基和皮尔（2012）

Oh, Mama, help me, motherfucker...
妈咪 快救我 妈♥了♥个♥逼♥啊
Oh, Mama...
娘亲啊...
Oh, shit!
干
Well, the 405 is fucked up right now.
405洲际公路现在操蛋了
Ain't nobody going down in this shit.
没人能他妈活着离开这里
I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
对不起 真的很对不起
I'm very sorry, folks...
实在很抱歉 各位
I'm very sorry brother, but I'm losing my shit up here.
兄弟对不起了 但我真的要吓屎了
Actually, you have every right to.
其实你完全有权这么做
We're about to crash.
我们马上要坠机了
Oh, fuck , help me!
操 救命啊
Shit! Oh my God! Help...
操♥你♥妈♥ 救命啊
Mama, help...
阿母啊 救人啊
So, here's something... Jordan and I
有件事跟你们分享 我跟乔丹
love to watch white guys fight. Yes
都很喜欢围观白人男们打架 没错
It's sublime. Favorite pastime.
超好看 我最爱的消遣了
2 A.M., outside of a bar,
半夜两点 酒吧外
any night, any morning, you can see this.
随便挑一天去 你都能观赏到
Best thing in the world. It's like watching Nat. Geo
世界上最赞的演出了 就像在看国家地理台
It's the Discovery Channel for us, it's Animal Planet.
简直就是探索频道 或动物星球频道
This is how it happens. It's so great.
通常情况是这样 超赞
White guys, they start with phase one.
白人男 通常会从第一阶段开始
Phase one, which is the arms back phase.
第一阶段 双手得收到后面
Hand back, just completely. And chest out, arms back.
双手完全收到身后 胸部挺出 收起手臂
And it's lots of "You wanna do something? Let's do something then.'"
然后不停叫嚣"你瞅啥瞅 想打就来啊"
"What are you doing?" "Let's do something."
"你是想怎样" "想怎样就来吧"
"You wanna do something?" "I'm already doing it."
"想来单挑吗" "我不会放过你"
I need to keep my arms back.
必须把手臂收到身后
As if they're so dangerous, I gotta keep'em back here.
好像双手是致命武器一样 必须先收到后面
Phase two, they lock horns.
第二阶段 它们开始互顶
"You w-let's go. Let go of me, dude."
"欠扁是不是 快放开我"
"Let go of me right now." "Let go of my shirt."
"快放开我" "放开我衣服"
"Let go of my shirt. I'm gonna-"
"放开我衣服 不然我要..."
"I'm not on your shirt."
"我才没拉你衣服"
"You're on my shirt, dude."
"你明明拉着我衣服 兄弟"
"Get off of my shirt, man. Get off my shirt.
"快点放开我衣服 别拉着我衣服"
"Get off of my shirt."
"你别扯我衣服"
"Let go of my shirt."
"放开我衣服"
Two minutes later. Two minutes later.
两分钟后 两分钟过后
"I'm fucking love you." "Best friend, dog."
"我他妈太欣赏你了" "不打不相识啊"
"You are my brother, dude. You know that."
"咱们以后就是兄弟了 知道吗"
"I would never do anything. I would never do that."
"我这辈子都不会伤害你 永远不会"
Fast-forward two minutes.
快转两分钟后
"All right, just get off me." "What the hell?"
"好了 你快放开了" 你妈♥逼♥啊"
"Let go of me." "You let go of me, dude."
"快放开我" "你才放开我"
"Let go of me." "You let go of"
"放手" "你才放手..."
White dudes cannot decide if they want to fight or not.
白人男决定不了到底打不打
They can't do it. No they can't
他们做不到 没错
Then, phase four comes.
然后进入第四阶段
And that's when one of the guys
这阶段就是其中一人
has the genius idea to do the fake out.
会自做聪明使出假撤退
So, he's gonna walk away, act like...
他就会演得好像要走掉了
and then do a sneak attack
然后再来一记回马踢
using karate, which he does not practice.
用他自以为会的空手道
"I don't even care. I don't care anymore, dude."
"随便 我懒得跟你吵 傻♥逼♥"
"Forget about that. You know what?"
"骗你的 吃我一记"
"What are you doing, man?"
"你干啥呢 哥们"
And always, always, there is a drunk white girl,
而每次都会有个喝醉的白人妞
on the sidelines, just talking about:
站在一边 大叫着
"You guys, stop fighting!"
"你们不要再打了"
"Megan, shut up!"
"梅根 你别管"
"I don't need your help, Megan."
"我不用你帮忙 梅根"
"You guys are best friends."
"你们明明是好兄弟"
"Megan, seriously, Megan... shut up!"
"梅根 快他妈给老子闭嘴"
I love this place. It's amazing.
