基和皮尔（2012）

So just do me a favor, treat me like you would
所以就麻烦各位 就用平常
anyone else in this situation. Okay. Yes, sir.
对待别人的方式对待我 好的 大人
Yes, sir. All right.
好的 先生 没问题
Hurry up, man!
少鸡♥巴♥磨蹭了
Is your tie stuck in the damn machine? Shit!
你的领带是卡进机器了还是怎么 操
What are you doing, man?
干啥呢 大叔
People trying to get they money up here!
全世界在后面等着领钱呢
Not exactly what I had in mind.
跟我预想的不太一样
Go on then!
别挡着地球转
Didn't even get your money. Dad! Dad!
拖这么久连钱都还没拿到 爸爸 爸
Dad! Dad!
爸 爸
Come on, girl, hurry up, man.
赶紧的 臭娘们 快点
You got seven-- Oh, okay, no.
后面有... 好的 没事
Take your time. Take your time.
大姐您请 小的不急
Take your time.
您随意
Now, uh, Keegan and I always have a fun time
我和基根聊起我们以前
discussing the crappy apartments we've lived in...
住过的破公♥寓♥总会捧腹大笑
Yes. In our lives.
是的 乐得不得了
Right, and I was just telling you recently
对 我最近才跟你说过
about how in '97 I moved into an apartment
1997年的时候 我搬进一套公♥寓♥
with two friends in my hometown of Detroit.
就在我家乡底特律 跟我两个好友一起搬入
And, uh, we got broken into five times in six weeks.
我们短短六周里 被人闯空门五次
It's gotta be a record.
这应该要破纪录了吧
I don't see how that's possible.
我都不敢信会有这种事
Yeah, uh, it's Detroit, So...
黑人之城底特律嘛 所以...
And the first time we got broken into...
我们第一次被人闯空门的时候
I mean, the cops came in, they're examining the apartment,
警♥察♥后来来了 在公♥寓♥里搜证
and they're making their way out of the apartment.
他们完事准备离开的时候
There is a bloody fingerprint on the wall.
墙上还有个血指纹没弄呢
And so I said to the cop,
所以我跟警♥察♥说
"Um, excuse me, you know, I just wanted to
"抱歉 打扰一下
point out that there's a fingerprint here
我就想说一下这里有枚指纹
if maybe you wanted to dust that or something."
你是不是要撒粉采集一下之类的"
Mmhmm, straight evidence. Yeah.
的确 很直接的证据 对啊
This is what he says to me. He goes,
然后他这么回答我的
"Aw, naw, man. That-- That's just on TV."
他说"哥们 那是电视上才有的假技术"
What?
闹呢
What are we doing in this neighborhood?
我们来这一区干嘛
Come on, this place is in our price range.
别怕 这房♥子的价格在我们的接受范围内
Besides, I mean, people say the neighborhood's turning around.
而且很多人都说这一带已经好很多了
Who the fuck here!
谁他妈进来了
It's Jordan and Keira.
我们是乔丹跟凯拉
We're here to view the apartment at 3:00.
我们约好下午三点来看这公♥寓♥
Oh shit, my bad.
靠 我的错
I had this homeless crackhead
昨天有一个瘾君子跑进来
trying to set up house in here yesterday.
想把这里当窝
Almost had to beat his ass, man.
差点得出手揍跑他
But y'all ain't got nothing to worry about,
但是你们完全不用担心
'cause anybody try to get up in here,
要有哪个小♥逼♥崽子敢进来
I will murder them.
我一定把他们大卸八块
Let me give y'all the tour.
我带你们看一圈房♥子吧
All right, so we got these vintage windows.
这房♥子有这些古董窗子
They been here as long as the building's been here.
这楼刚建的时候就安的这些窗子
Oh shit!
我♥操♥
Get away from the window! Get away from the window!
快离窗子远点 快离窗子远点
You, motherfucker! I see you out there!
你♥他♥妈♥的 我看到你了
You get out that car, and I will murder you!
你敢走下车 我一定干♥死♥你♥
That's what I thought!
这他妈才听话
So roll on, you little nigga!
赶紧滚吧 小黑鬼
Roll on!
滚粗
My nephew, Craig.
我的侄子 克雷格
He a good kid.
他其实是好孩子
He smoke crack, though.
虽然他吸可♥卡♥因♥
Just, uh, just in case he come back.
以防他一个回马枪杀回来
And I filed the serial number off that,
我把枪上的编号♥给磨掉了
so if you gotta shoot anybody,
所以你拿去射完人
just make sure to wipe your fingerprints off this motherfucker.
