了吗 他难道不矮吗 他就一矮冬瓜
But you are actually short in real life, in the world.
你真的现实生活中就是个矮子啊
You're good, man. Enough.
你没说错 兄弟 够了
I will not have my reputation tainted,
我的名声不能因为卖♥♥
sellin' superficial, bigoted slaves.
肤浅又偏执的奴隶而毁于一旦
Superficial? Did that really just come out of your mouth?
肤浅 你这货居然好意思说这个词
That's it! This auction's over!
够了 拍卖♥♥会结束
Auction's over?
拍卖♥♥结束
No, it's-- it ain't over. It's not over.
不不不 没结束 还没结束呢
I'm strong, y'all!
各位乡亲 我很强壮
I'm very str-- I can sleep in a bucket.
我非常壮 而且给个水桶我能睡里面
I'm fast, I have stamina, and I know magic.
我速度快 耐力好 还会魔法
My worst quality is that I'm a perfectionist.
我这人最大的缺点就是完美主义
Let me men-- Have I mentioned this? Docile.
听我说 我提了吗 我特温顺
I am agreeable to a fault.
我超听话超好控制
You should have seen the dude who asked me to get on the boat
你们应该看看当初让我们上船
when we came over here.
来美洲的那个兄弟