我好喜欢这家店 太赞了
...got like four stars somewhere...
我从哪听说这家店有4星级评价
l heard it got six stars, which is, like, impossible.
我听说有6星级 简直神一样
Oh, my God. Let's take a picture. Let's take a picture right now.
天啊 我们快来自♥拍♥ 现在就拍吧
Oh, my God, here we go.
好啦 拍吧
Oh, my God. I'm making a face. One big nose.
天啊 我的表情好奇葩 我鼻子显得好大
Delete it. Delete it.
删掉 删掉
What am I doing? I'm gross!
我在干嘛 丑哭了
Why am I looking like an orca whale?
我为什么看起来像只杀人鲸
Delete it. Delete it.
删掉 删掉
Everybody! On the ground!
所有人 趴到地上
Oh, my God! We're getting robbed.
天啊 我们要被抢劫了
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh my, oh my...
天啊 天啊 天啊 天啊
Oh, my God, what's my eye doing?
我的老天爷啊 我眼睛是脱窗了吗
Ew... I look like I'm 40.
我怎么看起来像40岁
Delete it. Let's get out of here, but delete it.
删掉 先躲一边 你删掉它
Get down!
统统趴下
Oh, my God, l look like somebody unwrapped a mummy.
我看起来像拆掉绷带的木乃伊
God, l look like a five-year-old drew me.
我的脸丑到像5岁孩子画的
Totally delete it. Delete it.
绝对要删掉 删掉
Police! Drop your weapon!
警♥察♥ 放下你的武器
I totally look like Cloverfield.
我看起来就像电影里的怪兽
Did l just have a stroke or something? Delete it!
我拍的时候是中风了还是怎样 删掉
Right? Yeah!
是吧 必须删啊
We're kidnapped... Ladies,
我们被人挟持... 女士们
can you just show me the picture you were talking about, please?
能让我看一下你们刚才说的照片吗
Oh, it's like Yeah, stop.
就这... 对 停
Great, right there. That's great.
太好了 就是这张 太好了
Grady, we got a clear shot of the perpetrator.
格雷迪 这张清楚拍到了嫌犯
He's holding a shotgun and everything.
他手里拿着散♥弹♥枪♥犯案的照片
Waiwait, wait, where did the picture go? We deleted it.
等等 刚才的照片去哪了 删掉了
Gross! What?
太丑了 什么
I had childbirth face. -
我脸挤得像要生小孩
Yeah, I looked like my grandmother having an orgasm.
我的脸看起来像我阿嬷快高♥潮♥
Delete it. Delete it.
删掉它 删掉它
Grady,
格雷迪
book these idiots for destroying evidence.
把销毁证据的这俩傻♥逼♥押回去
Eeew... Why are you being so manhandling?
你干嘛这么粗鲁啦
l can't believe this. Why are we even-
老娘真不敢相信 为什么我们...
We were the heroes of the evening.
我们是今晚的英雌好吗
We stopped the perpetrator. Now, we're being arrested?
我们阻止了嫌犯 你们还逮捕我们
Oh, my God, these cops should be arrested.
天啊 这些警♥察♥真该被抓起来
What? No!
什么 不行
Oh, my God, you cannot arrest me with that picture.
天啊 你不可以用刚才照片当我的犯人照
Are you kidding me? Delete it.
你是不是玩我呢 删掉
I was blinking. This is ridiculous. Delete it.
我刚才在眨眼睛 这太扯了 删掉
Delete it right now. Delete it.
现在就删掉 删掉
Delete it! You must delete this photo...
删掉 你必须删掉刚才的照片
No. I'm not leaving until he deletes it!
我不走 他不删掉我不走
I'm not leaving until he...
他不删掉我不...
You've gotta delete it. Just gotta delete it.
你必须删掉 求你删掉了
You have to delete this pic Delete it!
你必须删掉这照... 删掉它
When Keegan laughs, when he finds something funny,
当基根看到好笑的东西要笑的时候
it's over, you have to move.
他无论怎样 都得动起来笑
I have to move.
我必须得动起来
It's out of the question for me to laugh sitting still.
我完全没有办法乖乖坐着笑
It doesn't happen.
完全没办法
If I'm watching television alone, by myself, in my home,
哪怕是我自己一个人在家看电视
this will happen.
也会像这样
Um, and a little bit of these.
还有一点这样
Nobody's even there to watch it.
哪怕没人在旁边看你表演
I can't do it. I can't sit still.
我就是做不到 不能坐着笑
I have to express myself physically.
我必须得用全身释放出笑意
And so, a really serious situation for me
因为这样 我碰过严重问题
is watching a comedy on a plane.
就是在飞机上看喜剧
Oh, gotcha. That is a problem.
我懂了 这是个大问题