只要记得把指纹从这玩意上擦掉就行了
Well, come on, y'all. I ain't gonna bite you.
来 过来 我又不会咬你
Brand-new cupboards.
全新的橱子
I put the contact paper in myself here
这隔离纸是我亲自贴的
so y'all don't get no germs.
这样不会生细菌
Get down!
趴下
Nah, ain't no thing.
没事
I thought Craig was rolling back.
我还以为是克雷格杀回来了
I ain't getting shot by this mofo twice, damn.
我可不想被这小♥逼♥崽子再射一枪
While we down here,
趁我们刚好趴下
Check this out.
瞧瞧这个
Original hardwood floor
原装硬木地板
from when the building was built.
这楼建成的时候就铺上了
Check out this grain, brother.
哥们 你瞧瞧这个纹路
Whoo! That is craftsmanship!
这手艺可是没话说啊
Anyway, come on.
好了 咱们继续看
Now, this paint is all new, and--
这墙都是全新粉刷的
Aw shit.
操
Okay, this--this happened after I had painted.
这个... 这是我粉刷完后才发生的
Funny story, we got crackheads in this neighborhood,
说来好笑 我们这区里不少瘾君子
and one of them lived right next door here, right?
而其中一个就住在隔壁
And one day, he was smoking crack, just went looney tunes
有一天他在吸可♥卡♥因♥的时候 有点起疯
and mistook his 9mm--
不小心误拿起他的9毫米
that's a pistol, honey-- for the remote control.
小妹 那是手♥枪♥ 当成了遥控器
But don't worry, you ain't never gonna see him again.
不过不用担心 你不会见到他的
Ain't nobody ever...
这世界上
gonna see him...
再也不会有人
again.
再见到他
Plus, I'm gonna put a fancy little hook in there
而且 我会在这里装一个钩子
and turn it into a hat rack.
拿来挂帽子之类的
No let's take a look at this bedroom.
现在来看看这个卧室
What the fuck?
我了个大操
I found this place first!
这地方是我先找到的
Found it? Man, I own this place!
找你个大头鬼 这房♥子是老子的
Can y'all give me a second?
能给我几秒钟时间吗
You gonna bite me, motherfucker?
操♥你♥妈♥的想咬我
I will cut you with my sword cane!
看我用这拐杖刀砍死你
So that's gonna be first month and last month's rent
请先预交两个月房♥租
and one-month security deposit.
外加一个月房♥租的押金
I'll get the paperwork started.
我现在就去帮你们弄合同
Okay, baby, let's hit this rock real quick.
宝贝 咱赶紧吸一发
And now we have a special treat.
现在有个特别惊喜要给大家
恭喜
丹尼尔的成年礼
Hold on to your yarmulkes, okay?
冷静 小帽子别兴奋掉了
"From east to west, you know they're the best.
"美国东岸到西岸 笑遍天下无敌手
Getting you in the zone for your milestone."
您生命的里程碑 让我们为您预热"
Is that cute?
这出场白有爱吧
Please welcome Gafilta Fresh and Dr. Dreidel!
欢迎犹鱼饼与犹陀士
陀螺与黑人饶舌歌♥手Dr. Dre拼写相近
名字是改自犹太鱼饼料理与犹太光明节陀螺
What's up, Temple Beth Israel?
贝丝以色列教堂的大家好吗
Yo, is there a Daniel Rosenblum
在场是不是有一位
in the hizzouse?
丹尼尔·罗森布鲁姆啊
What's up, man?
你好吗 好兄弟
Aw, yeah! What's up, my man?
你好吗 好哥们
常用的以色列民谣《让我们欢乐》
改自犹太人婚礼/成年礼上
When you see black people at a bar mitzvah,
看到黑人出现在犹太成年礼上
成为律法之子 得在犹太律法上负起全责
犹太男孩到13岁/女孩12岁时就告别童年
it's very exciting.
真的是很刺♥激♥
It's like a scary ride.
就像是坐恐怖游乐设施一样
母亲 纽约长岛
西尔维娅·罗森布拉姆
And the kids just love it.
孩子们爱死了
Right now, we are the number-one
现在我俩是纽约纳苏县
Bar/bat mitzvah party motivators in all of Nassau County.
男女孩成年礼业界首屈一指的派对热场员
邀请黑人来成年礼给孩子"长见识"与热场子
这段是在恶搞纽约长岛纳苏县真的有流行